Totally unsupportive family

[dd11]

Unfortunately, sometimes you are related to Not Nice people. However, at 30, you should be away from this type of thing. Have you moved on with your life away from them?

 

[bleed_the_freak]

It appears that OP is working on that now?

 

[Lacrecia]

@dd11, It is not always easy to break free. Your family either depend on you, or you feel like you cant just abandon them, or you are emotionally too stuck because of guilt or some sort of love that is hard to shake away from.

 

[Augusto]

Unfortunately, sometimes you are related to Not Nice people.  However, at 30, you should be away from this type of thing.  Have you moved on with your life away from them?

It's not easy from many positions. Emotional side is important as well, as it's hard to just get rid of people who were around you for 30 years.

And my situation is even more difficult, as not long ago I had another big failure in life, lost results of two years of hard work, and all investments due to failure of my project. So I had to temporarily return to apartments which are 50% mine and 50% their, and now I need to get money first to rent something else; it takes time, as prices here are high, and salaries are low.

 

[dd11]

I know. I didn't say it was easy. Just asking at what point the OP was in the process.

 

[Augusto]

I know.  I didn't say it was easy.    Just asking at what point the OP was in the process.

At point of temporary having to live together with them after long time on another part of the globe

 

[dd11]

If you are living with them, then they are not "totally unsupportive" then? I mean, part of the issues that we all sometimes have is talking about life in catastrophic language. Or the language of All/Never, etc. Not saying they are kind or pleasant, but if you are at least living together is that not at least a modicum of support?

 

[DarkSelene]

Not trying to speak for anyone, but from what I got this thread was a bit more about the emotional side of things.

I live with my family but the lack of morals, respect and the amount of ignorance that I have to endure while doing so hardly make it easier for me to think of them as supportive or caring.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Well, we can take the OP at his word that he is suffering at the hands of his family. Or, we can nitpick him with semantic debates intended to further alienate him. The former would be a good faith effort to understand and to help. The latter would simply be destructive on a variety of levels.

 

[dd11]

I am trying to be helpful. I may be way off base. I don't know the details, only the OP does. Sometimes perspective can make a situation more tolerable.

 

[Augusto]

If you are living with them, then they are not "totally unsupportive" then?  I mean, part of the issues that we all sometimes have is talking about life in catastrophic language. Or the language of All/Never, etc.    Not saying they are kind or pleasant, but if you are at least living together is that not at least a modicum of support?

As I said, half of this property is legally mine. So it's not charity from them, but just my right to use my own space there to live.

---

Well, we can take the OP at his word that he is suffering at the hands of his family. Or, we can nitpick him with semantic debates intended to further alienate him. The former would be a good faith effort to understand and to help. The latter would simply be destructive on a variety of levels.

Thank you. It's not easy to discuss such topics on forums, as unfortunately too many people think by default that "family" should be good for a person, and thus try to rather find an excuse for their actions. Some cultural issue...

At least I see that at the end I'll have to break any ties with them, like they are non-existent.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

At least I see that at the end I'll have to break any ties with them, like they are non-existent.

I sat alone on Christmas yesterday because several members of my family had taken steps to preemptively hurt me in preparation for the holiday. I know what it feels like to just be "done". Don't listen to people who poke.

 

[dd11]

If you are living with them, then they are not "totally unsupportive" then?  I mean, part of the issues that we all sometimes have is talking about life in catastrophic language. Or the language of All/Never, etc.    Not saying they are kind or pleasant, but if you are at least living together is that not at least a modicum of support?

As I said, half of this property is legally mine. So it's not charity from them, but just my right to use my own space there to live.

---

Well, we can take the OP at his word that he is suffering at the hands of his family. Or, we can nitpick him with semantic debates intended to further alienate him. The former would be a good faith effort to understand and to help. The latter would simply be destructive on a variety of levels.

Thank you. It's not easy to discuss such topics on forums, as unfortunately too many people think by default that "family" should be good for a person, and thus try to rather find an excuse for their actions. Some cultural issue...

At least I see that at the end I'll have to break any ties with them, like they are non-existent.

---

OK.  Just trying to help you sort it out.  Can you limit your exposure to them more so you aren't feeling the effects of that so much?

 

[Augusto]

If you are living with them, then they are not "totally unsupportive" then?  I mean, part of the issues that we all sometimes have is talking about life in catastrophic language. Or the language of All/Never, etc.    Not saying they are kind or pleasant, but if you are at least living together is that not at least a modicum of support?

As I said, half of this property is legally mine. So it's not charity from them, but just my right to use my own space there to live.

---

Well, we can take the OP at his word that he is suffering at the hands of his family. Or, we can nitpick him with semantic debates intended to further alienate him. The former would be a good faith effort to understand and to help. The latter would simply be destructive on a variety of levels.

Thank you. It's not easy to discuss such topics on forums, as unfortunately too many people think by default that "family" should be good for a person, and thus try to rather find an excuse for their actions. Some cultural issue...

At least I see that at the end I'll have to break any ties with them, like they are non-existent.

---

OK.  Just trying to help you sort it out.  Can you limit your exposure to them more so you aren't feeling the effects of that so much?

---

I'm trying, but I can't do much. To finally get rid of them I need my project to succeed, and for this I need lots of work from home via my computer. So my free time is mostly spent at home.

 

[Radioman]

Thanks, guys. Today got another arguing from them - I was totally correct and polite, yet they are now mad as hell and angry. They really never gonna accept my personality - no one of relatives.

I really need somehow to cut them off my life. But it's complicated - I mean, I know them for 30 years, and it's never that easy to just disconnect from people who you know for a long and share a lot in the past.

RadioMan, what do you mean about being shielded while in range? How is it possible?

Find a way to become immune to them mentally so that they don't bother you as much or at all. Try putting an imaginary bubble around anyone that's bothering you & have it filter out the stuff that does bother you. That's just an example, feel free to experiment with your own idea's. The goal is not to let anyone drag you down.

 

[dd11]

If you are living with them, then they are not "totally unsupportive" then?  I mean, part of the issues that we all sometimes have is talking about life in catastrophic language. Or the language of All/Never, etc.    Not saying they are kind or pleasant, but if you are at least living together is that not at least a modicum of support?

As I said, half of this property is legally mine. So it's not charity from them, but just my right to use my own space there to live.

---

Well, we can take the OP at his word that he is suffering at the hands of his family. Or, we can nitpick him with semantic debates intended to further alienate him. The former would be a good faith effort to understand and to help. The latter would simply be destructive on a variety of levels.

Thank you. It's not easy to discuss such topics on forums, as unfortunately too many people think by default that "family" should be good for a person, and thus try to rather find an excuse for their actions. Some cultural issue...

At least I see that at the end I'll have to break any ties with them, like they are non-existent.

---

OK.  Just trying to help you sort it out.  Can you limit your exposure to them more so you aren't feeling the effects of that so much?

---

I'm trying, but I can't do much. To finally get rid of them I need my project to succeed, and for this I need lots of work from home via my computer. So my free time is mostly spent at home.

---

OK fair enough .  COuld you take your computer to the Library?  At least get out of their presence for awhile for your own mental health?

 

[Augusto]

dd11, I can't. Libraries here are terrible, mainly without internet access and ability to use them for your personal work. And those with internet are pretty expensive to use.

 

[dd11]

Do you have to pay to use the internet at the Library? Here, it's free. But, just trying to give you some options.

 

[Augusto]

Do you have to pay to use the internet at the Library?  Here, it's free.  But, just trying to give you some options.

Here you have to pay for access to such libraries, which are modern, with internet and power sockets for laptops - either for daily, or monthly. And it's pretty expensive. And they are very few.

 

[leslie345]

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