Making small talk about nothing

Estreen · Sep 7, 2009

The best trick I know is to get people to talk about themselves. :3

Unless you have something else you'd like to share or talk about, you can never go wrong by asking the other person questions about them. People (in most cases) like it when another person seems to take an interest in them and asks questions about them. You're showing interest, and you're taking the pressure off of yourself to find something of interest to say, plus you might learn something interesting.

epileptic · Sep 7, 2009

topics never to get into when dealing with small talk

olitics, religion, or philosophy. It is soooo easy to offend people because of certain particular views.

Naval_Fluff · Sep 7, 2009

I usually just find their interest and expand on that. Music is always a good subject, thought it can get a bit touchy. I listen to all music, so I don't care who likes what. But bring up the subject of rap around a metalhead and you're likely to get your spleen ripped out :/ Just be careful not to talk about yoruself too much, people really don't like that. Don't dominate the conversation, that's what works for me.

Wyrm · Sep 16, 2009

I received this in one of those free newsletter things. It's part of a newsletter that gives one tips on dating and talking to women, though it's useful for making conversation with anyone. It's been helpful to me, considering how shy and reclusive I can be.

1) You start a conversation with however you want
then pick out key words or phrases from what the
person says.

2) You repeat them in what you say then listen for
new key words in there next response.

3) You add a little something new into the
conversation REPEATING there words you're using as
Key words or phrases. This tells them you're
listening.

Once we learned to keep someone talking for 5
minutes, then 15 minutes the company actually
hired total strangers from a job soliciting
company to come and be our subjects. While being
videotaped we had to get the person talking and
keep them talking for 30 minutes.

Mackie · Sep 21, 2009

I have a hard time with small talk too. I get too worked up coming up with something "witty" to say, only to find that by the time I've thought of it, the topic has already changed. So I just sit in silence. I don't know what to do to change it though since I was never really taught how to interact with people.

packyourbags · Sep 22, 2009

Mackie said:
I have a hard time with small talk too. I get too worked up coming up with something "witty" to say, only to find that by the time I've thought of it, the topic has already changed. So I just sit in silence. I don't know what to do to change it though since I was never really taught how to interact with people.

well.. you know, you don't have to say something witty.
dear, just be kinda... calm, i guess, and don't care what they think...

PoisonFlowers · Sep 22, 2009

Ahhh I'm not fond of small talk. I mean, I can come up with some questions now and then etc, but it's so much effort. Getting people to talk about themselves is a good way to get through it as has been suggested above, but sometimes it just feels like a chore. I wish silences didn't have to be awkward...
I guess it deprends on who you're with as well.

ExploringLad · Sep 25, 2009

I can TOTALLY relate to this feeling of not being able to make small talk -- it drives me bonkers that I'm not better at it!!

I don't know if this is possible yet, but I'd be interested in whether there are any safe medications that help improve one's social ability. I'm not too familiar with antidepressants, but aren't they supposed to make people feel more social and talkative? I'd be curious to hear people's experiences with them and any other supplements/meds on social ability. (Of course, I'm not suggesting that this is the ideal solution but sometimes it can be helpful)

In the meantime, I think the best thing to do is to find people and communities where you share common interests. Joining a club or organization immediately gives you something to talk about right there. It also helps to have knowledge on a specific topic and to become an expert in something. Building up expertise in an area can help a person make conversation when he has trouble spontaneously coming up with lots of interesting comments.

PoisonFlowers · Sep 26, 2009

ExploringLad said:
I don't know if this is possible yet, but I'd be interested in whether there are any safe medications that help improve one's social ability. I'm not too familiar with antidepressants, but aren't they supposed to make people feel more social and talkative? I'd be curious to hear people's experiences with them and any other supplements/meds on social ability. (Of course, I'm not suggesting that this is the ideal solution but sometimes it can be helpful)

In the meantime, I think the best thing to do is to find people and communities where you share common interests. Joining a club or organization immediately gives you something to talk about right there. It also helps to have knowledge on a specific topic and to become an expert in something. Building up expertise in an area can help a person make conversation when he has trouble spontaneously coming up with lots of interesting comments.

Yes, that is a little on the controversial side (medicating in order to gain improved sociability.) I have no experience of anti-depressants, but perhaps the increase in talkativity openess is due to the fact that they treat the depression, which can make you withdrawn and distant. I'd say that it's not that great an option for a long term solution unless you have something like severe social phobia, and even then it's not ideal. Alcohol is often used in this way, but getting dependant is obviously not a good idea.

I like your tip though. Better knowledge and conversation - what's not to like? It goes to show that there is no easy way and you've got to work for it and seek it out.

*Sigh* · Sep 29, 2009

Small talk is annoying sometimes. A girl at my church asked me "How are you?" 5 times within 10 minutes. That made it kinda awkward.

PoisonFlowers · Oct 1, 2009

*Sigh* said:
Small talk is annoying sometimes. A girl at my church asked me "How are you?" 5 times within 10 minutes. That made it kinda awkward.

I'll bet she's not all that comfortable with small talk either

You should have given a different reply each time.

SasukeKunDesu · Oct 3, 2009

I used to be able to do "small talk" pretty well, especially online. But "RL stuff" increased my depression and caused my social skills to deteriorate even online. So much so that I'm no longer capable of making friends v_v My Friend Count: 0.

PoisonFlowers · Oct 3, 2009

SasukeKunDesu said:
I used to be able to do "small talk" pretty well, especially online. But "RL stuff" increased my depression and caused my social skills to deteriorate even online. So much so that I'm no longer capable of making friends v_v My Friend Count: 0.

I'll be your friend. You are probably much better at talking than me

Naruto fan?

Minus · Oct 3, 2009

*Sigh* said:
Small talk is annoying sometimes. A girl at my church asked me "How are you?" 5 times within 10 minutes. That made it kinda awkward.

I don't know that that is even 'small talk' with some people. For some it seems to be a greeting in passing. I did work with a guy who was friendly and outgoing but he had the habit of asking "How are you?" at least twenty times during a shift. After days, weeks and years of that it wore on me to the point that i became ******* enough to limit my response to "The same as when you asked me ten minutes ago." Still he would continue to ask me the same question at least twenty times a day.

Eventually i realized that it wasn't even really a question but more of a greeting.

samba101 · Oct 4, 2009

It depends what mood I'm in as to whether I make small talk. In all honesty I prefer to let the other person do all the talking as I'm not that creative in thinking of replies.

ShawnPearce · Oct 9, 2009

Small talkers don't even think before they open their mouths. Seriously. But others, like myself, need to back up with they say with relevence. If the thought in the mind is in all actuality irrevelent, then the wisest decision to make is to not say it out loud. If I ever small talk, it's to ask a few questions, but other than that, I don't say much. What irritates me the most though is how no body listens when I finally do decide to say something important (to me). It's either I'm taking over their heads or they just have short attention spans - or maybe they just don't find what I'm saying as interesting as it is to me.

volodymyra1 · Oct 12, 2009

Hi
Talk about boring stuff at first like the weather then start to build it up like where are you from? Where do you live? Where did you go to school? What do you do for a living? Do you have any pets? Do you have a significant other? What kinda music they like, foods, what they like to do in their free time and stuff like that.

PoisonFlowers · Oct 12, 2009

volodymyra1 said:
Hi
Talk about boring stuff at first like the weather then start to build it up like where are you from? Where do you live? Where did you go to school? What do you do for a living? Do you have any pets? Do you have a significant other? What kinda music they like, foods, what they like to do in their free time and stuff like that.

Small talk is such a bore. It's just there to fill in the dreaded silence that would otherwise decend.

What if you ran out of questions? Hahaha

4No1 · Aug 29, 2024

I'm thinking of practising small talks and have no idea how to do it.

Let's imagine there is, let's say some hiking group. I'd like to practise language + communicational skills, so I find a victim(how to choose one, roll lthe dice? And more difficult: how to make sure a victim doesn't mind talking?) and then ask... what?
"Hi, I'd like to practise your beautiful language, what do you do for living? Is it going to rain? Why is it so hot/cold/normal? Have you ever been there before? How do you call this/that" - does it seem completely stupid/inappropriate(for me it really does, but I don't care if they think I am stupid) or can I use language practising as an excuse?
Should I say my name first or not?
Probably I've been sitting at home for too long, but it was always like that: either people started communication or we didn't talk. Sometimes some random people still talk to me, but it's not that often. For some reason, usually when I'm with my ~~kid~~quite gloomy teen, maybe I look less threateningly ))

Draven · Aug 30, 2024

4No1 said:
I'm thinking of practising small talks and have no idea how to do it.

Let's imagine there is, let's say some hiking group. I'd like to practise language + communicational skills, so I find a victim(how to choose one, roll lthe dice? And more difficult: how to make sure a victim doesn't mind talking?) and then ask... what?
"Hi, I'd like to practise your beautiful language, what do you do for living? Is it going to rain? Why is it so hot/cold/normal? Have you ever been there before? How do you call this/that" - does it seem completely stupid/inappropriate(for me it really does, but I don't care if they think I am stupid) or can I use language practising as an excuse?
Should I say my name first or not?
Probably I've been sitting at home for too long, but it was always like that: either people started communication or we didn't talk. Sometimes some random people still talk to me, but it's not that often. For some reason, usually when I'm with my ~~kid~~quite gloomy teen, maybe I look less threateningly ))

Small talk is a big fraction of my job and I only enjoy it half the time really. It doesn't feel like there's much of a science to it you just flow with it. Talk about what you want to talk about. Your case is mad different though because you're learning a new language. I tried learning Spanish and Burmese when I worked with Spanish and Burmese people in my past. I never really tried hard enough though. Mostly was just taught a word or two each day but never really had a chance to use it. I remember mostly I learned work excuses or jokes ya know things to get people laughing sometimes. But I wish I had thought of just asking my Burmese mama to practice while we were folding laundry all day. That's a good idea you had using language practice as an excuse. It's not far off the truth right? Asking people how they're doing is always a good start and yeah ask about names early on in the conversation. Good luck with you.

Making small talk about nothing

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