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DesertWolf
Guest
I'd like to share a little about my own experiences; Perhaps it will give you some comfort to know that you're not alone in having to deal with these sorts of issues.
I had bullying issues at school (and later at university/work) as well, and I think I understand your fear of being physically attacked very well. Any physical human touch automatically made me panic and back away in anticipation of being hit. I did get bashed many times though, so it wasn't completely irrational.
Once my anger at being treated unfairly exploded and I fought back, injuring an attacker. This kept the bullies at bay for about a month or two, but after that it started again. I couldn't simply avoid the bullies - They were attracted to me like lions to an injured gazelle. They knew I didn't like fighting back, that I had a low self-esteem and was lonely (plus I was always a little eccentric). My parents weren't very supportive either; In fact they accused me of exaggerating the extent of my issues due to "teenage angst" and being "overly sensitive". However, it's been serious enough that I've developed C-PTSD (Complex post-traumatic stress disorder) as a result.
The school administrations (I've changed schools many times in a fruitless effort to escape the bullying) was of no help either - In fact, they became my enemies as well. Once I was attacked by a group of around 5 students after school because the main attacker was falsely told by others that I made fun of him. I defended myself until some members of the public came to my help. I reported this incident to the school admin, and the next day I was suspended from school for being involved in a fight. The vice principal told me it didn't matter who started it - he just didn't want students fighting while in school uniform and hence tarnishing the school's image. Another staff remember asked me why it's always me getting picked on and suggested that it's probably somehow all my fault.
I don't want to discourage you from trying to get help from staff members of your own school though - what I've gone through took place in different countries and different schools employing different people. I think if there is an effective anti-bullying policy in place at your school, it will be of invaluable help to you. Recording every incident will help them deal with the bullies (and help you deal with the school should you ever need to take legal action against it in order to defend your rights). Seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist to help with your self-esteem and anxiety issues would probably be a big benefit to you as well - I regret not doing the same until I was at university. Once you deal with your self-esteem, anxiety, etc issues you will appear less vulnerable and hence probably attract less bullies too.
As for meeting the bullies in a public place, turn the other way around and walk away. If they follow you, call the police... Seriously! Physically assaulting other people is against the law, and there's nothing wrong with you standing up for your rights. Most bullies are cowards that prey on the weak, and once they have run-in with the police, there's a good chance they won't try it again, at least not with you.
I think this is still a good enough reason to have a chat with the police. Making threats to harm others, whether subtle or not, is a serious offense.
I had bullying issues at school (and later at university/work) as well, and I think I understand your fear of being physically attacked very well. Any physical human touch automatically made me panic and back away in anticipation of being hit. I did get bashed many times though, so it wasn't completely irrational.
Once my anger at being treated unfairly exploded and I fought back, injuring an attacker. This kept the bullies at bay for about a month or two, but after that it started again. I couldn't simply avoid the bullies - They were attracted to me like lions to an injured gazelle. They knew I didn't like fighting back, that I had a low self-esteem and was lonely (plus I was always a little eccentric). My parents weren't very supportive either; In fact they accused me of exaggerating the extent of my issues due to "teenage angst" and being "overly sensitive". However, it's been serious enough that I've developed C-PTSD (Complex post-traumatic stress disorder) as a result.
The school administrations (I've changed schools many times in a fruitless effort to escape the bullying) was of no help either - In fact, they became my enemies as well. Once I was attacked by a group of around 5 students after school because the main attacker was falsely told by others that I made fun of him. I defended myself until some members of the public came to my help. I reported this incident to the school admin, and the next day I was suspended from school for being involved in a fight. The vice principal told me it didn't matter who started it - he just didn't want students fighting while in school uniform and hence tarnishing the school's image. Another staff remember asked me why it's always me getting picked on and suggested that it's probably somehow all my fault.
I don't want to discourage you from trying to get help from staff members of your own school though - what I've gone through took place in different countries and different schools employing different people. I think if there is an effective anti-bullying policy in place at your school, it will be of invaluable help to you. Recording every incident will help them deal with the bullies (and help you deal with the school should you ever need to take legal action against it in order to defend your rights). Seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist to help with your self-esteem and anxiety issues would probably be a big benefit to you as well - I regret not doing the same until I was at university. Once you deal with your self-esteem, anxiety, etc issues you will appear less vulnerable and hence probably attract less bullies too.
As for meeting the bullies in a public place, turn the other way around and walk away. If they follow you, call the police... Seriously! Physically assaulting other people is against the law, and there's nothing wrong with you standing up for your rights. Most bullies are cowards that prey on the weak, and once they have run-in with the police, there's a good chance they won't try it again, at least not with you.
I think this is still a good enough reason to have a chat with the police. Making threats to harm others, whether subtle or not, is a serious offense.
