As soon as I took my first step into society, kindergarten. I learned that everyone is different. The more I try to connect, the more I lose myself, the lonelier I get. The happiest moments in my life were always when i just accepted how things are and accepted to be alone.
I've always been socially isolated - as soon as I was old enough to go to school, I was shunned by other kids because I wore hearing aids.
But I think that I was always used to my situation - so I didn't really get 'lonely'. It's only in the past few years that I've become more aware of the fact that I'm missing out on social (and romantic) relationships.
I'm not sure when it started, but I remember when all went spiraling down to who I am now.
It was back when I was approaching 18... And I realize that adult world is a very heavy bag to hold. The following disappointments from expectations and failures, fuel my fears and insecurities.
Everything went down as I suddenly stop studying many times.
From being that golden girl with brains and expectations... I became that failure that is getting older and fatter as the years go by. It sucks.
About a year after I had my first kid. That would be around the time my ex started drinking more and going to the bar after work instead of coming home.