34 alone, no family and no friends

[jzinsky]

You want cold truth? Come here and I'll give you a great big warm hug, maybe even a kiss if you wish, and I don't even care that you're a man hugs are good for the soul

 

[ardour]

Hawk - I understand you are unhappy. That is natural. BUT, that is going to push people away from you even further. Is there a way you just learn to relax and live IN the moment. Whatever you are doing, give it your full attention. When exercising, put yourself into that. When at work, take your work seriously and do a great job and be helpful to your coworkers. This statement below disturbs me:


"Ive had many jobs and i know already i wont be hanging on to this one for very long either. The problem is not me but others that are making my working place a place of hell to be! People are making my life impossible to live."

Sorry. That is a copout and an excuse. EVERY job is full of it's share of people you might not care for . Everyone one of us who works for a living experiences the SAME thing. If you are going to run from job to job thinking you are going to find some perfect job, you are sadly mistaken. And, you are going to wind up in the unemployment line, with no means to take care of yourself and no money to enjoy your life. Your JOB is what you do. Whoever else is there wasn't hired by you and it is not your place to decide if they should or shouldn't be there. It IS your place to work along side whomever you are supposed to work along side with. Enjoying your job isn't about someone ELSE it is about YOU and it is about your ATTITUDE. You can decide that you have a job, it pays the bills, it allows you to feed and clothe yourself, have a place to live, etc AND you can determine to go to work and make the best of it and give it your best. Anything less only hurts YOU. And, as for the coworkers, who cares? YOU are the one CHOOSING to let them get under your skin. It is a work relationship. You can decide to take that stuff to heart or just concentrate on what you need to do. And, believe me i have worked 25+ yrs so i know what i am talking about. Yes, i like some jobs better than others. But, it is really up to ME to just determine my job is what i do and i am going to do it well and not get involved in pissy politics and pissing contests and personalities at work. Your choice. Or, you can let that nonsense blowup in your face and push you away from a decent job.

Backbiting and office politics sucks because workplaces are where we spend a large portion of our waking lives. It's not that easy to shrug off when you can't escape. How we deal with those situations is important, but again, feeling perturbed is a normal reaction.

A lot of your advice seems to be filed under the 'grow up, stop whining' category, so lets follow through on that theme of admonishment. OP :

Life doesn't owe you anything ... others don't have to be nice to you... work isn't a place to make friends, silly... pull your socks up. etc.

Now he's feeling suitably shamed.

 

[Bei]

You want cold truth? Come here and I'll give you a great big warm hug, maybe even a kiss if you wish, and I don't even care that you're a man hugs are good for the soul

Aww, that's sweet! xD

 

[Peaches]

The only place people feel they belong now are in exclusive cliques of friends from school or college, or groups with some shared political outlook. Like for example if you were a vegan lesbian who was interested destabilising the capitalist/patriarchal system you might join a group of like-minded individuals and make friends that way.

lol, I have met both lesbians and vegans who are very lonely, it's all in the angle one has about things

 

[garlfin22]

What do you mean people are "rude and unfriendly" to you? In what what are they rude? At this point you need to take a LONG look in the mirror. How do you look? Do you look well kept? Are you sending off some 'off putting" vibe? Strangers always will seem strange until you get to know them.

Look, you have to decide that your life is what you make it. Staying home and drinking is only going to make you feel worse. Do you have any interests in anything? Do you like to cook, exercise, or do other activities? There are any number of civic clubs you could join. But, when you join you have to at first PRETEND to be excited about whatever it is you are joining. Fake it. Then just try to allow yourself to really get into it and you will find that you enjoy doing some of those activities.
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different result. Staying home and doing what you are doing now isn't working. Why not keep trying to move ahead? Yes, it is difficult. We all feel rejection. But, if you get out and ALLOW yourself to just relax, don't pressure people, enjoy the company while you have it whatever activity. And, realize MOST of the people you meet are just people you will interact with for a brief period, and that's ok. But, if you stick with it you might start feeling better.

Wowwwww. Wow. That's an unbelievable response to someone in need. Wow. Seriously?????!? SERIOUSLY?????!? Stunning. Why R there so many horrible people on this site???!? I thought this would be the one place free of this kinda ****, but really??!? I'm speechless. What an incredibly dangerous thing to say.

 

[ladyforsaken]

What do you mean people are "rude and unfriendly" to you? In what what are they rude? At this point you need to take a LONG look in the mirror. How do you look? Do you look well kept? Are you sending off some 'off putting" vibe? Strangers always will seem strange until you get to know them.

Look, you have to decide that your life is what you make it. Staying home and drinking is only going to make you feel worse. Do you have any interests in anything? Do you like to cook, exercise, or do other activities? There are any number of civic clubs you could join. But, when you join you have to at first PRETEND to be excited about whatever it is you are joining. Fake it. Then just try to allow yourself to really get into it and you will find that you enjoy doing some of those activities.
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different result. Staying home and doing what you are doing now isn't working. Why not keep trying to move ahead? Yes, it is difficult. We all feel rejection. But, if you get out and ALLOW yourself to just relax, don't pressure people, enjoy the company while you have it whatever activity. And, realize MOST of the people you meet are just people you will interact with for a brief period, and that's ok. But, if you stick with it you might start feeling better.

Wowwwww. Wow. That's an unbelievable response to someone in need. Wow. Seriously?????!? SERIOUSLY?????!? Stunning. Why R there so many horrible people on this site???!? I thought this would be the one place free of this kinda ****, but really??!? I'm speechless. What an incredibly dangerous thing to say.

You do realise that member has been banned? And there's a reason why they get banned.

 

[ardour]

What do you mean people are "rude and unfriendly" to you? In what what are they rude? At this point you need to take a LONG look in the mirror. How do you look? Do you look well kept? Are you sending off some 'off putting" vibe? Strangers always will seem strange until you get to know them.

Look, you have to decide that your life is what you make it. Staying home and drinking is only going to make you feel worse. Do you have any interests in anything? Do you like to cook, exercise, or do other activities? There are any number of civic clubs you could join. But, when you join you have to at first PRETEND to be excited about whatever it is you are joining. Fake it. Then just try to allow yourself to really get into it and you will find that you enjoy doing some of those activities.
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different result. Staying home and doing what you are doing now isn't working. Why not keep trying to move ahead? Yes, it is difficult. We all feel rejection. But, if you get out and ALLOW yourself to just relax, don't pressure people, enjoy the company while you have it whatever activity. And, realize MOST of the people you meet are just people you will interact with for a brief period, and that's ok. But, if you stick with it you might start feeling better.

Wowwwww. Wow. That's an unbelievable response to someone in need. Wow. Seriously?????!? SERIOUSLY?????!? Stunning. Why R there so many horrible people on this site???!? I thought this would be the one place free of this kinda ****, but really??!? I'm speechless. What an incredibly dangerous thing to say.

Some snippets of good advice put in an absolutely terrible way. Yes she was banned but it's indicative of how society views feeling lonely ; it's all your fault, you need to be more proactive, don't expect anything blah blah. A bit of compassion is likely to have helped this person take those first steps. And this person went on to post even more despondent things...

 

[ladyforsaken]

Some snippets of good advice put in an absolutely terrible way. Yes she was banned but it's indicative of how society views feeling lonely ; it's all your fault, you need to be more proactive, don't expect anything blah blah. A bit of compassion is likely to have helped this person take those first steps. And this person went on to post even more despondent things...

Well I'm not sure if she speaks for society, I try not to care what society thinks as much as I can.. so I can't compare her to that. But she used to go with the "tough love" approach which doesn't help some. Same goes with any other advice or compassion - these don't work for everyone. There are people who also get even more pissed when people show them compassion. It's just how different people view different situations and deal with them differently. Not sure if what Lady Gaga said mirrors what the society thinks.... I sure hope not because I think it would be a whole lot worse place to live in. Or maybe I'm am too naive / in denial to see this. At least I hope that there are still a considerable amount of compassionate people to keep things not too imbalanced out there.

 

[ardour]

Well I'm not sure if she speaks for society, I try not to care what society thinks as much as I can.. so I can't compare her to that. But she used to go with the "tough love" approach which doesn't help some. Same goes with any other advice or compassion - these don't work for everyone. There are people who also get even more pissed when people show them compassion. It's just how different people view different situations and deal with them differently. Not sure if what Lady Gaga said mirrors what the society thinks.... I sure hope not because I think it would be a whole lot worse place to live in. Or maybe I'm am too naive / in denial to see this. At least I hope that there are still a considerable amount of compassionate people to keep things not too imbalanced out there.

I'd hope so, but when was the last time you saw that compassion from strangers or confided in anyone outside of family about how lonely you were? It's not the done thing. People are quick to apply the needy judgement, so instead we pretend everything's fine and act casual so as not to put them off.

 

[Solivagant]

But she used to go with the "tough love" approach which doesn't help some. Same goes with any other advice or compassion - these don't work for everyone. There are people who also get even more pissed when people show them compassion. It's just how different people view different situations and deal with them differently.

So true...

 

[ladyforsaken]

^Indeed.

I'd hope so, but when was the last time you saw that compassion from strangers or confided in anyone outside of family about how lonely you were? It's not the done thing. People are quick to apply the needy judgement, so instead we pretend everything's fine and act casual so as not to put them off.

You're right.. it's not easy to see this going around... sigh. I guess that's life.

 

[Tiina63]

I agree that people are often quick to apply the needy judgement, usually those whose own emotional needs are being met and who have no real idea of what it is like to be lonely longterm. When did 'needy' become a term used by a lot of society to put people down instead of being simply a statement of fact? I admit that I am needy-loneliness is the need for more closeness, for greater connection.

 

[Wanderer145]

I agree that people are often quick to apply the needy judgement, usually those whose own emotional needs are being met and who have no real idea of what it is like to be lonely longterm. When did 'needy' become a term used by a lot of society to put people down instead of being simply a statement of fact? I admit that I am needy-loneliness is the need for more closeness, for greater connection.

People often dismiss those who are lonely for just speaking out about it. It's a sign of weakness expressing it. You are on point about those who already have their emotional needs fulfilled...those people rarely are in a state where they don't have someone to fall back on...but those sorts of people crash and burn if they don't get it. So having the temperament which allows us to cope makes us tougher than those who have it all....I think when it comes down to it we all need emotional and physical needs fulfilled...it can be hard not having that closeness over a long time.

 

[FPL2014]

Well, I'm 32 and, besides my mom, there's no one on earth I'm even reasonably connected to.

As I said to other poster here just some days ago, though, I have no problem with this situation right now, because I have found some things that give me pleasure and help me spend the time without bothering that there isn't anyone with me...

Sometimes I wish there were someone...but most of the times I remember how people, as a rule, are boring...I picture myself in a forced relationship...you know, relationship for the sake of it...and then it all comes out from my mind...

I think that, at 32, I'm already 'ok' with the fact that I may have to spend the rest of my days alone. And to be honest, right now I really don't give a s###.

---

People often dismiss those who are lonely for just speaking out about it. It's a sign of weakness expressing it. You are on point about those who already have their emotional needs fulfilled...those people rarely are in a state where they don't have someone to fall back on...but those sorts of people crash and burn if they don't get it. So having the temperament which allows us to cope makes us tougher than those who have it all....I think when it comes down to it we all need emotional and physical needs fulfilled...it can be hard not having that closeness over a long time.

Many never do in fact.

I think we have to learn to deal with the possibility that this may be our case.

 

[FPL2014]

Just in topic, I made a post on my blog about solitude, ie with my current vision of it.

Solitude

Don't know if it can help much tho.

 

[Nuke1967]

I know where your coming from, I have never had a relationship and I have come home to an empty apt for over 20 years now, I lost both my parents by age 26, my family has never been close, I do believe there are people (Me for one) that do have trouble socially, my brother had issues socially as well, maybe it was just the boys in my family because my two sisters have friends up the wazoo and have always been super social.

I have battled depression for a long time, hell this last few months have been the hardest I have had in years, seems like one bad hit after another, I wish I had sage advise to give, if I did I would probably write a book and become rich, it is very hard, you go day by day worrying about the future and also thinking about the mistakes of the past.

I would look in your area for a professional to talk to, I am going to soon, I had to before in the past, and I think it might be good to go again, some places have a sliding scale based on income.

But anyhow, good luck, your not alone in what is happening to you, there are many who deal with the same issues.

 

[sk66rc]

This may sound a bit odd but I wish I could be in your shoes right now... I'm at a point where I really don't feel like connecting with anyone... I guess most people feel like that once in a while, just want to be alone... Don't get me wrong... As few as they are, friends I have a wonderful & I love my family... I just haven't had any desire to be with people lately... It's one thing to have a place to vent once in a while but actual interaction with people are a bit turn off to me at this point in my life... What really screws me up is the fact that I really don't have any reason to feel anti-social... I haven't had any fights with friends or falling out with family members... And I don't feel really too bad about it, being alone, I mean...

 

[Jacob1]

I'm 34. Only 2 family members left now and I have no friends outside of work. What you've encountered, generally contempt, people being closed off etc. is part of a systemic problem in society, but I'm only going to get in trouble for elaborating.

The only place people feel they belong now are in exclusive cliques of friends from school or college, or groups with some shared political outlook. Like for example if you were a vegan lesbian who was interested destabilising the capitalist/patriarchal system you might join a group of like-minded individuals and make friends that way. Generally, getting to know others can be very hard if you don't already have established social contacts. It's not an excuse to do nothing, just a way of putting it in perspective (and give yourself a break.)

Hey dude I'm was where your at then I took a look in the mirror and realize it was me you know what I did I got put on Xanax and no social problems just no friends but no social issue like social anxiety just tellin how I solve that

---

This may sound a bit odd but I wish I could be in your shoes right now... I'm at a point where I really don't feel like connecting with anyone... I guess most people feel like that once in a while, just want to be alone... Don't get me wrong... As few as they are, friends I have a wonderful & I love my family... I just haven't had any desire to be with people lately... It's one thing to have a place to vent once in a while but actual interaction with people are a bit turn off to me at this point in my life... What really screws me up is the fact that I really don't have any reason to feel anti-social... I haven't had any fights with friends or falling out with family members... And I don't feel really too bad about it, being alone, I mean...

No dude you don't want to be in our shoes at all for reall sure I'm happy of my solitude and use it for self improvement but I'd like a friend

 

[SophiaGrace]

I would be your friend, Hawx.

 

[Hawx79]

I would be your friend, Hawx.

Thanks, but if you met me I doubt you would.