What do you think of people who can forgive easily?

[Azariah]

cuz i can.

 

[Finished]

They are either untrustworthy because forgiveness means nothing to them. Or, they are super gullible and easily taken advantage of.

 

[MissBehave]

Have to agree a bit with Finished. 
Forgiveness is earned through a prosess one way or the other. Either through your own hard work to forgive or where the one needing forgiveness seeks redemption. 

The ability to forgive can be mistaken for not getting offended easily. It's just that you didn't get too bothered by it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I suppose it depends on what exactly they need forgiven for.

 

[Just Games]

I have no problem with people that forgive .In fact I have been accused of it myself.But I like to look to the reasons why people do the **** that they do.There's always a reason,alot to do with upbringing which is no fault of their own Past experiences that influence are responsible for alot too.My mother said I'm more Christian than she is and she's a regular church attender.I see people that have family feuds that go on for ever,what is the point.Why hold onto **** that does you no good at all.I suppose the one I shouldn't forgive is the ex boyfriend that has given my family and daughter so much grieve but that mainly involves money and she has forgiven him too which I hope she takes after me. I forgive him too ,he just copies what his parents have done,how can you not forgive him .I suppose I may have not come across enough people not to forgive.Or maybe I'm just basic,gullible but I find its the best way to live

 

[Winter Fire]

If you forgive someone who has wronged you, you should do it for yourself. Don't hold grudges, move on with your life. But don't do it for someone who has wronged you. Stay away from that person.

 

[Myra]

It depends. But be careful to not allow people to walk all over you and treat you with disrespect just because they know they can get away with it and later come around again to take advantage of your kindness.
I think I don't forgive easily, so I also think I could learn something (but not too much ) from people who find it easy to forgive.

 

[alexandra93]

I think it's a good thing to be able to forgive easily. Because if we hold grudges, we remain glued to the ones we hate or to the ones we blame. Hate, just like love, keeps us attached to people. It's like a thread... from heart to heart. Not being able to forgive is equal to not being able to let go. We should choose love as the "glue" that keeps us linked to people. If we can't love people, then we shouldn't hate them.

 

[kaetic]

I think sometimes forgiving others or yourself is a lot easier said than done, and that people who think they can do it easily (or brag about it) are probably young or naive or maybe just haven't run into a situation that's difficult to forgive yet.

 

[Finished]

I forgive you for you know not what you write. Ha! ha!

 

[Yeti1980]

This is quite a deep subject when you get into it, it's good to have a thread here about it.

There was a case here in the UK recently of a mum who lost her teenage son in a street fight. She made contact in prison with the other boy involved and is now on good terms with him and has grown a strong bond with him. I don't think I would be able to do that, but it just goes to show that people can forgive all kinds of things.

I agree with some of what's been said above about being careful not to be taken advantage of, forgiveness only really works if it's given well and not given cheaply. Just my opinion. I do think that forgiveness can be an absolute treasure in the right circumstances and that in certain circumstances failing to forgive would do more harm than good.

To give another example, there were British veterans who had been held prisoner by the Japanese in World War Two. Conditions in Japanese camps were awful, almost as bad as the Holocaust camps in Europe. The death rate was very high and the prisoners suffered starvation and brutality. Understandably, many survivors found it impossible to forgive. However, a certain proportion of them forgave. A story I read recently involved a veteran who decided on the boat home at the end of the war to throw his anger off the back of the boat as holding onto it did more harm than good, and how in later life he met other veterans who hadn't done the same and who still lived with bitterness and suffered nightmares. In that particular case, he felt very strongly that the decision to forgive had helped him to live the rest of his life peacefully and productively.

As I said, it's a very interesting and intricate subject, but on balance I think that those who forgive wisely are the winners in the long term.

 

[Finished]

Apparently forgiveness is about releasing anger:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/forgiveness
Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation. One doesn't have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender.


So, a person can kill your brother. But, if after some time you are no longer angry about it then you have "forgiven" that person. What about all the other thoughts and feelings you still have surrounding the incident?

I don't think this is correct. The definition has become too diluted and watered down. Forgiveness should mean that a person no longer holds any ill feelings or any ill will of any kind against the perpetrator as if it was just a matter of circumstances. Just because I don't want to carry around anger doesn't mean that I forgive that person for killing my brother. It just means that I don't want to harm my health and well being.

Society has become too easy on forgiveness. It's become something cool to say. Maybe a hash tag should be required in front of it now. When your significant other cheats on you it's a conscious decision. It's not just an accident. It didn't just happen. You can dump the person and stop being angry about it because that's life. You need to move on. But you can still NOT forgive them because that was a very ****** thing to do.

Maybe a new term is needing. Forgiveness tends to let the perpetrator off the hook. I suggest something like junking. Instead of saying you forgive the person say that you are junking them.

It gives all the power to you by throwing the memory of the incident into the trash while pointing out the low value of the perpetrator. They gain nothing. You are not letting them off the hook.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think sometimes forgiving others or yourself is a lot easier said than done, and that people who think they can do it easily (or brag about it) are probably young or naive or maybe just haven't run into a situation that's difficult to forgive yet.

And sometimes you say you forgive, but you really don't.

 

[Just Games]

Probably wrong but I think this is related to people who are emotionally generous as opposed to being emotionally stingy.Like I know I use examples of people that are close to me but more often than not it rings true.For I know a person who is the classic unforgiver.He is not talking to someone for three years over a fact that this person stole £12 from him and said he will never see him again even if he offered to pay back the money .They had been friends for life and alright he has done the odd bad thing to him and in the past my friend,well acquaintance has moaned alot about these things and he has let these things go but to treat him this way now you can see the pain and anger rise up as he talks about it.WTF I say let the **** go ,forgive his friend and resume being friends for life.I think he's emotionally stingy and thinking about it he always has been.Like I'd forgive him like a shot what is the point in letting that anger consume you for £12 .Like I could write more but I'm not going to in case this is all pants but what I'm saying I think this is related to emotional generosity and the fact maybe emotionally stingy people can't understand this trait in emotional generous forgiving people because it's like an iron bar through there makeup that will never change.

 

[kaetic]

Probably wrong but I think this is related to people who are emotionally generous as opposed to being emotionally stingy.Like I know I use examples of people that are close to me but more often than not it rings true.For I know a person who is the classic unforgiver.He is not talking to someone for three years over a fact that this person stole £12 from him and said he will never see him again even if he offered to pay back the money .They had been friends for life and alright he has done the odd bad thing to him and in the past my friend,well acquaintance has moaned alot about these things and he has let these things go but to treat him this way now you can see the pain and anger rise up as he talks about it.WTF I say let the **** go ,forgive his friend and resume being friends for life.I think he's emotionally stingy and thinking about it he always has been.Like I'd forgive him like a shot what is the point in letting that anger consume you for £12 .Like I could write more but I'm not going to in case this is all pants but what I'm saying I think this is related to emotional generosity and the fact maybe emotionally stingy people can't understand this trait in emotional generous forgiving people because it's like an iron bar through there makeup that will never change.

Speaking from personal experience, it's probably not about the money.


I'm guessing those "odd bad things" added up, and the theft was just the last straw. I'll also guess that there's probably a few things he hasn't shared with you about this situation. It's hard to forgive someone when they keep doing the crap that you're trying to forgive them for. It's got nothing to do with being "emotionally stingy."
Letting someone treat you badly repeatedly and "letting it go" simply to keep a "friend" who will just keep piling it on... Is probably exactly why they ended up how they did.

 

[Just Games]

Probably wrong but I think this is related to people who are emotionally generous as opposed to being emotionally stingy.Like I know I use examples of people that are close to me but more often than not it rings true.For I know a person who is the classic unforgiver.He is not talking to someone for three years over a fact that this person stole £12 from him and said he will never see him again even if he offered to pay back the money .They had been friends for life and alright he has done the odd bad thing to him and in the past my friend,well acquaintance has moaned alot about these things and he has let these things go but to treat him this way now you can see the pain and anger rise up as he talks about it.WTF I say let the **** go ,forgive his friend and resume being friends for life.I think he's emotionally stingy and thinking about it he always has been.Like I'd forgive him like a shot what is the point in letting that anger consume you for £12 .Like I could write more but I'm not going to in case this is all pants but what I'm saying I think this is related to emotional generosity and the fact maybe emotionally stingy people can't understand this trait in emotional generous forgiving people because it's like an iron bar through there makeup that will never change.

Speaking from personal experience, it's probably not about the money.


I'm guessing those "odd bad things" added up, and the theft was just the last straw. I'll also guess that there's probably a few things he hasn't shared with you about this situation. It's hard to forgive someone when they keep doing the crap that you're trying to forgive them for. It's got nothing to do with being "emotionally stingy."
Letting someone treat you badly repeatedly and "letting it go" simply to keep a "friend" who will just keep piling it on... Is probably exactly why they ended up how they did.

Yeah I can see that your right in that respect that it probably was the last straw.I think you know him better than I do lol and I mean that,but sorry you've had the same experience which is hard to get over, incredible how you see it so clearly .Alright forget the emotional stuff that I was trying and failing to tie into forgiving.But I do have the advantage of knowing all that's gone on between them over quite a few conversations when he's told me the full story and it wasn't that bad in the scheme of things.See it's 12 quid ,is that really a good reason to end the lifetime friendship.See his mate has had quite a **** life...bullied at boarding schools,major operation when he was nine which created quite a disfigurement that kids at school would regularly pick on.In and out of low paid jobs,sleeping under bridges and searching through bins for food for quite along time.He's never had much money so probably out of desperation he knicked the £12.So with all that to consider that we both know what's gone on how come I would have no trouble forgiving but my friend just cannot.Oh by the way I've known both of them for a very long time so I think that's relevant.So some people find it easy to forgive because we look at the history of the situation and not block it out if you know what I'm saying.Also I've got a similar situation going on as I explained in my first post which I can easily forgive but my wife cannot which makes us so different,she just cannot forgive and gets so consumed with the situation ,gets so riled up when I'm sitting there thinking chill out and bloody forgive.

Anyway  Azariah personally i find it easy to forgive.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I think it depends on what is being forgiven.

Small things are easier to forgive, and that's probably for the best.

Bigger things, not so much.

There are some people I've encountered in life that I definitely don't forgive, because the things they did were that severely wrong, or were strong insights into their true character, and I disliked it to the core, beyond simple disagreement. Disrespect is a big one for me - anyone who's treated me with contempt and malice, shown themselves to be an enemy, we're done. But I don't want to hold on either, cause that weighs me down, drains my focus, thoughts, and energy. So I just forget, I act like they don't exist. I feel it's all I can do.

 

[user 139760]

Some things are forgivable. Some things are not. I do believe some things should not be either.

 

[theablekingathelstan]

it certain cases it can be strength.

 

[JJW]

I can't. But I keep my discontent to myself.