35 year old kissless, hand hold-less virgin man who has never heard of a girl/woman liking him in any way.

[CenotaphGirl]

how can someone love you and find you hideous at the same time?

I find most men hideous I can still love them though someone said it doesnt matter what a man looks like thats not particularly where his value lies

I doubt they'd want to be romantically or sexually involved with me in the first place if they found me hideous. I have a hard time imagining how that would work.

But if you knew deep down she was not attracted to you but she was willing to be with you, would that work? Like maybe because she wants to live in your country

 

[ardour]

I am pretty sure Leo DiCaprio thinks the same way I do, and people celebrate him for it.

Lol....He gets spit-roasted for it. Even Ricky Gervais called him out for it.

 

[ardour]

No, I wouldn't out of hand. The why is the really important part.
I've known a 55 year old virgin. After a 20 minute conversation with him over a drink, I knew exactly why, too.
Are you really sure this is a question you really, REALLY want answers to?

Why was he a virgin, in your opinion?

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I find most men hideous I can still love them though someone said it doesnt matter what a man looks like thats not particularly where his value lies


But if you knew deep down she was not attracted to you but she was willing to be with you, would that work? Like maybe because she wants to live in your country

If she wasn't attracted to me on a physical level, but there was a deep feeling of love and understanding between us, then possibly that COULD work, but I'm by no means certain. If the only reason she 's with me is to stay in the country, absolutely not. She could find some other mug to use.

 

[Unsigned]

If the only reason she 's with me is to stay in the country, absolutely not. She could find some other mug to use.

100% agree with this.
I've had 2 girls in the past want to use me for a green card.
I was having none of that.
Great way to multiply your issues x1000.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

100% agree with this.
I've had 2 girls in the past want to use me for a green card.
I was having none of that.
Great way to multiply your issues x1000.

A woman with those intentions wouldn't even get her foot in the door with me. I may be starved of intimacy, but I'm no fool.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Absolutely not. That may be a fitting solution for some men, but not for me. My way of thinking is, "Why should I have to pay for something the vast majority of society gets to do for free"? It's kind of a cold, calculating way to phrase it, but that's the gist of it. I can think of few things I'd find more degrading than paying for sex.

I agree with this 100%.

I am not exaggerating at all when I say that I would rather die, than accept the insult, the utter humiliation of having to pay for what others get naturally as a result of just being the way they are.

Keep in mind we're talking about getting a romantic relationship here - something that is a common desire to almost all people, that people of all body types, levels of physical health and mental ability, and socioeconomic class/status have been able to do. This is something that most people all over the world take for granted as a given part of normal life - NOT something like owning an exotic car, or becoming famous. The way some people talk about romantic relationships as this exotic "extra", this luxury item that you have to bust your ass for, you would think we were talking about becoming a CEO, a professional athlete, or a celebrity.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it's always seemed to me that most people put ZERO conscious effort into their lives, personalities, thoughts and ideas, thinking about why they are the way they are and designing themselves as a person. They just keep being the same way they've always been, year after year, and life just kinda works out for them. They never question anything about themselves, life, the world, because they don't have to - life doesn't make them. Most people I grew up with just seemed like they were winging it. You were "cool" if you partied all the time and didn't care about anything. These people never looked like they were stressed out about life because they cared a lot about things and were losing their minds over it. Maybe "who cares" was just the spirit of the '90s and early '00s, and it's different/worse now. I don't know.

I guess it's possible that they really did care a lot, and put conscious effort into an appearance of not caring, because it was considered "cool" to not care. But it always seemed to me like they just were the way they were, and life just worked out for them no problem.

If my problem is that I'm not a professional athlete, rock star, etc., well, neither are most guys, and it doesn't stop them, so what gives?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

If she wasn't attracted to me on a physical level, but there was a deep feeling of love and understanding between us, then possibly that COULD work, but I'm by no means certain. If the only reason she 's with me is to stay in the country, absolutely not. She could find some other mug to use.

But whyyy she’ll give you companionship for better living conditions that you dont have to pay for, wouldnt you feel good about that?

 

[Unsigned]

Lol....He gets spit-roasted for it. Even Ricky Gervais called him out for it.

Yeah I suppose I keep to "echo chambers" quite a bit.
So upon further review, it seems the people who celebrate him for it...are mostly other guys like me.
Thanks for pointing that out.

 

[ardour]

I agree with this 100%.

I am not exaggerating at all when I say that I would rather die, than accept the insult, the utter humiliation of having to pay for what others get naturally as a result of just being the way they are.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it's always seemed to me that most people put ZERO conscious effort into their lives, personalities, thoughts and ideas, thinking about why they are the way they are and designing themselves as a person. They just keep being the same way they've always been, year after year, and life just kinda works out for them. Most people I grew up with just seemed like they were winging it. You were "cool" if you partied all the time and didn't care about anything. These people never looked like they were stressed out because they cared a lot about things and were losing their minds over it. Maybe "who cares" was just the spirit of the '90s and early '00s, and it's different/worse now. I don't know.

If my problem is that I'm not a professional athlete, rock star, etc., well, neither are most guys, and it doesn't stop them, so what gives?

It makes us feel better, but I don't think it's strictly true.

Many/most 'normies' aren't the morons you're portraying here. Even if they aren't consciously working on themselves or care for anything beyond their interests, they have proper social skills, confidence, and often a career of some sort going. And the gumption to approach people and endure many rejections during the important phase of life. Can we really say the same? (I can't.) Some honest self-reflection is good sometimes too.

 

[Unsigned]

But whyyy she’ll give you companionship for better living conditions that you dont have to pay for, wouldnt you feel good about that?

If a guy wants a foreign bride from a poor country, then he HAS to live in that country.
Because if he brings her to the west, she will see how other women act and will undoubtedly start to emulate them.
We had this discussion on another thread.
I gave the example of the North Korean defector who left her husband after 3 years -- the exact time it takes to get permanent residency.
She also had a baby with him -- she got custody.
And as a mother with primary custody of a US citizen - she was easily granted her citizenship.
So it worked out really well for her.
For the lonely guy who married her, not so much.

 

[Abstamyous]

I personally don't find it unusual, perhaps because of my time here or because I've come to know all sorts of different people throughout my lifetime. Statistically, it seems to be unusual.

I can't personally relate, to those specific things. But I do understand the feeling of lack of intimacy. Not on the scale that you do. I don't feel that's bragging rights on my side, so please don't take it that way. Every experience has a downfall or 100.

I was just thinking, it's funny how I accept escorts completely, but it still feels odd to recommend them to someone. I won't. It's always seemed like one of those things people just do on their private time, like most sexual encounters. Not offended, just something I observed in myself. There was a comment above about "free" women cringing at what paid women are willing to do. If you look deep enough, there's "free" women all over who are having some kind of sexual awakening or just a little more sexual than a lot. The paid women are more of a convenience, I think.

I am curious, Forgotten. You mentioned above having deep love. How long do you think it would take to build deep love with someone? I personally ponder this a lot, as I am someone who gets excited easily and has jumped into things fast. I wonder what the opposite would be like. There's examples all around me, of people who have spent 50 years married and who I'm sure didn't always love each other. Probably some skeletons in closets.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

If a guy wants a foreign bride from a poor country, then he HAS to live in that country.
Because if he brings her to the west, she will see how other women act and will undoubtedly start to emulate them.
We had this discussion on another thread.
I gave the example of the North Korean defector who left her husband after 3 years -- the exact time it takes to get permanent residency.
She also had a baby with him -- she got custody.
And as a mother with primary custody of a US citizen - she was easily granted her citizenship.
So it worked out really well for her.
For the lonely guy who married her, not so much.

But my point here is he is not a 35+ virgin

 

[Unsigned]

But my point here is he is not a 35+ virgin

Correct.
But he is a lonely 35 y/o who now realized he got played and has to pay child support for the next 18 to 21 years.
And whose ex probably spends a good deal of the child support on hair, makeup, and presents for her new boyfriend.
Being the virgin is better, IMO.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Correct.
But he is a lonely 35 y/o who now realized he got played and has to pay child support for the next 18 to 21 years.
And whose ex probably spends a good deal of the child support on hair, makeup, and presents for her new boyfriend.
Being the virgin is better, IMO.

Well just dont get her pregnant then simples you men just wanna pretend theres no other options theres plenty

 

[TheSkaFish]

It makes us feel better, but I don't think it's strictly true.

Many/most 'normies' aren't the morons you're portraying here. Even if they aren't consciously working on themselves, or care for anything beyond their interests, they have proper social skills, confidence, and often a career of some sort going. And they had the gumption to approach people and endure rejection during the important phase of their lives. Can we really say the same? I can't.

I think it's a mix.

The "cool kids" I remember, definitely did not consciously work on themselves. Some of them were athletic and lifted but a lot of them were fat and beer-bellied. They only cared about stuff like drinking, weed and other drugs, whatever rap artists were popular at the time, professional sports, and sex with "hot girls", and that was really it. Rejection was non-existent to them, and something that happened to other people, "uncool" people.

What I think helped them though, was being born to naturally big bodies, and professional parents. So that right there made them instantly able to play the protector/provider male gender role, by default, without having to do anything else. That's probably why they were able to get girlfriends without thinking or changing themselves, because they were born on third base. It's easy to be confident when you're naturally bigger than everyone else, and when you get money just for existing. Then you make friends with like-minded people with similar lifestyles and personalities, and you have your inside jokes to give you more confidence and a sense of exclusive group membership. They didn't have to do anything differently than what they were already doing because of what they were born as, in order to play their role.

It seemed to me like they didn't care about anything and were always high. It was still "cool" to be kind of a hippie/pothead back then. I tried smoking weed too, albeit for different reasons, but I thought it might work, I thought it might make me a "partier". But without the naturally big body or the professional background, it did not - even with the car. Without the body and background, my default settings were not enough.

What I think would have helped me though, is to just ignore the people that are born on third base and playing life with the cheats on. I thought we were all the same because we all lived in the same area at roughly the same level but I guess it really wasn't. I was playing on hard mode, while they were hacking. But, it would have helped to understand that I wouldn't have been happy in their world anyway.

 

[Cherubino]

If a guy wants a foreign bride from a poor country, then he HAS to live in that country.
Because if he brings her to the west, she will see how other women act and will undoubtedly start to emulate them.
We had this discussion on another thread.
I gave the example of the North Korean defector who left her husband after 3 years -- the exact time it takes to get permanent residency.
She also had a baby with him -- she got custody.
And as a mother with primary custody of a US citizen - she was easily granted her citizenship.
So it worked out really well for her.
For the lonely guy who married her, not so much.

with two thousands pounds a month you get a fine chick and live a decent life here ... think of this @Forgottendanfan ... edit: one thousand is the minimum

 

[Abstamyous]

I think it's a mix.

The "cool kids" I remember, definitely did not consciously work on themselves, only cared about stuff like drinking, weed and other drugs, whatever rap artists were popular at the time, professional sports, and sex with "hot girls", and that was really it. Rejection was non-existent to them.

I have to ask, do you realistically believe that's all there was to them? Or did you most likely notice things that you don't like about them?
Not that I like those types of people myself. But the likelihood is that rejection was very existent to them. When you are in a setting (like school, sports, parties, some workplaces, etc) it's easier to have an apparent "confidence" that is really just force and aggression to get what you want. What people talk and are loud about, often isn't what is their reality elsewhere. Of course, I know nothing about the people you grew up with. But these are observations I have about people I did.

 

[Abstamyous]

Correct.
But he is a lonely 35 y/o who now realized he got played and has to pay child support for the next 18 to 21 years.
And whose ex probably spends a good deal of the child support on hair, makeup, and presents for her new boyfriend.
Being the virgin is better, IMO.

He's also financially responsible for her for 10 years, so hopefully she doesn't apply for welfare or government aid (if 90 Day Fiance was telling the truth)

 

[Cherubino]

I find most men hideous I can still love them though someone said it doesnt matter what a man looks like thats not particularly where his value lies


But if you knew deep down she was not attracted to you but she was willing to be with you, would that work? Like maybe because she wants to live in your country

I'm not hideous