Wife cheated on me - not sure what to do now

[Triple Bogey]

really glad I don't have problems like this

 

[lonelydoc]

I'm sorry about what's happened to you.

Personally I would get a divorce and move on. Life's too short.

 

[h3donist]

Just an update: last saturday I woke up in a daze, packed a bag and drove to my sister's house 150 miles away on the coast where I have been ever since, so I have finally escaped the situation. It's wonderful to walk along the sea front without a care in the world, and knowing that my future is my own again.

Thank you for all your support guys - I'm MUCH happier now also it goes to show that having a partner does not guarantee a loneliness free life

 

[msbxa]

Reading over some of these posts, this stuff blows my mind.
Makes my problems seem insignificant.
Some of you people have really been through a lot. Got to give yourself credit I guess for getting through it all.
Is it really true that "a bad marriage or one gone wrong is worse than being lonely"?
I suppose that in a lot of cases it is...
But there is that saying that goes something like: "It is better to have loved & lost, than not having ever loved at all".

 

[Scootch]

I'm so happy that you made this move - at least now you can be you :-D its not a nice thing to have to go through but once you're on the other side and you can take your life in any direction, that must feel amazing.

 

[SeaBee]

Thanks Hedonist (for your replied I missed) and I am so glad you slowly moving on.

It is better on my side as well and start enjoying being on my own, being in control of my little world and not have to compromise anymore. I even made a few friends playing Ingress. I cannot say I completely moved on but I realize that like RealCallie says, I could never trust her, no matter how much I love her or forgive her.

Today we actually went out together as friend and we had a great time. I had no difficulty leaving, no feeling of sadness or anything depressing. So I can feel time is healing slowly but surely. So there is hope.

 

[Katerina]

It must be freeing to get away from it H3donist and it's good to hear that you're feeling better in general. Long may it continue

 

[brian36]

I had a friend in college go through this. His girlfriend cheated on him and he took her back. They got engaged. Then she cheated on him again with 6 more guys.

The fact that your wife told that guy she is married in name only says it all. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I am so sorry to hear this. :/ You deserve someone better, who respects you and your marriage together. She definitely doesn't seem to respect that at all. Once trust is broken, it's almost impossible to get it back.

 

[h3donist]

I'm much happier now thank you all. I'm currently staying at my sister's place which is near the seaside.

As anyone here has been to a British seaside town, especially the smaller ones, will agree they can be pretty grotty run down places as most people tend to go abroad for their holidays now, leaving behind a handful of smelly amusement arcades and greasy cafes. But to me, they are the best places ever, and I had the opportunity to walk along the seafront with fish and chips, breathing in the salty air without worrying about someone else being bored/cold/tired/hungry and all the other **** I had to deal with. Living my life on my own terms, going where I want to go, it's the best feeling ever. I remember messaging a friend with a photo of the waves crashing against the harbour wall, with the words "I'm Free..." and it felt amazing.

Looking back I think I was a little too quick to trade my freedom for a relationship and fell into the trap of believing I needed to be with someone to be happy - even if that someone made me feel lonely and unloved. I see so many posts on here, lonely guys lurching from one relationship to the next and then bemoaning their failures, and I wish I could warn them that it is not worth trading your freedom for misery just because it will be some sort of magic bullet for their loneliness; when in fact the very opposite is true.

Now if you'll excuse me, I now have ten years of living to make up for....

 

[benj]

Yeah fair play to you it takes guts to leave a relationship but if the trusts gone/ you feel disrespected and there'll always be doubt then I think it's the right choice I've not been in exactly the same situation but similar and it's definitley the right choice to take initiative and prove you don't have to take **** off anyone . You're FREEE haha!


I also reckon if you're self supporting you definitely stand a much better chance of building future healthy relationship.

 

[ABrokenMan]

I was in Blackpool over ten years ago for an event, took place in November. My very first time in the UK. I enjoyed the feeling of walking around in the stiff wind and chill, taking in the seaside.

Congrats for trusting your gut, h3donist. My ex admitted what she called "having relations" not long after she assured me that we were in a relationship. She convinced me it was due to her obsessive, insanely jealous, controlling ex BF who refused to let her move on. Little did i know

i forgave her.

All I got in return was discovering more concealed lies, more heartache, loss of self-esteem, and bitter disappointment.

People like your wife and my ex cheat because they can.

 

[h3donist]

I was in Blackpool over ten years ago for an event, took place in November. My very first time in the UK. I enjoyed the feeling of walking around in the stiff wind and chill, taking in the seaside.

Congrats for trusting your gut, h3donist. My ex admitted what she called "having relations" not long after she assured me that we were in a relationship. She convinced me it was due to her obsessive, insanely jealous, controlling ex BF who refused to let her move on. Little did i know

i forgave her.

All I got in return was discovering more concealed lies, more heartache, loss of self-esteem, and bitter disappointment.

People like your wife and my ex cheat because they can.

Your first trip to the UK and you went to Blackpool in November? You poor soul thank you for your comments btw

 

[tone303]

I never thought that the fear of being single has to do with not being wanted. Being single is bad because it's being single and the natural inclination towrd coupling and love and its benefit.

 

[Black Manta]

I don't want to sound like a downer here, but love is not always enough.  If you lose trust, it's not a good thing and it's very hard to make it work.

I totally agree with this. I think you need to move on.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

classy thread to necrobump