Wasted my life, midlife crisis and still lost

[Elgin]

First off, if this thread can't remain friendly, it will be closed.

Second, Elgin, just because you put yourself out on a limb and work multiple jobs doesn't mean that it's what everyone else is supposed to do. I applaud your hard work and the fact that you don't think you're above doing any job, no matter how small it is. Imo, people should be like that sometimes. However, some people don't agree with what they believe to be settling for a mediocre job. I'm actually one of them. I want to be a designer. I want to explore my knack for it. But, I will be doing a thankless job as a nurse soon. It's not always black and white, then cut and paste. People are more detailed than that.

And Kenny, if you feel the need to be a smartass to people, just ignore them. I don't know what this new found attitude is, but it doesn't suit you.

The only thing that made me comment on this thread is that the op said that at almost 30 he had NO job skills or experience, no friends, no relationships. HE said he lived at home and just basically hung out and lived off his mom. Then he bashed jobs that didn't require college and THEN he said he was against college to begin with. He even bashed his friend because he worked the jobs.
I NEVER said I thought I was hot **** for working BUT I'm not in here bitching about what a wreck my life is either. I got bashed for saying I had jobs and could afford to live independently and help my parents.
The op accused ME of living a life I couldn't afford and that's stupid. I CAN afford it and I can even stick a few bucks in the bank.
I got bashed for using myself as an example. Who the hell else would I use? If someone can come into a site and moan and gripe about all the ways they are failing why is it a crime for somebody else to come in and share how they are making their life work out ok?
I'm sorry if this site is set up for only failures to come in and complain and get told it's ok to do whatever it is they are doing to make their life so bad. You should put some kind of warning on the registration page to let the rest of us know that if our life is something we're proud of, NO MATTER HOW SIMPLE OUR SUCCESS IS. then we aren't welcome here and if we post an honest and direct opinion we're gonna get ripped to shreds for it.
Maybe this is the reason that so many people come in day after day crying about the same things because no one stands up and says. You're life is all about your choices to do or NOT do something that might change it.
If the op had said he had some physical handicap I would have said something completely different, but he didn't. I'm not gonna pretend I'm some sort of head shrinker and diagnose him with personality disorders. HE didn't say that. If he has mental problems then he needs to go to a doctor instead of complaining on the internet.
I see mental issues being used as an excuse all the time too. If a person the ability to type stuff on a web site they ought to have the same ability to look into getting some help. Bitching and whining and putting down what other people do for a living isn't gonna help his either now is it?
I think people benefit from hearing how other SUCCEED in their life, without tons of money and fancy educations. There are lots of us out in the world doing it and we're proud that we do.
The op also said that most of us in the states were drunks and that is stupid too.
I see now that in order to fit in here I have to be a loser who complains and bellyaches about what a wreck my life is OR I have to run around patting the other losers on the head and say it's ok, That ain't gonna happen.
Somebody said for me to re read my post and decide how it wasn't a help to the op. I got news for ya. Sometimes the best advice a person can get hurts the most. It's just a simple fact that those of us who make it in life know and understand. It's not always easy or fair, sometimes you got to sacrafice a few hours of free time to get someplace better.
I came in and got bashed to hell for making something out of my life and being proud of it and not crying about what a crap hole my life is.
My life isn't perfect and it isn't always easy or fun but at least I got a life that I made with my own GOOD choices. I'm NOT a superstar but I AM doing ok and doing it on my own with enough left over to share with the people who raised me and loved me. I have friends that appreciate my honesty and I have relationships that make me feel good about myself because I wouldn't put up with some idiot putting me down.
It's all about choices. I don't think anybody needs to live life like I say to or how I live mine, all I'm getting at is that they need to stand up and freaking LEARN TO LIVE at all. Life is a verb people. It requires SOME attempt at DOING something more than complaining.

 

[Kenny]

Hey Elgin!

**** off and go **** yourself!

 

[frey12]

I(1) NEVER said I(2) thought I(3) was hot **** for working BUT I'm(4) not in here bitching about what a wreck my life is either. I(5) got bashed for saying I(6) had jobs and could afford to live independently and help my parents.
The op accused ME of living a life I(7) couldn't afford and that's stupid. I(8) CAN afford it and I(9) can even stick a few bucks in the bank.
I(10) got bashed for using myself as an example. Who the hell else would I(11) use? If someone can come into a site and moan and gripe about all the ways they are failing why is it a crime for somebody else to come in and share how they are making their life work out ok?
I'm(12) sorry if this site is set up for only failures to come in and complain and get told it's ok to do whatever it is they are doing to make their life so bad. You should put some kind of warning on the registration page to let the rest of us know that if our life is something we're proud of, NO MATTER HOW SIMPLE OUR SUCCESS IS. then we aren't welcome here and if we post an honest and direct opinion we're gonna get ripped to shreds for it.
Maybe this is the reason that so many people come in day after day crying about the same things because no one stands up and says. You're life is all about your choices to do or NOT do something that might change it.
If the op had said he had some physical handicap I(13) would have said something completely different, but he didn't. I'm(14) not gonna pretend I'm(15) some sort of head shrinker and diagnose him with personality disorders. HE didn't say that. If he has mental problems then he needs to go to a doctor instead of complaining on the internet.
I(16) see mental issues being used as an excuse all the time too. If a person the ability to type stuff on a web site they ought to have the same ability to look into getting some help. Bitching and whining and putting down what other people do for a living isn't gonna help his either now is it?
I(17) think people benefit from hearing how other SUCCEED in their life, without tons of money and fancy educations. There are lots of us out in the world doing it and we're proud that we do.
The op also said that most of us in the states were drunks and that is stupid too.
I(18) see now that in order to fit in here I(19) have to be a loser who complains and bellyaches about what a wreck my life is OR I(20) have to run around patting the other losers on the head and say it's ok, That ain't gonna happen.
Somebody said for me to re read my post and decide how it wasn't a help to the op. I(21) got news for ya. Sometimes the best advice a person can get hurts the most. It's just a simple fact that those of us who make it in life know and understand. It's not always easy or fair, sometimes you got to sacrafice a few hours of free time to get someplace better.
I(22) came in and got bashed to hell for making something out of my life and being proud of it and not crying about what a crap hole my life is.
My life isn't perfect and it isn't always easy or fun but at least I(23) got a life that I made with my own GOOD choices. I'm(24) NOT a superstar but I(25) AM doing ok and doing it on my own with enough left over to share with the people who raised me and loved me. I(26) have friends that appreciate my honesty and I(27) have relationships that make me feel good about myself because I wouldn't put up with some idiot putting me down.
It's all about choices. I(28) don't think anybody needs to live life like I(1) say to or how I(29) live mine, all I'm(30) getting at is that they need to stand up and freaking LEARN TO LIVE at all. Life is a verb people. It requires SOME attempt at DOING something more than complaining.

This thread is not about you. You were bashed for trying to make this thread about you. You were bashed for trying to defend yourself against an insult that was never directed at you. And you were bashed for not trying to give constructive or valuable information and that is that. And you continue to not give valuable information and derail this thread so it is about you.

 

[Dessa]

Lol Frey. Did not notice that. That's a lot of I's.

Meh, Thrasy, you still with us?

Thray are you going to answer my question about who you'd like to be?

 

[Kenny]

When someone is questioned or singled out, it is highly likely they will repeatedly use the word "I" in their defense.

Pure genius.

I love it when people run in after the fact and pile on days after something is done. It's like the football players who jump on the pile twelve seconds after the opponent has been tackled.

 

[ForeverLonging]

It sounds like your in pain Elgin. Do you want to talk about it? Feel free to send me a PM or start a new thread. You'll have my undivided attention. I promise.


Thrasymachus
I know what it's like living in an existential foxhole. It sucks but there is still professional support for you. If you describe yourself as someone in a crisis then maybe it's time see someone that's licensed and discuss why you feel that way.

College isn't for everyone. Even with just a GED you can find high paying jobs anywhere that offer serious apprenticeships. (Training) Utility work for the power companies or cable installations. Welding work for shipyards or various repair work. Some mechanical jobs. Not having a degree doesn't make you a failure.
Dating is very difficult for some of us. Letting past opportunities pass you by doesn't make you a failure.
Living in your mothers house doesn't make you irreproachable. You are not a failure.

You've done nothing wrong. You don't deserve to feel self-loathing and misery. Accepting yourself and your past can surely help all aspects of your life and allow you to move on.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I do whatever the **** I wanna do.
I write whaTever the **** I wanna write.
I think whatever the hell I wanna think.
I have chioces.
I've made plenty of mistakes.

Beating up on myself, feeling sorry for myself never got me anywhere but a deeper hole.

However dont confuse these things with loving yourself N having compassion for urself.


Life is full of ******** N challenges...no doubt about that.

Its never too late. This much I know.
I"m 44 n starting my life all over again,
I have me...thats more than enough.

I have her...she aint gonna allow me to be a whinnie little bitch.

 

[Shutter]

If a person's parents let them live at home for over a decade without working, educating themselves, or becoming self-sufficient in any way, THAT is coddling and it is NOT healthy. It is understandable if a person has disabilities or other circumstances that prevents him or her from being able to do these things, but if his only "disability" is laziness and apathy, how sorry should we feel for him? He's almost thirty years old.

He does have a disability, it's called depression and loneliness. He probably has extreme self-loathing, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and maybe even some kinds of sociopathology.

This is a person who shuns society. That's why he says he just wanted to be alone and stay at home.

You think that you are doing a good thing by kicking some lazy kid in the butt, but what you don't understand is that "lazy kid", when kicked in the butt, might not respond by bettering his life the way that YOU would, because he's not thinking the same way that YOU would. A person like this, if you kick him out on the street, he may just as likely become homeless, become a criminal, or lash out at society by becoming some kind of spree killer or something. He's not necessarily going to respond to this tough-love bullsh#t by bettering his life. He could be the guy mugging you or car-jacking you tomorrow if he is kicked out on the street. Or he could just end up DYING in a gutter somewhere after living on the street because he can't hack it in the real world. But I bet you are okay with that because it fits with the whole tough-love approach. Weeds out the undesirables.

The guy said that he had a job, he works a few hours a week at Fed Ex. It's hard to get a job in this economy for a 29-year-old guy with no degree, no connections, no confidence, and no self-esteem.

And you don't know what he does at home either, so don't judge him for living at home. If he is not a burden, and helps around the house, there is nothing wrong with living at home at 29. It is only judgmental people like you who think that everyone should be living on their own, working three jobs at age 16 who make guys like this feel like crap about themselves.

To the OP, I don't know what to tell you. I get where you are coming from. I'm the same age and in similar circumstances. I'm here if you want to talk.

 

[Badjedidude]

DRAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Calm down, peeps.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Its a fine line between enabling N empathy. (soft love N tough love)The samething happens in support groups. Lots of people come N go...bitch N moan then just leave.

Then again...people that seem to have their **** together dont have it all together either.

Ultimately I know I cant save anyone, change anyone, or work on anyone else accept for myself.

I cant fix anyone. Everyone have thier own bottom.
Whatever that is..whenever that is.
Some of us are sicker than others.
We dont beat up on sick people...but I'll be damn if I'll let a sick person control the steering wheel.

The OP can be on crack mooching off on his parents N thinks hes too god damn good or too fucken smart to make a living.
People like this comes into recovery all the time...spoil rotten!
But your guess is just as good as mine...

Choices N taking positive actions are the basic principles of recovery.

"I'm not responsible for my disease...I'm responsible for my recovery"
The same principles applies...
Wheather I suffer from addictions/alcoholism,cancer,depression,abused..etc

The principle of the serenity prayer

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm really sorry to have to close this thread, but it turned into people bashing others for not doing what they did in life. If you can't handle that others are different, don't respond to them. It's not fair that this thread was turned into, "Do as I do, or you're stupid."

I hope the OP can find the answer they're looking for and I wish them luck.