Worst experience asking somebody out

[Triple Bogey]

This is mine, happened 16 years ago. This lass at work. I told her I liked her and asked her out. She said one word to me 'No', that's it. She was blushing so much and looked so embarrassed. She was a very sensitive person.

Anyway 3 months later her hair started to fall out. I was very alarmed. I did some research and read hair loss can happen 3 months after a stressful event. It seemed too much of a coincidence. After I asked her out she seemed scared stiff of me. It was an horrible feeling, I didn't know whether to talk to her or keep out of her way. I felt bad about it for at least a year. I felt like a monster. I didn't ask another woman out for 13 years !

ps I still work with her and she still has problems with her hair. We talk quite a lot but what happened is never mentioned. She has been off 3 weeks on holiday. This morning when I asked her how her holiday was, she blushed bright red and turned away from me, looking really pleased.

 

[Pike Creek]

Geez...okay well, I was maybe 22 years old and I met a guy at a bar, we just chatted a little and seemed to get along and he gave me his phone number. I called a few days later, nervous as hell! I wasn't going to call, but co-workers pushed me along. He was openly angry on the phone and aggressively told me he couldn't talk right now because he was "walking down the street" and hung up. I never heard from him again. That didn't turn me off dating, but it did make me leery of making the first move! I remember the shock and hurt...not a good feeling.

 

[PieBeNice]

Being laughed at probably tops the list.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

This happened to a friend & is kind of round the other way but it cracked me up at the time.

At a club a guy came up to my pal & asked "Can I smell your fanny?"

My friend was horrified, & as you might imagine said "No!"

To which the guy responded "Oh, it must be your feet then."

 

[Triple Bogey]

Geez...okay well, I was maybe 22 years old and I met a guy at a bar, we just chatted a little and seemed to get along and he gave me his phone number. I called a few days later, nervous as hell! I wasn't going to call, but co-workers pushed me along. He was openly angry on the phone and aggressively told me he couldn't talk right now because he was "walking down the street" and hung up. I never heard from him again. That didn't turn me off dating, but it did make me leery of making the first move! I remember the shock and hurt...not a good feeling.

That sounded awful. Sorry it happened to you.

---

Being laughed at probably tops the list.

That was my biggest fear when I was younger.
I remember I had this big crush on this lass and she laughed at me. Pointed and laughed like I was nothing. Horrible.

 

[Delta]

Was chatting to a woman one night and she told me after a bit of time chatting to not look at her as I was making her sick, I wasn't being rude or anything of the sorts, pretty devastating as I was not and still not Mr Confidence so just trying to talk to her was pretty big for me.

I was about 20 at the time.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Was chatting to a woman one night and she told me after a bit of time chatting to not look at her as I was making her sick, I wasn't being rude or anything of the sorts, pretty devastating as I was not and still not Mr Confidence so just trying to talk to her was pretty big for me.

I was about 20 at the time.

Some people can be so rude.

 

[Peaches]

I shall have to ask somebody out and let you know..

 

[TheSkaFish]

I never actually asked anyone out. But, all of my experiences trying to have been bad. For me it's the idea of being so close yet so far away. I'll have things in common with these girls that I like, and I'll be able to actually hold a real conversation with them, not just small talk but a real chat about our thoughts. But I just don't move fast enough and some other guy always manages to beat me to it. Or for whatever reason, I'm just not good enough to get to where I want to go. I think it's because I have enough to say that I can talk to these girls, but I'm not interesting enough to keep it going. But even then, I just don't know. Not knowing what exactly my problem is, is the worst part. I don't know what to fix, what to do more of, what to do less of, where I'm going wrong. Just that I always go wrong. It's not that "they're not right for me" or anything like that either, because they have most, in some cases almost all, of what I want. They are right for me, I just mess up my approach somehow. I just wish I knew exactly where my problems were instead of having to just guess, I don't like fumbling around in the dark because I don't want to waste any more time.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I never actually asked anyone out. But, all of my experiences trying to have been bad. For me it's the idea of being so close yet so far away. I'll have things in common with these girls that I like, and I'll be able to actually hold a real conversation with them, not just small talk but a real chat about our thoughts. But I just don't move fast enough and some other guy always manages to beat me to it. Or for whatever reason, I'm just not good enough to get to where I want to go. I think it's because I have enough to say that I can talk to these girls, but I'm not interesting enough to keep it going. But even then, I just don't know. Not knowing what exactly my problem is, is the worst part. I don't know what to fix, what to do more of, what to do less of, where I'm going wrong. Just that I always go wrong. It's not that "they're not right for me" or anything like that either, because they have most, in some cases almost all, of what I want. They are right for me, I just mess up my approach somehow. I just wish I knew exactly where my problems were instead of having to just guess, I don't like fumbling around in the dark because I don't want to waste any more time.

Most women I have asked out have been nice about it. Respectful and kind even though they all said 'no'

 

[TheRealCallie]

He said yes. That was my worst experience.

I could say that about a few guys, actually.

 

[sk66rc]

"Hey... You wanna grab a cup of coffee after work?"... "Ok... Let me just check with my husband..." 2 hours later, "Ummm... I can't... My 2 year old is running a bit of fever..."

"What are you doing tomorrow?" "Choking out a chicken"... What? Turns out she's a country girl & she was actually going through the whole "chicken dinner from the scratch starting with live chicken" thing... She had no clue I was asking her out & she thought it would be funny playing word games... Well, it was actually funny, had to be there... It was only afterwards that she told me she wasn't interested, guess she was talking to her friends & they convinced her I was trying to ask her out... I've never been turned down by those words, "chocking out a chicken"!!! She could've just said no...!!!

A lot of experiences I've had were more funny than anything else... But still a shot to my ego, lol...

 

[Solivagant]

Being laughed at probably tops the list.

^ Probably this for me too. There have been cruel things said as well, instances where I was completely ignored as if I did not exist, and jokes played on me, but I'd rather not think back too hard on the experiences.

 

[ardour]

Being mocked comes second to a hyper-anxious reaction. It makes you feel like a predator, like there's something very wrong with you. if someone gets upset what does that say? Women don't understand that.

I've only asked a couple of girls out, although I might have hinted at interest a few times, and got a similar sort of really negative vibe, as if even the suggestion that I liked them was traumatic. It affects me to this day.

 

[Solivagant]

Being mocked comes second to a hyper-anxious reaction. It makes you feel like a predator, like there's something very wrong with you. if someone gets upset what does that say? Women don't understand that.

I've only asked a couple of girls out, although I might have hinted at interest a few times, and got a similar sort of really negative vibe, as if even the suggestion that I liked them was traumatic. It affects me to this day.

If it says anything, it only says something about her, not you. Maybe she's got severe anxiety issues (I would be very anxious about being asked out even if I liked the guy). Maybe she's been hurt in the past and she's overly-cautious or afraid of being hurt again. Trauma can cause people to act in extreme ways sometimes. Who knows? But it can't say anything about you if she barely even knows you.

Who are you to say what women understand or don't? I've been treated like a "stalker" for being interested in people before.

We all have bad experiences that affect us to this day.

Women don't experience that, the fear we perceive from them because of feminist inspired witch hunts about (invariably unattractive) men who dare to show interest, rather than behave as benign eunuch-like beings who never contemplate bothering anyone.

:S

 

[ardour]

I've been treated like a "stalker" for being interested in people before.

We all have bad experiences that affect us to this day.

Are you going to pretend that it's equivalent? Because trust me, it isn't. I know how Triple Bogey feels here.

Edit: see I deleted that because this could devolve into bickering, but it's not the same.

 

[Solivagant]

Are you going to pretend that it's any where near the same as we receive? If she's not interested then it's like the guy's a rapist and she considers herself martyr for having endured the unwanted attention.

That doesn't sound dissimilar to what I experienced, but I think it's hard to compare individual experiences like that. In my case the guys did act like a martyr and also told other people to stay away from me. I have seen people look at me like I was going to jump at them screaming with knives. I've seen people run away from me. I know exactly what it's like to be treated as a villain. Regardless, if you're trying to say that what happens to you and Triple Bogey is more painful or traumatic than what happens to other people, I don't think you can claim that.

 

[ardour]

That doesn't sound dissimilar to what I experienced, but I think it's hard to compare individual experiences like that. In my case the guys did act like a martyr and also told other people to stay away from me. I have seen people look at me like I was going to jump at them screaming with knives. I've seen people run away from me. Regardless, if you're trying to say that what happens to you and Triple Bogey is more painful or traumatic than what happens to other people, I don't think you can claim that.

Okay, fair enough.

 

[Locke]

Being mocked comes second to a hyper-anxious reaction. It makes you feel like a predator, like there's something very wrong with you. if someone gets upset what does that say? Women don't understand that.

Are you a woman? I didn't realize that you were. Of course, even if you are, you still wouldn't have a clue how every woman feels and reacts to any given situation. You could have years of university certified gender-based psychology knowledge, and you still wouldn't have a clue how half the human population feels or thinks.

You know what? I'll do you a favor and not comment much on the "witch hunt" post, even though it was offensive. I'll just say this:

You've posted your pic, no one but you thinks you're unattractive. Your problems with women lie elsewhere, within you. if you stopped being a judgmental misogynist and spent less time thinking up ridiculous crap like the witch hunt thing, maybe you could get to your real issues.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Was chatting to a woman one night and she told me after a bit of time chatting to not look at her as I was making her sick, I wasn't being rude or anything of the sorts, pretty devastating as I was not and still not Mr Confidence so just trying to talk to her was pretty big for me.

I was about 20 at the time.

That was just plain cruel. Tell her to stab her own eyes if it ever happens again.

Being laughed at probably tops the list.

^ Probably this for me too. There have been cruel things said as well, instances where I was completely ignored as if I did not exist, and jokes played on me, but I'd rather not think back too hard on the experiences.

I dislike this. Being laughed at or being ignored.