What are some ways to improve self-esteem?

[Miriam1966]

I'm in that boat currently where I need to work on my self-esteem. It's been shot down terribly and I need to get stronger for some challenging times ahead. I've done a lot of thinking about this. I find that positive self-talk only helps me when I'm in the mood for it. I find it's repetitive, like when I was a kid reciting prayers in church...it meant nothing, I was just saying it.

In my case, I'm getting my health in order. Physical fitness and making sure my body is flexible so I don't have pain. I'm eating better so I feel better from the inside out. I make sure to shower and do my hair every day. I also do hobbies to keep me happy and busy. I have a spiritual side that I make sure I tend to daily as well. I'm a bit of a hermit, but reaching out to people on forums and online and having their support helps my self-esteem tremendously. Having my pets, taking care of them and spending time with them makes me happy and boosts my self-esteem also. A few small baby step goals I can achieve each week helps too.

 

[davek1996]

Hi,

I just published a short ebook on amazon. It is about ways to raise self esteem and it has useful tips and exercises in it. Hopefully it can help you! It is free from Tuesday to Friday. An honest review however would be highly appreciated and would really help me!
Take action! 

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Confidence-Improvement-Development-ebook/dp/B07JBQTHSM/

davek1996

 

[user 139760]

Witty denegration of others, particularly one whom considers to be ignorant, rude, callous and generally undeserving of the title "human being" does help in uping my own self-esteem.

Not something I'd recommend, though. Social conventions and all that.

 

[Paul Bauman]

There is no way to improve your self-esteem because it is rooted deep in your inner self, in your subconsciousness.

 

[Silk24]

hi there ,
you're doing great for that.but loving yourself more than anything , can help you.and I am sure you are.it's just you who can improve your self-esteem.spend time with positive people. it's important.

 

[Twiggy]

Well, I agree with the above, the only people comfortable talking to themselves in the mirror are likely to be vein and narcissistic lol. I don't think giving yourself positive talk in this way is what it means, might work for some, if so great, but it's not for me. For me positive self talk is more about being mindful of self defeating, critical, negative thoughts. It's having the ability to recognise these when they appear and to put them to one side - ignore them, see them for what they are, just a thought, and totally unhelpful. When a person can do this, gain control over his or her thoughts, over time they disappear and they are replaced with other, more positive thinking.

I cringe when I hear people say you need to love yourself, as I disagree with this - its too much, its unrealistic and thus unattainable, who can ever really love themselves? The narcs again maybe. Love what you do yes, this is needed. Having self esteem to me is more feeling ok to be me - as that is all that is needed to keep esteem in tact. Coupled with nurturing and caring for yourself (which I suppose could be termed as loving yourself) - this is essential. One act of self care like making yourself a nutritional meal, doing some exercise, anything that gives you a sense of well-being, then leaves you feeling I value myself, I'm worth looking after, which then also leads to more acts of self care; as opposed to being in the mindset 'I dont really care about me, why bother', this way of thinking only leads to self neglect.

A few daily acts of self care keeps your self esteem topped up nicely.

 

[Twiggy]

There is no way to improve your self-esteem because it is rooted deep in your inner self, in your subconsciousness.

I'm sorry to read you feel this way Paul, I have to disagree.  Esteem needs to be grown and attended to, much like caring for a seed that grows into a plant, if we continue to give the plant some care it will flourish.  A mind shift can and does occur when we attend to it. 

The difference between those who have it and those who don't is the doing what is needed, doing what is needed perhaps comes more naturally to those who appear to have always had it, because they were introduced to doing what is required at a young age, they have a good life balance and when this tips they know what to do or what to give themselves in order to bring back the balance, however, whether this is the case or not, 'everyone' needs to continually take care of the self to keep your esteem topped up. It's about knowing what your needs are and meeting them.

 

[Silk24]

"loving yourself "means whatever you do and whatever your hobbies ;do that things freely.just have to love everything ...everything about yourself. you don't have to care what people willthink or what they say.just be yourself. it's your life and nobody's have right to judge you.

being ourselves is most important. that's what I meant by saying loving yourself.

 

[Twiggy]

"loving yourself "means whatever you do and whatever your hobbies ;do that things freely.just have to love everything ...everything about yourself. you don't have to care what people willthink or what they say.just be yourself. it's your life and nobody's have right to judge you.

 being ourselves is most important. that's what I meant by saying loving yourself.

Sorry Silk24, I hadn't actually read your reply, I was thinking in general, sorry if I offended you, not my intention in the slightest, not on here to cause to trouble!

 

[Silk24]

heyyyy lol.
trouble? ?
it's okay honey. I am very happy person. it's just the talk we do here .no worries.

 

[Paul Bauman]

Twiggy, my self-esteem was low always, from childhood to now.
No matter what I do, people around me forever will be better, much better than me.
No matter what I do, people around me never accept me, never understand me, never appreciate me.
So I think self-esteem is something that rooted too deep, something incurable.
It is only my personal experience.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Twiggy, my self-esteem was low always, from childhood to now.
No matter what I do, people around me forever will be better, much better than me.
No matter what I do, people around me never accept me, never understand me, never appreciate me.
So I think self-esteem is something that rooted too deep, something incurable.
It is only my personal experience.

Doesn't sound like you accept, understand or appreciate yourself, so how could other people?  You do kind of throw out a negative vibe. 

It's never too late to change that and self-esteem issues may be difficult to overcome, but definitely not impossible.  Change you outlook, change your life.

 

[Twiggy]

Twiggy, my self-esteem was low always, from childhood to now.
No matter what I do, people around me forever will be better, much better than me.
No matter what I do, people around me never accept me, never understand me, never appreciate me.
So I think self-esteem is something that rooted too deep, something incurable.
It is only my personal experience.

Have you tried focusing on you and forgetting 'other people' for a while? Comparing ourselves to others only leads to a joyless existance - been there.  I decided a while ago that doing this has no value, it serves me in no way at all, so therefore it is pointless going there - you kind of need to decide not to do it and commit to this. 

I had low self esteem in childhood up until my late twenties really, and yes it can come back to haunt me sometimes but generally I feel pretty comfortable in my skin these days.  Every time I feel it now I can work out why, I can see what it is I am not doing, what it is I need and thus a way forwards. It always starts with self care for me, have you tried investing in taking care of yourself Paul? Every day?  

Dont know if you consider yourself to be a rational thinker? Or if you can get irrational sometimes too? Trying to approach everything with rationality helps for sure, when we can think what's the bigger picture here?  T.x

 

[kaetic]

Twiggy, my self-esteem was low always, from childhood to now.
No matter what I do, people around me forever will be better, much better than me.
No matter what I do, people around me never accept me, never understand me, never appreciate me.
So I think self-esteem is something that rooted too deep, something incurable.
It is only my personal experience.

No one person is better than anyone else.
They might be better at some things than you are... and you are likely better than them at something else.
It doesn't matter if other people don't accept you, or understand you, or appreciate you.
It's completely natural to want that, but it doesn't really matter if they do or not.
It is not a reflection of your worth. Your self esteem is how YOU see yourself, not others.
If other people treat you a certain way your whole life, it's understandable why you might start to
think it's because of you. That's why so many abused individuals have low self esteem.
They think they're worthless because other people have treated them as worthless.
Are they right? Of course not. The way others treat you only proves how little they think of themselves
because they are trying to make you smaller. It doesn't mean anything about your value as a human being.

Twiggy is right. Focus on yourself. Find your strengths. What do YOU like about yourself?
That's really the whole point of the mirror exercise... although that's just one method.
What things do you LIKE or ENJOY doing?
In your honest opinion, are you pretty good at those things?
You don't have to be perfect, just appreciate your own skill.
Do you try to improve those skills, or is it just a natural talent?
Natural talent is rare... generally, if you're good at something it's because you like it and you enjoy practicing it.

If your perception is that other people are better at everything no matter what it is you do...

Instead of envying others skills, you can express admiration. Maybe you can learn from them if they
really are more skilled at whatever the subject/activity is. I'm sure they would appreciate being told
that they are doing well.

In reality, they probably think the same thing about themselves, that everyone else is better at "this" (whatever "this" is) and that they don't measure up.

 

[Paul Bauman]

I see wise words here.
It has sense.
I must think about it.

My problem is that I too used to be despised -- by my mother, by my teachers, by my colleagues, etc.
They programmed me -- to consider myself weak, bad and worthsless.
I used to it and could not change my point of view.

You are right -- I must be more rational about self esteem. No matter what they said -- they can be wrong.

---

> Instead of envying others skills, you can express admiration.
You are right. It is useful habit.

 

[bearcat22]

I hope this is not redundant, but an obvious possibility is change of venue.

This is almost a cliche.   An American band is losing popularity, but suddenly they become
fashionable in Japan, and their careers are saved.

In sports.  Mess up?   You leave home and go on a "road trip" to play elsewhere.

Maybe you're in a relationship and that person now treats you like dirt.
Go meet someone in a place that is TOTALLY different from where you met them.
She is a rich girl?  Go to a dive bar and pick up a girl that works in Wal Mart.

Different places and different people are going to put different values on you.

That can trigger changes in how you see yourself.

A song that might make sense to you:

I got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack.


I went out for ride, and I never went back.

Like a river that don't know where it's flowin'

I took a wrong turn and I just kept goin'

Bruce springsteen

 

[bearcat22]

I see wise words here.
It has sense.
I must think about it.

My problem is that I too used to be despised -- by my mother, by my teachers, by my colleagues, etc.
They programmed me -- to consider myself weak, bad and worthsless.
I used to it and could not change my point of view.

You are right -- I must be more rational about self esteem. No matter what they said -- they can be wrong.

---

> Instead of envying others skills, you can express admiration.
You are right. It is useful habit.

---

,

,


Well, of course I would never suggest that you track down these teachers, etc
and beat the living **** out of them, smash car windshield, set their house on fire.

That would not at all be what they deserve and perfect justice. So of course I am not
saying be a man and kick ass.


,
,
,
,

 

[kaetic]

I see wise words here.
It has sense.
I must think about it.

My problem is that I too used to be despised -- by my mother, by my teachers, by my colleagues, etc.
They programmed me -- to consider myself weak, bad and worthsless.
I used to it and could not change my point of view.

You are right -- I must be more rational about self esteem. No matter what they said -- they can be wrong.

---

> Instead of envying others skills, you can express admiration.
You are right. It is useful habit.

---

,

,


Well, of course I would never suggest that you track down these teachers, etc
and beat the living **** out of them, smash car windshield, set their house on fire.

That would not at all be what they deserve and perfect justice. So of course I am not
saying be a man and kick ass.


,
,
,
,

---

What is wrong with you?
This thread is meant to help people, not to be used to spread around your hatred and anger.
I hope you can figure out how to help yourself at some point, but until then... There are actual people who want to be helped that read these posts.

 

[IncolaVacui]

I have a tendency to exhaust myself...on purpose. Mentally and physically.
If I can get started with the order of getting up on time in the morning, and having coffee and breakfast, everything else is down hill for me.
I exhaust myself on purpose by bullet-list working down objective priorities because it's therapeutic for me to do so.
It helps with my self esteem to have that sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
The trouble is getting the stars to align. It has to start with coffee and breakfast for me, and I have to eliminate as many variables in between my schedule as possible, hence the mental exhaustion part. I even went as far as to alter my sleeping and eating patterns to pull it off.
Sometimes that works for people, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes it's just a matter of getting the timing right. It all depends upon the person and situation.

 

[Phantimos]

Build proficiency in a craft.