why do some people CHOOSE to be single?

[Calm]

Sometimes I think of being alone, because I know I would be better off that way. The other side could find a better person with whom she is more secure and happier and not waste time with me. But the loneliness always gets me, especially if it is the same day after another, and not having much friends either.

And I completely get this video games and various stuff collecting thing. I began to collect vinyls, quite expensive hobby and useless drain of money, would spend 3 hours a day searching interesting and cheap records. Luckily I have been able to restrain myself from most boughts yet. Sometimes I can be extremely cautious with money, not even going to buy decent food, because I never had much money when I was a child and I have used to hold on to it.

 

[Badjedidude]

Here's my question:

Why the **** WOULDN'T someone choose to be single?

Society and culture today tell us that we need to be in a relationship to be complete and happy.

I don't ******* buy it.

If you're not happy alone, you're sure as **** not gonna be happy or healthy when you're with someone. Look at it this way: If you REQUIRE someone else to make you happy, YOU ARE A LEECH. YOU ARE IN A PARASITIC/SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP.

*shrug*

Call me crazy.

 

[EuroAsiaSpice]

why do some people CHOOSE to be single? i'm particularly interested in what women have to say about this, but men, feel free to answer as much as you can and want.

suppose you meet the guy/girl of your dreams. he/she shows up in your life at the right place and at the right time. you two start to talk and hang out and get to know one another and things go great. there is an instant connection between you two, you make eachother feel good, and everything great falls into place.

so then you ask him/her out on a date multiple times (different occasions on different days), and he/she agrees, but in the end he/she cancels on you every time. you know for a fact that he/she is single and interested in dating you, but for some reason, he/she doesn't want to date you.

what are all the possible reasons to this scenario? any reply with comments or advice is greatly appreciated in advance. thank you

the point of choosing to be single for me is that right now I can't find the guy/girl of my dreams. It's because I am not ready to see a person fully. However if a girl can both snap me out of this depressive trance AND be the girl of my dreams, THAT is different, until then it's more like a "rather not fool around with other people, and wait for the real thing" mood.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Badjedidude: I don't want to be single because I like having sex >_<.

However I do agree about society pushing having a mate on us. It is ******* EVERYWHERE, we have reality shows about it. Rarely in TV shows are single males or females actually happy. **** we even have holidays dedicated to couples. Coupling is everywhere, and it is really annoying... at the same time I am torn. Coupling generally implies sex.... >_> and I like me some sex.

 

[Badjedidude]

@Badjedidude: I don't want to be single because I like having sex >_<.

I like sex too.

And guess what?

You can have sex without being in a relationship. *GASP!* Seriously, depending on your need or viewpoint on the issue, there are PLENTY of women who would be willing to sleep with you without being in a relationship. And no, I'm not talking about whores.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Badjedidude: Yeah I know, I am just not a fan of one night stands. I would rather have one female who I could sleep with regularly over the occasional one night stand

 

[Badjedidude]

I would rather have one female who I could sleep with regularly over the occasional one night stand

If you look carefully, you can find women who will be willing to have a "friends-with-benefits" situation with you. And hell, maybe from that it would become something else.

*shrug*

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I would rather have one female who I could sleep with regularly over the occasional one night stand

If you look carefully, you can find women who will be willing to have a "friends-with-benefits" situation with you. And hell, maybe from that it would become something else.

*shrug*

What do you think my first relationship was? I kept up the friends with benefits act for almost 3 years. Then she found a boyfriend.... mainly because I was hurting her because I was treating her like a girlfriend and not admitting to it. <_< now she is gone. >_> granted I did enjoy the intimacy we shared... and I doubt I could pull a friends with benefits situation again.

 

[Calm]

Lets not forget the fact that humans are by nature plygamus beings, which refers to both polygyny and polyandry. You may state otherwise, and force yourself to be with only one person for the whole life and even enjoy it, but this is not by nature. We may evolve to there though, and maybe some of us already have, but most of the people are still plyganus. Thats why most people have lots of partners in their lives.

"Married men are more likely to engage in affairs than married women. When a monogamously married man has two unmarried mistresses or girlfriends, the consequence is essentially the same; he is depriving two other men of their mating opportunities. So any man who’s ever divorced and remarried, any woman who’s ever married a divorced man, any married man who’s ever had long-term affairs, or any woman who’s ever had affairs with married men, are all practicing polygyny at some level." -- by Satoshi Kanazawa


"Scientists agree that anthropological and archeological evidence shows conclusively that humans have been mildly polygynous throughout evolutionary history. (But remember the danger of the naturalistic fallacy -- deriving moral implications from scientific facts. “Natural” means neither “good” nor “desirable.” Nor does it mean “inevitable.”) Humans are not as polygynous as gorillas, whose silverback males keep a harem of several females, but not strictly monogamous like gibbons, whose male and female mate for life." -- by Satoshi Kanazawa

 

[downbythebay]

I think stating that people are polygamous beings is not a fact, but an excuse for those who don't have the moral fiber to stay monogamous. I really don't care what scientists think, just my opinion, don't bother trying to refute it or chaning my mind because it won't. Just want to put another viewpoint out there.

 

[Calm]

I too believe in monogamy but only for that one special person who I want to devote my heart to.


Do you think environment and parenting directly affects a human beings ability to be monogamous?

There is a lack of logic in your first sentence. I assume you have had 0 partners if you are still waiting for that one, telling me you believe yourself being monogamus.
Everything affects everything. Therefore it does affect humans being monogamus. That is how evolution works in first place. But how it affects, that is very hard question that cannot be answered.

Our biology is very interesting. Some animals get their partners for life, there are no exceptions. Some birds kill themselves after they lose their partner. Humans are not like that, there are more exceptions in polygony than in monogamy, the exceptions being the ones who find their partners for life -- I mean the ones that have only 1 partner during their lifetime.
Person may get to monogamus stage, but that is usually through multiple partners. Our biology is always working to find absolutely best partner. There is always competition. Women are selective, men are opportunistic to spread their sperm, hence the big differences of thinking in men and women, all the arguments, misunderstandings, logic, men are thought to be more simple creatures while women are thought to be very testing, calculative and selective. I suggest reading the book "Sperm Wars" by Robin Baker. It is very interesting how sperm itself reacts: Only few % of sperm cells actually thrive to fertilize the female eggcell, the remaining % either just stand still, swim back and forth or swim back -- the reason for this is supposed that they try to block and fight off other sperm cells from another organism -- a sign of polygamy.

 

[downbythebay]

Calm, I believe you are confused with your terms. Polygamy is the act of being with more than one person at the same time. It has nothing to do with having multiple monogamous relationships over one's lifetime. These are two entirely different concepts.

 

[eris]

Lets not forget the fact that humans are by nature plygamus beings, which refers to both polygyny and polyandry. You may state otherwise, and force yourself to be with only one person for the whole life and even enjoy it, but this is not by nature. We may evolve to there though, and maybe some of us already have, but most of the people are still plyganus. Thats why most people have lots of partners in their lives.

Let me just choose this to comment on...

i really agree with this. I think it is biology. Our bodies have urges to do things to each other. Sometimes very very odd urges

but this is very strong. we want to mate. and some of us want to mate more than others. I used to be extremely promiscuous

i really want to have sex with so many people, but I restrain myself

So, i do think it is possible to be monogamous.

I am monogamous

but it is hard. and it sucks.

I think it is impossible to be faithfull to someone in your thoughts, though.

It is all about controlling your urges.

 

[Calm]

What I was implying, is that while it seems like people have monogamus relationship, they often seek for better partners, their partner is not perfect anymore and they don't see future together, they grow either "tired" or find someone new, someone more perfect. There is a lot of debate what monogamy actually means, what it originally meant, what it means in various religions and what it means in Wikipedia. Is restraining yourself really being monogamus by nature?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@eris: Maybe I am just someone who has no idea how to seduce females. However, I have no problem being monogamus. Then again I did not have sex until I was 21. To top it off I have no freaking clue how I managed to get this female so turned on to sleep with me. I guess that is why I saw no problem only being with her and only her.

 

[eris]

AFrozenSoul -

it is very easy to turn women on, just some of them are frozen and too concerned that they are mad at you for some reason .... but I dont know this girl. That is just my experience with bad sex. Hate sex is something differernt, and can be great ! Uh, nevermind....

You know the way to seduce a female ? Thie BIG SECRET ?

try to kiss her. and see how far you can take it

Monogamy is good You wanting to be faithfull to her is a beautiful thing. Love is beautiful, huh ?

Girls will like you if you are confident. And that doesnt mean you have to "believe in yourself".

I mean just act like you wanna do it.

__________________________________________

calm - ok. I think understand what you said. You mean sometimes people get like bored with each other and want someone better ? And I agree that there are many differernt versions of monogamy. I agree with this
_____________________________________________

everyone has a different standard of what cheating is

I have had people tell me I am a cheater for certain things, but I think that is stupid.

I think that is also a biological response...but it can be controlled

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@eris: >_> I won't say that love is the main reason I was monogamus... <_<... I guess love was there though. Said female had lots of issues. She convinced herself that I did not want her because of my denial of what we were. She actually thought I thought she was ugly because I did not become her boyfriend.

Well since I am too much of a wuss to talk to females, your big secret won't do me any good. Even booze does not hel me.

 

[Calm]

You can't fight biology, so if you stay faithful but have a daydream or two, but stay confident to your sane mind, you are not a cheater.

Hate sex, lol. Any experience? I have always fantazised about angry hate sex and then dumping the person the **** out. But you got to be angry at that person and it must not be sorry sex from the other side. And it is kind of pointless when both partners think they are doing hate sex... hmm, or is it...? Interesting.
Ok, I said five times sex now. Time to go to sleep and have some sweet dreams.

 

[eris]

afrozensoul - Yeah, when there are issus in a relationship the sex ...changes. Relationships go in insecure places sometimes


Calm -

Hate sex haha. I really mean "Having sex with someone you hate". The sex towards the end of a relationship or NSA sex with someone you really dont like much.

I dont really mean violent but hate sex does tend to be rougher

 

[Brother Karl]

I live in fear that I may one day meet somebody who makes me feel 'all fuzzy inside'. I couldnt think of anything more horrifically unoriginal.