When will it even happen?

[Arapahokid15]

Alright I’m a guy, 27 years old. Lately, ive been feeling I guess you could say “lonesome”. This probably needs to go in the Lonely forum but whatever…anyways. Ive been feeling that a relationship isn’t going to happen for me and that I may end up not ever getting married and that I may not ever have kids of my own. All of my friends around me or people I know have gfs, getting married and having babies left and right but here I am, I’m still just…here. I do always hope that some girl will find me appealing and that maybe she’ll think I’m the right person to father her unborn, unthought of children so on so forth. My last relationship ended with me getting cheated on…wild right? It’s usually the guy that cheats. Since that, I have developed severe trust issues..that was probably the worst thing I could’ve ever experienced emotionally next to the passing of a loved on. I was at my lowest. But I’ve been feeling like I can do it again. I’ve got mad baby fever but no body to make babies with…I just think about all the comes with being a father, I know it won’t be easy at all but I still have a high drive to have babies in like the last year. I’m getting worried that it’s gonna happen at late age or not at all, my parents aren’t getting any younger and I want to have babies before everything starts getting to where it doesn’t work like it did when I was, say 21. 

I don’t have much to offer to whoever finds me interesting. I have a reliable form of transportation which is a brand new car, I have  a steady form of income and job security (US Army), I am physical representation of the words “loyalty, dedication and commitment”. I am drug, tobacco and alcohol free, I live on my own (kind of-roommate), I don’t live with parents, family mind-set, goal oriented. On the weekends, I’m usually in bed by 10pm-12am, never out partying or messing around with different girls each day and night. I also have a credit scores that’s in the mid 700s. I don’t have anger issues either. I’m pretty mellow and chilled out. I have a basic style in clothes..I don’t wear Js, I don’t dress cowboy, I don’t wear suits on a night out, I just like my running shoes, shorts and t shirt..basic. I have a big appetite though lol 

What I don’t have to offer is, superb crafting, cooking and mechanical skills, that doesn’t mean I can’t fix, make or cook something. I don’t have a degree (it’s a goal of mine to get in the future), not blessed with good looks. 

Look I’m 27, you’ll probably say, you’re still young and still have a lot of life ahead, yeah that’s true but, I’m at the point where, I’ve got the urge to have babies, and settle down once and for all…I know my worth and I know what I exactly need to make this all fit together perfectly. My next relationship, if it happens..will be my last relationship because it’s going to end in marriage and babies. That will be my last girlfriend I’ll ever have. She’s not getting another boyfriend ever again.

It’s like I’m invisible and no one sees where I’m at in life and they don’t want a piece of it. I just want to be the person that this father had always hope he’d see his daughter marry one day…i want her father to give his daughter away knowing that she’ll always be taken care of is in good hands..no worries. I hope I can experience the moment she comes to me with a surprise that is a pregnancy test stick with a positive symbol on it..and together she and I, telling them that they’re going to be grandparents…that emotional thrill. I daydream every day about some girl I don’t even know because she’s just a figure of my imagination..of the life we share, the wedding ceremony, the baby-stroller pushing, the Doberman dog in the kitchen laying on the dog bed, traveling and see world landmarks, tangled up in our bedroom, being surprised with the expectation of another baby, me coming home from work to the smell of dinner cooking, working out together, take the kids to see their grandparents, visiting hers and my mom and dad for the holidays…all the good stuff…there will be fights and disagreements, it just happens with couples. 

Im still waiting for someone to come my way. I will not settle for any average joelina (lol) because I’ve got standards that have to be met for the most part…the make or break is if she smokes weed or does drugs, drinks or uses tobacco…for one weed and other drugs aren’t allowed in military installations. Smoking is an unhealthy habit and drinking can also become unhealthy. No offense to those who do, but this is only about my views and wishes of soulmate. 
If a girl does not come forward to present herself to me buy the time I’m 32, then I’m just going to give up…I do have a plan B however, which is adopting a child from an adoption agency..that way I can still welcome myself into fatherhood. 

This is just how I’ve been feeling. I just thought I’d get input from strangers on what their thoughts and views about my situation is. Thank you all for taking the time out of your day to read this. 

 

[ardour]

Yeah, relate except I'm 42.

When I was young women always appeared aloof and only social with the men they were attracted to/already in their established clique. There were very few opportunities for conversation let alone dating opportunities. Now I'm older I've actually had a few older women who seem interested ( I lack the experience to tell for sure) but it's a bit like "why now - after all these years?" Where were they when we were in our 20s?

I'd need to get over the bitterness for healthy relationships to be possible but it's difficult at this point. Anyway it's strange to be experiencing this when it feels like life is already over.

You might have trouble relating as time goes by because we become more cynical about motives with age. Being an option because you have enough status probably doesn't feel all that great. Most of us don't find this any more appealing than women like the idea of being valued only for their looks.

But at 27 you're not there yet. It's up to you to be the active party in your 20s. No woman's going to "come your way" - you go their way, they either accept or reject you. And you'll have to do it over and over until you can find someone who can stand you. That's reality for men.

 

[Arapahokid15]

Yeah, relate except I'm 42.

When I  was young women always appeared aloof and only  social with the men they were attracted to/already in their established clique. There were very few opportunities for conversation let alone dating opportunities. Now I'm older I've actually had  a few older women who seem interested ( I lack the experience to tell for sure) but it's a bit like "why now - after all these years?"  Where were they when we were in our 20s?

I'd need to get over the bitterness for healthy relationships to be possible but it's difficult at this point.  Anyway it's  strange to be experiencing this when it feels like life is already over.

You might have trouble relating as time goes by because we  become more cynical about motives with age. Being an option  because you have enough status probably doesn't feel all that great.  Most of us don't find this  any more appealing than women like the idea of being valued only for their looks.

But at 27 you're not there yet. It's up to you to be the active party in your 20s. No woman's going to "come your way" - you go their way, they either accept or reject you. And you'll have to do it over and over until you can find someone who can stand you.  That's reality for men.

A lot of the pretty girls on my fb make me think like…there’s no way in hell she’d ever be with me. I’m not popular enough, she’d probably end up getting bored and cheating. As a matter of fact, she’d probably rather date one of those other guys anyways. Hes got good looks, nice body and he’s got more money than I do…so yeah I feel you on the being an option part. Being cynical about motives is true for me. My motives are to make a great career and raise a family and live it up. The only reason they have to come to me is because that way I’m not forcing something to happen then more or less end up with the wrong person and having to do the whole process all over again.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

You're doing much better than me. I'm 33, never kissed anyone, been on a proper date, held hands etc.

 

[Arapahokid15]

You're doing much better than me. I'm 33, never kissed anyone, been on a proper date, held hands etc.

I feel for you..That really sucks that you’ve gone that long without going thru the motions! Hopefully someone comes out of the woodworks for you..

 

[Finished]

More then likely you aren't attractive enough to sit back and wait for some woman to show interest in you. Welcome to the club. Things get more difficult the older you get. My advice is to be aggressive in trying to pursue women even if you aren't naturally that way. Continually ask women out. If they say no ask someone else and don't stop. Think Boomhauer on King of the Hill. There are plenty of videos on how to pick up a woman. I'm not saying that's your solution. I'm just saying try as hard as you can while you are young. Try anything. Don't stop. If you don't do that you'll end up old, lonely, and on here complaining about being old and lonely.

 

[ardour]

More then likely you aren't attractive enough to sit back and wait for some woman to show interest in you. Welcome to the club. Things get more difficult the older you get. My advice is to be aggressive in trying to pursue women even if you aren't naturally that way. Continually ask women out. If they say no ask someone else and don't stop. Think Boomhauer on King of the Hill. There are plenty of videos on how to pick up a woman. I'm not saying that's your solution. I'm just saying try as hard as you can while you are young. Try anything. Don't stop. If you don't do that you'll end up old, lonely, and on here complaining about being old and lonely.

+1

And don't listen to feminist dating advice shaming you for making women ever-so-slightly uncomfortable or requiring you be a mind reader. Just ask women out. Don't be an aggressive arse about it, but do it.

You'll end up like us otherwise.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It sounds to me like you have confidence issues, along with the trust issues. Both of which could be preventing you from finding someone because you could be self sabotaging without even realizing it.
You also seem to be living in the fantasy of what you want for the future. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but to have it all planned out before you even meet the girl? Let it happen like it will happen, no sense thinking about it too much right now.
The drugs, alcohol and tobacco aren't bad things to have as deal breakers, but at your age, you may have some trouble finding someone who doesn't do any of them.

Now, the real issue is waiting for someone to come to you. I'm not saying doing all the work. By all means, put yourself out there and see if anyone comes to you, but you shouldn't rely only on that happening. No one should (guys AND girls). If you want someone, you have to do some of the work. If you see someone interesting, you have to speak up because she may not realize you are available if you don't. She may not think you are approachable (the confidence/trust issues will usually come out as negativity). Talking to girls and asking them out is NOT forcing anything. The chemistry will either come or it won't, if it doesn't, get out of it. Just keep in mind that chemistry and attraction are not always immediate.

Also, I don't see much wrong with what you have to offer and the stuff you listed that you "don't offer." Oh and women typically like men in uniform, so you have that going for you.

Thank you for your service and welcome to the forum.

 

[blackdot]

It doesn't happen for everyone. Unfortunately life was not designed to be fair.

Fortunately I'm too old for it to happen so it makes things easier for me.

 

[Arapahokid15]

It sounds to me like you have confidence issues, along with the trust issues.  Both of which could be preventing you from finding someone because you could be self sabotaging without even realizing it. 
You also seem to be living in the fantasy of what you want for the future.  It's not necessarily a bad thing, but to have it all planned out before you even meet the girl?  Let it happen like it will happen, no sense thinking about it too much right now.
The drugs, alcohol and tobacco aren't bad things to have as deal breakers, but at your age, you may have some trouble finding someone who doesn't do any of them. 

Now, the real issue is waiting for someone to come to you.  I'm not saying doing all the work.  By all means, put yourself out there and see if anyone comes to you, but you shouldn't rely only on that happening.  No one should (guys AND girls).  If you want someone, you have to do some of the work.  If you see someone interesting, you have to speak up because she may not realize you are available if you don't.  She may not think you are approachable (the confidence/trust issues will usually come out as negativity).  Talking to girls and asking them out is NOT forcing anything.  The chemistry will either come or it won't, if it doesn't, get out of it.  Just keep in mind that chemistry and attraction are not always immediate.

Also, I don't see much wrong with what you have to offer and the stuff you listed that you "don't offer."  Oh and women typically like men in uniform, so you have that going for you. 

Thank you for your service and welcome to the forum.

I like this one ….yeah It gets to me sometimes. I feel that it should be the way I want it to happen..I go to my fav restaurant, my fav store in the mall or even Walmart..whatever, and I have just happened to talk to an employee there and she ends up carrying on a conversation with me..then asking for my number or snap or whatever and then getting asked out so on so fourth. Yeah the drug tobacco and alcohol are deal breakers..my ex that cheated did all 3..(smoked weed). Its a huge turn off and I don’t wanna have to go through that again. I guess I’m just stuck in this imaginary world where things happen like in a movie scene…it’s starts smooth and the story has a good ending. I just don’t like the thought of hopping into someone’s messages. When they don’t even know me and it’s all random like…already annoying someone. If it was the other way around, I’d enjoy it. But not being blessed with good looks doesn’t do that. I’ve got friends who are good looking and they’re always telling me about all the pretty girls who talk to them on social media. Id always say to them..must be nice..I wish had pretty girls talking to me every when I’m least expecting…I’m just spit balling here..

 

[SquiddyKat]

I've never been kissed. I never had luck on any dating sites. I've given up on them and I've pretty much given up and accepted that I will not be in a relationship. I'm too different, too awkward, too caring, too much issues, I'm perfetly imperfect, thus not compatible with anyone.

 

[Sebiguess]

Alright I’m a guy, 27 years old. Lately, ive been feeling I guess you could say “lonesome”. This probably needs to go in the Lonely forum but whatever…anyways. Ive been feeling that a relationship isn’t going to happen for me and that I may end up not ever getting married and that I may not ever have kids of my own. All of my friends around me or people I know have gfs, getting married and having babies left and right but here I am, I’m still just…here. I do always hope that some girl will find me appealing and that maybe she’ll think I’m the right person to father her unborn, unthought of children so on so forth. My last relationship ended with me getting cheated on…wild right? It’s usually the guy that cheats. Since that, I have developed severe trust issues..that was probably the worst thing I could’ve ever experienced emotionally next to the passing of a loved on. I was at my lowest. But I’ve been feeling like I can do it again. I’ve got mad baby fever but no body to make babies with…I just think about all the comes with being a father, I know it won’t be easy at all but I still have a high drive to have babies in like the last year. I’m getting worried that it’s gonna happen at late age or not at all, my parents aren’t getting any younger and I want to have babies before everything starts getting to where it doesn’t work like it did when I was, say 21.

I don’t have much to offer to whoever finds me interesting. I have a reliable form of transportation which is a brand new car, I have a steady form of income and job security (US Army), I am physical representation of the words “loyalty, dedication and commitment”. I am drug, tobacco and alcohol free, I live on my own (kind of-roommate), I don’t live with parents, family mind-set, goal oriented. On the weekends, I’m usually in bed by 10pm-12am, never out partying or messing around with different girls each day and night. I also have a credit scores that’s in the mid 700s. I don’t have anger issues either. I’m pretty mellow and chilled out. I have a basic style in clothes..I don’t wear Js, I don’t dress cowboy, I don’t wear suits on a night out, I just like my running shoes, shorts and t shirt..basic. I have a big appetite though lol

What I don’t have to offer is, superb crafting, cooking and mechanical skills, that doesn’t mean I can’t fix, make or cook something. I don’t have a degree (it’s a goal of mine to get in the future), not blessed with good looks.

Look I’m 27, you’ll probably say, you’re still young and still have a lot of life ahead, yeah that’s true but, I’m at the point where, I’ve got the urge to have babies, and settle down once and for all…I know my worth and I know what I exactly need to make this all fit together perfectly. My next relationship, if it happens..will be my last relationship because it’s going to end in marriage and babies. That will be my last girlfriend I’ll ever have. She’s not getting another boyfriend ever again.

It’s like I’m invisible and no one sees where I’m at in life and they don’t want a piece of it. I just want to be the person that this father had always hope he’d see his daughter marry one day…i want her father to give his daughter away knowing that she’ll always be taken care of is in good hands..no worries. I hope I can experience the moment she comes to me with a surprise that is a pregnancy test stick with a positive symbol on it..and together she and I, telling them that they’re going to be grandparents…that emotional thrill. I daydream every day about some girl I don’t even know because she’s just a figure of my imagination..of the life we share, the wedding ceremony, the baby-stroller pushing, the Doberman dog in the kitchen laying on the dog bed, traveling and see world landmarks, tangled up in our bedroom, being surprised with the expectation of another baby, me coming home from work to the smell of dinner cooking, working out together, take the kids to see their grandparents, visiting hers and my mom and dad for the holidays…all the good stuff…there will be fights and disagreements, it just happens with couples.

Im still waiting for someone to come my way. I will not settle for any average joelina (lol) because I’ve got standards that have to be met for the most part…the make or break is if she smokes weed or does drugs, drinks or uses tobacco…for one weed and other drugs aren’t allowed in military installations. Smoking is an unhealthy habit and drinking can also become unhealthy. No offense to those who do, but this is only about my views and wishes of soulmate.
If a girl does not come forward to present herself to me buy the time I’m 32, then I’m just going to give up…I do have a plan B however, which is adopting a child from an adoption agency..that way I can still welcome myself into fatherhood.

This is just how I’ve been feeling. I just thought I’d get input from strangers on what their thoughts and views about my situation is. Thank you all for taking the time out of your day to read this.

Okay so you’re not “chad” but honestly you’re a long way from being without hope. You might have to wait though. At 27 you’re just about to very slowly start being someone that women will look at as a potential partner. For women the 20s are for having fun but in their 30s some of those women will start thinking “I want babies” and you’re the kind of guy they’ll consider for that. Hang in there and the tables will start to turn for you in a few years, if that’s what you want.

 

[Diagnosed]

There was I time I read: "Happiness is NOT the place ppl searched, but the place it is found".

It ´d be any day!