I'm in shape, that isn't the issue. I missed out on just about everything people do in their 20s. A middle aged man who has never been on a date or had a social circle.
I want my 20s back, basically. I quite literally don't have any memories of a youth and nothing I do now will compensate.
I'm starting to feel that way myself lately.
I want not just my 20s, but my teens back too. And maybe even my childhood as well.
Also, while I really didn't have that much quantity of bullying, it was more of the "quality" - the few people that had it in for me had it in for me intensely because I was not like them and did not, could not fit in. Basically I wish I'd taken advantage of the free gym in high school, got big, and knocked their f'ing teeth out, and to hell with the consequences. I was too hung up on being nice because that was drilled into my head, but sometimes, you have to be mean. With some people it's exactly what they deserve.
I wasted a lot of my youth on germophobia, various other fears, anti-capitalist rants, despair, feeling like a powerless victim of bad luck, just stuff that really wasn't doing anything to help me get what I really wanted in life.
Focusing on all the wrong stuff, and not enough on the right stuff - careers, cars, clothes, some kind of skilled interest, bands and culture, imagination/creativity, lifting, etc.
I mean, do I like/agree with capitalism, Darwinian competition, hierarchies etc.? No, I hate it.
But it's more important to me to enjoy my life.
People want people that have cool skills and ideas, not the guy that rants about political and economic bs.
That only makes you "that guy" that "I bet you're a lot of fun at parties", and that's not a good thing to be.
I hope it's not too late to turn the ship around.
