What drives you crazy

TheSkaFish · Aug 21, 2023

okidoke said:
I don’t mind all the reading, but there is so much to unpack that I’m hesitant to begin a response. Maybe I’ll try a little.

When I said “less developed place” I wasn’t really meaning Third World. I just meant little villages etc where people seem humble and content and busy doing “life” and have no desire to pollute their lives with tech.

True, you aren’t aware of the effort others put in. You assume too much about their natural abilities and expect to be just as “normal” as them. And how you talk about “menial” work also makes you sound arrogant and that such work is beneath you.

Running a business can be great, but it can also be full of obstacles, red tape, competitive challenges etc etc. It can be soul destroying and extremely stressful.

I’m going to stop here.

I don't mean to be dismissive, but that's part of what I'm saying - I know myself enough to know that living some kind of minimalist lifestyle, just subsisting, not advancing/making any kind of progress, isn't the kind of life I would like. "Just getting by" is what our lives have deteriorated to right now, down from unfashionable but livable/at least being normal-ish in the '90s and '00s, and that's a big part of what I'm saying - that if something I hate is all my life is going to be, then I'm not sure why I would want any more life. Only the fear of physical pain of ending it, extreme skepticism of an afterlife (I'm reluctant to say "I am an atheist" but I really don't see how there could be anything after this life, it just seems like the ultimate working class wish fulfillment fantasy), and the finality of death - there no take-backs, no re-do's, that's it, when you're gone, you're gone - keeps me hanging on.

I don't mean to come off as arrogant about the unskilled work (word choice?), and it's not like I go into places like that and demand the people there bow down to their genetic master. I understand from experience that it's not pleasant being there, and I would never act like a "Karen" as they say. I sympathize with the workers - I just don't want to be like them myself. For one thing, like I said - I hope that I'm more capable than that, because if that's all I'm capable of, then I'm in trouble, my quality of life is never going to even be OK, and I'm never going to feel OK - not "good", but "OK" - about who I am or even be able to enjoy things that I used to enjoy because it just doesn't take the edge off being something where I hate that that's what I am and I hate that that's the life I'm living, that that's what I'm doing with my life, so again, back to the "maybe I should just end it" scenario. Plus, I know from experience that it's just not what I want to do with my life. I don't like the actual work itself, or being in those environments where nobody is winning, because there is no winning there. It's not going to lead to a better life, but just more of what I've always known I don't want, further down the path of where I've always known I don't want to go, deeper into frustration, humiliation, powerlessness, misery, and dysfunction. I don't want to have to say that an unskilled person is who I am because I'm too feeble or dense to grasp and learn skills and they just bounce off my head, they don't sink in, they don't take. It's not the answer for me, I want to do something else. I need something more stimulating and engaging, where doing well matters because it actually translates to a better life, and where I feel like I'm actually learning something, growing, getting stronger and making progress, where I'm building up a life. I need something more like school was.

As far as effort goes, I don't know. In my own life, I've very rarely seen these super-motivated, high-effort people. I've hardly ever seen anyone grind or go all-out at anything, or act meticulous about their lives. My brother is like that and some of his friends, but not everyone he's worked with is like that. Mostly, I saw people coast at their default level of ability year after year. Most people don't seem to actually be all that interested in their profession - the thing they profess, to be their life's work.

I haven't wanted to run a business for a while either. There isn't ONE thing that I love doing, or ONE dream that I want to achieve, to the exclusion of everything else, that would make the stress and hours and all that meaningful and worthwhile. Sometimes I wish there was. It would probably be something along the lines of converting old cars to run on clean fuels, to keep the classics drivable instead of relegated to museum pieces, or only for the very wealthy who will be able to afford increasingly expensive, and unavailable gas. I also thought it would be cool to have a toyline that isn't tied to a pre-existing franchise. But, no engineering. So, here we are

okidoke · Aug 21, 2023

TheSkaFish said:
I don't mean to be dismissive, but that's part of what I'm saying - I know myself enough to know that living some kind of minimalist lifestyle, just subsisting, not advancing/making any kind of progress, isn't the kind of life I would like. "Just getting by" is what our lives have deteriorated to right now, from unfashionable but livable/at least being normal-ish in the '90s and '00s, and that's a big part of what I'm saying - that if something I hate is all my life is going to be, then I'm not sure why I would want any more life. Only the fear of physical pain of ending it, extreme skepticism of an afterlife (I'm reluctant to say "I am an atheist" but I really don't see how there could be anything after this life, it just seems like the ultimate working class wish fulfillment fantasy), and the finality of death - there no take-backs, no re-do's, that's it, when you're gone, you're gone - keeps me hanging on.

I don't mean to come off as arrogant about the unskilled work (word choice?), and it's not like I go into places like that and demand the people there bow down to their genetic master. I understand from experience that it's not pleasant being there, and I would never act like a "Karen" as they say. I sympathize with the workers - I just don't want to be like them myself. For one thing, like I said - I hope that I'm more capable than that, because if that's all I'm capable of, then I'm in trouble, my quality of life is never going to even be OK, and I'm never going to feel OK - not "good", but "OK" - about who I am or even be able to enjoy things that I used to enjoy because it just doesn't take the edge off, so again, back to the "maybe I should just end it" scenario. Plus, I know from experience that it's just not what I want to do with my life. I don't like the actual work itself, or being in those environments. It's not the answer for me, I want to do something else. I need something more stimulating and engaging, where doing well matters because it actually translates to better results, and where I feel like I'm actually learning something, growing, getting stronger and making progress, where I'm building up a life. I need something more like school was.

As far as effort goes, I don't know. In my own life, I've very rarely seen these super-motivated, high-effort people. I've hardly ever seen anyone grind or go all-out at anything, or act meticulous about their lives. My brother is like that and some of his friends, but not everyone he's worked with is like that. Mostly, I saw people coast at their same level of ability year after year. Most people don't seem to actually be all that interested in their profession - the thing they profess, to be their life's work.

I haven't wanted to run a business for a while either. There isn't ONE thing that I love doing, or ONE dream that I want to achieve, to the exclusion of everything else, that would make the stress and hours and all that meaningful and worthwhile. Sometimes I wish there was. It would probably be something along the lines of converting old cars to run on clean fuels, to keep the classics drivable instead of relegated to museum pieces, or only for the very wealthy who will be able to afford increasingly expensive, and unavailable gas. I also thought it would be cool to have a toyline that isn't tied to a pre-existing franchise. But, no engineering. So, here we are

From where I sit, it seems you need direction, something to focus on. Your thinking isn’t helping you, so that needs reworking, otherwise you’ll stay stuck until you find a painless end. And we don’t want that for you Ska.

ringwood · Aug 21, 2023

okidoke said:
From where I sit, it seems you need direction, something to focus on. Your thinking isn’t helping you, so that needs reworking, otherwise you’ll stay stuck until you find a painless end. And we don’t want that for you Ska.

I echo these sentiments.

@TheSkaFish - Of all the people here on A.L.L., it’s you I worry about the most. It breaks my heart that I see such potential in you, yet you fail to see it in yourself. You seem to be stuck in this constant mindset that you’re somehow “lacking” compared to everyone else - lacking in innate skill, lacking in the right genetics, lacking in imagination, etc, etc. From my experience, it’s the rare person who is born with true talent - sure, some fortunate people know what they want to do from a young age and have the talent to follow that dream. But most of us have to work at it. We slog through life with all its challenges and setbacks and we do the best we can with what we have.

I mean, you are a wonderfully gifted writer. You have great insight into yourself and those around you, you are expressive, imaginative and funny through writing when you want to be. This is a gift. Not everyone has the skill to write concisely. Maybe your talents are right under your nose and you haven’t realized it?

As a mother, my heart always goes out to you. I honestly hope that you find some happiness and purpose in life and start believing in yourself a LOT more. There are people here that see you as so much more than you see yourself.

okidoke · Aug 21, 2023

I’ve struggled so much for my achievements in life. I’ve had so many failures and so many things taken from me that it breaks my heart at times realising that things could’ve been so much different for me. But that’s life and I have to keep reminding myself that so many have it incredibly worse than me.