constvoidasterix
New member
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2013
- Messages
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I know this is isn't going to sound new and exciting to anybody, but here we go anyway.
My issue is quite simply that I am constantly rejected and left out of everything. It has been a problem for me as far back as I can remember. I often imagine there's a "wrongness" that people can sense immediately.
At 31, things aren't getting any easier. After leaving the university, there just aren't a lot of opportunities to meet people. Everyone I meet seems to have settled down already and don't need anyone else in their life. I have a few "friends" that I meet about two times a years. I have one actual, real friend left that I'm afraid to lose because of my inability to keep my pessimism to myself.
Throughout most of my 20s, I was overwhelmed with sadness and suicidal thoughts and I isolated myself (which is something you can really get away with as a student). On top of that, I have also been struggling with OCD, to the point where I would "have to" use so much strong soap that my hands were bleeding. The point is, it hasn't been the greatest life, ok?
A few years ago, just had enough of it all and decided that if I didn't have the guts to kill myself, I had to to try something else. Through a massive effort, I got healthier habits (not staying up too late for example), I started working out and got into much better shape and I'm doing well at work. I even (more or less) defeated my annoying OCD.
But it still just isn't good enough, and it's driving me nuts. There just doesn't seem to be any way out of the hole I've fallen into. I can't figure out how you meet people, and I'm even more clueless about what to say to them. On the rare occasions I do talk to people outside of work, what I say always seems to be the wrong thing, or just too alien for them to understand.
I've tried online dating too. Rejection. After a long time and having contacted a lot of people, I realized that there's just no chance. They don't even care enough to click the "send standard reply" button. Wow.
Despite fighting as hard as I could, I am below rock bottom now. I don't quite know what I am going to do (no, I won't hurt anyone, don't ask!). The whole has left me seething with rage. I don't feel like this is my fault anymore. I shouldn't have to take this.
I've also heard a lot of well-meaning advice. It pretty much goes along the lines of "stop whining" or "well you just have to meet someone". They aren't trying to be mean though, they just don't know what to say. Quite often it seems to me that the very people claiming to know how you beat loneliness are the ones who haven't actually tried the real thing. Come back when you've had a few years of experience, or ten! See how easy it is to "just meet new people" when you've got a lifetime of constant rejection in your head at all times.
Anyway, I felt like writing this. Whether anyone reads it is probably less important.
My issue is quite simply that I am constantly rejected and left out of everything. It has been a problem for me as far back as I can remember. I often imagine there's a "wrongness" that people can sense immediately.
At 31, things aren't getting any easier. After leaving the university, there just aren't a lot of opportunities to meet people. Everyone I meet seems to have settled down already and don't need anyone else in their life. I have a few "friends" that I meet about two times a years. I have one actual, real friend left that I'm afraid to lose because of my inability to keep my pessimism to myself.
Throughout most of my 20s, I was overwhelmed with sadness and suicidal thoughts and I isolated myself (which is something you can really get away with as a student). On top of that, I have also been struggling with OCD, to the point where I would "have to" use so much strong soap that my hands were bleeding. The point is, it hasn't been the greatest life, ok?
A few years ago, just had enough of it all and decided that if I didn't have the guts to kill myself, I had to to try something else. Through a massive effort, I got healthier habits (not staying up too late for example), I started working out and got into much better shape and I'm doing well at work. I even (more or less) defeated my annoying OCD.
But it still just isn't good enough, and it's driving me nuts. There just doesn't seem to be any way out of the hole I've fallen into. I can't figure out how you meet people, and I'm even more clueless about what to say to them. On the rare occasions I do talk to people outside of work, what I say always seems to be the wrong thing, or just too alien for them to understand.
I've tried online dating too. Rejection. After a long time and having contacted a lot of people, I realized that there's just no chance. They don't even care enough to click the "send standard reply" button. Wow.
Despite fighting as hard as I could, I am below rock bottom now. I don't quite know what I am going to do (no, I won't hurt anyone, don't ask!). The whole has left me seething with rage. I don't feel like this is my fault anymore. I shouldn't have to take this.
I've also heard a lot of well-meaning advice. It pretty much goes along the lines of "stop whining" or "well you just have to meet someone". They aren't trying to be mean though, they just don't know what to say. Quite often it seems to me that the very people claiming to know how you beat loneliness are the ones who haven't actually tried the real thing. Come back when you've had a few years of experience, or ten! See how easy it is to "just meet new people" when you've got a lifetime of constant rejection in your head at all times.
Anyway, I felt like writing this. Whether anyone reads it is probably less important.
