1-month streaks

[barky]

Hey ALL peeps,

I feel I'm a pretty positive person regardless my circumstances, but I've noticed a trend that is starting to eat at me a bit.

Since I made the dating scene a priority a few years back, I've enjoyed the company of quite a few awesome ladies. But a disheartening fact thru it all has been that I can never make a connection last for an extended period. I'm not out for long-term, but it would be nice to get past a month with someone eventually.

I guess the positive is I'm a pro at all the dating norms up to 1-month now though

Fin rant. Anyone else batting this same dating average?

 

[Case]

I'm all over the map, but if I connect with a woman, it lasts at least 6 months.

 

[Tiina63]

Do you think that maybe the fact you aren't out for longterm might be partly the reason why you aren't connecting for longer than a month? Maybe you are meeting women who are looking for something longterm?

 

[barky]

Great point, and that did come to mind after I posted. I'm realizing "long-term" wasn't the right wording.

I'm okay with something lengthy or even long-term blossoming, but I'm not looking for something serious. University, coaching & playing soccer, along with work & fam responsibilities mean there's just not enough of me left to give someone a fair deal.

---

A question related to that point also:

Can one say they don't want to be exclusive and not have the other person think he/she is a sleaze?

I've never seen the immorality of dating multiple people at once, so long as everyone involved is aware of the situation.

 

[Badjedidude]

Can one say they don't want to be exclusive and not have the other person think he/she is a sleaze?

I've never seen the immorality of dating multiple people at once, so long as everyone involved is aware of the situation.

There is nothing wrong with this. At all.

Just be honest and open with everyone.

I've personally never understood why everyone seems to think that the term dating implies a long-term, monogamous, exclusive arrangement anyway.

It's fine to date around. In fact, if you let your dates know that you're not exclusive to them, they might just work harder to get your attention. In the meantime, you'll be exposing yourself to a lot of possible relationship connections all at once, whereas.... if you were being exclusive, you'd have to try out each connection individually.

 

[Pike Creek]

I think that unless you meet women who are also not looking for anything serious, that could be why things fizzle out after a few weeks or a month, but I'm just speculating, not knowing the types of women you date.

I know when I started dating, I had the opportunity to date a lot of guys, but in my experience 90% of them were only looking for casual dating and sex. I wasn't so I didn't waste my time dating those type of men for too long. And to be honest, because my goal was a long-term relationship, if I did date a guy for a few weeks, and he hinted at only wanting something casual, I kept looking and stopped dating him when someone who seemed more serious came along.

 

[Triple Bogey]

When I connect with a woman, it lasts 2 minutes !

 

[TheSkaFish]

When that happens to me, I think it's because I'm not interesting enough. I am able to talk to them because of common interests or ideals, but because I don't have enough going on in my life, I'm just not exciting enough to sustain a connection.

I hear you about the frustration. I too would like someone to stick around. But I don't think that's going to happen until I am consistently reading and doing new things that give me stories and ideas and passions to talk about.

 

[barky]

Your reply made my day Triple!

I relate Ska, that same self-doubt creeps in after one of my connections fizzles. I like to think iv e gotten used to it, but the pattern itself is worrying me.

You've nailed it I think PC: my laid back approach probably isn't the vibe the women I've dated are looking for. Those I've connected with say they aren't looking for anything serious though, but maybe they are just trying to play it cool to start.

I have the mindset that our 20's should be filled with as many awesome people as we can fit into them. That way, come 30, I feel like ill know exactly what I need in a partner. Even with the limited length of my connections, I still look at them all positively. I've learned so much about myself thru them.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I've personally never understood why everyone seems to think that the term dating implies a long-term, monogamous, exclusive arrangement anyway.

I'd have to agree. I personally don't like the term "dating" anyway, and have never really used it referring to myself. I prefer just saying I'm with someone. Or people just saying they're with someone. If they happen to be with more than one person, I think it's just dandy as long as the people involved know. It's not sleazy. It's just being with people.

 

[Pike Creek]

I have the mindset that our 20's should be filled with as many awesome people as we can fit into them. That way, come 30, I feel like ill know exactly what I need in a partner. Even with the limited length of my connections, I still look at them all positively. I've learned so much about myself thru them.

I totally agree, I think far too many people tie themselves down too young. I also think that a lot of young women are marriage/baby-crazy, at least it seems that way through my own life experience, I was certainly like that and now that I'm in my 40's I'm very glad I didn't go that route. I know NOW what I want, I didn't even know in my 30's!!

Actually my bf is much younger than I am and he was glad to find me because he said all the girls his age wanted the baby/marriage/family route and he didn't want that at all.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I totally agree, I think far too many people tie themselves down too young. I also think that a lot of young women are marriage/baby-crazy, at least it seems that way through my own life experience, I was certainly like that and now that I'm in my 40's I'm very glad I didn't go that route. I know NOW what I want, I didn't even know in my 30's!!

Actually my bf is much younger than I am and he was glad to find me because he said all the girls his age wanted the baby/marriage/family route and he didn't want that at all.

I've come to realize - and by that, I mean, earlier today, it hit me - that I'd really much rather have a dog than a baby. I'll be 26, and I've absolutely no desire to marry, and if I ever have a child, I'd much prefer to have one when I'm more financially ready.

 

[Pike Creek]

I've come to realize - and by that, I mean, earlier today, it hit me - that I'd really much rather have a dog than a baby. I'll be 26, and I've absolutely no desire to marry, and if I ever have a child, I'd much prefer to have one when I'm more financially ready.

I wanted children when I was 19/20....I didn't even care if I was married or if the guy was interested - not that I went out having unprotected sex, but I was honest after some months of being with a guy and didn't find one willing to "donate" so to speak. When I was 26, I got two dogs and honestly....I too am glad I spent 19 years with my dogs rather than with kids. I'm just not a kid person.

And I think you're smart because a lot of people (myself included) wanted a kid without any consideration for finances or how I would take care of him/her in the future, like I said, it was baby fever. How unfair I was being, so I'm glad it never happened. I would have surely been a welfare mom and that's not the life I would have wanted for any kid of mine.

Those I've connected with say they aren't looking for anything serious though, but maybe they are just trying to play it cool to start.

Yes, I think many people will say this when they first start dating because they also don't want to make any kind of commitment in case they don't end up liking the other person. I always said I like to keep things casual to begin with but my profile (because I was internet dating) was clear that long-lasting and serious was what I ultimately wanted.

 

[barky]

I wholly agree with you two! I want to be secure enough in my career and finances before I have kids. I know I'm too focused on me right now to be an adequate parent. Plus I've got 4 nephews and soon a niece, so there are enough little people for now

I'm into the online dating as well, and try to connect with others that have fun & light profiles. Ironically enough, the one that had the lightest profile ended up telling me one month in that she was interested in having a child soon. Nope, not for me.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I totally agree, I think far too many people tie themselves down too young. I also think that a lot of young women are marriage/baby-crazy, at least it seems that way through my own life experience, I was certainly like that and now that I'm in my 40's I'm very glad I didn't go that route. I know NOW what I want, I didn't even know in my 30's!!

That's something I worry about all the time. I never thought they would go so fast, but already it seems like all the good girls are taken. Since they're all young I'm holding out hope that they're just in the "making mistakes" phase, but idk. It seems like it only goes downhill from here. I've looked on the dating sites at women in my own age range, and I have to say that when I look at who's still around by 28 or so, I have to say, the outlook is quite dismal.

I just can't believe people think they know what they want for the rest of their lives at such an early age, when they've not even gotten halfway through their 20s, in some cases, let alone even started their 20s yet.

 

[barky]

I've actually noticed the opposite online Ska. The prettiest (inside as well) seem to be 26 onwards. I find that age sexiest because those women appear to know what they want. I think you're at the prime age for online dating my friend!