NoxApex(N/A)
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It's a paradox.
No man worth a damn is a mind reader, because if he's worth a damn in the first place his mind is focused on himself and making self-improvement because men must become and women just are. And in the hilarious words of the late Robin Williams: "The trouble with being a man is, that God gave men two heads, and only enough blood to think with one at a time."
Everybody has toxic traits, just like everybody has a personality disorder of some kind. These are side effects of being in our society and are actually kind of a natural, common, albeit unfortunate phenomenon. It's great that you want to improve upon these, as growth first comes from the determination to change behaviors, which is why behavioral change is so difficult in the first place.
My toxic trait is that I do not like conflict, in part because when forced into conflict I approach it with a catch-22 trap with the other person or people, usually by dividing their ego by their objectives. Mind you, it's a defensive maneuver. It works, 100% of the time I have used it. And the trouble is, that eventually "winning" loses its meaning that way because what used to mean something thereafter becomes monotonous. So I don't like conflict because I always have the upper hand, and always having the upper hand gets boring, therefore, conflict is boring to me, despite its unfortunate naturality of existence.
So the way that I resolved this for myself is to just stop dating entirely.
It saves me money, time, effort, and energy.
Allows me to focus on myself and my own becoming.
Effectively and ironically my own catch-22 trick is something I fall into in this instance.
Because without the girl as the punchline, to what avail is the point of becoming anything at all?
I think Vonnegut said it best when he said that everything is just nothing with a twist:
Mark Manson was also correct when he said that the solution to one problem is merely the replacement of that problem with another problem. So really, life is a matter of choosing which problems you are okay with having in your life.
Like I don't necessarily enjoy being single, but I enjoy being single a lot more than I enjoy coming home from a 9 or 10 hour rough shift to get into some kind of an emotional squabble. I don't necessarily enjoy being poor, but I enjoy the limitations of poverty more than I enjoy the stresses and limitations of debt and the Orwellian marketplace where everyone is a crooked and manipulative salesmen.
Life is about choosing your battles and your sufferings, rather than choosing your goals and your pathways to get there. And I say this because it is easy to choose goals and devise pathways to get to those goals, but it is much, much more difficult to force those pathways to work how you want them to work and to achieve those goals the way you want to achieve them, BECAUSE of the factor of other sentient and cognitive human beings.
REMEMBER: You can only really, truly control yourself, in that you stand a better chance at self adamancy than you do with trying to shape another individual. Pets are a great example of this, actually: You can absolutely train your dog or cat to use the litter box, but they will still occasionally **** or piss on the carpet.
But because you are you, you have a higher percentile chance to shape the results that you want by minimizing external factorial variables. Or to put it back to the pet analogy: Your cat or dog can't **** and piss on the carpet, if you don't own a cat or a dog.
No man worth a damn is a mind reader, because if he's worth a damn in the first place his mind is focused on himself and making self-improvement because men must become and women just are. And in the hilarious words of the late Robin Williams: "The trouble with being a man is, that God gave men two heads, and only enough blood to think with one at a time."
Everybody has toxic traits, just like everybody has a personality disorder of some kind. These are side effects of being in our society and are actually kind of a natural, common, albeit unfortunate phenomenon. It's great that you want to improve upon these, as growth first comes from the determination to change behaviors, which is why behavioral change is so difficult in the first place.
My toxic trait is that I do not like conflict, in part because when forced into conflict I approach it with a catch-22 trap with the other person or people, usually by dividing their ego by their objectives. Mind you, it's a defensive maneuver. It works, 100% of the time I have used it. And the trouble is, that eventually "winning" loses its meaning that way because what used to mean something thereafter becomes monotonous. So I don't like conflict because I always have the upper hand, and always having the upper hand gets boring, therefore, conflict is boring to me, despite its unfortunate naturality of existence.
So the way that I resolved this for myself is to just stop dating entirely.
It saves me money, time, effort, and energy.
Allows me to focus on myself and my own becoming.
Effectively and ironically my own catch-22 trick is something I fall into in this instance.
Because without the girl as the punchline, to what avail is the point of becoming anything at all?
I think Vonnegut said it best when he said that everything is just nothing with a twist:
Mark Manson was also correct when he said that the solution to one problem is merely the replacement of that problem with another problem. So really, life is a matter of choosing which problems you are okay with having in your life.
Like I don't necessarily enjoy being single, but I enjoy being single a lot more than I enjoy coming home from a 9 or 10 hour rough shift to get into some kind of an emotional squabble. I don't necessarily enjoy being poor, but I enjoy the limitations of poverty more than I enjoy the stresses and limitations of debt and the Orwellian marketplace where everyone is a crooked and manipulative salesmen.
Life is about choosing your battles and your sufferings, rather than choosing your goals and your pathways to get there. And I say this because it is easy to choose goals and devise pathways to get to those goals, but it is much, much more difficult to force those pathways to work how you want them to work and to achieve those goals the way you want to achieve them, BECAUSE of the factor of other sentient and cognitive human beings.
REMEMBER: You can only really, truly control yourself, in that you stand a better chance at self adamancy than you do with trying to shape another individual. Pets are a great example of this, actually: You can absolutely train your dog or cat to use the litter box, but they will still occasionally **** or piss on the carpet.
But because you are you, you have a higher percentile chance to shape the results that you want by minimizing external factorial variables. Or to put it back to the pet analogy: Your cat or dog can't **** and piss on the carpet, if you don't own a cat or a dog.
but thanks for the advice I will deffo take it in stride 
