What are some ways to improve self-esteem?

[IAmBipolar]

Discuss.

Positive self-talk can help they say.
I think that requires talking in the mirror.

Never helped for me. I can't even look in the mirror tho

 

[Azariah]

Hey, I'm bipolar too.

 

[doge]

Tell ur self how hot u are XD well maybe
Actually I think it's important to examine why you feel so low about yourself
what do you think is actually wrong with you and is it genuinely true. Is it the influence of other people or is purely down to beliefs you hold.

 

[Azariah]

im feeling better then im not its a rollercoaster ride for me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

im feeling better then im not its a rollercoaster ride for me.

I think it's like that for everyone until they find a good rhythm.  That's just how it works.  Of course you're going to struggle and fall down.  The important thing is that you get back up and keep trying.

 

[JDerrington]

I think improving self esteem is a combination of inner awareness and taking action. You have to realise that the voice telling you that you are not good enough or that you are a loser, or that everyone else belongs to a team you cannot join, ... is misguided, you have been conditioned to think that through your experiences (your upbringing, how people tend to treat you, ...) and you hold on to those thoughts because they are the only thing you know, but they are not objective. You then have to take action, do things you are afraid to do, ask for things you think you are not entitled to ask for, ... Challenge those thoughts and the fear that comes with them. The new data will change your view of the world.
I wrote the book "Assertiveness: Build Confidence, Earn Respect and Take Control" to explain the process of becoming more self aware and self confident, it's on the kindle store

 

[kaetic]

I think improving self esteem is a combination of inner awareness and taking action. You have to realise that the voice telling you that you are not good enough or that you are a loser, or that everyone else belongs to a team you cannot join, ... is misguided, you have been conditioned to think that through your experiences (your upbringing, how people tend to treat you, ...) and you hold on to those thoughts because they are the only thing you know, but they are not objective. You then have to take action, do things you are afraid to do, ask for things you think you are  not entitled to ask for, ... Challenge those thoughts and the fear that comes with them. The new data will change your view of the world.
I wrote the book "Assertiveness: Build Confidence, Earn Respect and Take Control" to explain the process of becoming more self aware and self confident, it's on the kindle store

Did you come here to sell a book?

 

[MisterLonely]

Did you come here to sell a book?

I think he did

---

Lights torch and grabs pitchfork 

Hmm, anyone join me?

 

[M_also_lonely]

If there was a way, you would have found it on google.

 

[kaetic]

If there was a way, you would have found it on google.

I searched for "How to increase my self esteem" and got  -  About 6,170,000 results (0.65 seconds)  

 

[M_also_lonely]

If there was a way, you would have found it on google.

I searched for "How to increase my self esteem" and got  -  About 6,170,000 results (0.65 seconds)  

And which one worked?

If there is a specified way out in the open that is so easy (and quick, depending on the Internet speed)  to obtain, why is the world full of depressed people

 

[kaetic]

If there was a way, you would have found it on google.

I searched for "How to increase my self esteem" and got  -  About 6,170,000 results (0.65 seconds)  

And which one worked?

If there is a specified way out in the open that is so easy (and quick, depending on the Internet speed)  to obtain, why is the world full of depressed people

I was being a smart ass... but okay...
There are answers out there, or within ourselves if we take the time to look. But...

We're not cookie cutter people, M. There is no one size fits all answer, and even if some one hands you a magic bean to fix all your problems. It's still up to you to grow it.
After years and years of telling yourself, or being told (whatever the situation is,) that you're "less than" it's hard to change that thought process... even if you know better, it's still hard and it takes time and effort. That's something people don't seem to want to do. They want a magic bean that grows itself.

Low self esteem and depression are not the same thing, though it seems if you have one you likely have the other. The world is full of depressed people, because the world is a depressing place.

 

[M_also_lonely]

 

I was being a smart ass... but okay...There are answers out there, or within ourselves if we take the time to look. But...
 
See that's what i am trying to say. 

A sickness or illness or a disease happen due to the presence of some harmful microorganisms so a disease is a presence. But these issues do not exist, i mean they are absences of something. Like darkness is not an entity but it is an absence of light. So you can't act upon darkness, you have to act on the light. Bring the light into the room and darkness disappears.



And if it is so obvious that there is no fixed list of steps, the whole approach should change. All these issues disappear if we invest our energy in inner well-being. I am a living example of it, so it is not impossible. But to start that is very very difficult. Because all these absences give a subtle comfort. Not at a conscious level but at an unconscious level. Like, being obese gives a lot of trouble but still a lot of people won't take action because at the unconscious level it seems a very difficult thing to do. Such a conflict between conscious and unconscious mind is the cause of all these issues: be it depression, low self esteem, loneliness, etc. 


The moment I realized this to the deepest of my being, I wanted to become free. I wanted to get out of that unconscious comfort. Just that want became a fuel. And it happened. It is not even gradual, it is instantaneous, it is a quantum leap. Although it requires patience to reach that moment. But that "want" is important. If you don't want it really, it won't happen. 

Once it happens, there is so much energy flowing within. Fears are gone. I laugh at my posts i made when i joined this place. I wish everyone realizes that it is possible and this freedom is the best feeling in the world. 



  That's something people don't seem to want to do. They want a magic bean that grows itself.  
Then it will never happen. 


 
Low self esteem and depression are not the same thing, though it seems if you have one you likely have the other.  

Yeah but the roots are same as said above. And the approach is same. 

 
The world is full of depressed people, because the world is a depressing place.

Or is it possible that the world is a beautiful place but by being depressed, we lose the sensitivity towards that beauty?

 

[TheRealCallie]

  The world is full of depressed people, because the world is a depressing place.

Or is it possible that the world is a beautiful place but by being depressed, we lose the sensitivity towards that beauty?

Yeah, because all the wars and people being killed and the conspiracies and blah blah blah has NO depressing nature at all, does it?  Yes, there are beautiful things in this world, but there is also a **** ton of depressing things.  Those things have nothing to do with a person's emotional state.
However, that said, I don't feel the world puts people in a depressed state.  People do that to themselves.  But that doesn't mean some of the horrible **** that happens in the world couldn't bring even the happiest person down.

 

[DarkSelene]

Like darkness is not an entity but it is an absence of light. So you can't act upon darkness, you have to act on the light. Bring the light into the room and darkness disappears.

Beautifully put



Unfortunately, it's not that simple sometimes.

 

[kaetic]

Low self esteem and depression are not the same thing, though it seems if you have one you likely have the other.  

Yeah but the roots are same as said above. And the approach is same. 

 
The world is full of depressed people, because the world is a depressing place.

Or is it possible that the world is a beautiful place but by being depressed, we lose the sensitivity towards that beauty?

Nothing is so absolute. The world is depressing, but yes it's beautiful too. Perception may have something to do with it, although van Gogh, Michelangelo and Ernest Hemingway all suffered from depression and they created masterpieces in art and literature. Degas suffered from depression because he was going blind and was no longer able to paint. Vincent van Gogh suffered from an undiagnosed mental disorder his whole life. Hemingway suffered from alcoholism, and a family history of depression and suicide. Michelangelo was aging and his hands shook too much for him to paint or sculpt. These people had no trouble appreciating the beauty of the world, they just had problems.

My mistake for generalizing, so I found an article about depression for you.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression

They list causes as including:
    faulty mood regulation by the brain
    genetic vulnerability
    stressful life events
    medications
    medical problems

I was only referring to stresses, when I made my generalization... so my bad.
I agree though. You have to want to change, or nothing will.

 

[Azariah]

Discuss.

Positive self-talk can help they say.
I think that requires talking in the mirror.

Well, after awhile I realized you don't need a mirror for self talk. Just think positive thoughts in your mind and that'll work.

 

[reddeyesscott]

well this one is useful

 

[harper]

Part of the self-esteem problem might be a flawed perception of how well 'everyone else' manages.  Most people appear to be fairly competent in most situations because most things are pretty routine and finesse isn't really important.  So we excuse most errors and slip-ups as a matter of course.  Nobody seems overly bothered by it because they aren't over-thinking things.

Just a thought.  I'm not big on external validation, but self-esteem does seem to have a comparative aspect built right into it.  Watch reality shows and youtube stars for a while and see how cool you actually are, by comparison.

 

[harper]

...and I don't mean this to be flip or dismissive, btw.  It's just too bad you can't see yourself as others see you.