Yesterday evening I went at a party one of my "friends" (you may realize why I use " ) was having for his birthday.
When such events happen, it's mandatory for me to go, as at least I'm supposed to be a friend and thus act like one.
Being around people makes me anxious. In addition I didn't know anyone else at this party, and basically all of them were couples.
I did try to speak, though I almost didn't at all. I arrived earler, helped a bit, cracked one or two bad jokes and sat alone for probably 90% of the evening.
There was music, but I didn't like it, and anyways I don't dance.
The food was ok but I expected better. It was a barbecue, but the guys in charge of cooking meat were horrible at it. There were also other dishes which were inside containers with serving spoons. But some people started eating from the serving spoons and that disgusted me (I know.. I have issues, ok).
It was full of mosquitoes and they had a certain penchant for my blood, but I guess it was unavoidable since we were in the countryside.
I couldn't help but ask myself.. why did I come? I mean I know I'm no party person.. and I know one of the reason I went was because otherwise I'm always home in my room on my own.
At this point I really don't know if I'm fine being completely by myself, but that is starting to seem the case.
And I don't know how to feel about that.
So why did I even write this thread? Uhm. D'oh XD
I really need to meet new people in real life, but I have social anxiety and sometimes panic a bit. Thus, these occasions when people I know invite their friends, are the best for me to actually meet new people, since I'm not meeting any on my own. However, I myself make it so I won't talk to them even in this case.
Am I hopeless after all? Maybe it's wrong to think I need company? Yet I can't yet resign to a life to spend completely alone. I have no idea what to think.
When such events happen, it's mandatory for me to go, as at least I'm supposed to be a friend and thus act like one.
Being around people makes me anxious. In addition I didn't know anyone else at this party, and basically all of them were couples.
I did try to speak, though I almost didn't at all. I arrived earler, helped a bit, cracked one or two bad jokes and sat alone for probably 90% of the evening.
There was music, but I didn't like it, and anyways I don't dance.
The food was ok but I expected better. It was a barbecue, but the guys in charge of cooking meat were horrible at it. There were also other dishes which were inside containers with serving spoons. But some people started eating from the serving spoons and that disgusted me (I know.. I have issues, ok).
It was full of mosquitoes and they had a certain penchant for my blood, but I guess it was unavoidable since we were in the countryside.
I couldn't help but ask myself.. why did I come? I mean I know I'm no party person.. and I know one of the reason I went was because otherwise I'm always home in my room on my own.
At this point I really don't know if I'm fine being completely by myself, but that is starting to seem the case.
And I don't know how to feel about that.
So why did I even write this thread? Uhm. D'oh XD
I really need to meet new people in real life, but I have social anxiety and sometimes panic a bit. Thus, these occasions when people I know invite their friends, are the best for me to actually meet new people, since I'm not meeting any on my own. However, I myself make it so I won't talk to them even in this case.
Am I hopeless after all? Maybe it's wrong to think I need company? Yet I can't yet resign to a life to spend completely alone. I have no idea what to think.