OK.
So I don't really care about "the hot girls" anymore myself, I understand that there is more to attraction and compatibility than that.
But, at the same time, it pisses me off to see anyone talking about the struggles they have with this, getting dismissed as "whining". I feel like that's such an a**hole thing to say. As if it's so simple for everyone. Some of the things I've seen people say...it's like we're living in completely different realities. The ignorance and arrogance is astounding.
For some people, relationships are easy, they just naturally happen as part of normal life, because their bodies, minds, personalities, and interests, just so happen to be what a lot of people want. Perhaps they get a little bit of early success at something too, which gives you confidence, as well as status, especially with people that value the thing that you got some early success at. And there you go, it's easy, you won't have to think about anything or change anything about yourself. It just falls into your lap.
For others, attracting someone is very hard, because your body, mind, personality, and interests are all wrong for it. And maybe you've had a lot of bad experiences, not only with women but with life itself, making you a pessimist, making you disinterested in things, making you feel powerless and hopeless. Sure, it's not good, but it's kind of hard to "just be positive" or "just be correct" when your life experience has told you the opposite.
"Just be yourself" is great advice - if "yourself" just so happens to be the right thing that most people are looking for. Otherwise, it's very hard to change yourself into someone that doesn't line up with your traits and experiences. If your body, brain, and mind just so happen to be good enough, you can coast. If not, you have to become good enough, and it's hard to do that when you don't feel like you can, because you haven't experienced anything to make you feel like you can. And then there's the problem of trying to figure out HOW you can, exactly. Simply copying the dudebros won't work, because everything about them isn't "me". But I don't know what I can get good enough abilities and thoughts/ideas at, to be "me" instead.
And yeah, it is a little bit frustrating to see people getting something normal, easily, taking it for granted even, while you struggle with it yourself because it seems infinitely complex, or requires you to be something that you're just not, or that life has told you over and over that you're not, that your experiences have told you that you're not. In high school and college, I watched these guys get girlfriends easily, and these guys were often fat and beer-bellied, not even active in sports anymore because they gave it up in favor of drinking, smoking tobacco and weed, doing other drugs, and *** (so no, they're not self-disciplined either), didn't have any real skilled interests or deep, original thoughts I was aware of, didn't look like they were trying that hard academically, but looked like they were coasting by in life, all seemingly because they were loud-mouthed and from a family background of at least one generation of professionals, so they had some money.
Now, we're not going after the same women, and it's probably that these guys just happened to get women whose personalities were similar and compatible with them, and probably not even anyone I would have wanted and been happy with anyway. But nevertheless, it is a little bit frustrating to just watch these guys Homer-Simpson their way through life, just coasting, putting no conscious thought or effort towards anything whatsoever, not being particularly ambitious, not taking a cautious, meticulous, orderly, or strategic approach to life, and having it all work out anyway - meanwhile I feel like I'm trying to scale a summit, or figure out some kind of convoluted math equation.
It would be nice to see a little less judgment, and a little more understanding, since what's easy for one person, might be very hard for another.
