Unsigned
Well-known member
Part of my comment about the 20 somethings was tongue in cheek humor.
I am pretty sure you got it.
38 male virgin - Pros and Cons of paying for sex
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I am pretty sure you got it.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
I thought about this more, on my walk last night. And I think I got what you meant more clearly.
It does no good to theorize about attraction and talk about this stuff all day and night.
Once you get the message:
- get something going for you/get power/skills/good ideas/a distinct personality and identity, and decide and commit to these things and organize your life towards them
- get happy and secure with your life and yourself
then it's time to hang up the phone. It is time to leave the dojo and hit the road.
Only talking about this stuff, is only wanting "it" like you were saying. And it's no wonder women don't like that, because it's just wanting to get something out of them, it's boring, and you have to have a life - especially a life where things actually go your way because you have the power to make them. Just theorizing about attraction and sex, isn't having a life, any more than theorizing about drugs and getting high, isn't having a life either. It reminded me of this guy I used to smoke with years ago now, when I was still doing that. I wasn't really actual friends with this group, we were more of "weed friends". And this guy in particular, all he wanted to do, was figure out ways to hook up with women, and to smoke. He wasn't actually a strong, skillful person. He was dopey. I didn't really like this guy/he gave me bad vibes, but it's taken until now for me to articulate why. It was more or less this same issue - he wanted sex with women, but without being attractive and having a life.
And going out and doing things, like you said to do, isn't supposed to just be a distraction, or like fidgeting around in a waiting room - instead those are supposed to be your actual interests/personality/life, having a life. That's supposed to be your source of conversation material, and good feelings about yourself.
Just my second thoughts, I guess.
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Mr. Preuss
Active member
Exactly! You're right! Also, note that you cannot become happy merely as a means to achieve something, you won't ever find happiness if all happiness is to you is a means to an end, because then your happiness will depend on you achieving that end, and since you have to be happy in order to achieve that end, you'll never become happy at all! You have to find in yourself the strength to be happy within a realistic set of accessible possibilities, you have to find happiness in the ambit of what you already have - or in the ambit of what you can realistically do -, and if a relationship is not a part of that, than you have to find your own happiness as a bachelor, accepting that fact, simply because it's much better to be happy than to not be happy at all. Accepting things and even resigning oneself to certain unmodifiable or nearly unmodifiable circumstances are not undignified acts, those are not things that "losers" do but, much to the contrary, they are the marks of a solar soul, of an illuminated individual. Throughout the ages this was always seen as such and this serene spirituality of the lover of the world was respected and cherished, it's only the perversion of contemporary culture that comes to denigrate it, to the harm of those that would otherwise be happy.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
I feel like giving up on life is what f*cked my life in the first place. It's the last thing I want to do.
F*CK "acceptance" and resignation, will always be my view.
It's something I have, and will always hate.
I maintain that they are for losers.
The day a person "accepts" is the day they might as well be dead.
They are inside. The body is just waiting to follow.
I just think if something is really important, like escaping my old story is to me, then the pain of staying in it is greater than the pain of trying every day until I escape. I just went through the motions before, and then I didn't even do that. Escape is all I want to do. I can only hope an organized, committed, clear-headed and sincere effort to escape, will be enough.
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ardour
Well known loser
OP, don't take this the wrong way but you're experiences are typical of men with average or below looks.
After working out for a number of years and upping my style, I couldn't help noticing the blank stares or averted eyes from female service staff changed to neutral or friendly body language. Women are generally a lot friendlier now. They sit next to or near me on public transport (even to avoid other guys, sometimes). I get the odd smile from strange women walking past me on the street. This never happened before, and it completely blindsided me as I'd become used to the opposite. I even get the odd extended look at the gym sometimes. A bizarre turnaround.
From "creepy" to mostly "safe" when the only thing that changed about me was my appearance. (Too late, due to my age, sadly.)
This is all reenforced every time I walk outside on the campus I work at. The young men in mixed social circles are usually better looking than average and look very much upper middle class.
It's hard not to be cynical after seeing and experiencing this over and over. The reality is we are judged by surface level characteristics first and foremost: looks, class/status, maybe confidence etc.
So maybe don't bother with the 'inner work' nonsense; change the outer first and see where it gets you.
After working out for a number of years and upping my style, I couldn't help noticing the blank stares or averted eyes from female service staff changed to neutral or friendly body language. Women are generally a lot friendlier now. They sit next to or near me on public transport (even to avoid other guys, sometimes). I get the odd smile from strange women walking past me on the street. This never happened before, and it completely blindsided me as I'd become used to the opposite. I even get the odd extended look at the gym sometimes. A bizarre turnaround.
From "creepy" to mostly "safe" when the only thing that changed about me was my appearance. (Too late, due to my age, sadly.)
This is all reenforced every time I walk outside on the campus I work at. The young men in mixed social circles are usually better looking than average and look very much upper middle class.
It's hard not to be cynical after seeing and experiencing this over and over. The reality is we are judged by surface level characteristics first and foremost: looks, class/status, maybe confidence etc.
So maybe don't bother with the 'inner work' nonsense; change the outer first and see where it gets you.
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Mr. Preuss
Active member
On the contrary, it's the person who is never satisfied with anything and that is always wanting more and more that is as good as dead, but this is starting to get repetitive, so I'll refrain from elaborating. Sometimes silence speak louder than words, or so they say... I'll let mine speak for me.
