Would you reject someone who likes you? Why?

[Sci-Fi]

I'll still keep in mind that you called me a whiny, 4-year-old, a**hole.

Please do and keep in mind what I said. Those are my final words on that matter.

Consider this a warning Richard, although you edited out what you originally said but seeing as you want to keep it lingering, that kind of behaviour isn't tolerated here, don't do it again.
https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=37741

 

[ladyforsaken]

It would really depend on whether I like the person back in the same way? If I don't, I won't pretend to and string him along. That wouldn't be nice.

In my position right now, if I were to reject someone who likes me, it'd be for my own personal reasons that has to do with health / anxieties / trust issues.

 

[SilentLife]

I haven't really rejected anybody, so I don't know.

Only I have been rejected thus far, so it has been one way only.

However, were I to imagine a reason, why would I ever reject... Well, this person has to be seriously annoying that I know my nerves would give up were we to spend much time together.

But a person that I feel fine to spend time together, I don't think I would reject. Why should I?

 

[smarty24]

Things are very simple: you SHOULD reject everybody who likes you but you don't like him. In opposite case, you will make thing just worst, 2 people who are not liking each other will very soon start to escalate.

 

[niceguysfinishlast]

Can't reject anyone since I never come across a woman that likes me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Things are very simple: you SHOULD reject everybody who likes you but you don't like him.

I mean, if you already know the person and you don't like them, I can agree with that, but why should you reject them if you don't know them?  You can always change your mind about whether or not you like someone.  How can you really know if you don't at least give it a shot?

 

[ardour]

Things are very simple: you SHOULD reject everybody who likes you but you don't like him.

I mean, if you already know the person and you don't like them, I can agree with that, but why should you reject them if you don't know them?  You can always change your mind about whether or not you like someone.  How can you really know if you don't at least give it a shot?

A flat out contradiction of something you've said previously on this forum (can't find the post but it was in response to Sofiasmami regarding first impressions) 

Why?

No physical attraction

Parts of their personality are immediately annoying

Different cultural/social background with few apparent things in common

Simply not connecting and wanting to move on rather than waste any more time. 

A lot of potential reasons, most of which are valid. 

Perhaps you assume smarty24 is a dude and we're not supposed to be picky or something...

 

[TheRealCallie]

Things are very simple: you SHOULD reject everybody who likes you but you don't like him.

I mean, if you already know the person and you don't like them, I can agree with that, but why should you reject them if you don't know them?  You can always change your mind about whether or not you like someone.  How can you really know if you don't at least give it a shot?

A flat out contradiction of something you've said previously on this forum (can't find the post but it was in response to Sofiasmami regarding first impressions) 

Why?

No physical attraction

Parts of their personality are immediately annoying

Different cultural/social background with few apparent things in common

Simply not connecting and wanting to move on rather than waste any more time. 

A lot of potential reasons, most of which are valid. 

Perhaps you assume smarty24 is a dude and we're not supposed to be picky or something...

By all means feel free to find that and show me how I contradicted myself, but I've BEEN saying that physical attraction can come later after you get to know a person.  First impressions are important, but one shouldn't judge someone just by that.  Everyone has something that will annoy another person. Ask anyone in a relationship and I can pretty much assure you that they will admit (if they are honest) that something about the other person annoys them.

 

[DarkSelene]

Why?

No physical attraction

Parts of their personality are immediately annoying

Different cultural/social background with few apparent things in common

Simply not connecting and wanting to move on rather than waste any more time. 

A lot of potential reasons, most of which are valid. 

You can add simply not wanting to give them a shot to the list too. Also, all reasons are valid - rejection is a good person's way of saying "I don't wanna **** with you", figuratively and literally.

 

[ardour]

By all means feel free to find that and show me how I contradicted myself

Okay since you asked. It was a while ago. I only bother because I think people need to be made aware of the possibility you might be a troll, or just like to argue others down for the sake of it.

TheRealCallie:  "... why should you reject them if you don't know them?  You can always change your mind about whether or not you like someone.  How can you really know if you don't at least give it a shot?"

It does make sense.  First impressions mean a lot to some people.  Some people don't need more than one encounter to know if they would like a person or not.  Some people can tell if they are attracted to some based on said first impression....

https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=3742&pid=838581#pid838581

 

[TheRealCallie]

SOME people can tell in one encounter.  Not MOST, but SOME.  MOST people claim they can but they really can't, they just want to use it as an excuse to not like someone without having to get to know them.  

I'm pretty sure you are aware of there being exceptions to every rule.  Most people here shouldn't use first impressions to base their judgments on people.  Hell, most people everywhere shouldn't.  And even if you are one of the few that can accurately judge a person on first impression, you shouldn't let that stop you from making sure you are correct.  And also, it depends on the impression you get, how long you are around them and what you are doing.  If you are with a person for 10 minutes, no, no one is that good at judging people.  If it's over a course of several hours, most likely some will be able to tell.  

But yeah, sure I'm a damn troll.  I'm just a ***** that is here for the sole purpose of beating everyone down.  Please be sure to spread that around....I have no doubt others have already beat you to it, if you aren't already.  lol  
Now, excuse me while I go cry because you hurted my feelings so very much.....  

 

[ardour]

Right as always Callie.

I have to say though, aside from a couple of male friends, no-one's been that gracious with me. As far as romantic interest goes, no member of the opposite *** has ever set aside their likely indifference to my personality (or physical repulsion) to get to know me better first, so your comment comes across as naive and bit ridiculous: That's not how people behave. And in reality finding someone would be an crushing process if everyone did that and went on multiple extended dates with people they weren't interested in. (And the inevitable rejection would likely hurt that person even more.)

 

[user 139760]

"I don't wanna **** with you"

It's really what it all comes down to, isn't it?
I mean we're trying to rationalize this way and that, but it's really that LOL. And the reasons are numerous and diverse enough that I feel dwelling on it just turns us bitter and angry, no matter if you're cute or ugly, intelligent or not, man or women.
Best to just accept it and try again. Eventually, someone DOES accept. Statistically speaking, it's really proportionate LOL ;-)

 

[TheRealCallie]

Right as always Callie.

I have to say though, aside from a couple of male friends, no-one's been that gracious with me. As far as romantic interest goes, no member of the opposite *** has ever set aside their likely indifference to my personality (or physical repulsion) to get to know me better first, so your comment comes across as naive and bit ridiculous: That's not how people behave. And in reality finding someone would be an crushing process if everyone did that and went on multiple extended dates with people they weren't interested in. (And the inevitable rejection would likely hurt that person even more.)

Okay, take a guy who only wants the supermodel type of girl with the intelligence of Einstein and NO ONE else will do.  This great girl comes along the next day and isn't super model worthy and isn't as smart as everyone else, but yet she's not dumb either.  The guy passes her up because she's not gorgeous enough or smart enough for his high standards.  He could have just dismissed the perfect girl for him because he just "KNOWS" that he wouldn't like this girl.

My point is that how do you KNOW what you like and don't like if you don't give people a chance?  Dating comes with rejection, but you shouldn't necessarily pass someone over because they don't meet every one of your standards.

 

[DarkSelene]

What's wrong with not respecting the free will of the other person if you know things aren't going to work out between two people?  Rejection is usually the best option in some situations.

Nothing wrong. To be honest, if you feel this bad about yourself, it's possible that you won't be a good partner. Your SO is not meant to be the full validation you need to find anything remotely interesting about yourself, that'll make a really codependent relationship and could be very demanding for the person needing to make you feel better about your insecurities. Also, people would sense that you had one foot out the door since the beginning when at the slighest setback you won't find a reason to discuss and fix what's wrong rather than just want to run from it because "all your fears are turning into a reality".

Share similarities when it comes to values... doesn't that just mean that they think similarly (with hobbies too), like all couples?

By values I meant the deep stuff like how you view the world, level of commitment, views about relationships. Like for example, if I believe that money and status are not as important as love and respect, while my partner is the opposite, then we might have a problem. But even then, I know couples who have made it work.

I think your view of this matter might change once your situation improves and you feel better about yourself.

With that said, Amelia is right.

If you had to have the same hobbies, males and females would be ****** because even our biology dictates how different our interests will be. If hobbies are the only thing you have in common, that's the recipe for a very weak relationship.
Views like what do you want from a relationship and what you don't accept in it, family, level of commitment and how to communicate/respect each other are the true main concerns and where the requirement to be in agreement really matters for the relationship to work.

Amelia is also right stating that you'd change your mind on the matter if you felt better about yourself. What I'll say might sound harsh but it's honestly just an observation and not judgement, you're putting more importance in smaller things to justify the relationship "being doomed from the start" but once you felt like you were worth anything... you'd be more inclined to want to try something because you'd feel like there's something you can offer - it's easier to be a little more optimistic then.
As I said before, it's very understandable and rather benevolent of you to decide not to put someone in the position of catering to your needs while you feel like you can't give anything back - although I know it stems from the wrong place and it's probably not correct, your mind needs to shift a little before you're good for anyone - but that doesn't mean someone can't come along that'll make you feel better about yourself, that'll make you feel like you're better than you ever thought you were, that'll give you some meaning where you only see despair.

You can choose to avoid it and might be for the best, but doesn't mean everyone here is uncaring or wrong. Just means they see something in themselves that's worth the try.

 

[SilentLife]

"I don't wanna **** with you"

It's really what it all comes down to, isn't it?

The biggest shame is that the world is so unequal that some people are such, who everyone (well, at least most) want to ****, and some are such, who nobody ever wants to touch with a barge-pole.

It is like that everywhere in life. Some people are incredibly rich, while some are filthy poor with little chance of improving. Some are super-strong and active, while others struggle in bad illnesses throughout.

The way the life fates have been distributed in this world feels so unfair, but that's the nature. Some animals are strong, while others die at infancy with no outlooks for life. Same with humans, just in different ways. As human medicine has improved so much that now many more people could stay alive while they couldn't centuries ago, we can witness this endless struggle around us for eternity.

The worst thing is the arrogance that people, who have been at the 'more fortunate' end in whatever matter, can have. "I don't understand, what's wrong with you, I am doing fine." Oh well, go and enjoy then...

 

[TheRealCallie]

And what of the less fortunate people who are doing fine and are perfectly okay?

It's not about how much you have or how much other people have, it's about accepting what you have, finding things to be grateful for, enjoying the time you have, helping others and being considerate. It doesn't matter what everyone else does, it only matters what you do. Pay it forward and carpe diem. Stop worrying about everyone else, what they have and why they do what they do and start focusing on yourself and how you can work toward getting what you want.

 

[user 139760]

"I don't wanna **** with you"

It's really what it all comes down to, isn't it?

The biggest shame is that the world is so unequal that some people are such, who everyone (well, at least most) want to ****, and some are such, who nobody ever wants to touch with a barge-pole.

It is like that everywhere in life. Some people are incredibly rich, while some are filthy poor with little chance of improving. Some are super-strong and active, while others struggle in bad illnesses throughout.

The way the life fates have been distributed in this world feels so unfair, but that's the nature. Some animals are strong, while others die at infancy with no outlooks for life. Same with humans, just in different ways. As human medicine has improved so much that now many more people could stay alive while they couldn't centuries ago, we can witness this endless struggle around us for eternity.

The worst thing is the arrogance that people, who have been at the 'more fortunate' end in whatever matter, can have. "I don't understand, what's wrong with you, I am doing fine." Oh well, go and enjoy then...

True. Lack of empathy with people who've had it harder is common in those more fortunate. However, if we become more fortunate, can not the same be said as well?
It's a matter of perspective.
Like Callie says, if we keep looking over the fence and realizing the grass is greener and "they're luckier than I am", won't help you except make you more bitter. Gotta focus on you and what you can do.

That being said, in my case, "I don't wanna **** with you" is a stance I should maybe have adopted more lol. Might have solved a couple of problems. Ironically, it's a stance I have trouble UNADOPTING now, because of past experience. I don't know who the girl is who'll make me change my mind, but I reckon she'll have to be some type of angel, not to mention a lot of free time on her hands to unravel THIS psychological nutcase lol.
But, I'm starting to think she's out there, somewhere. I see a lot of people on this site talking about "girls" or "boys". In the end, at least for me....you only need one. ONE will be enough, hopefully for the next 50-60 years (500 if technology advances, but we'll tackle on that particular subject when we get there) ;-)

 

[SilentLife]

True. Lack of empathy with people who've had it harder is common in those more fortunate. However, if we become more fortunate, can not the same be said as well?

It can be hard to relate to very different matters. However, I just remembered the right word for it - ignorance. Even if you don't understand the issue, never be ignorant about it.

Once a wise man said - "ignorance is the root of all evil". And I am inclined to think there is some real point about it.

Like Callie says, if we keep looking over the fence and realizing the grass is greener and "they're luckier than I am", won't help you except make you more bitter. Gotta focus on you and what you can do.

True that, but sometimes it is incredibly hard to do, when you have just experienced something very tough. You can adopt this more in retrospect, when all is done and dusted - "ok, it is what it is, but I did my best and have no regrets."

 

[TheRealCallie]

True that, but sometimes it is incredibly hard to do, when you have just experienced something very tough. You can adopt this more in retrospect, when all is done and dusted - "ok, it is what it is, but I did my best and have no regrets."

EVERYONE experiences hard times.  It doesn't matter how much you have or how rich you are.