Walking in the ruins

[Tex Is Lost]

I have been divorced now for about 8 months. That was the second failure of my attempts at matrimony.
My ex and I still talk, and we still have financial ties that require communication. (please forgive the rambling nature of this post, I know what I feel but not what I'm trying to say)

In any case, we just got done talking about a financial issue, and I do mean talking, not fighting. But I have noticed lately that our interactions have been, I don't know, wierd? A few weeks back, I was over at her (used to be our) house to help her with something, I don't remember what. But she made it a point to tell me that I need to enjoy life (she has a habit of checking my facebook page (yeah...I know) and then commenting to me later if my posts or pictures or whatever seem depressed or dark). She also said that I should be out there dating.
....OK....whatever...
I asked her if she was dating and she replied "that is irrelevant to this conversation." Which makes me think that she is.
Well "So what?" you might say. And I might even agree with you.
So why does that bother me?
I guess because even now, when I have asked her if everything is OK, she still gives the same responses in the same ways.
When we were married, and something was bothering her, I would ask her what was wrong and she would always say "Nothing". Yet her behavior to me would be distant and very buisnesslike.

So, I don't know why I'm posting. Maybe I want the attention. I don't know.

 

[tehdreamer]

Seems to me that she's worried about you being happy. She still cares a lot about you even if you couldn't make things work together.

 

[lomojojo]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this I have been married for a long time, and I can only imagine what is like to be separated, I don't think I could still be friends with my ex though, I mean nothing is ever going to be the same, you guys shared so many things but is over, maybe with time it may not feel as weird but it's only been 8 months. It sounds like she's o.k with the separation and you are not over it yet. It also sounds like she doesn't want you involved in her personal life anymore. It must be hard to go back as a guest to the house that used to be yours. But I think she's right I mean if it's over you should move on and be o.k with yourself 1st and then try to find love again. Don't beat yourself up for your past attempts if you look at it on the positive side, you've had enough experience to succeed when you find your soulmate. Good luck

 

[Tex Is Lost]

Thanks for the sympathy, but, as I said, this is divorce #2. And please, so there is no understanding, I was not posting out of some specific sense of loss over the marriage. My point is that even now, when there is nothing to be gained, she still responds in the same way to my questions as she did when we were married.

And a note about being over something. Where does it say that we need to "get over" something right away? Are we so imersed in our "Have it right now" culture that even basic emotional responses should be processed at the speed of light.
I'm not wallowing in self pity or pining away for a failed relationship, I'm just baffled at the interactions and why they effect me (or affect...i'm never sure which)

 

[lomojojo]

Thanks for the sympathy, but, as I said, this is divorce #2. And please, so there is no understanding, I was not posting out of some specific sense of loss over the marriage. My point is that even now, when there is nothing to be gained, she still responds in the same way to my questions as she did when we were married.

And a note about being over something. Where does it say that we need to "get over" something right away? Are we so imersed in our "Have it right now" culture that even basic emotional responses should be processed at the speed of light.
I'm not wallowing in self pity or pining away for a failed relationship, I'm just baffled at the interactions and why they effect me (or affect...i'm never sure which)

oh! o.k

 

[tehdreamer]

Thanks for the sympathy, but, as I said, this is divorce #2. And please, so there is no understanding, I was not posting out of some specific sense of loss over the marriage. My point is that even now, when there is nothing to be gained, she still responds in the same way to my questions as she did when we were married.

In that case, it seems to me that she's just the type of person who doesn't like to share feelings or emotions. She keeps things to herself and wants to work them out solo. Which can be extremely frustrating, but it's not something personal against you.

 

[SofiasMami]

Thanks for the sympathy, but, as I said, this is divorce #2. And please, so there is no understanding, I was not posting out of some specific sense of loss over the marriage. My point is that even now, when there is nothing to be gained, she still responds in the same way to my questions as she did when we were married.

And a note about being over something. Where does it say that we need to "get over" something right away? Are we so imersed in our "Have it right now" culture that even basic emotional responses should be processed at the speed of light.
I'm not wallowing in self pity or pining away for a failed relationship, I'm just baffled at the interactions and why they effect me (or affect...i'm never sure which)

Hi-
Sounds like you haven't closed the door yet on your relationship. But that's ok. I agree that we shouldn't be pushed to "get over" something right away. Hearing the phrase "get closure" is like nails on a chalkboard. If you're feeling down about the end of your marriage, I think it's ok to lean into the pain, at least for a bit (but not forever). Just give yourself some time.

Teresa

 

[Tex Is Lost]

The door is definately closed. I just get baffled by the interactions after the fact

 

[Brother Karl]

Its nice that you can still be friends. She obviously wants you to be happy with someone else. But you shouldnt feel obligated to start dating if you dont want to.

 

[Samuel Lonewolf]

Maybe she is seeing someone else. Maybe she's encouraging you to move on because it will lessen her own guilt and make what she's doing less like an act of betrayal.

If you are baffled by the way you two are interacting now it's most likely because she does not want to raise your hopes in the idea that you two might reconcile.