What is the hardest life transition you have gone through?

[meaty]

Leaving college probably

 

[Abstamyous]

My son moving out for 7 months, for things that became beyond my control.

 

[MrLonely86]

Going to college , I'm from small village, and going to college in multi million people capital city was just overkill for me at that age. I thought I was ready at the time, but boy I was wrong.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Leaving college probably

Hello again!

For me it was going from childhood/teen years to adulthood, or more specifically, either high school to college, or college to work.

In kindergarten through the end of high school, it was mostly smooth sailing for me.
Things were a little difficult socially, I had a lot of insecurities and was very naive.
I also had OCD to varying degrees of intensity.
I liked my interests, but I didn't really like being me very much.
But, I knew what I was doing, and I just went through the motions of doing it.
For the most part, aside from math/science, school wasn't that tough. I could get by on memory and general knowledge.
And even with math/science, I managed, just less easily.

In college, I was slammed with everything that I didn't resolve before.
I still had OCD.
I thought the world was going to end, which made me give up on life.
I still didn't understand attraction and was waiting for it to randomly happen like I thought it did for others.
I still didn't like myself.
I didn't really understand the game of life and thought it was all random when it turns out, it's really (kind of) not, it is a "game" with "rules", there's just a wide latitude of how to play the "game", and how to interpret the "rules".

And it's really important to understand both the "game" and its "rules", and yourself, in order to come up with a strategy that best suits your goals/values, interests, and personality.
And, you have to have a strength to leverage on the "game".
Otherwise you can't really play too well.

I think the thing that makes childhood to adulthood hard, or high school to college or college to work hard, is that you're going from doing things generally, to having to be good at something specifically. It becomes more important to know exactly who you are, what you want, how to get it, and have the courage to go for it. The older you get, the more getting good at things matters, it becomes harder to avoid especially if you want a good life, and I've always been insecure about my ability to do that.

 

[constant stranger]

Two transitions, the first was very difficult and is still a painful memory........a big part of that is that it could have been managed so much better.
My family lived overseas for twenty years. Dad's career advancement was accelerated if he volunteered for his corporation's foreign postings.
So I was born in Manila, Philippine Islands and grew up in the British colony of Hong Kong.
HK was my hometown. I and my contemporaries......other kids from America and also the UK, Australia, Sweden, Norway, Canada, Italy and other countries too, we were all born and raised outside of our nationalities' countries.......and we were all Hong Kongers.
Moving to America at age 14 was the difficult transition. My own country was a foreign country to me. Our departure from HK was without any kind of satisfactory closure. I still recall that last day with some inner pain.

OK, the second transition isn't that big of a deal. It's more of a gradual acceptance of what I made for myself.
The term is "Failure to Launch". I went to college for ten years. And I didn't graduate. I'm 72 years old now and never had a proper career. Just jobs I accepted and performed at OK. The transition here is probably a matter of accepting that it's a bit late to wait for my life to start. So this is as good as it's gonna get.
I do volunteer work with two different venues and I operate a booth at a farmers market for 24 weeks every year.
And that's about as close as I'll get to a career.

 

[littlefish555]

Adjusting to life without my cat. I have no idea why this is so hard but I miss her so much and feel like I'm never going to bounce back.

 

[okidoke]

I'm deliberately keeping this vague, but I was going through a very difficult time for a few years after my integrity was challenged and it cost me badly in several ways and I went through various emotional and mental hurt that had me contemplating various actions including suicide and revenge. It burdened me for years until one day I gathered all the material related to the matter and set it all alight in a bonfire. As I watched the burning ashes lift from the fire and cool as they floated away, so did my whole demeanour and outlook and I found some peace in my soul over it all. I even had some vindication on several levels, I can still get a little triggered at times by things that might remind me of the whole ordeal, but I quickly douse those emotions and put them aside.

Like many others, I've had a myriad of other little transitions to work through, but I think that was the most impactful in my life. It really tore at me, but I've managed to unburden myself of the anger and frustration that consumed me over it.

 

[Normski]

Near 5 years ago now my wife died; near normal everyday good life up until about 2.5 days before. Hospital said she would be OK and 2 hour later they called ON THE PHONE to say she was dead after 42 years with her. I spent near 6 months, no friends, invites, no calls to come round, nothing was left on my own, just me and 2 dogs, both have now also died. I have no family, who want to speak to me, and NOT ONE friend. Utter devastation. I tried to make friends, helped people out with lifts moving stuff, when they were stuck, In the end , my reward was; they made crap up about me, and so everyone treats me like have the plague. I have even had people who I have not seen for over a year, and when say Hi long time no see, how’s life, they answer by saying I can ( **** off) and even stood up wanting to physically attack me. I often get suicidal thoughts. And seems to me anyway, everyone has some angle, to either, use, abuse , or laugh at me, it seems near everyone is rude, disrespectful, ignorant. When I say things to many people, all I get often is ignored, and or gaslighted often. I some- how feel almost completely disconnected with social systems and the world to a large part. I often feel yes I am here, but in some odd nonphysical way half somewhere else..In many ways, my impression or feeling of life is this world, my existence is I am in some half surreal sate of existence. half here half somewhere else.. lost in some regard..

 

[Just Games]

Getting old.Up to about 53 I felt good about myself ,still felt young.But now I look in the mirror and I look like my dead uncle.I still keep fit and am only half grey in the hair dept ,but my face there's nothing you can do about that.
As Ardour said make the most of your life because it don't arf go quick when you hit fifties.

 

[Just Games]

Near 5 years ago now my wife died; near normal everyday good life up until about 2.5 days before. Hospital said she would be OK and 2 hour later they called ON THE PHONE to say she was dead after 42 years with her. I spent near 6 months, no friends, invites, no calls to come round, nothing was left on my own, just me and 2 dogs, both have now also died. I have no family, who want to speak to me, and NOT ONE friend. Utter devastation. I tried to make friends, helped people out with lifts moving stuff, when they were stuck, In the end , my reward was; they made crap up about me, and so everyone treats me like have the plague. I have even had people who I have not seen for over a year, and when say Hi long time no see, how’s life, they answer by saying I can ( **** off) and even stood up wanting to physically attack me. I often get suicidal thoughts. And seems to me anyway, everyone has some angle, to either, use, abuse , or laugh at me, it seems near everyone is rude, disrespectful, ignorant. When I say things to many people, all I get often is ignored, and or gaslighted often. I some- how feel almost completely disconnected with social systems and the world to a large part. I often feel yes I am here, but in some odd nonphysical way half somewhere else..In many ways, my impression or feeling of life is this world, my existence is I am in some half surreal sate of existence. half here half somewhere else.. lost in some regard..

I'm sorry for what your going through, I would be devastated if my wife went first,apart from my dog she's my only friend and I love her to bits.

 

[okidoke]

Near 5 years ago now my wife died; near normal everyday good life up until about 2.5 days before. Hospital said she would be OK and 2 hour later they called ON THE PHONE to say she was dead after 42 years with her. I spent near 6 months, no friends, invites, no calls to come round, nothing was left on my own, just me and 2 dogs, both have now also died. I have no family, who want to speak to me, and NOT ONE friend. Utter devastation. I tried to make friends, helped people out with lifts moving stuff, when they were stuck, In the end , my reward was; they made crap up about me, and so everyone treats me like have the plague. I have even had people who I have not seen for over a year, and when say Hi long time no see, how’s life, they answer by saying I can ( **** off) and even stood up wanting to physically attack me. I often get suicidal thoughts. And seems to me anyway, everyone has some angle, to either, use, abuse , or laugh at me, it seems near everyone is rude, disrespectful, ignorant. When I say things to many people, all I get often is ignored, and or gaslighted often. I some- how feel almost completely disconnected with social systems and the world to a large part. I often feel yes I am here, but in some odd nonphysical way half somewhere else..In many ways, my impression or feeling of life is this world, my existence is I am in some half surreal sate of existence. half here half somewhere else.. lost in some regard..

Long time since we saw you Norm. I'm sorry you're feeling this way and struggling. Can I ask a question? I don't intend to sound mean, but when you were posting a bit a while ago, this was something you regularly talked about, and that's fine of course, but you're here after a long break and talking about it all over again, which is fine of course, but what I'm wondering is, do you bring up your struggles with these people you've mentioned? Are they maybe just tired of you not getting over it, moving on, etc? Would they rather be discussing other things? Do you see what I'm getting at? I bumped into an old work colleague who was always quite proselytic and instead of wanting to catch up in any way, he just preached at me from every angle. Well, of course I made off pretty quickly and now just avoid him if I see him coming. I don't know if that's the case with you, but if it is, acknowledge it and reach out to an ear that actually wants to hear what you have to say about your struggles, and have other topics of discussion for the other people that don't want to hear it.