What keeps you from getting your dream partner ?

[MissBehave]

Mixture of the usual banal problems – nothing great to look at, lack of confidence, undeveloped social skills, awkwardness, insecurity, too boring  – along with the age related ones of not meeting anyone within 5 years who seems avialable.

Acknowledging how  how easy it would be for someone to use this to attack me or label me a creep, there’s the other problem. I didn’t date in my early twenties.  I lost my mid 20’s to early 30s taking care of a terminally ill parent. I’m emotionally/intellectually stunted, sstuck in  a 20s phase looking at women in their 20s same way I did.  Aside from a couple of long time friends, I  often find the company of my peers  depressing. And when I  look at 40yo women it’s almost like they’re an older generation. That’s completely ****** up disordered thinking but I’m not sure what to do about it.  It might help if I actually managed to meet and talk to single women my age, but  as I said it’s like the ground’s swallowed them up. Overall I just don’t feel much motivation to 'get out there'; less intitial physical attraction,  having kids being all but out of the question now, the disparity in life experience making  a relationship extremely unlikely to work in the first place.

People who call you a creep because of that lack the experience of troubles in their life to ever be a relevant voice, yet it pretty much sucks nonetheless. I certainly don’t think you are a creep at all. We all got out preferences and I know first hand what it’s like to be judged because of that. I’m kind of just waiting for the circus to pick me up.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think I've ever seen your picture, so I can't comment on how you look, but I seriously doubt it's as bad as you think it is.  Most people who are so negative about their looks aren't nearly as bad as they think.  Hell, I used to think I was ugly as hell. 

I know all about the stigma of online dating and what most people think of it here, but have you tried it?  What are you thoughts on long distance relationships?  I really don't think lack of experience will stop you from finding someone.  It doesn't really matter in the end and honestly, other than the negativity, it's not all that much of a bad thing.  You are an adult, not a mindless teenager, you know how to treat people and what you can and can't do.  It's not much different from a friendship, to be honest.

I’ve never used online dating, in pre Tinder days only desperate or trashy people did that. Now it seems like a  source of ego validation for attractive people who don't take it seriously. I don't know of any men who found relationships  that way. I don’t see the point in a long distance relationship either. You need in-person interaction and there’s a good chance of being catfished, messed with or used as a source of attention on the side.

I just wanted to meet someone normally through social circle and shared activities, but without a solid network that was always going to be difficult. I have friends but it's just people here and  there, not a social circle. And a lot of people are initially put off by my face. I can't relax or smile properly and usually look uncomfortable or surprised. Taking a decent photo is  just about impossible. I've been in dozens and taken hundreds of selfies in every lighting situation imaginable. The average woman has dozens of better options literally at her fingertips, better than some weirdly aggressive looking creep  staring back with nothing original or funny to say.   There's so much stigma and bad will to overcome it's bordering on  ridiculous to even contemplate trying to date. I wouldn't expect you could understand  or be inclined accept any of this as valid.

I don't consider Tinder to be online dating.  It's a hookup site.  Yes yes, some people use it for dating, blah blah blah....it's mainly a hookup site.
I think dating sites tend to get a bad rep because people look at "studies" and all the "gorgeous" people using them.  There are more "average" people on them.  I think it's just like social media, you get out of it what you think you will and also what you think about yourself, you will become what you think you are.  So if it's negative, it will be negative because you likely won't give it an honest effort. 

But okay, that's my tangent on dating sites.  I completely understand about aversion to those sites and long distance relationships, because while my reasons are not the same as yours, I don't use those sites either and I won't do LDRs.    I only brought it up because you are always saying you have no experience.  An LDR could actually give you some experience and dating sites would broaden the area you could look in.  But, as I said, I understand why you don't want to. 

Honestly, I don't know if you would be able to find someone where you are.  It seems like you have written everyone in your area off as shallow and...well, "unworthy."

As for the stuff about your appearance, as I said before, I can't know without seeing a picture and I'm not forcing or trying to get you to post one, I know you won't, but I refuse to believe that you are as "ugly" as you think you are.  
I wouldn't say I don't understand, because I do.  I understand feeling not good enough, not good looking enough, not having anything to offer, not being worth a damn, and all that other ****, because I've been there.  Yes, I have experience in dating, but that is kind of irrelevant when it comes to feelings, I think.  As for the validity of it, I accept that YOU think it's valid, I don't accept that it's valid in general, if that makes sense.  I also wouldn't say you have nothing funny or original to say.  I've seen you post original and funny comments here.  I think (and always have thought) you are being too hard on yourself.

 

[Unix]

I don't think I've ever seen your picture, so I can't comment on how you look, but I seriously doubt it's as bad as you think it is.  Most people who are so negative about their looks aren't nearly as bad as they think.  Hell, I used to think I was ugly as hell.

How do I look?  Like a 2 out of 10?
http://www.mediafire.com/view/uaej893vq3qvzfo/big_8099_5d07dba507021_20190608_121048.jpg#

You look like "need to lose weight /10"

 

[TheRealCallie]

Help can come, and when is asked you should give it. But when is asked.

You are giving advices that were never asked for. 

I will tell you something, when you start giving advices to people you start to be seen as arrogant. You are perceived as someone that tries hard to show his superiority in something.

The only advice I can give you is to not give advices, unless asked

Take you own advice.  YOU weren't asked.  And peoe say I'm rude?  Yeah, okay.

 

[MissBehave]

Help can come, and when is asked you should give it. But when is asked.

You are giving advices that were never asked for. 

I will tell you something, when you start giving advices to people you start to be seen as arrogant. You are perceived as someone that tries hard to show his superiority in something.

The only advice I can give you is to not give advices, unless asked

Take you own advice.  YOU weren't asked.  And peoe say I'm rude?  Yeah, okay.

He can be very rude.

 

[Unix]

That wasn't an advice at all. Is like when someone asks you if the supermarket is reachable on feet and you tell them that the place is well connected with public transportation

 

[Siku]

No, don't take it wrongly. It wasn't meant to be rude at all. It was just him letting everyone know just how '"fit" he is. Again. Without a single care for anyone else behind it, he saw the window of opportunity to make it known again no matter how judging or insensitive that actually sounded. And if you don't like the truth, "toughen up".

Here's some in return : Try on some humility with your physical stature and not boast it. Then, it might be respected and admired properly. And now his reply, again, trying to be funny and charismatic with the clear intention of wanting to impress someone on here. /10

 

[Unix]

No, don't take it wrongly. It wasn't meant to be rude at all. It was just him letting everyone know just how '"fit" he is. Again. Without a single care for anyone else behind it, he saw the  window of opportunity to make it known again no matter how judging or insensitive that actually sounded. And if you don't like the truth, "toughen up".

Here's some in return : Try on some humility with your physical stature and not boast it. Then, it might be respected and admired properly. And now his reply, again, trying to be funny and charismatic with the clear intention of wanting to impress someone on here. /10

Nah, if you have excessive weight, it will go on your face as well. Depending on your genetics your face can remain normal or it can blow and become bigger with less traits showing. You can't really give an x/10 if the person asking it has weight to lose.

Imagine having a car, all covered in dirt and sand. You cannot say if it is a 9/10 or if it is a 6/10. You need to clean it up to discover actually how good that car is. And of course I'm talking just about the physical face features.

And, tbh, giving an x/10 is always a bad idea, you rather not worry about numbers because I know a guy that is obsessed with them and it's so sad. 

It isn't neither to impress someone. Well, I wanted to impress humorless, but he got banned

 

[TheRealCallie]

Except for the fact that some people like their significant other to have extra weight. My ex liked how I looked better when I weighed 220 pounds than he did when I was 130.
Some people are attracted to bigger people.

 

[Just Games]

Except for the fact that some people like their significant other to have extra weight.  My ex liked how I looked better when I weighed 220 pounds than he did when I was 130.
Some people are attracted to bigger people.

Yep i'll confirm that...never been attracted to skinnies   size 14 and above please...

Yea i've super analysed this think i'm ok not offending anyone ...i hope.

 

[AnonymousMe]

Also, I said you were a 4 or 5, based on that unflattering selfie.  You are NOT a 2.  
If you want, feel free to PM me and we can talk more privately, if you don't want everything on the forum.  That would also give you practice talking one on one.  You can also find me in the chat room.

1) Do you live in a city where you don't need to know how to drive?
2) Can be fixed, but why don't you have one?
3) Do you have any? Also, easily fixed.
4) Who does? And why do you have to?
5) In what regard? Like you never remember anything or you just don't choose to or something else?
6) You and a billion other people.
7) I don't believe there is such a thing, but why do you say that?
8) Of what? Again, if you fix some of your issues, that would likely change, at least a little

Wow, I appreciate that you took your time in replying to everything on my list, unfortunately, I won't be able to do the same, I did had a reply to everything, so if you want to know something, just ask.  =)  By the way, I did say that I was working on all those flaws of mine, veeery slowly, so I expect to be like a normal dude by my mid 30s.  Also, I'll just reply here, I already said a lot of stuff about me anyway.
 
1) It’s not about needing or not needing to drive due to circumstances, it’s about not knowing how to drive in general.  It’s, pretty much, the equivalent of an adult bird that hasn’t left the nest yet, while the parents are still bringing it worms.  What kind of woman would want a man like that?
2) My medical services are in another county, unless they’re moved to the one I’m living in, I can’t work, hopefully I grow mature enough to do that by myself at one point.
3) No, I think at 29, anyone should know though.
4) Well, I’m going to live alone in the future, so I must be cautious, I’ve read that getting sick while living alone get be very dangerous.
5) Just in general, I could forget about stuff I’ve learned; I don’t remember long sentences of instructions, etc.  It mostly happens with my family, but it is still embarrassing and demotivating.
6) Ugh!  Do couples kiss with that stuff inside all the time?
7) Because I like listening soundtracks, whereas everybody else has someone famous to listen to.
8) Of anything that I don’t have or that I can’t do.  Like, seeing guys with girlfriends or two is one and seeing teenagers play instruments like a pro is another.

You look like "need to lose weight /10"

I'm working on it; I'm lifting weights.

 

[Siku]

The world and the selfish people in it make people similar to myself feel like we're worthless, fake, and that we don't belong.

Anyone who disagrees with me doesn't know a damn thing about me and can keep their own perspective and subjective views of it to themselves. And paint me as you like, I'm done giving a ****.

What other people have done to people before I got to them, continues to do, what's been done to me, and how this world works and thrives is what keeps me from ever being happy or why every ******* person I end up loving can't seem to hold on to hope and the hope I bring isn't good enough to get them out of their darkness. Not either of ours, fault.

And their lack of hope hindered their heart and their heart isn't open enough for me to see it clearly enough. I'm not strong enough to be selfless for them. My hope I convey is not ever applied to myself...

The truth is, I have no hope when I'm alone. None what so ever... I do not do well alone. In fact, I get suicidal when alone to myself for too long. This is a hard and agonizing truth I face every day. And I just went through another giant reality smack of it today. As some of you can already tell, I'm not myself right now...

When I love someone, and it's given in return, it brings me hope and I share it back.... I am incapable of being a better version of myself unless it's for someone else.

I'm ******* crashing really hard right now into the darkness and I've pushed away the only people who are capable of pulling me out. Like I keep saying, I am a creator of my own private hell and I sure as hell know a major contributor to it. This ****** up, cruel, and selfish world that constantly batters down hope and removes the light from even the most hopeful....

Spare me any advice right now because I am sure to retaliate once I am seen wrongly or told old fashioned bs in this state as if I don't ever self-reflect or haven't drove myself crazy looking at myself already. I'm venting because I'm desperate of god knows what anymore.... What do I have to lose? Nothing. Absolutely *******, nothing....

And don't say things get better... because I've been telling myself that for 34 years. And they haven't. I'm lashing and venting out for very real and significant reasons that should not be made simplier!

 

[Unix]

Except for the fact that some people like their significant other to have extra weight.  My ex liked how I looked better when I weighed 220 pounds than he did when I was 130.
Some people are attracted to bigger people.

Hey, I love bbw too <3

 

[ShellShock]

I want to know from you: What keeps you from getting the dream partner you deserve ?

What keeps me? Luck.

 

[ardour]

Like most 'forever alones', a mixture of ugliness, awkward personality, (unacceptable, unmasculine) sensitivity towards rejection, and now, age.

 

[Diagnosed]

"I want to know from you: What keeps you from getting the dream partner you deserve ?"

Too many!

My age and her age

My income or the ways she would want I spent the money I've got.

Her likes or mines: Body shape and OUR sexual drive and púdica features do matter on it. Sick ppl are only sought by doctors or by Labs selling medicines.

Her children and the emotional burden behind her past

 

[Diagnosed]

"- not being frequently criticized "

Oh! There's not such a place wher we or others pulled back judgements... I'll bet that, the moment Adán saw Eve picking the forbidden fruit in the Garden, he had to bite it to made up, to stay united or to remain as friends.

When I was younger I used to travel with my tent at backpacking. It trained me to be isolated from the ppl I don't like in the city I live: now I have my hub. We uy

 

[Barely Real]

The fact that I have no desire, will or ability to assert myself in any way whatsoever. My lack of self-worth is in no way befitting a grown, albeit young man. At least I have known love before, strangely enough. Right now I'm preoccupied with more fundamental things, such as finding the will to even keep on living. It'd be irresponsible to drag someone else into this mess. Who knows what the future will bring, if not total nothingness (which is to be expected all things considered).

 

[Diagnosed]

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

if you are on your way to find a partner who is beautiful, supportive and smart. And get into a relationship with that person. A relationship that makes you feel like you can achieve anything you want to, because you grow thogether and support each other. A relationship where every moment is exciting, interesting and fun.

I want to know from you: What keeps you from getting the dream partner you deserve ?

 
A "dream" parnert simply could be found in a dorm, not in a real life (just in my case).

I disdained most of those I didn't like, same way i'm (dis)liked the way they thought best.

---

The fact that I have no desire, will or ability to assert myself in any way whatsoever. My lack of self-worth is in no way befitting a grown, albeit young man. At least I have known love before, strangely enough. Right now I'm preoccupied with more fundamental things, such as finding the will to even keep on living. It'd be irresponsible to drag someone else into this mess. Who knows what the future will bring, if not total nothingness (which is to be expected all things considered).

Therapy considered?

 

[SpiffyPanda]

My face.

No it is not your face. It is your attitude.

By telling yourself that you are ugly you just drag you down and women will notice that. Women don't care that much about looks. They care about confidence, because they are looking for a leader who makes them feel safe. They want someone who doesn't take any sh*t and someone who knows what he wants and is willing to fight for it.

How can a woman feel safe around her man when can't even stand himself ?

That is the harsh truth. You can stop using your looks as an excuse and start to take what you want or you can continue staying in you comfort zone and never make any change.

Have a nice day.

I don't think it's fair to say that when you've never met this person. Maybe looks aren't everything, but to say they don't matter is just plain stupid. Especially in the age of online dating