Completely understand this feeling. Kind of hitting me, again, right now too.
1. You are not a boring person. Your posts are intelligently thought out and interesting, and if that's what I see just from the forum... I imagine that speaking with you in person is not all that much different. Our social anxiety and general nerves screw with our heads way more than we realize sometimes.
2. Failure is not the worst thing that can happen to you.
I definitely get the feeling of not being adequately prepared. I have something I'm working on that I've wanted to do for a very long time. I'm absolutely certain I'm going to fail. There are so many reasons why I should fail. Inexperience, age, my own opinion about my looks, competition, and my best friend, self doubt. This has held me back for so long, with so many things, it's ridiculous.
I'm trying really hard to fight through it, take it one step at a time, and remember that even if I don't "succeed" at least I'm trying and not giving up before I even start. Worst case scenario, I have a new and enjoyable hobby and maybe one less regret.
3. Catch-22 is the truth. It's not like I haven't tried to figure out my honeysuckle for a long time. Anytime I've discussed it with some one else it's always this: "Well what do you enjoy doing?" "I don't know. I can't think of anything." or my favorite "You just need to open up more." "But I don't feel like I'm holding anything back..." They never tell you what they mean when they suggest that, btw.
Depression seems to try to protect itself this way. Keeping us blind to the things that might help us escape from it.
At this point, I think feeling good on the rare occasion it happens just freaks me out, I'd be fine with just feeling less bad.
*Sorry for giving unsolicited advice on this thread. What you wrote just really resonated with how I'm feeling atm.
