What exactly is "boyfriend material"?

[ardour]

Part of me thinks that when you ask a girl "what do you like about him?" The correct answer is "I don't know...:shy: "

"How he makes me feel"

Another part of me thinks that guys tend more to look for a reason to like you, while women tend to look for a reason not to like you.

so be prepared to overcome a barrage of negativity or profound indifference and (appear at least) like you've come out of it unfazed..

 

[Sci-Fi]

Another part of me thinks that guys tend more to look for a reason to like you, while women tend to look for a reason not to like you. Nothing wrong with either way...just different approaches.

No...just...no.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

Another part of me thinks that guys tend more to look for a reason to like you, while women tend to look for a reason not to like you. Nothing wrong with either way...just different approaches.

No...just...no.

I think all he is suggesting is women tend to be more cautious, I dunno is that an offensive remark? Also if it is then isn't the first statement that men arent cautious also worthy of underlining?

 

[Sci-Fi]

It's the negative statement I am more concerned with, it says WOMEN implying all women. It's those kinds of statements we don't want people slinging around, gender bashing. And you're not the one who has to put up with complaints when it comes to gender bashing. So don't tell me what to do.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

It's the negative statement I am more concerned with, it says WOMEN implying all women. It's those kinds of statements we don't want people slinging around, gender bashing. And you're not the one who has to put up with complaints when it comes to gender bashing. So don't tell me what to do.

I didn't tell you what to do, I raised a query. Clearly.

 

[Limlim]

You Kid, are quite lippy today.

Oh ho ho! See what I did there?

 

[ForGrantedWife]

Yikes, the grouchies are out in force today!

Lim, why must I pop in to read anything you say? Why doest thou amuse me so?

 

[Limlim]

Because... I am awesome.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

You Kid, are quite lippy today.

Oh ho ho! See what I did there?

I just calls it as I sees it

 

[murmi97]

I prefer husband material (when I'm ready for it), but I often find things about the other person no matter what gender aren't all that's important. It's also good qualities about you two together, commonalities, compatibilities, and partnerships. I have yet to figure out the ratio of "admirations" to connections for the ideal relationship, but both seem just as important to consider to me.

 

[Peaches]

also, I wanted to add that it is historically proven that some guys who were the opposite of boyfriend material became boyfriend material when they met the right person, so what matters if one acts like boyfriend material to YOU (the girl)

 

[ardour]

During the Paleolithic hunter/gatherer human evolutionary period only about 40% of men in the tribes ended up fathering children.
A good case could be made that the majority of men aren't really seen as "boyfriend material".

 

[Senamian]

I do not believe in the phrase "boyfriend material". I've been played by a player - yet now he is ENGAGED. Because he found someone who can kick his *** into being a loyal boyfriend, whilst I cannot confront... (Working on that!)

So, everyone is "boyfriend/girlfriend material". But that one person, may not be right for quite a few others... They need to find the "other half" of themselves. You cannot have this idea of a "perfect guy/girl"... When you meet someone... You see their good and bad sides. And to you... They ARE perfect. Perfectly imperfect.

 

[Revengineer]

Thanks for the responses everybody. I've read through the thread and I agree that trying to nail down an exact definition that applies to every female is fundamentally impossible. Still I find it useful to get the bigger picture of what qualifies a guy as "dateable," because I believe there are indeed certain attributes which weigh more heavily than others.

boyfriend material... I can only give my humble opinion

physically: decent personal hygiene, teeth, hair (there are products for dandruff), change clothes and socks, own more than one pair of shoes, not to talk about "personal" hygiene, when that is missing it is such a turnoff. Nothing obsessive, but some people never were taught how to shower (I met one, yuck!). I guess that depends either, but unless one is Mel Gibson (young), some personal hygiene is a plus.

Some grooming, so that it is clear that one made a little bit of effort to look better, not too much, the style depends totally on personal tastes so I can't suggest anything there, it can go from Ghetto style to new bohemian hipster (I tend to prefer the hipster, but that's personal).


Mentally: a guy with some honest values, self esteem and self determination, open and ready to confrontation and to working on issues, not a doormat but not a bully either, easy to spend time with conversation wise, helpful, some decent (very relative) communication skills or at least a honest will to improve, a good example is Dexter from the TV series (except for the serial killer part, it is really funny to see the effort he puts in trying to understand his wife's feelings, as he has hardly any feelings of his own, and she loves him more for that), he doesn't need 100% to have a good job or even to have a job, but he needs to be clear about what he wants to be in life and working in that direction, and proud to be independent. No drugs or major mental problems, must be over mummy and daddy issues (more or less), a bit in touch with his emotions is a plus, I guess.

After all, it all depends on the click, some guys are ******** and have lots of women who want them as boyfriends, maybe it's their ferhomones or something. And if you have nothing in common with a girl, that also doesn't help.

But yeah, any guy who has somehow his **** together can be boyfriend material.

Well, if anyone can give me the address of a guy like I described, single, between 30 and 45, give me a call...

Boyfriend material can be so many things to so many people, but I think that these are probably a good place to start:

• Good moral compass
• Self-maintenance (hygiene, grooming, reasonable physical and mental condition/ health)
• Willingness and ability to listen (hearing means nothing, listening is a skill)
• Source of income (not saying you need to be wealthy, but you should have a means of taking care of yourself)
• No addictions, gambling problems, etc
• Willingness and ability to demonstrate sincere affection for your significant other
• Willingness and ability to obtain the above mentioned things, if any are lacking

Personally, I think that these are more than the traits that qualify one as, "boyfriend material". They're kind of the basic things most people in okay mental health should want to be/have.

So here's my attempt to piece together the above: an ideal guy is somebody who knows how to take care of himself, has direction, is open to self-improvement, not a selfish jerk, and is emotionally compatible. Bonus points if they don't smell horrible.

Interesting. Especially the importance of hygiene and maintaining a good physical appearance... that's something that more men than women tend to overlook, so I can see how it would be an issue for women.

I believe most of the other points are things that apply equally to both genders, but that there are subtle differences in how we express our desire for them. For example, a woman might say she values confidence while a man would say he wants someone who isn't passive-aggressive. When it comes down to it, they are arguably the same thing (self-esteem) but for some reason we tend to call it different things.

Not to say there aren't a few double standards that persist, but those are things we're all guilty of perpetuating. A discussion for another time perhaps...

 

[Batman55]

So here's my attempt to piece together the above: an ideal guy is somebody who knows how to take care of himself, has direction, is open to self-improvement, not a selfish jerk, and is emotionally compatible. Bonus points if they don't smell horrible.

Except for the last point, which is a given, that is virtually everything that I am not. So unfair, really.