Trying to feel beautiful with deformed breasts

[loupnoire]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. My name is Whitney and I am 22 years old. I hope someone can help me.

I have never felt beautiful a day in my life, and I am so tired of it. I feel miserable every day because of it. I want to learn to love my body - the way it was made - but I don't know how.

I take fault with many things about myself - I feel like I have an ugly, mannish face and I've suffered from acne on my face and back since I was about 8 years old. My biggest struggle, though, is with my chest. My breasts are asymmetrical to an extreme. The left side is almost completely flat, but the right side is a full C-cup.

I can't put into words how much my chest impacts me on a daily basis. I can't wake up in the mornings without my chest being on the forefront of my mind. I want to cry when I change clothes or take a shower. I have never kissed or had a boyfriend, and I'm afraid I will never find a man who will love me and my screwed up breasts. Every day I am surrounded by beautiful girls with perfect faces and cleavage spilling out of their shirts. I will never be that girl. I will never be able to look good for my husband, wear a bikini or sexy lingerie for him, etc. I want to have a family someday and I don't know how a man would even be able to look at my naked body.

I bought inserts for my bra in the past, but having to be fake to feel good about myself just made me feel worse. I do not have the money for surgery and frankly, I don't want it. I WANT to feel beautiful, sexy, and loved the way I was made.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can begin to love myself and feel beautiful, especially with my deformed breasts? Thank you so much for any help.

 

[Barbaloot]

I think that maybe, the first step should be to realize you are definitely not a freak or a mutant due to your breast asymmetry. A lot of women are unhappy with their breasts. Asymmetry, sagging, stretch marks, and a host of other issues are all really common. And you'd often never even notice considering the lengths women go to hide it - with bras, padding.. most breasts don't actually look anything like how they're presented.
One site that helps a lot of women come to accept their breasts as actually being normal is 007b, but because it features a gallery of breasts I won't link it directly. It shows actually normal breasts in the full spectrum of what breasts look like, including asymmetry. It might be worth it to pay a visit.

And when it comes to a man accepting you, I don't think a man who cared about you would care or find it unsexy. I think most men would be happy with any half naked woman in front of them, especially when it was the woman they loved and cared about. ****s are ****s.

 

[monkeysocks]

Good advice from Barb above.

You are still a very young lady, so appreciate how important self confidence is over your image.

I think you look very pretty in your picture and women continue to bloom over the years, you will find that over the next year you may have changed quite significantly as the blooming continues. So embrace what nature has given you, you have a very good starting point and from looking at your picture in my opinion it is lack of confidence and not lack of beauty.

I don't know which country you live in. Have you talked to a doctor about your breasts ? He/she may offer you some advice and possible options for solutions to consider if you feel you it will always upset you.

 

[floatsamjetsam]

Something you might always want to remember, but can forget if you'd like: Despite what you may think, you really are quite beautiful.

The probability of any one person being alive is so low, that to have seven billion unique people, not one identical in even one way to another (including twins who even phyisically are different), It would be a travesty to say that any one of us, who have aquired life which shouldn't even exist, ugly or anything of stale negative value.

I wish I knew your name so this would carry more of an impact.

But, to you, fellow traveler, beautiful spirit, nameless beauty. I have never, nor will I ever see anyone in my life who is more beautiful than you. Your shining face, and beautiful body, regardless of what you might imagine are deformations to be considered ugly, carries beauty expansive beyond the universe, and if given the opportunity right now I would not change a single thing about the way you look, because you're perfect the way you were made.

 

[Limlim]

Wow that is a bit of a predicament. I do love ****s...

Something to consider perhaps is to not worry so much about feeling "fake" with an insert. If you think about it, most of the ways people present themselves are fake, when it's really just accentuating your features a certain way. People get their hair curled, straightened, they get hair inserts, pushup bras, platform shoes, fake nails, wear clothing that makes them look less fat, wear makeup, concealer, and probably a bunch of other **** I don't even know about. What's the difference between all that which is considered standard procedure for most people, than a measly insert in a bra?

 

[loupnoire]

Hi everyone... Thanks for the replies so far. I didn't want to put too much in my first post out of fear of rambling. I have been bullied for as long as I can remember, from elementary school to strangers on Facebook as recent as a few months ago. I have heard so many cruel words from others (not about my chest, obviously, but about the rest of me) that it's gotten so hard not to believe them when I look in the mirror. I am absolutely terrified of men and what they think of me. I have not had many positive male role models in my life. My father has never been loving, and when I was younger he got addicted to pornography. I saw many of the images and that is what my idea of a perfect, sexy, wanted body is. Mine will never look like that.

Barbaloot- I just see how women are depicted in Victoria's Secret ads, TV shows, pornography, etc. and it kills me. I know that's what men want, especially men my age who have grown up in this porn-laden world. I have been to the 007b website a few times and maybe I should try going there again. It is really hard for me to look at pictures of breasts, or even see cleavage on other girls, girls in skimpy outfits, etc. I hope someone will find me sexy someday but I just don't know how to turn that hope into something more. Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it.

Monkeysocks- You are very kind. Thank you so much for your words, they brought tears to my eyes. I honestly don't have any confidence, I haven't for as long as I can remember. I want it, though, which is part of why I came to this website. I am hoping someone will be able to give me some advice on how to better my self-image and my feelings about myself. I live in the United States. I haven't been to a doctor in many years except for an OBGYN a few months ago. She was no help. I told her about my chest and she didn't even look at it, she just suggested surgery like it was nothing. I know I need to find another doctor, but I hate going and it's hard to find females in my area (I am terrified to go to a male) on my insurance.

Flotsamjetsam- Thank you so much. I literally cried when I read your post. I wish there were more people in the world like you.

Limlim- That is exactly why I know I will never be able to have a husband or family, because men do love chests and mine just won't live up to what any man wants or deserves. I just really feel like the inserts aren't for me. I want to love what I have, somehow, not fake it just to get by. And even if I did wear the inserts to even them out, if I ever did find a man who would be willing to date me, the facade would end on our wedding night and I'm afraid he would just leave. But thank you still for your advice and your reply. I appreciate it.

 

[floatsamjetsam]

While breasts are very lovely, I find they are lovely because of what they are attached to, rather than finding what they are attached to lovely, because they are there.

I fully understand your predicament, I am not saying you are silly to worry about this, I hope that is not coming across. What I am trying to get across is how silly those people are who would judge you for something outside of your heart, and how futile and wasteful it is for them not to avoid you based on something like that, leading to never getting to know such a wonderful person who lies just beyond their veil of vanity.

Men love large breasts, "perfect" faces, big ***** what have you
Women love security, endowed genitalia, and large strapping men.
Biologically, such stale qualities to love. And also something that given time to allow your heart to open up, can be gotten rid of entirely.

People love people.
This is where I would put most of my stock, I can't even get into how much more love I can fill my heart with by hearing how my significant others day went, than I do from her having what would be considered "perfect" physical qualities. There is something far deeper and spiritual, that brings us joy that can't be detailed, and it comes from seeing past vain, irrelevant things in people, and allowing ourselves to see the real beauty in people.

 

[Barbaloot]

Natural breasts come in such a diverse spectrum of shapes, sizes and characteristics, all of which are fantastic because they are ****s. Men who don't get their sexual education from pornography will understand this. Only a very small percentage of people will ever have the idealized breasts presented in the media. Or they will get implants, which can have terrible results.
You are no less worthy of love or affection because you don't look like those women. And I would not hesitate to say that a real man would not love you less because you don't look like that. Only an immature boy would. A real man would love you as you are and not expect you to be a fantasy. Everyone is flawed, the right person will accept any physical flaw you have.

And I hope that some day you will learn to love your body as it is. I know that it is difficult in this society where so much emphasis is placed on one's appearance and on the illusion of perfection... but sometimes it is just simply being different and unique that makes us beautiful. Your body is all you have, I am certain it will be beautiful to someone else, but it is no substitute for being comfortable in your own skin.

 

[Bob Arctor]

I'm sorry I don't have any better advice than what you've already received, I agree with everyone who's posted here already. I would just like to talk about the bullying you've been through. First of all, I think your face is pretty. It's not mannish or anything like that. I've struggled with moderate to fairly severe acne all my life as well and I know what a downer it can be. I was made fun of a lot for it. I mean, most young people are incredibly insecure, and unfortunately some people turn that insecurity into a sort of twisted confidence stepping stone by attacking the insecurities of others. I agree with monkeysocks that the big issue here is how you feel about yourself.

People who make themselves feel good by putting others down tend to be able to sense when someone else doesn't like themselves. They take that feeling inside you and try to use it against you. The only question really is whether or not you'll let them. Low self esteem is something you were taught, it's something you learned, but it can be unlearned. It takes a lot of work in most cases, but if you can start to build on it then you can begin to choose how you react to the world around you. Ultimately it's not what they do, it's how you react to it, and the more you can build up your inner framework the easier it becomes to just say "I don't care, I like myself no matter what you think." Also, if you're being subjected to cyber bullying on facebook from strangers, why not just beef up your privacy settings? In this day and age it just seems risky to me for people to leave a facebook profile open to the public, and I know for myself if somebody tried talking down to me online I would tell them to kindly **** off and I would block them.

I feel bad for girls in general because they're subjected to a way higher standard of appearance than men in a lot of cases. You don't have to bow down to those standards though. Finding a partner isn't easy for a lot of people, and even the ones who seem successful at it often end up in bad relationships that just don't work out. Even if you find somebody who loves you, that still won't really change whether or not you love yourself.

I guess my advice to you is just try not to focus on all the bs floating around in your head about the way you look, and try to think about the things you do like. Make endeavors to build on those things or find new ones. I would suggest some counseling, but ultimately the decisions and the work are up to you. Success isn't something that just happens, it's a continued, concentrated effort on multiple fronts. It's getting back up again after you get knocked down. It's trusting yourself when all others are doubting you. However things might seem to you now, I believe that anyone's life can change for the better.

 

[grainofrice24]

Whitney, you will find happiness and companionship in a relationship that is emotionally, physically and sexually vibrant, and I'll tell you why.

I despise the notion that men will write you off as ugly or un-sexy because your beasts don't live up to some standard - because it's just not true. Not all of us guys are shallow!! Sure there are guys who say things like "I only date chicks who have a nice knockers" but those guys are walking buttcracks and they belong with the chicks who don't go out with the guys who arent at least 10+ inches. I say let me have each other.

A loving caring person who I can depend on and who trusts that I will always have their back (and front) is way sexier than some bimbo on a magazine cover. And like the folks here have already said: I'll love a chest, more for whats in it than on it, along with the rest of a person because of who they are, not what they look like. Dont let a magazine or porno movie or buttcrack mimbos or anything else stupid try to tell you otherwise.

Trust me on this, I'm right..

 

[Tiina63]

Hello Loupnoire, I had a mastectomy many years ago and so I can understand how you are feeling very well. The world is so lookist that it is hard to feel that you don't measure up in some way. But there are so many other things which are more important than looks and when it comes to relationships, I know I want someone who will love me as a person rather than someone who goes for appearance.

 

[ajdass1]

This made me think of some photos I saw recently of women who had recovered from breast cancer mastectomies. They were really beautiful, artistic photos. Maybe it would be a good idea to look some of them up, obviously I can't link it here but if you google ' the scar project ' it should be the first result. There's not much awareness of the fact that a mastectomy might be necessary, just like there's nothing in popular media explaining how much variation there really is in breasts.

Hmm... I have something to say about this but I'm not sure quite how to say it... so I'll just leave it there and hopefully it's helpful. At any rate it must do some good to have pictures of this quality taken of women who aren't supermodels with big ****s.

 

[theraab]

That is exactly why I know I will never be able to have a husband or family, because men do love chests and mine just won't live up to what any man wants or deserves.

Nonsense. Men who loves breasts (and this is speaking from 34 years of experience loving breasts), love all kinds of breasts...symmetrical, asymmetrical, big, small, firm or squishy - and men who don't love breasts, well, you probably wouldn't date them anyway. I can't imagine any scenario where a woman took off her shirt and bra and I said, "nope, those aren't for me...bye" - hell no. Unless you have a hairy chest and an adam's apple when you take off that shirt, a little bit of breast variety wouldn't change a thing.

Second, there is more to a woman than her breasts - and any guy you would be serious about would see beyond that.

Third, if that is you in the picture, you aren't bad looking at all. You don't have a manly face - there is no visible acne in that picture (and I think they make different medications for acne anyway when you do have a breakout).

 

[TropicalStarfish]

It seems to me you have some work to do, if you want to overcome the obstacles addressed. A wound has a much harder time of healing when it's constantly agitated. I think it is very difficult in the modern world to avoid such agitations. We here in America are told women are oppressed in the Muslim world, while at home, our girls are starving themselves, unhappy, depressed, taking diet pills, and generally just destroying the natural beauty or even lack there of they were blessed with.

I do think reality is what it is. Some people are gifted with physical beauty, others are not. I suppose it is up to us to decide what our shortcomings are based on what we expect of ourselves or desire.

In my own experience, I tend to do very much the same thing. I dwell on what is out of my reach. I dwell on what isn't about me, rather than what is. I think it's easier for me to dwell on what isn't, and what I'd like, as opposed to what is. Some times when the negatives outweigh the positives, it seems they have more value, but surely, I'd like to think they don't. We can hope.

It seems you have a very firm grasp on the phenomena of our culture to idolize physical beauty. Perhaps your unique position offers you insights that others, being to busy chasing a fantasy ideal, would not notice.

I must admit most of my time I end up scratching old sores and have old wounds I keep opening up and never let them heal properly, but every once in a while, I just get fed up. I meditate, I read a book and get lost in the pages, I write, I do something. Some times when I am done doing these things I feel a bit better.

It is natural to want to be loved. Perhaps some day your dream may come true, as we all hope our dreams do. May you find a special man, may he love your imperfections. I think, though, you must learn to love them first. It's hard to notice the man bringing forth red roses to you, when you are constantly viewing the world in a shade of red. Try to create a special place for yourself, perhaps where ever it may be, physically, mentally, that is away from all that which casts a negative light on your self.

These are things we must work on constantly. One day at a time. These are things I constantly work on myself. I haven't over come anything, yet. But some times, when I get lucky. I give up trying. I hear the hum of my computer. Perhaps my ceiling fan spinning about. My mind goes quite. And suddenly I just am. And that is okay. Then a thought trickles in again. I remember what I am, and it makes me sad. I remember what I'm not, and it bothers me. I open my eyes and things return to normal and I hope to get lucky again, and return to that place.

I think no matter what our position in life is, we at least always have the advantage of having the uniqueness of the space we occupy. What's for me is for me, and couldn't be for anyone else, because it was mine, no matter what it was. To me, that is amazing in of itself.

Good luck to you. May you find a love for yourself, an acceptance, and let the things you see that bother you, become invisible and blend in seamlessly with all the other glorious beautiful things in life, including yourself.

 

[Walley]

Third, if that is you in the picture, you aren't bad looking at all. You don't have a manly face

I second that!
infact, by your display pic i would say that you are my type (if i weren't married)
and trust me, you ARE being too critical of yourself.
I always remember my old work partner going on a holiday and visiting a nude beach. when he returned his words to me were.. there are very very few perfect breasts in the world. even some girls that looked like models with their top on where not the ideal playboy ****s people imagine underneath!
the majority of girls with picture perfect ones are a myth and more rare than popular opinions believe.
not only that.. but like 6pack abs on a guy, generally it doesnt last forver and most will be lucky to have them remain perky for long..

sexy isnt in the skin or in a girls shape. it is in the mind and soul. if YOU feel sexy, others will see it too. that is a fact.
not all men are obsessed with large perfect ta ta's. that is also a myth.
you can easily dress it up with some lingerie and/or padded bras and as much passion you can manage and any guy will easily accept you for all that you are.
and that is really the key thing isn't it? you want to find someone that doesn't just accept you inspite of your percieved faults. but because of them. it is that which makes you who you are, and right now someone is out there searching desperately for you.

and if it really continues to bother you or make you feel selfconcious, well that is what implants are for.. surgery doesnt have to be a vanity thing to make you look phony. it was orginally developed as a corrective solution and can do wonders for a persons self esteem. it doesnt have to be seen as a negative alternative done for superficial reasons.

 

[Sterling]

All women have uneven breasts. My friend has very un-even ones too. One is a D-cup and the other is only an A-cup, so don't feel like you're a freak or deformed. It's normal. Not everyone has porn star grade ****s, and even some of those girls have some 'weird' ones.

Secondly, if a man will not date you because your ****s are not even, do you really want to date him anyways? Talk about shallow.

 

[Badjedidude]

Loupnoire, you might take a look at this site:

007b.com (can't post actual link)

There's a gallery of all sort of different breasts sizes, shapes, etc. There are also some good stories and information on there for women concerning breasts.

But I'll go ahead and sum it up for you from a man's perspective:

BREASTS ARE YUMMY!!!

I think you'll find that most men aren't THAT particular about what a woman's breasts should look like or whatever.

I don't know ANY guy that would complain about having a nice, soft, warm pair of ****ies (of any size or shape) in his face.



So don't worry too much about things like that. You'll find a man who will love your body exactly as is.

 

[monkeysocks]

Whitney, I hope you are feeling better and if you have an unsympathetic Doctor perhaps change to one who will at least be supportive.

We are all behind you. Anyone who does not accept you for what you are - is just 'shallow' and are not worth it.

Usually people are unkind because they are actually inferior about themselves, Putting others down 'sickly' makes them feel better about themselves. Much of this also stems from Jealousy. So do not take any notice of such people or let them better themselves at your emotional expense.

Men love large breasts, "perfect" faces, big ***** what have you
Women love security, endowed genitalia, and large strapping men.
Biologically, such stale qualities to love. And also something that given time to allow your heart to open up, can be gotten rid of entirely.

Quite right they are stale qualities

This is where the misconception begins for men and women and makes people feel inferior.

Visual Sexual stimulus obviously are higher at greatest extremes of 'big'.

If a man walks down the street and see a woman with large breasts he is going to look - because that is the way he is instinctively programmed and it is an involuntary reaction.

But that is all it is 'Instinctive programming' to ensure we reproduce and keep the human race going . It does not mean that everyone else is redundant or a compromise.

It is so sad that men and women feel they are not worthy if they don't fit this stereotype. I know a lot of men who don't like large breasts and also a lot of women far more concerned with intimacy than size.

If what ever created us wanted us to all look like porn stars - we would all look the same

the perfect porn star look is a man made creation, born out of Lust & greed and plays on our vanity - made worse by the media portraying such as icons- because they want our money.

 

[Kat]

Have you seen a therapist? I think this would be very helpful for you.

 

[Badjedidude]

Have you seen a therapist? I think this would be very helpful for you.

Or just get out and find a guy to love on 'em a bit. (hello)