What are you thinking right now?

[Unsigned]

Sometimes it feels like guys especially just ride on what they did in their teens and 20s forever

Story of my life.

Try to break out of that if you can. Because as the decades roll by, it will be harder and harder.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Trying to learn how to be a complete, interesting, attractive person, and trying to get a career, are very hard to do at the same time. But I have no choice, especially because I have to make up for being behind.

Sometimes it feels like guys especially just ride on what they did in their teens and 20s forever, or that this is why you're supposed to get good at something cool and get a partner in your teens and 20s, because afterwards it's hard to be interesting when you're supposed to be working in your career and you don't have time or energy, you're too physically and mentally drained from work to be interesting every day.

Or maybe I'm just discouraging myself again. I don't know. I wish I had the answers.

(I'm really going to go on about it, for a bit here, apparently, heh. Not sure I'd bother to read this much crap, myself so... anyway...)

I've observed, that, some people just seem naturally inclined, to develop a skill, as well as naturally inclined to figure out how to generate income from it.

Now, these types of people, can range wildly in their respective incomes. Some folks seem to make a modest or low income. They can range from either being content with this, to wholly dissatisfied with the income. They may even be dissatisfied with the skill itself, including the modest income it brings.

These people, seem to me, to be of a particular, 'type.' They generally seem to be very, 'self-sufficient.' Even in times of crisis, they seem to, 'land on their feet,' so to speak.

As for me, by this time, and this age, I don't think I've proven to be one of these people. And, I highly doubt it would even be possible for me to cultivate such qualities, no matter how hard I tried. I may be able to develop the skill. I may even be able to get paid for it. However, I doubt my ability to have that natural sort of, 'land on your feet,' quality they seem to possess. Why? I theorize it's because, they are innately, socially robust. A person with a robust social nature, like some one with a natural inclination towards peak physical fitness, is simply better equipped.

So for me. I think it better to accept my limitations, rather than day-dream and half-*** an attempt to try and become something I'm not.

Let's assume we are precluded from ever getting in through the door of the, 'git good,' camp. The, 'git good,' camp, basically, is the idea, that some people espouse, that, the right mixture of self-improvement on, what is essentially, the social-status circuit, will improve your lot. Let us also take notice of people with medium to medium-high, and even high income brackets, that still struggle to meet women. Because as we can both observe, very socially adept males of extremely low and sometimes even trashy social status, are often getting ladies, in greater quality and quantity, than their higher earning, low socially adept, counterparts (though they may not be _keeping_ the ladies around).

So let us exit the notions of, 'skilled individualism,' and, one of the so called avenues to arriving there by: 'git gooding.'

---

Another camp is the, 'honest living,' and, 'nose to the grindstone,' sort of camp. These are the types of folks who are more likely to observe the failures of others, and take the cautionary, premeditated, safe-and-sound sort of paths to success. These are the folks who will work a menial/mundane job, but, perhaps, keep their head low, and their spirits high enough, to, say, get a promotion, or get a raise, from time to time. These are the stable people. They don't have a particular skill; but, they are skilled in, 'keeping it together.' They are the marathon runners. They avoid the pitfalls and risks of entrepreneur-ship. They avoid the instability of free-lancing, and artistic skills. These are the types who will go to community college, take night courses, get that diploma or certificate, and then their success is landing that job that pays 50% to 100% more than minimum wage. Slightly skilled laborers. Let's ignore well aligned paths to professional workmanship, and other types of labor. Different camps, perhaps; but, perhaps some points of overlap.

This a pretty tried and true path, for certain individuals. In my observation, this is the path the, '****-ups,' who, 'quit while they were ahead,' take. Generally speaking. Not always though. Sometimes they are just people of simple means, who see the writing on the wall, as well.

In any case, there is that camp. I gave that road a try; but, I suppose I failed. I probably failed for a number of reasons; but, ultimately, it's probably not what I was looking for at the time. I was on that road, but, I was distracted, falling behind, and probably didn't have enough supplies and a proper destination in mind, to get their.

---

We also have the luck camp. Luck can strike any type. It may ruin you, or it may elevate you. There is little you can do to improve your chances of making it there; but, if one plays their hand at luck regularly, and has a good plan for how to handle it, if they strike luck, I'd guess, guess, that, that's about all one can do to make sure good fortune, turns out to be good fortune, if it plays in your favor at some point.

In my experience, though, playing at the luck camp, from the point of desperation, usually, is best avoided. Usually, usually, that just means lots of chances played at luck, end up amounting to misfortune.

That camp is pretty self-explanatory. You're lucky if you make it there and you're unlucky if you don't. And whether you are wise or foolish determines how you handle, and what the outcome of your good or the bad luck is.

---

Now I pause and wonder what the f*ck I'm going on about...

---

I suppose I would say there is another type. These are the modest means types. I think it sort of over-laps with the, 'nose to grindstone types,' I spoke of before. However, I think they are different in that, they don't overcome misfortune and get to a place of modest decency. They kind of suffer the lower circles of hell. They may have varying degrees of financial success; but, mostly, they are sort of on the low end of the totem-pole. Whether they are working minimum-wage or they are making very decent money indeed.

Despite their situation, they seem to suffer it, rather than anything else. They are plagued by unease, misfortune, difficulty. They struggle with it. Whether it's a pop-singer making millions, or a Walmart cashier.

I do believe I'm speaking out of my as* at this point, but, I'll keep going with it.

I think these types are in a, 'transitional,' camp. And I think there are many points of exit from this camp, perhaps all of the above.

I would guess again, however, guess, that, this isn't a place you can, 'exit,' from, with a formula, or instructions. Sort of like how, if some one gave you a million dollars, you could either end up with a 5 million dollar debt, and go bankrupt in a year. Or you could start a business, and become a multi-millionaire. It's sort of, 'up to you,' how you handle it, and there is an element of luck involved as well.

Nobody can really, 'tell you,' in a, 'fool proof,' way, how to exit that place. They sure as hell can sell you on their ideas, words, notions, etc.. But all that is just as much likely to give you an inclination towards the way out, as a random epiphany might, while simply realizing something profound while looking at a bee collect nectar from a flower.

And of course, below that camp, is the awful awfuls. The places of great hardship and transition. I think we all generally prefer not to be in those places; and people seem to have varying frequencies of how often they end up there, if they end up there at all.

---

So what's my point? I don't think I have one. I think I was going to mostly voice my opposition to the, 'git good,' type of stuff that seems very prevalent in the world today. And, I do think it's misguided.

Though, I do think developing a skill, that one is passionate about, can be infinitely rewarding, and perhaps even profitable. But, I really don't know how to figure that one out. And, supposing I did figure it out, like I said. I doubt I could match it with the social individualism, that is requisite, to turn it into a source self-sufficiency and income generation. But, that may be more of a failing of my circumstances, than anything else.

And I do believe one can follow the path of skilled individualism, without succumbing to, 'git good,' bullcrap notions and ideas.

---

Maybe though, the real problem, is simply in the desire(s). It's not about getting the woman. It's not about the financial success, stability, or status. It is, but, it's sort of like, if that's, 'all,' it becomes, that becomes the very thing that most stands in your way. The thing you desire becomes the thing that most prevents you from attaining it.

And that perhaps, truly, and simply, it's really just about, "tilling the land," "sowing the seed," "watering the crop," and, "reaping the harvest." And then you do it again next year. You fetch water, and chop firewood. Then you do it again the next day.

---

That's what is hard for me. I want the fireworks and the revolution. But, it's not about that. Maybe for a lucky minority, it is? Or an unlucky minority? But, perhaps it's just about the simple, ordinary, mundane tasks, and thoughtfulness for one's neighbors in life.

And perhaps even that alone, isn't a recipe towards the desires, and satiating them.

---

But, maybe it's a recipe for a bit of contentedness and peace of mind.

---

Simply doing what has to be done... And accepting what come our way...

---

That's what I struggle with.

 

[Abstamyous]

I can't be trusted with a 1kg bag of white creme chipits. I doubly can't be trusted with any cookies they go into (if they make it that far).

 

[user 164061]

Trying to learn how to be a complete, interesting, attractive person, and trying to get a career, are very hard to do at the same time. But I have no choice, especially because I have to make up for being behind.

Sometimes it feels like guys especially just ride on what they did in their teens and 20s forever, or that this is why you're supposed to get good at something cool and get a partner in your teens and 20s, because afterwards it's hard to be interesting when you're supposed to be working in your career and you don't have time or energy, you're too physically and mentally drained from work to be interesting every day.

Or maybe I'm just discouraging myself again. I don't know. I wish I had the answers.

I know this is hard but you need to do this in stages because trying to do all these things at once will be very draining/depressing. When you start to study you'll meet more people, which will lead to a wider social circle and maybe it will lead to you meeting a woman. But even if that doesn't happen while studying, at least you'll get qualifications and knowledge so you can get a great job. It will take time, you've just got to be patient and everything will come good.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I know this is hard but you need to do this in stages because trying to do all these things at once will be very draining/depressing. When you start to study you'll meet more people, which will lead to a wider social circle and maybe it will lead to you meeting a woman. But even if that doesn't happen while studying, at least you'll get qualifications and knowledge so you can get a great job. It will take time, you've just got to be patient and everything will come good.

Well, socially I'm pretty decent there.
But you're right, I need to just get this qualification, I've read a lot of reddit stories now with other people trying to do this same thing, and having at least some success. But everything else I want to do hinges on getting a profession of some kind. I can't really be a functional person without it.

And I can't be happy until I'm functional first.

I just hope I can make up for starting late in life. I've had enough of living badly. I just hope I can turn it around.

 

[user 148069]

feeling like an outsider again looks like everyone has found their friends even the so called incels lol

 

[TropicalStarfish]

feeling like an outsider again looks like everyone has found their friends even the so called incels lol

Spoiler

The road less traveled...

 

[user 148069]

Spoiler

The road less traveled...

thank you, every so often i need to remind myself of this
gonna read some Robert Frost

 

[TropicalStarfish]

thank you, every so often i need to remind myself of this
gonna read some Robert Frost

ty, too

 

[user 139760]

I'm so fashionless...
...thank god

 

[user 176211]

I have been thinking about this a lot recently, but just now I was thinking of it as I get dressed to go out for the day.

People always have this idea that being a first generation person from another country in my country is this noble thing because we help translate for our parents. I speak of this because I lived it and I am now approaching my 40s and see the ways it has negatively impacted me.

I know everyone is on the "hoorah! Come to this country for a better life" train. But when you actually live it, you're just a kid and can be anywhere between 8 to 10 years hold handing your parents finances and without understanding finance yourself, you have a front row view of your parents poor financial habits. This is conflicting because more times than often in my culture, parents blame you for the reason that they dont have anything. They blame your poverty because you have to eat. They black your poverty because you need to go to school wearing clothes. And you develop all these weird little hang ups. You are afraid to take food from your parents. You are afraid to accept the offer of clothing. Because you know, that somewhere down the road, its going to get thrown in your face.

You have a front row view of your parents health. Why? because they cant speak to doctors. So when you are an official translator, you know way too many things about your parents that you dont need to know. In my culture, parents dont have a sense of appropriateness or discretion because someone doing something FOR you is easier than you having to learn the language.

While all of this is happening, other kids are outside playing, and going on sleepovers and trips and doing activities in school. So what, right? Well, by the time it's your turn to hit the world and compete, you are exhausted. It's almost like having lived old age. You lived your parents, and then IF you live to get that age, you live it again... except you're already tired from the first time around. By the time you hit your 30s, you already have that exhaustion that people in their 50s usually have. And when that happens, YOURE the bad guy. The grump. The hateful one. The bore. No one ever steps up and says "you had to do way more and know way more at your age than you should have". All they see is the broken down product. Not the powerful current that got you there. Remember the kids who were playing outside and doing sleepovers I mentioned? They're the ones you now have to compete against, in their well roundedness and with their afforded optimism.

If there was a magic genie that would give me the opportunity to live it all again, I wouldn't take it. For what? To have to slave through it all over again, and then be called a POS when the smoke clears and you can't throw even half a punch anymore?

 

[user 164061]

feeling like an outsider again looks like everyone has found their friends even the so called incels lol

You should take a break. Worked wonders for me actually.

 

[user 164061]

Well, socially I'm pretty decent there.
But you're right, I need to just get this qualification, I've read a lot of reddit stories now with other people trying to do this same thing, and having at least some success. But everything else I want to do hinges on getting a profession of some kind. I can't really be a functional person without it.

And I can't be happy until I'm functional first.

I just hope I can make up for starting late in life. I've had enough of living badly. I just hope I can turn it around.

That is understandable. In the past I was concerned I had left it too late because of my age (studying) and I realised I could do a tonne of courses online or just go to them in person. It's never too late for anything in life, I think even 100 year olds go sky diving etc.

You'll get there and even if the course wasn't that good you could still complete it, then you'd still have a qualification. But I hope you'll continue to have fun on it and keep us informed about it man.

 

[TheRealCallie]

4th of July weekend and the age old question....were those fireworks or gunshots? Lol

 

[Unsigned]

4th of July weekend and the age old question....were those fireworks or gunshots? Lol

I'm marinating 4 lbs of flank steaks for a BBQ.
Gonna be good.
I hate the loud fireworks just as much as the doggos...

 

[okidoke]

I have been thinking about this a lot recently, but just now I was thinking of it as I get dressed to go out for the day.

People always have this idea that being a first generation person from another country in my country is this noble thing because we help translate for our parents. I speak of this because I lived it and I am now approaching my 40s and see the ways it has negatively impacted me.

I know everyone is on the "hoorah! Come to this country for a better life" train. But when you actually live it, you're just a kid and can be anywhere between 8 to 10 years hold handing your parents finances and without understanding finance yourself, you have a front row view of your parents poor financial habits. This is conflicting because more times than often in my culture, parents blame you for the reason that they dont have anything. They blame your poverty because you have to eat. They black your poverty because you need to go to school wearing clothes. And you develop all these weird little hang ups. You are afraid to take food from your parents. You are afraid to accept the offer of clothing. Because you know, that somewhere down the road, its going to get thrown in your face.

You have a front row view of your parents health. Why? because they cant speak to doctors. So when you are an official translator, you know way too many things about your parents that you dont need to know. In my culture, parents dont have a sense of appropriateness or discretion because someone doing something FOR you is easier than you having to learn the language.

While all of this is happening, other kids are outside playing, and going on sleepovers and trips and doing activities in school. So what, right? Well, by the time it's your turn to hit the world and compete, you are exhausted. It's almost like having lived old age. You lived your parents, and then IF you live to get that age, you live it again... except you're already tired from the first time around. By the time you hit your 30s, you already have that exhaustion that people in their 50s usually have. And when that happens, YOURE the bad guy. The grump. The hateful one. The bore. No one ever steps up and says "you had to do way more and know way more at your age than you should have". All they see is the broken down product. Not the powerful current that got you there. Remember the kids who were playing outside and doing sleepovers I mentioned? They're the ones you now have to compete against, in their well roundedness and with their afforded optimism.

If there was a magic genie that would give me the opportunity to live it all again, I wouldn't take it. For what? To have to slave through it all over again, and then be called a POS when the smoke clears and you can't throw even half a punch anymore?

That’s tough for sure. I was almost 3 when my parents emigrated so didn’t really have that issue in the beginning, but did get some of that later to a degree so I know what you mean. I didn’t get blamed for anything though and my parents learned to speak the language pretty quickly. But like many of us here, I had other issues with my parents, but many kids do. Best not to dwell on such negative things and do the best you can for yourself, which I’m sure you do.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm marinating 4 lbs of flank steaks for a BBQ.
Gonna be good.
I hate the loud fireworks just as much as the doggos...

And are you eating that 4 lbs of dead cow all by yourself?

lol, just kidding. My dad is doing ribs in his smoker. I'm just making side dishes.
I don't so much mind the fireworks, I'm out in the country, so I'm used to a constant barrage of rifles and shotguns from all my neighbors (and sometimes my kid and my ex.)

 

[user 164061]

Just wondering why crazy people always find me and always stick around. It's like i was born with a tattoo that only they can see that says "this guy loves nutters". The best one recently was a guy giving me a review of my coughing and telling me how good it was. Thank you mate, it's a skill i have mastered since being born.

 

[Unsigned]

And are you eating that 4 lbs of dead cow all by yourself?

lol, just kidding. My dad is doing ribs in his smoker. I'm just making side dishes.
I don't so much mind the fireworks, I'm out in the country, so I'm used to a constant barrage of rifles and shotguns from all my neighbors (and sometimes my kid and my ex.)

Nah.
Bringing that to a BBQ tomorrow.
It's going to be tender as f**k.
I'll pick up a 1.5L of Pinot Grigio on the way...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Nah.
Bringing that to a BBQ tomorrow.
It's going to be tender as f**k.
I'll pick up a 1.5L of Pinot Grigio on the way...

Oooh wow I justtt went to a BBQ festival today and ate vicariously through my best friends