Why does my outlook change so drastically?

[the-alchemist]

It's just that, 10 days from now, I'm going to move abroad and study. I've had a horrible life, a horrible childhood. So I'm going to pursue my dreams now, and I don't know what will happen, if I will succeed or fail.

Sometimes, I'm looking forward to it. I feel optimistic, I feel as if despite the emotional abuse I've suffered and my circumstances in life, I can take on the challenges ahead of me. I see myself enjoying a position of success. That I will finally attain what I seek.

And sometimes, I feel so pessimistic. Like this is a futile attempt to salvage what remains of my life. Like I will not reach my goals, this attempt is in vain. I will never find what I seek. Only my contemplated suicide awaits me when I reach age 30. I see myself hanging myself in some room, alone, pathetically missed by no one else but my suffocating family. I feel like it's all hopeless, I'm 23 and I don't have a university degree.

Man, it's such an emotional rollercoaster, one day I can be all happy and optimistic, I feel like, 'okay all this **** happened, but I'm moving on now' and one day I can be bitter and feel intense hate towards my family for what they have done to me. That the only thing left for me is to make my futile attempt and then hang myself.

I don't know why it is like that. Have any of you experienced that? I should be happy, I want to be happy and optimistic

 

[Sci-Fi]

Whether you succeed or fail (which is impossible) you've done something to make a difference in your life. Why I think it is impossible for you to fail is the simple fact that you are doing this to try and make a difference in your life so you've already succeeded. It may not turn out the way you expect but hey, you never know if you don't give it a try. If that makes any sense.

Like you said, emotional rollercoaster, you're going to be feeling all kinds of things until you get out there and get settled. I applaud you for making a such a change, you're 23 and still have so much of your life ahead of you, and lots of time to try different things.

 

[Brian]

I'm 23 and a half and still working on a 2 year degree from community college.

Should I freak out too?

 

[Mary Mary]

I didn't start college until I was 22 years old. I'm 41 preparing for grad school. You can go to school whenever you want. Sounds like more of that 'I should be this or I should be that' negative thinking. You haven't been because you don't want to go. So what? Live your life as you want and not as others think you should live it.

 

[the-alchemist]

Only problem is, I will move to a society that places alot of emphasis on degrees and education. Being a late starter is to my disadvantage over there. Maybe not in places like USA but where I'm going

 

[LGH1288]

I see myself enjoying a position of success. ... I will never find what I seek.

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CHOICE A: SUCCESS
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CHOICE B: FAILURE
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Which is the one you REALLY want? Nothing in life is guaranteed to come "easy". There's always a price tag and there's always an opportunity cost. Who are you? The boy who's never good enough in the eyes of his father or the man who holds the esteem of his mother? I think you know who you REALLY are. Please, please don't let yourself down. You WILL succeed! This is a wonderful and exciting time in your life. You are breaking away to be your OWN person. Be ALL that you can be. You certainly deserve it. LG