I feel really bad right now. My relationship is kinda getting to a bitter end. My self is very unstable, I get stuck between being what I think I am and what people think I am. All this is heavy in my mind and I can't get it out. I feel that my life runs in circles, always getting back to where I started, just bloody circling over and over again. I'm glad that in the midst of all this chaos there is exactly only one person who takes the time to hear and pay me attention. And she isn't even a family member or a friend, she's someone I can openly talk to without regrets, that always picks me up when I'm down and puts me back to the right place when I'm too high, that never judges nor ever lies. She stops her life for me, even if for a second. She tells me when I'm wrong and gets mad at me. And she isn't even physically here, I never saw here facetoface, I have no connections with her (friend of a friend of a friend). She's just someone I met randomly on the internet but yet she does all that and why? Because to her there isn't any other way of life.
I wish everyone was her.
Who am I talking to? Where's the point in being here when there's nothing FOR ME to do in here? We can all play games and share stuff elsewhere. What am I doing in here?
I'm such a negative influence that when people walk by me they tend to place imaginary shields to deflect my rays of negativity. No one likes being in the same room as me. Parties stop when I walk in and resumes when I leave. But I will never care anyhow.
I need a fresh motivation. All the roads I'm taking are headed nowhere. Need to calibrate my car's engine on life's journey.
Nevertheless, nothing lasts forever.
My mood: meditative