Would you date someone you don't think you're going to marry?

[Limlim]

 

[9006]

I don't have a relationship with someone to get married, I think something like that develops over time if you feel you'd like to spend the rest of your life with that person.

*Shrugs*

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Lim didn't need to do anything there.

 

[ardour]

For the sake of people's differing values you should have phrased it differently "Would you date someone you don't think you're going to spend your life with in a monogamous relationship?"

No, I believe it's using someone, even if there's a mutual understanding. Why would anyone want some half-arsed "fun while it lasts" thing? Isn't that what superficial people want?

More baggage...

 

[Azariah]

For now, I think I just want to be friends with girls tbh.

Drama is.... delirious... headache for guys... heartache for girls....

I'm already happy with my life.

 

[EveWasFramed]

No, I believe it's using someone, even if there's a mutual understanding. Why would anyone want some half-arsed "fun while it lasts" thing? Isn't that what superficial people want?

More baggage...

Some people just don't WANT to get married. If both parties are of the same mind on the issue, there's nothing wrong with just dating.

 

[Mike510]

I never go out on a first date thinking oh I am going to marry this person. I always just go out thinking I want to have a fun time with this person and maybe we can see if feelings develope.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

I never go out on a first date thinking oh I am going to marry this person. I always just go out thinking I want to have a fun time with this person and maybe we can see if feelings develop.

I'd say that's a healthy way of looking at it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yes, imagining yourself married before the first date is a key to the relationship failing, or becoming weird.

 

[Locke]

No, I believe it's using someone, even if there's a mutual understanding. Why would anyone want some half-arsed "fun while it lasts" thing? Isn't that what superficial people want?

More baggage...

Some people just don't WANT to get married. If both parties are of the same mind on the issue, there's nothing wrong with just dating.

This.
There's nothing wrong with just going out and having fun with someone, as long as both people understand that's all it is. Casual Dating can be a good thing, and deeper relationships can develop from it.

 

[ardour]

Some people just don't WANT to get married. If both parties are of the same mind on the issue, there's nothing wrong with just dating.

For how long though, does it involve sex, emotional attachment?
I fail to see the point of dating if there isn't any move towards something more, and in my opinion there’s something wrong with intimacy without some commitment, at least to exclusivity.

Someone is likely to end up wanting more and getting hurt regardless of any understanding at the beginning. To mitigate the harm, I think people who want nothing more than temporary fun/sex/whatever might be better off going online through Second Life etc, and/or buying a dildo/blow-up doll. I mean that’s essentially how your viewing the other person anyway...

 

[Limlim]

A lot of people find it pretty easy to remove feelings of attachment from sex. So it stands to reason that such a relationship would be viable with two such people.

 

[EveWasFramed]

For how long though, does it involve sex, emotional attachment?
I fail to see the point of dating if there isn't any move towards something more, and in my opinion there’s something wrong with intimacy without some commitment, at least to exclusivity.

For as long as the parties want?
Also, just because you fail to see the point, doesn't mean others don't. People are DIFFERENT and not everyone wants to get married. As far as exclusivity, that too depends on the parties.
Personally, I've never dated more than one person at a time, so Im all for exclusivity. However, it doesn't mean I want to get married just because I want to be with only one person.

Someone is likely to end up wanting more and getting hurt regardless of any understanding at the beginning. To mitigate the harm, I think people who want nothing more than temporary fun/sex/whatever might be better off going online through Second Life etc, and/or buying a dildo/blow-up doll. I mean that’s essentially how your viewing the other person anyway...

No, it isn't. That's a generalization based on your own opinion and not true for everyone.

 

[ardour]

Right... and your opinion on my opinion is from the perspective of someone who's been badly burned.

I still think viewing another in a utilitarian way, holding off from any real commitment, marriage or otherwise, is ugly, and that kind of arrangement is unlikely to work long-term.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

How is sex equal to masturbation or a blow up doll?

That doesn't...brain. does. not. compute.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Some people just don't WANT to get married. If both parties are of the same mind on the issue, there's nothing wrong with just dating.

For how long though, does it involve sex, emotional attachment?
I fail to see the point of dating if there isn't any move towards something more, and in my opinion there’s something wrong with intimacy without some commitment, at least to exclusivity.

For how long? That depends on the people in the relationship. It's their relationship, and they decide what's going on. You feel strongly about having something more, and that's not a problem. But that's you, honey. Not all of us believe that more = marriage. What Eve said... Some of us don't want marriage. I know I'd be happy and perfectly fine just being with someone. I don't need a paper or jewelry to cement my feelings.

Does it involve sex and emotional attachment? Once again, that's up to the people in the relationship. And if it's not your relationship, then you really have no say in it.

Also, I would say that intimacy and being exclusive is commitment. I don't really know what your definition of a relationship should be, and I could really care less, but when you claim that it's basically pointless because a lawful marriage contract has not been signed, I think you're wrong.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Right... and your opinion on my opinion is from the perspective of someone who's been badly burned.

I still think viewing another in a utilitarian way, holding off from any real commitment, marriage or otherwise, is ugly, and that kind of arrangement is unlikely to work long-term.

No one has said anything about holding off from real commitment. "Commitment" doesnt always mean marriage.

 

[ardour]

I know it’s not what some people want. That’s not the point.

If you really cared for someone, then why be opposed to a formal commitment to them?

If you don’t genuinely care but continue seeing them then clearly that is using someone.

I’m not allowed state moral judgements...because others will get offended, is that it?

 

[EveWasFramed]

I know it’s not what some people want. That’s not the point.

If you really cared for someone, then why be opposed to a formal commitment to them?

If you don’t genuinely care but continue seeing them then clearly that is using someone.

I’m not allowed state moral judgements...because others will get offended, is that it?

And who exactly is it that defines what a "formal commitment" is?
You? The parties involved? No one said anything about being opposed to formal commitment if that's what the parties want.

 

[ardour]

Well I guess long term de-facto relationships exist. It still begs the question... why not just marry them?

When I hear people say “I really care for [person], but I don’t want marriage”
...the truth seems more like “I’m not sure about them and I’d like to keep my options open”.

Besides the OP is talking about a situation where they’re not living together and don’t ever intend to be.