Why Don't You Just Have One

[anthonyS13]

You obviously have no idea how hard it is for a lot of us to find a true relationship. Especially me. I was on a lot of dating sites and found no one. None of us find it easy to just go out and get a new girlfriend, either.

 

[frey12]

I fail pretty often. I try quite a bit.

 

[putter65]

I went 13 years without asking a woman out. I was too scared to, thought I was some kind of monster.

All I've done in the last year is ask women out for a coffee. lol

You have to accept rejection and have the attitude of not caring that much.

I remember when I first started serving people on a till. It scared me to death. Been doing it for 15 years now and it is second nature, so easy. I don't even think about it.

I hope they comes a time when asking women out become second nature. It is about practising and learning from mistakes.

Hey, thanks Putter

The biggest irony is that I think these girls would quite possibly say yes if I could bring myself to ask, you know? They seem interested. I just can't do it.

On top of the circumstance problem though, I also feel like I'd be a really lame boyfriend, which is a huge reason that I don't do it.

My life is boring at the moment - I play games, I do work, I watch movies, I work out. That's it :shy:

I'd feel bad for making a girl's like boring too. So every day I hold back, I don't ask what a girl's doing at the weekend, or if she wants to see a movie. I don't flirt or make jokey naughty comments.

I just lock that all away, pay some cursory return attention and think of all the negative potential consequences of having some excitement in my life for a change

If I see her again and she's all cuddly once more, I'll try my hardest to ask her to a film.

Don't knock yourself, you are not boring.

I find asking is easy when you do it in a text message. The only success I've had this century is when I sent a little message to this woman on facebook -'we will have to go for coffee sometime' - that is all I put. I can look in the messages archives and see what happened. After I asked she put 'yes, sure' - I think face to face asking out is just embarrassing for both people.

If you have their mobile numbers of 'friends' with them on facebook, ask away - you could try 'would you like meeting up sometime ?' - of course if your anything like me, expect rejections galore. But you might strike lucky. It's not a crime to ask !

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I also feel sometimes that, if I just asked out and approached women, I would get somewhere.

Then when I approach, I get shot down. Rarely is when I approach.

So then I wonder if it's even worth approaching?

 

[putter65]

I also feel sometimes that, if I just asked out and approached women, I would get somewhere.

Then when I approach, I get shot down. Rarely is when I approach.

So then I wonder if it's even worth approaching?

It's a bit like doing the lottery. You lose week after week but you carry on doing it in the hope you win some day. You have to ask. I don't think women ask men like us. It's not going to happen.

The key is not letting rejection bother you.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

It's not a crime to ask !

Oh, how I wish I could agree with you!

Just something wrong with me I suppose, the idea of asking a girl out (text or otherwise) just seems impossible. I've felt like that for years

It would really help if the female in question would obviously drop me a big hint, but I honestly can't understand the signals I get. I just seem to attract girls that really like me, but I can't actually be with for one reason or another.

For example, today was the first time I've seen her for 10 days. She called me over, made a fuss of me, we had a really long chat. She tells me she wants to spend more time with me.

Then we choose who we do our next project with, some other guy asks her off-hand and she immediately just says "Okay" and signs herself up with him. Sigh. You can bet she'll come over to me tomorrow and cuddle up to me or something, which makes it even more confusing.

In fact, last time I didn't have a project partner (for the second time, because no-one wanted to be with me :shy: ) she came over and said that she wanted to be my partner for the next one, even offering to team up with me for that one. So much for that, then!

Plus, I've been thinking about it more today and I must confess that I don't believe I have anything to offer a girl...or perhaps even the world in general, more worryingly still.

Which is usually why I try not to think about this sort of thing for too long!

Anyway, I apologise for derailing this thread.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You obviously have no idea how hard it is for a lot of us to find a true relationship. Especially me. I was on a lot of dating sites and found no one. None of us find it easy to just go out and get a new girlfriend, either.

At this point you are adding your own complexity for your own sake. You can define a relationship as an interaction between two people and things change. In reality what sets a releationship apart from a true relationship is the person's view. Then again, if you look for something you have never had how will you know what it is when you find it?

I also feel sometimes that, if I just asked out and approached women, I would get somewhere.

Then when I approach, I get shot down. Rarely is when I approach.

So then I wonder if it's even worth approaching?

I look at it this way. I could spend the night leveling up in SWTOR or I can go out and get shot down, learn nothing, and be sexually frustrated and depressed... what to do?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I look at it this way...

If I could spend a night working on my novel, writing or recording new music, or reading a good book or watching a tv show or film...

...Or spend the night feeling miserable, because some lame girl doesn't want to spend time with me...

What is the best choice? What will make me happier?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Happiness is something abstract... you have to decide that for yourself. So.. I will say on the other side of the fence... if you go out and fail... there is a chance that with enough practice it could turn to success.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Well the work Deceiver is in your name. Plus a relationship does not mean marriage. It just means having someone in some way. You know place holders. Those who you pretend with.

What I said was purely sarcasm. The problem with what you're telling us here is that no matter how miserable and desperate a person feels about their loneliness, there exists an intricacy of psychological and emotional barriers and fears in many people's personalities that prevent them from taking the proper actions in establishing a romantic relationship with someone. These setbacks can sometimes be helped with gradual self reform, but they are in no way easily put aside and ignored as if they're nothing, as you apparently claim. What you're suggesting to the singles crowd really isn't as simple to do as it is said. I'm not about to make a big deal about this either, as it seems you cannot be convinced to see it another person's way. I would rather over think and analyse a situation than to jump blindly towards a potential disaster with poor judgement.

And forget about my username, mate. It is in no way a literal representation of myself as a person. Surely you are quick to assume that everyone's case is the same if they fail to have a true relationship. We are not all sitting at home effortlessly and moping about in seclusion. Your unwavering opinions are no more refutable as fact than what I read in other people's posts here. And the rest of your reply makes no sense, I'm afraid.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Many here can't understand what it's like to have your own body fight against socialization.

Try and fail, sure. Try enough and it will lead to success, sure.

But feeling like you're having a heart attack if you even try to talk to a girl..

Why would I want to put myself through that?

**** doesn't judge me. **** doesn't give me panic attacks. Yes, I can't have a conversation with the computer girls, or actually feel them, but it's better than nothing. Nothing is what I would get if I tried and failed.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Why would I want to put myself through that?

To prove to yourself that you can do it. Why else does life throw things our way? Certain things are meant to be a hurdle for certain people.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Why would I want to put myself through that?

To prove to yourself that you can do it. Why else does life throw things our way? Certain things are meant to be a hurdle for certain people.

I just don't understand why God gave me social anxiety and panic attacks?

 

[DesertWolf]

Why would I want to put myself through that?

To prove to yourself that you can do it. Why else does life throw things our way? Certain things are meant to be a hurdle for certain people.

I just don't understand why God gave me social anxiety and panic attacks?

Your genetic code + environment gave you social anxiety and panic attacks.

Why keep on trying? Because every time you avoid such a situation, you subconsciously reward yourself for doing it with stress relief, which further reinforces your social anxiety. You want a girl and it's highly unlikely this desire will fade for a long time. Give that it's probably in your best interest to keep fighting your fears.

Have you consulted a doctor about your social and/or general anxiety issues?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yes, and I'm on medication.

Like I said in other threads, I've gotten better. But I still have fears.

 

[DesertWolf]

Yes, and I'm on medication.

Like I said in other threads, I've gotten better. But I still have fears.

Do you think the medication is helping? If so, what is it? I've tried some and haven't had much success, while some other people appeared to have been all but cured.
Glad to hear you're doing better now. You'll overcome it completely eventually.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yes, and I'm on medication.

Like I said in other threads, I've gotten better. But I still have fears.

Do you think the medication is helping? If so, what is it? I've tried some and haven't had much success, while some other people appeared to have been all but cured.
Glad to hear you're doing better now. You'll overcome it completely eventually.

I am taking Klonopin.

It has calmed me down somewhat, but I still get antsy.

 

[VanillaCreme]

We all have fears. I think that fear for some people equals desire. Either way, you can do jump over that hurdle and accomplish what you want. You just have to believe and trust in yourself.

 

[putter65]

It's not a crime to ask !

Oh, how I wish I could agree with you!

Just something wrong with me I suppose, the idea of asking a girl out (text or otherwise) just seems impossible. I've felt like that for years

It would really help if the female in question would obviously drop me a big hint, but I honestly can't understand the signals I get. I just seem to attract girls that really like me, but I can't actually be with for one reason or another.

For example, today was the first time I've seen her for 10 days. She called me over, made a fuss of me, we had a really long chat. She tells me she wants to spend more time with me.

Then we choose who we do our next project with, some other guy asks her off-hand and she immediately just says "Okay" and signs herself up with him. Sigh. You can bet she'll come over to me tomorrow and cuddle up to me or something, which makes it even more confusing.

In fact, last time I didn't have a project partner (for the second time, because no-one wanted to be with me :shy: ) she came over and said that she wanted to be my partner for the next one, even offering to team up with me for that one. So much for that, then!

Plus, I've been thinking about it more today and I must confess that I don't believe I have anything to offer a girl...or perhaps even the world in general, more worryingly still.

Which is usually why I try not to think about this sort of thing for too long!

Anyway, I apologise for derailing this thread.

Like I've mentioned before i went 13 years without asking a woman out. Felt exactly like you do, it seems impossible etc.

Once I asked the first, after that it wasn't such a big deal.

That woman sounds like she feels sorry for you a bit.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Like I've mentioned before i went 13 years without asking a woman out. Felt exactly like you do, it seems impossible etc.

Once I asked the first, after that it wasn't such a big deal.

That woman sounds like she feels sorry for you a bit.

Lol, I kinda thought that myself. "Perhaps it's jus the sympathy effect"

However, I'm quite sure she must like me a bit. I caught her giving me a really cute stare a while ago, like she was studying my face. She got really shy when I looked over

Plus she sort of asked me to a thing with her in the evening (and I went), and she's always asking me to tag along with her to places.

I think perhaps she felt a bit guilty that she'd gone with this other guy for the lab - he's a friend of hers, but he's quite rude (frequently interrupts people when they're talking, which annoys her) and not amazing looking either, so I don't think she's into him romantically.

As for why she didn't sign up for me for this thing? I'm assuming it's because her friend put her on the spot when he asked. Frankly, I'm very confused though. I may start a new thread on my current position, because I don't know what to do.