for me, life is pretty much a joke
i mean, i believe in God actually, and i don't think life is a joke to God
but in the sense that i will never live as i was intended to, THAT is THE joke
as for people sucking? lmao
i've been betrayed by:
- my father
- my mother
- grandparents
- brothers and sisters
- best friends
- coworkers
- teachers, mentors
- every woman i've given my heart and soul to
yah, so come on world? surprise me.
NO BETRAYAL would ever surprise me. never again.
that is why life is a joke to me.
because i will never again experience what i think we are intended to experience.
Trust
Family
Community
Love
i do feel love, but love is not what i used to perceive it as.
i used to have to trust, to love. because i was concerned what was in it for me. did this person make me happy, etc. now i realize that everyone is completely ****** up and can't make me happy. so, now, my love is more like that of a creator - just love with no conditions.
wanting what is best for a person.
not wanting a person to feel pain.
hoping that a person is content and happy and fulfilled.
but knowing that - in the end - i can't be any of those things, because people don't understand the concept of "apprecation". and never will.
so, my ambitions for fulfillment in this world have been taken down a notch...
from wife, kids, family, happy home, true companionship
to
creature comforts: a warm bed, a decent meal, a good lager, perhaps a vicodin to boot, wtf right?
and eventually i will die...of something...not sure what.
i just hope it isn't:
- an animal attack
- drowning
- plane crash
- or other mass disaster
when i'm gone, i hope it rains like that Alice in Chains song: Rain When I Die
when i go, i will be ready to go, for i will be leaving behind nothing of any substance...only illusion
relate?