What type of loneliness do you experience?

[Lilly2]

I must have read the following article a few times: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/.../201702/7-types-loneliness-and-why-it-matters

After reading the article (link provided above), I realized that I have been dealing with many types of loneliness throughout my life.  Sure, I have some friends I speak with in real life as well as online.  And sure, I do what I can to socialize and connect with other humans.  But I can be a room filled with all of my friends and STILL experience loneliness.  Although social support does help a little, there are different types of social support that offer different benefits, such as instrumental social support and emotional social support.  

INSTRUMENTAL social support offers financial support, educational support, instructional support, technological support, therapeutic support, medical support, mentoring support, guidance support, and others related to more non-emotional forms of social support.   

EMOTIONAL social support, on the other hand, offers comfort, sympathy, empathy, potential for long-term relationships, relational bonding, intimacy, and some aspects of therapeutic support.  

In some relationships, both instrumental and emotional supports are offered, such as in therapeutic relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships, and close business partnerships.  However, with any given relationship, there are boundaries involved.  Such boundaries may place limits on the amount of instrumental and emotional suppots offered.   

By and large, a lack of emotional support is one of the many factors related to loneliness.  Many people who receive instrumental support only, or even therapeutic support that combines a limited amount of both instrumental and social supports, may still feel lonely because they lack certain kinds of emotional support in their lives.  Sure, some might even be married with children and still feel lonely.  Why?  Perhaps they don't have the kind of emotional support they seek, such as acceptance, understanding, a sense of belonging, comfort, empathy, and the kind of bonds we as humans were made for.  Others are lonely because they lack family, friends, and social capital.  Still, others are lonely because they do not have a conservation of resources.  According to the conservation of resources theory, the effects of losing past resources (or social capital) are stronger than the effects of gaining new resources (in order to rebuild social capital).  You can do a general Google and/or Google Scholar search on the conservation of resources theory and find many articles that demonstrate the effects of losing resources.  

Other key words and phrases that you might be interested in researching include: "compensatory relationships"; "social support as a protective factor"; and "loneliness".  Upon researching the aforementioned terms related to, and including "loneliness," you will find that the effects of loneliness and all of its linked etiologies comprise poor quality of life factors, including poor health and poor mental health.  There are degrees to which we are affected by loneliness, just like there are degres to the types of loneliness we experience.  

Sometimes counseling or mentoring relationships help us with improving our own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in order to be more open to new and longlasting relationships, including work relationships, friendships, filial relationships, and romantic relationships.  For instance, in therapy, a person can learn to communicate better with others, or a person can learn to desensitize from fears affiliated with social anxiety.  In mentoring relationships, a person can learn how to cultivate professional relationships and communicate better in professional environments.  

Sometimes relocating to a new place and/or finding new social groups help us find people who fit better with our likes, lifestyles, cultures, and personalities.  For instance, a person who recently became disabled might have difficulties with maintaining friendships with peers who are able-bodied and accustomed to a more fast-paced lifestyle.  Sadly, many disabled persons feel abandoned by their families and friends who became more focused on offering us instrumental support, as opposed to emotional support.  In such cases, there were losses affiliated with the kinds of relationships we had, which leads to a loss of conservation of resources and its resulting loneliness.  One solution, which may not alleviate the grief and loss issues with losing friendships, is by gaining social capital in new circles that cater to disabled persons.  Although our losses are many, our gains comprising, and readjustment toward, a new "disabled lifestyle" might relieve some symptoms of loneliness.  

Overall, it is important to note that loneliness encompasses some levels of grief and loss.  Even if the people we were once in a relationship are still alive and part of our lives, we may feel that our closeness has dissipated, which results in feelings of grief and loss.  The effects of grief/loss and loneliness include depression and, in some cases, anticipatory anxiety.  We're depressed from the losses we've encountered, and we're anxious about forming new relationships because of our past experiences.  

I hope everyone here can find proactive ways to identify and heal from their loneliness.  In many ways, online forums such as this one is one way to alleviate symptoms of loneliness.  The key is to identify what kinds of loneliness we are experiencing in order for us to find solutions.  

What kinds of loneliness do you experience?  If you know of any other articles related to loneliness typologies/taxonomies/lexicons, or other types of loneliness that aren't mentioned within the article linked above, please do share.  

 

[Lilly2]

I'll go first: 

I'm experiencing the following types of loneliness, according to the article linked in the thread:

1. New-situation loneliness: I relocated to a new state and don't know anyone in that new state. I also have mobility issues that I've not had before, so I've lost the friends I used to have that were more active, and I miss having active relationships and an active body to be able to form active relationships, such as those who enjoy hiking. 

2. I'm different loneliness: I identify as a minority, a disabled person, a non-traditional grad student applicant, a non-traditional disabled veteran, and many other minority status positions.  I feel different from most people, so it is hard for me to connect and bond with them, even though I appreciate diversity.  As a disabled person with chronic fatigue syndrome, I feel that my disorder is so controversial that I am treated and looked upon differently than other patients or members of society.  That lack of understanding reinforces my feelings of not belonging due to differences that others cannot tolerate and/or understand.  

3. Untrustworthy friends loneliness: I have many "friends," or what we in the USA refer to as "acquaintances."  They are not "close" friends, but rather people you enjoy hanging out with or conversing with from time to time, but their mannerisms or characteristics lessen your ability to trust them with.  For instance, some people I've known have disrespected my boundaries, gossiped about me, or sabotaged my relationships and/or careers.  In some cases, those relationships were salvaged through adequate communication, but in most cases, I've had to let go of those people whose behaviors were toxic.  For those relationships I managed to salvage, I remain distant yet open to the possibilities of rebuilding trust.  Nevertheless, during this time, it is lonely for me because I've essentially lost the relationships I once had when trust was there, regardless of whether it was earned or established appropriately.  

4. Quiet-presence loneliness: I miss having roommates sometimes, but not all the time.  I am asexual, so I've gotten used to not having a significant other.  I'm not really "lonely" per se from the lack of a significant other, but I'm lonely because I do miss having the quiet presence of someone around.  Living alone for the past 15 years has been an adjustment - I can tell you that!  I've gotten acclimated to living alone, but I'm still afraid of having no one around in case of emergencies.  Thankfully, I live in an apartment building, so my neighbors serve as wonderful "compensatory relationships" to replace roommates; having neighbors may not be the same types of relationships as having roommates, but their presence helps in terms of relieving my anxiety.

So I have 4 out of 7 types of loneliness at the moment, if there are only 7 types (per the article link in the first thread post).  If there are additional types of loneliness (to the 7 mentioned in the article), please let me know.  

Thank you for allowing me to share and not feel so alone in the process - pun intended, I think (that is if I didn't fail at making a pun, hee hee).  

 

[funnylife33]

I miss a girl friend in my life

I really love to have a girl friend in my Whatsapp

 

[Xpendable]

All of them.

 

[ahsatan]

I'd have to say all as well.

 

[SirPanda]

I think many people experience every type at any given point in their lives. My current one is just loneliness for a significant other.

 

[Rosie007]

At one time my intense attractiveness caused me to avoid social places and parties because men used to hit on me and even women gave jealous glances, making me feel uncomfortable. Being beautiful had at one time a very serious effect on me, and I will explain further.

Having experienced low esteem from past hurts and betrayals, I learnt to become assertive. Assertiveness even stopped nastiness from other women, jealous because of my good looks. Still, my attractiveness is having to be constantly worked on when I have to look presentable all the time I'm on duty. It's a constant balance to look presentable, but not deliberately look seductive.

Citing Anderson and Nida (1978): 'Highly attractive people of the same *** were judged as less talented than average-looking people'. Consequently my becoming a doctor changed that perception except it was to my emotional cost of becoming very lonely, afraid to engage with people in a social way. An example of this was my medical talent has not easily been acknowledged. 

Surely my looks would be just too good to be true for me to be considered as intelligent? Instead, newcomers froze at my dazzling smile and bewitching eyes, and they just can't get their eyes off me. And when I was with my best friend, she wouldn't introduce me to her boyfriend for fear of losing him to me. When I felt something was wrong and I asked, she admitted to feeling intimidated by my attractiveness, and then said it wasn't possible to be friends with me anymore. Well, bugger. But that's life.

I tried counselling, but it didn't help, though my best decision was wearing mirrored sunglasses to lessen the impact of being stared at. Men, even teenage boys would eye me in the street and wolf whistle. I'd avoid going near building sites, for those places were toxic and I would avoid them like plague.

I'm blonde with piercing blue eyes, and each are ringed with dark edges. My eyes, beautiful as they are can look larger if I apply eyeliner and mascara - because I like that look. But that never stopped people staring wherever I went, even in supermarkets. Consequently I retreated into myself, afraid for that fear returning: what would they do to me? My teenage years were painful, too, so I stayed at home and did extra studies, avoiding social media only because I couldn't be bothered or felt too tired. But the reality of being on social media was attracting all the wrong people who just wanted to get me laid, and that is why I developed a distrust until my confidence eventually started improving.

Looking back, I remember some went gone out of their way to harrass me on social media. And then there are those who find it easy to quickly hate me once they realised that I'm highly articulate as well as attractive. Because as soon as you possess a few of the traits most valued by our society - beauty, intelligence, a sense of humour, etc. - you have officially become the target of fuming resent. This was why half my activities was to work around that and try not to do anything to further aggravate the problem. And gradually, gradually, I realised the good things I was doing were bringing joy and happiness back into my life. And there came hope.  

Hope came when my daughter's minder arrived to live with us full time, so everything changed for the bette. Now, being seen with her has put stop to this constant harrassment. Men still stare as they will, but they look at our lovely friend and stay away. I've had to tell my daughter to wear sunglasses lest she receives the same treatment from boys, but she's far better about handling it than me despite inheriting my attractiveness. She also gave me permission to share this, lovely that she is.

Looking back to a while ago, loud-talking guys would ogle me as I leaned across the cafe table enjoying my coffee. I remember feeling their collective gazes crawling over me like ants. All the time I'd been at this cafe, they elbowed each other like they'd never seen a pair of ****s before. The downside of being beautiful is that it draws creeps out of the woodwork and makes them feel entitled to treat me like a piece of meat. If my 12 year old daughter had been with me, she'd have jumped the table and whacked the grins off their faces. It wouldn't have been the first time. But now times have changed since I have this special friend who has made a big difference to my life and that of my daughter, and I'm feeling good knowing that beauty brings with it intelligence to prove those very wrong, and I am finally living a happier life.

I apologise if my comments may have triggered anyone, but I hope that this issue of being beautiful can reach more attention in society, but without self-centredness and barely disguised judgemental remarks, I don't think this is ever going to be happening. Especially from a certain type of man because they think differently from women, and act very differently and most definitely with sarcasm. If the previous man got at me again or sniped at my child who inherited my looks, I wouldn't hesitate to smash him right in the face. 

So... I am mostly over the issue that once weighed so heavily on me. Now I've about to start a relationship with someone very special and who adores my daughter, I believe that what I had been going through will eventually fade into nothingness.

 

[Diagnosed]

At one time my intense attractiveness caused me to avoid social places and parties because men used to hit on me and even women gave jealous glances, making me feel uncomfortable. Being beautiful had at one time a very serious effect on me, and I will explain further.

Having experienced low esteem from past hurts and betrayals, I learnt to become assertive. Assertiveness even stopped nastiness from other women, jealous because of my good looks. Still, my attractiveness is having to be constantly worked on when I have to look presentable all the time I'm on duty. It's a constant balance to look presentable, but not deliberately look seductive.

Citing Anderson and Nida (1978): 'Highly attractive people of the same *** were judged as less talented than average-looking people'. Consequently my becoming a doctor changed that perception except it was to my emotional cost of becoming very lonely, afraid to engage with people in a social way. An example of this was my medical talent has not easily been acknowledged. 

Surely my looks would be just too good to be true for me to be considered as intelligent? Instead, newcomers froze at my dazzling smile and bewitching eyes, and they just can't get their eyes off me. And when I was with my best friend, she wouldn't introduce me to her boyfriend for fear of losing him to me. When I felt something was wrong and I asked, she admitted to feeling intimidated by my attractiveness, and then said it wasn't possible to be friends with me anymore. Well, bugger. But that's life.

I tried counselling, but it didn't help, though my best decision was wearing mirrored sunglasses to lessen the impact of being stared at. Men, even teenage boys would eye me in the street and wolf whistle. I'd avoid going near building sites, for those places were toxic and I would avoid them like plague.

I'm blonde with piercing blue eyes, and each are ringed with dark edges. My eyes, beautiful as they are can look larger if I apply eyeliner and mascara - because I like that look. But that never stopped people staring wherever I went, even in supermarkets. Consequently I retreated into myself, afraid for that fear returning: what would they do to me? My teenage years were painful, too, so I stayed at home and did extra studies, avoiding social media only because I couldn't be bothered or felt too tired. But the reality of being on social media was attracting all the wrong people who just wanted to get me laid, and that is why I developed a distrust until my confidence eventually started improving.

Looking back, I remember some went gone out of their way to harrass me on social media. And then there are those who find it easy to quickly hate me once they realised that I'm highly articulate as well as attractive. Because as soon as you possess a few of the traits most valued by our society - beauty, intelligence, a sense of humour, etc. - you have officially become the target of fuming resent. This was why half my activities was to work around that and try not to do anything to further aggravate the problem. And gradually, gradually, I realised the good things I was doing were bringing joy and happiness back into my life. And there came hope.  

Hope came when my daughter's minder arrived to live with us full time, so everything changed for the bette. Now, being seen with her has put stop to this constant harrassment. Men still stare as they will, but they look at our lovely friend and stay away. I've had to tell my daughter to wear sunglasses lest she receives the same treatment from boys, but she's far better about handling it than me despite inheriting my attractiveness. She also gave me permission to share this, lovely that she is.

Looking back to a while ago, loud-talking guys would ogle me as I leaned across the cafe table enjoying my coffee. I remember feeling their collective gazes crawling over me like ants. All the time I'd been at this cafe, they elbowed each other like they'd never seen a pair of ****s before. The downside of being beautiful is that it draws creeps out of the woodwork and makes them feel entitled to treat me like a piece of meat. If my 12 year old daughter had been with me, she'd have jumped the table and whacked the grins off their faces. It wouldn't have been the first time. But now times have changed since I have this special friend who has made a big difference to my life and that of my daughter, and I'm feeling good knowing that beauty brings with it intelligence to prove those very wrong, and I am finally living a happier life.

I apologise if my comments may have triggered anyone, but I hope that this issue of being beautiful can reach more attention in society, but without self-centredness and barely disguised judgemental remarks, I don't think this is ever going to be happening. Especially from a certain type of man because they think differently from women, and act very differently and most definitely with sarcasm. If the previous man got at me again or sniped at my child who inherited my looks, I wouldn't hesitate to smash him right in the face. 

So... I am mostly over the issue that once weighed so heavily on me. Now I've about to start a relationship with someone very special and who adores my daughter, I believe that what I had been going through will eventually fade into nothingness.

Oh Rossiy!

After this intro you'll need another nick or account. Ha!

If you were in Venezuela you'll be found to be another queen, but I'm the ugly unachiever type who always missed a chance to lose and avoided to be kicked. 
Uff

 

[Diagnosed]

I'll go first: 

I'm experiencing the following types of loneliness, according to the article linked in the thread:

1. New-situation loneliness: I relocated to a new state and don't know anyone in that new state. I also have mobility issues that I've not had before, so I've lost the friends I used to have that were more active, and I miss having active relationships and an active body to be able to form active relationships, such as those who enjoy hiking. 

2. I'm different loneliness: I identify as a minority, a disabled person, a non-traditional grad student applicant, a non-traditional disabled veteran, and many other minority status positions.  I feel different from most people, so it is hard for me to connect and bond with them, even though I appreciate diversity.  As a disabled person with chronic fatigue syndrome, I feel that my disorder is so controversial that I am treated and looked upon differently than other patients or members of society.  That lack of understanding reinforces my feelings of not belonging due to differences that others cannot tolerate and/or understand.  

3. Untrustworthy friends loneliness: I have many "friends," or what we in the USA refer to as "acquaintances."  They are not "close" friends, but rather people you enjoy hanging out with or conversing with from time to time, but their mannerisms or characteristics lessen your ability to trust them with.  For instance, some people I've known have disrespected my boundaries, gossiped about me, or sabotaged my relationships and/or careers.  In some cases, those relationships were salvaged through adequate communication, but in most cases, I've had to let go of those people whose behaviors were toxic.  For those relationships I managed to salvage, I remain distant yet open to the possibilities of rebuilding trust.  Nevertheless, during this time, it is lonely for me because I've essentially lost the relationships I once had when trust was there, regardless of whether it was earned or established appropriately.  

4. Quiet-presence loneliness: I miss having roommates sometimes, but not all the time.  I am asexual, so I've gotten used to not having a significant other.  I'm not really "lonely" per se from the lack of a significant other, but I'm lonely because I do miss having the quiet presence of someone around.  Living alone for the past 15 years has been an adjustment - I can tell you that!  I've gotten acclimated to living alone, but I'm still afraid of having no one around in case of emergencies.  Thankfully, I live in an apartment building, so my neighbors serve as wonderful "compensatory relationships" to replace roommates; having neighbors may not be the same types of relationships as having roommates, but their presence helps in terms of relieving my anxiety.  

So I have 4 out of 7 types of loneliness at the moment, if there are only 7 types (per the article link in the first thread post).  If there are additional types of loneliness (to the 7 mentioned in the article), please let me know.  

Thank you for allowing me to share and not feel so alone in the process - pun intended, I think (that is if I didn't fail at making a pun, hee hee).  

 I wish i had a friend like you next door!

I enjoyed your openess and certainly regret youdecided to be asexual ( l've tried that in my mind with no sucess). The more i walked and see ppl I regret I have no control on those likes I have cherrished since childhood and, If I were granted a life in the afterlife, I wish i weren't aware of the feelings i have or have had.

Since I have lived more than I planned my views can be different from any of you. I wish i had kept one real female friend but, as soon as I saw them got married, I left those bonds and, as soon as I got married, I left all my friends and I concentrarse on the things concerning my kids and on my Ex wife. Nowadays I think I have 3 friends and what I miss it's their belief system, which is different to mine and, If they were women, I would feel alone, but I'm used to being alone or dismissed. That helped to know I did that and too many times, that NOW I'm ashamed for all my wrongdoings.

I'm aware of the "risks" of openess but, If I ever connect online, i could be reached by [email protected]

 

[Rosie007]

At one time my intense attractiveness caused me to avoid social places and parties because men used to hit on me and even women gave jealous glances, making me feel uncomfortable. Being beautiful had at one time a very serious effect on me, and I will explain further.

Having experienced low esteem from past hurts and betrayals, I learnt to become assertive. Assertiveness even stopped nastiness from other women, jealous because of my good looks. Still, my attractiveness is having to be constantly worked on when I have to look presentable all the time I'm on duty. It's a constant balance to look presentable, but not deliberately look seductive.

Citing Anderson and Nida (1978): 'Highly attractive people of the same *** were judged as less talented than average-looking people'. Consequently my becoming a doctor changed that perception except it was to my emotional cost of becoming very lonely, afraid to engage with people in a social way. An example of this was my medical talent has not easily been acknowledged. 

Surely my looks would be just too good to be true for me to be considered as intelligent? Instead, newcomers froze at my dazzling smile and bewitching eyes, and they just can't get their eyes off me. And when I was with my best friend, she wouldn't introduce me to her boyfriend for fear of losing him to me. When I felt something was wrong and I asked, she admitted to feeling intimidated by my attractiveness, and then said it wasn't possible to be friends with me anymore. Well, bugger. But that's life.

I tried counselling, but it didn't help, though my best decision was wearing mirrored sunglasses to lessen the impact of being stared at. Men, even teenage boys would eye me in the street and wolf whistle. I'd avoid going near building sites, for those places were toxic and I would avoid them like plague.

I'm blonde with piercing blue eyes, and each are ringed with dark edges. My eyes, beautiful as they are can look larger if I apply eyeliner and mascara - because I like that look. But that never stopped people staring wherever I went, even in supermarkets. Consequently I retreated into myself, afraid for that fear returning: what would they do to me? My teenage years were painful, too, so I stayed at home and did extra studies, avoiding social media only because I couldn't be bothered or felt too tired. But the reality of being on social media was attracting all the wrong people who just wanted to get me laid, and that is why I developed a distrust until my confidence eventually started improving.

Looking back, I remember some went gone out of their way to harrass me on social media. And then there are those who find it easy to quickly hate me once they realised that I'm highly articulate as well as attractive. Because as soon as you possess a few of the traits most valued by our society - beauty, intelligence, a sense of humour, etc. - you have officially become the target of fuming resent. This was why half my activities was to work around that and try not to do anything to further aggravate the problem. And gradually, gradually, I realised the good things I was doing were bringing joy and happiness back into my life. And there came hope.  

Hope came when my daughter's minder arrived to live with us full time, so everything changed for the bette. Now, being seen with her has put stop to this constant harrassment. Men still stare as they will, but they look at our lovely friend and stay away. I've had to tell my daughter to wear sunglasses lest she receives the same treatment from boys, but she's far better about handling it than me despite inheriting my attractiveness. She also gave me permission to share this, lovely that she is.

Looking back to a while ago, loud-talking guys would ogle me as I leaned across the cafe table enjoying my coffee. I remember feeling their collective gazes crawling over me like ants. All the time I'd been at this cafe, they elbowed each other like they'd never seen a pair of ****s before. The downside of being beautiful is that it draws creeps out of the woodwork and makes them feel entitled to treat me like a piece of meat. If my 12 year old daughter had been with me, she'd have jumped the table and whacked the grins off their faces. It wouldn't have been the first time. But now times have changed since I have this special friend who has made a big difference to my life and that of my daughter, and I'm feeling good knowing that beauty brings with it intelligence to prove those very wrong, and I am finally living a happier life.

I apologise if my comments may have triggered anyone, but I hope that this issue of being beautiful can reach more attention in society, but without self-centredness and barely disguised judgemental remarks, I don't think this is ever going to be happening. Especially from a certain type of man because they think differently from women, and act very differently and most definitely with sarcasm. If the previous man got at me again or sniped at my child who inherited my looks, I wouldn't hesitate to smash him right in the face. 

So... I am mostly over the issue that once weighed so heavily on me. Now I've about to start a relationship with someone very special and who adores my daughter, I believe that what I had been going through will eventually fade into nothingness.

Oh Rossiy!

After this intro you'll need another nick or account. Ha!

If you were in Venezuela you'll be found to be another queen, but I'm the ugly unachiever type who always missed a chance to lose and avoided to be kicked. 
Uff

You do me no favours replying in that sarcastic manner, because if you had to tolerate what I have had to throughout my teenage and professional life, then you would have written more tactfully.

Bend over: :club:

 

[sriguhan]

I'm different - loneliness: 
Omg , this is exactly what I'm feeling..
I live in a very conservative southern city in India and gods, most ppl here have almost nothing in common with me..
I've never really believed in religion and had my doubts even when I was kid, lol. To me, myths and legends are just that...
But folks take it sooo seriously here
It's not that I can't find ppl with congenial interests , it's just that they aren't in my age group anymore ( I'm 29 ) . 
Oddly, a person here transforms into someone else as they grow older, weird..

No sweetheart - loneliness :
This is tied to my other loneliness. It is evident from the fact that my ex still maintains a healthy social circle with like-minded friends, in a different city.
Sometimes I wonder whether I miss her or the bandwagon of friends and enemies she had brought along.
Anyway , my attempt at making a new friends circle failed miserably a few months ago and I've been lonely ever since.

 

[Lilly2]

@Diagnosed

I'm so sorry you struggle with loneliness, too. (((safe hugs)))

I don't do private email, unfortunately. But thank you for your openness.

You can always find ways to make new friends, but the grief of losing our past friends is real. Therapy can help with both, and it's the most effective at offering us tools to cope with our emotions and to find healthier ways to live. Making new friends isn't easy, but it's doable. Support groups in your local area IRL really do help in terms of a fresh start. There are also meetin and meetup groups as well.

---

@Tobakki3

I'm sorry you are struggling with missing your gf.

Therapy offers great tools to deal with relational loss and/or relational distance, among other things like relational issues. Support groups might also be a great resource for both support and making friends.

Romantic loss is one of the most painful things to experience, even if you are still with the person but are distanced physically and/or emotionally.

(((safe hugs)))

---

@Xpendable

(((safe hugs)))

I'm so sorry you've dealt with all of these loneliness types. That must be really hard.

For me, when I dealt with all of them when I was in my 30s, I reached out to therapists, local churches, local support groups, and online support forums to find help in dealing with loneliness. Oftentimes, grief and loss issus arise, which should be addressed. However, in conjunction with that, I also tried to start life anew by learning how to make healthier friends and living a healthier lifestyle. It's not easy, and it's an arduous journey sometimes, but we're all on this road together, to various degrees.

Hang in there. (((safe hugs)))

---

@ahsatan

(((safe hugs)))

I'm sorry you deal with all of the types of loneliness, as well. I replied to another person on this thread who answered similarly.

What helped me to work on one type of loneliness at a time was to seek therapy for grief/loss issues, coping skills, and other areas of interpersonal improvement. I found that, for me (which might not be fore everyone), learning to live healthier and to find healthier friends have helped. Social support groups online and IRL also help. Even going back to college helped me, even though I'm still disabled.

I hope some of these suggestions might be of use to you. (((safe hugs)))

 

[Lilly2]

@PandaSwag

(((safe hugs)))

I agree with you; when I was in my 30s, I experienced all of the types of loneliness described in the article. It was painful, for sure. Therapy and social support groups helped me to grieve and learn healthier skills to cope and move forward.

I'm sorry that you're struggling with loneliness from a significant other. Romantic breakups or otherwise are the hardest losses to experience. Those grief/loss issues coupled with the ensuing loneliness are tough because such losses cut deep, especially if you used to live with your significant other.

I hope that your healing journey goes well, and that you are able to move forward when you're ready.

 

[Lilly2]

@Rosie007

(((safe hugs))) my friend.

I'm sorry that you've dealt with so many traumas, grief, loss, and loneliness issues in your life. In addition to what I wrote you elsewhere/previously to a similar post you made, I think that your strengths and supportive family help you the most with all these issues. It's sad to see women used as objects, as opposed to being engaged as real human beings with ambitions, goals, and intelligence potentials like the rest of humankind. When gender bias occurs, so, too, do aspects of loneliness. We feel alone sometimes in our struggles as women, and for those who struggle with the stigma of being beautiful, I can only imagine what painful issues arise in terms of trauma, stigma, stereotype threat, and loneliness.

I can sense that when we hurt from grief/loss issues related to deaths of loved ones, loss of childhood, loss of potentially good experiences in life, and loss of a sense of being oneself (not necessarily a loss of self), the traumatic experiences involved in those losses become weighted and therefore feel more severe. I'm sorry that you've experienced trauma in so many different ways, and I'm sorry that the grief/loss issues affiliated with those traumas have led to some feelings of loneliness. It's easy for us to tell others that "you are not alone in the struggle," but much harder to actually receive those words and move forward with a healthier approach to life.

That said, I believe you are an intelligent, talented, and strong woman who is beautiful on the inside and out. I believe you have so much more going for you than you realize, and that you and your family and close friends IRL will prosper and enjoy all the benefits that life has to offer. While we all struggle with stress, loss, and trauma at some points in our lives, the good things in life keep us going and moving forward. In the end, we have memories of our relationships with others, and that is what counts. Our memories can be painful or blissful, but the good memories are what really counts, especially when we're at our loneliest.

(((safe hugs))) my friend

 

[Lilly2]

@sriguhan

(((safe hugs)))

You and I both experience the "I'm different" loneliness, so we're not alone in the struggle, even though we are alone in that particular struggle.

I'm sorry that you have trouble finding people to befriend with common interests. I'm agnostic, but I can border on atheism quite easily. It's hard when a lot of your friends or family members are religious. I'm sorry you struggle with that, especially in your country where religion is prominent.

You are so young (29). I'm 45 y/o. I can tell you that when I was your age, it was also harder for me to find people with "congenial interests," as you say. It does get easier with age, say, past 35 y/o. But people at your age are typically following the status quo while trying to discover themselves. Around 35, people tend to make decisions for themselves and offer advice to others. It's part of the stages of adulthood development mentioned in some psychology textbooks. Anyway, you seem very wise for your age, as you know who you are and stand by what you believe. That's a good thing, even if it is hard to find others your age who aren't there yet. Gifted children, popular persons, intelligent people, beautiful people, and leaders often struggle with loneliness because mainstream person, on a normative bell-shaped curve statistical scale, don't have the talent, intelligence, leadership skills, or beauty that few do. In a similar vein, those with aesthetic difficulties (e.g., burn victims, those like myself with acne and pitted skin, short people, obese persons), those who are impoverished, and those who are considered minority by race (especially in our country, the US) have issues with feeling different from mainstream society. Again, the latter falls on the outer side of the opposite end of the normative statistical curve that the leaders, etc. do. Both ends of that spectra deal with loneliness in similar ways, even though the reasons and effects of their loneliness differ. I'm getting all statistical on ya, mainly because that is hopefully the area I'll be studying in grad school soon, so hopefully this makes sense.

I don't think that we transform into someone else as we grow older as much as we *discover* what was already there to begin with, all along. I think we are constantly discovering who we are. I believe in a growth (not fixed) perspective, where we can learn, reinvent, and change who we are. How we decide to change is up to us, but we can change. Most of those changes, however, were already within us. We just haven't maximized their potentials yet. When we do, our perspectives may change.

I'm sorry you're struggling with "no sweetheart" loneliness. (((safe hugs))) Such loneliness comes with grief/loss issues related to a breakup. Sometimes it's not only the breakup that we've lost, but also other relationships with friends or even jobs, finances, etc. Romantic losses are one of the most painful experiences because it cuts at many areas of our life in terms of grief and loss issues. I hope you are able to heal at the pace you feel is best for you, and I hope that you are able to find things in life to enjoy in the meantime. Support groups, therapy, and education are all areas to help in the interim of dealing with grief and loss. They can also help us find new friends until we're ready for new relationships.

Hang in there, and don't give up. (((safe hugs)))

 

[Diagnosed]

Few days back I shared some money with a couple I overheard taking in the subway (...). I asked them not to look at me, but at God working through me (...). It hurt me they couldn't buy a single thing they missed and I sensed the love of that Dad with her daughter...

Within few days I received the money doubled. I had not concern it came back or not and, when I was trying to guess what all that stuff mean, when I remembered their faces or our talk, I received a Text (and SMS) telling me someone I DON'T KNOW gave me money (of course not in my bank account) and I think doubters, like me, can explore that arena to find out what they really believe: There are simple miracles when I walked down any street.

There are too many types of loniless not clearly described. If a person sees a miracle or an UFO, they'll be labeled as CRAZY in that emptiness they tried to fill with their findings.

I'll see If I kept a copy of the SMS I received

---

This is not the original SMS, but a copy I resent , since I currently use a simple old phone without Android

 

[sriguhan]

@sriguhan

(((safe hugs)))

You and I both experience the "I'm different" loneliness, so we're not alone in the struggle, even though we are alone in that particular struggle.  

I'm sorry that you have trouble finding people to befriend with common interests.  I'm agnostic, but I can border on atheism quite easily.  It's hard when a lot of your friends or family members are religious.  I'm sorry you struggle with that, especially in your country where religion is prominent.  

You are so young (29).  I'm 45 y/o.  I can tell you that when I was your age, it was also harder for me to find people with "congenial interests," as you say.  It does get easier with age, say, past 35 y/o.  But people at your age are typically following the status quo while trying to discover themselves.  Around 35, people tend to make decisions for themselves and offer advice to others.  It's part of the stages of adulthood development mentioned in some psychology textbooks.  Anyway, you seem very wise for your age, as you know who you are and stand by what you believe.  That's a good thing, even if it is hard to find others your age who aren't there yet.  Gifted children, popular persons, intelligent people, beautiful people, and leaders often struggle with loneliness because mainstream person, on a normative bell-shaped curve statistical scale, don't have the talent, intelligence, leadership skills, or beauty that few do.  In a similar vein, those with aesthetic difficulties (e.g., burn victims, those like myself with acne and pitted skin, short people, obese persons), those who are impoverished, and those who are considered minority by race (especially in our country, the US) have issues with feeling different from mainstream society.  Again, the latter falls on the outer side of the opposite end of the normative statistical curve that the leaders, etc. do.  Both ends of that spectra deal with loneliness in similar ways, even though the reasons and effects of their loneliness differ.  I'm getting all statistical on ya, mainly because that is hopefully the area I'll be studying in grad school soon, so hopefully this makes sense.

I don't think that we transform into someone else as we grow older as much as we *discover* what was already there to begin with, all along.  I think we are constantly discovering who we are.  I believe in a growth (not fixed) perspective, where we can learn, reinvent, and change who we are.  How we decide to change is up to us, but we can change.  Most of those changes, however, were already within us.  We just haven't maximized their potentials yet.  When we do, our perspectives may change.  

I'm sorry you're struggling with "no sweetheart" loneliness.  (((safe hugs)))  Such loneliness comes with grief/loss issues related to a breakup.  Sometimes it's not only the breakup that we've lost, but also other relationships with friends or even jobs, finances, etc.  Romantic losses are one of the most painful experiences because it cuts at many areas of our life in terms of grief and loss issues.  I hope you are able to heal at the pace you feel is best for you, and I hope that you are able to find things in life to enjoy in the meantime.  Support groups, therapy, and education are all areas to help in the interim of dealing with grief and loss.  They can also help us find new friends until we're ready for new relationships.  

Hang in there, and don't give up.  (((safe hugs)))

Thank you
That made me feel much better..
I won't give up , I'll keep trying

 

[ahsatan]

Thanks Lilly! i need hugs!

hugs!

 

[Rosie007]

@Rosie007

(((safe hugs))) my friend.  

I'm sorry that you've dealt with so many traumas, grief, loss, and loneliness issues in your life.  In addition to what I wrote you elsewhere/previously to a similar post you made, I think that your strengths and supportive family help you the most with all these issues.  It's sad to see women used as objects, as opposed to being engaged as real human beings with ambitions, goals, and intelligence potentials like the rest of humankind.  When gender bias occurs, so, too, do aspects of loneliness.  We feel alone sometimes in our struggles as women, and for those who struggle with the stigma of being beautiful, I can only imagine what painful issues arise in terms of trauma, stigma, stereotype threat, and loneliness.  

I can sense that when we hurt from grief/loss issues related to deaths of loved ones, loss of childhood, loss of potentially good experiences in life, and loss of a sense of being oneself (not necessarily a loss of self), the traumatic experiences involved in those losses become weighted and therefore feel more severe.  I'm sorry that you've experienced trauma in so many different ways, and I'm sorry that the grief/loss issues affiliated with those traumas have led to some feelings of loneliness.  It's easy for us to tell others that "you are not alone in the struggle,"  but much harder to actually receive those words and move forward with a healthier approach to life.  

That said, I believe you are an intelligent, talented, and strong woman who is beautiful on the inside and out.  I believe you have so much more going for you than you realize, and that you and your family and close friends IRL will prosper and enjoy all the benefits that life has to offer.  While we all struggle with stress, loss, and trauma at some points in our lives, the good things in life keep us going and moving forward.  In the end, we have memories of our relationships with others, and that is what counts.  Our memories can be painful or blissful, but the good memories are what really counts, especially when we're at our loneliest.  

(((safe hugs))) my friend

Thank you for everything you shared, @Lilly2 

Last night was a tough one when, during end of surgery I saw a patient who I'd previously diagnosed with cancer. Her results came in, so we talked I knew then she was not safe, and worse had no relatives to take care of her.

I allowed myself to cry as we hugged. And then I took her home myself so she could be safe; in a safe environment. Then very late last night I managed to secure her a place in a private hospital so she can commence immediate treatment.

It's all part of my job, but in normal circumstances I would have remained professionally calm, only to cry alone after the patient left my surgery.

The patient's circumstances were similar to mine, and that was why I allowed myself to cry as we hugged. I am glad she will be receiving the best most expedient treatment. her chances of survival now are much greater.

I always felt called to be a doctor. It is my calling in life no matter how harrowing circumstances can be.

((safe hugs returned))

Rosie

 

[Rosie007]

Just to add that my family (daughter and our lovely friend) are all I have now and I am coping so much better, despite what others around me believe. My medical colleagues at the centre have also been amazingly supportive. I look upon my Chief as a sort of father he has been so kind and understanding to me, especially through the dark times when I thought all was lost. I even questioned why I should remain living, but know that deep down, these feelings of desperation are fleeting. This is why I like getting outdoors when off duty, taking daughter and our best most loveliest friend to accompany us on our offroad adventures.

My truck seems to have changed colour. Instead of its black coachwork it's now a wonderful mud splatted colour. Even the next door neighbour's tomcat peed up one of its massive tyres lol. My monster badass truck smells like a farmyard, and I chuckled at my colleagues' looks of horror as I parked up this morning.

It's mornings like today that fill my heart with glee!