A Baby!

[Danielle]

+1 Callie! <3

 

[DanMann]

First off, I am a child therapist...  I'm 40 years old and had plenty of time to think of how I will and want to raise a child.  I've read plenty, I know plenty.....  but all the reading in the world doesn't actually prepare you for a child.  There is no instruction manual....  I have no idea what kind of child she will be....  how the hell do I know where I want to send her to school??!!  Does any parent know that when they are 5 months pregnant???

Thank you DanMann for your lovely advice....   but I'll take the reigns from here...

My mom had the same mentality when she had me. She was excited to have a child, for the sake of simply having one (emotional reason). 14 years later she told me she regrets that decision. In addition to that, she was a bad mother. She taught me nothing and provided no direction in life.. just yelled at me at times when she was dissatisfied with who I am or what I did. Worse than that, the end of that all ended in me contemplating and attempting suicide at age of 33, because of life that defeating me. Then I skipped the attempt and here living feeling alone, empty and having nowhere to progress, but just wonder in this human unfriendly world.

Henceforth, my thought was that your unplanned way of simply having a baby with unplanned future for her and for you regarding her, or simply imagining bringing up an adolescence and then have that adolescence grow into an adult who would function in the the world, would end up in a bad way. I would only get a child to this world if I was rich and could inherit the child a lot of wealth so he wont have to work. I would also pick a good mother carefully, because I wouldnt want him to have a bad mother and an ugly one (I would try to prevent him into turning ugly). Then all what, would be left to do is to transfer him the wisdom that I accumulated in my life. Both my parents havent gone through that flow of considerations, which ended in my unemployed or stuck in a rut and single man who is forced to live every year of his life experiencing the reality of things.

I studied some psychology in the past, I know that a parent can create any environment that he wants for a child. But even thought the rules under one roof act in a desirable way in one way at home, a different environment has its own rules, which has its own roof and its own rules which may be hostile for an individual. Life rules for me, are harsh and even hostile. My family (aunt and father) struggle to help me, in every aspect of my life.
The only things that I can control in this life, is what I do with my computer, what I eat and the exercises that I do. Thats it!
Most of other things are outside of my control. Thats including the job that I have, the wealth I potentially can accumulate, the choice of the woman that I have, the country that I choose to live in and perhaps when I live or die.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

just popping in to lighten the mood 

 

[TheRealCallie]

My mom had the same mentality when she had me. She was excited to have a child, for the sake of simply having one (emotional reason). 14 years later she told me she regrets that decision. In addition to that, she was a bad mother. She taught me nothing and provided no direction in life.. just yelled at me at times when she was dissatisfied with who I am or what I did. Worse than that, the end of that all ended in me contemplating and attempting suicide at age of 33, because of life that defeating me. Then I skipped the attempt and here living feeling alone, empty and having nowhere to progress, but just wonder in this human unfriendly world.

Henceforth, my thought was that your unplanned way of simply having a baby with unplanned future for her and for you regarding her, or simply imagining bringing up an adolescence and then have that adolescence grow into an adult who would function in the the world, would end up in a bad way. I would only get a child to this world if I was rich and could inherit the child a lot of wealth so he wont have to work. I would also pick a good mother carefully, because I wouldnt want him to have a bad mother and an ugly one (I would try to prevent him into turning ugly). Then all what, would be left to do is to transfer him the wisdom that I accumulated in my life. Both my parents havent gone through that flow of considerations, which ended in my unemployed or stuck in a rut and single man who is forced to live every year of his life experiencing the reality of things.

I studied some psychology in the past, I know that a parent can create any environment that he wants for a child. But even thought the rules under one roof act in a desirable way in one way at home, a different environment has its own rules, which has its own roof and its own rules which may be hostile for an individual. Life rules for me, are harsh and even hostile. My family (aunt and father) struggle to help me, in every aspect of my life.
The only things that I can control in this life, is what I do with my computer, what I eat and the exercises that I do. Thats it!
Most of other things are outside of my control. Thats including the job that I have, the wealth I potentially can accumulate, the choice of the woman that I have, the country that I choose to live in and perhaps when I live or die.

So because your mom didn't have a plan and wasn't a good mother, that's always  true?  Wrong.  I know many who DID have a plan and were horrible parents.  It doesn't matter whether you have a plan or not, it's about who you are.  Dani will be a GREAT mother whether she has a plan or not. 
Your idea of what makes a great parent is unrealistic.  There are too many unknowns for that to happen. Do you think I "planned" to have an autistic child?  His "symptoms" didn't really manifest until he was 3 or 4.  Any "plans" (had I made them) would have been tossed out the window.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Life is what happens while you're busy making plans.

 

[Volt]

So uhh congrats on the baby!

 

[ringwood]

Congrats on your baby! Plans, schplans...Pfffftttt!!!! You can have all the plans in the world, but life loves to throw you curveballs when you least expect it. All you need is tons of love and patience (lots of that!), a good sense of humour (you'll need it), and know in your heart that you're doing the best job you can, every day. The rest will figure itself out. P.S. - March babies rule!!!

 

[Danielle]

DanMann, I will try to not suck at being a mother, and do my best not to be ugly, or raise an ugly child. I will no longer respond to your comments.


Callie, thank you for saying that I will be a great mother, It means so much! Xoxoxo



Everyone, Thank you for your positive and caring comments. This is an exciting time in my life and I was happy to share this with all of you. Xoxoxo

 

[DanMann]

I thought we could have a nice psychological discussion.

And you want to stop talking to me ;(

 

[ladyforsaken]

Everyone, Thank you for your positive and caring comments. This is an exciting time in my life and I was happy to share this with all of you. Xoxoxo

I always think pregnancy and having children is a beautiful thing. I know that it isn't as easy as it may seem or that there are moments where it will drive you insane but I still think having a baby is an amazing thing and it's awesome that you get to experience this. Even though I'm not there, I am always super duper excited to hear about pregnancy news! You'll be awesome at this - sending my bestest wishes and positive thoughts over to you and little one. Hugs!

 

[niceguysfinishlast]

Congrats!

 

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

Congrats, though the avatars made me crack up a few times, a pig and a chicken discussions of child rearing and such,
I was tempted to change my avatar to Colonel Sanders and discuss but that would be in bad taste.
But I always exhibit bad taste.

Seriously, all the best!

 

[bleed_the_freak]

^ You do realize with two clicks of a button, they can erase every post and ban you simultaneously. Your form of trolling was difficult to manage on forums in about 1998. Not anymore. There is literally a "Purge Spammer" button right next to your profile. You just can't see it, cuz it's for admins.

 

[littlefish1555]

Congrats! What a gift, and thank you for sharing with us! Please come back with updates and sending you all the best!

 

[MisterLonely]

Kids aren't my thing (yet) and I never know how to act around them, frankly they scare me :|
But I'm super happy for you of course, and know you'll be a great mom!

Best wishes and all the luck to you and the little boy/girl!

 

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

^ You do realize with two clicks of a button, they can erase every post and ban you simultaneously. Your form of trolling was difficult to manage on forums in about 1998. Not anymore. There is literally a "Purge Spammer" button right next to your profile. You just can't see it, cuz it's for admins.

That was a comical take on their avatars. I have enough of a fight with admins. Don't need you next. Or do I?

 

[bleed_the_freak]

^ You do realize with two clicks of a button, they can erase every post and ban you simultaneously. Your form of trolling was difficult to manage on forums in about 1998. Not anymore. There is literally a "Purge Spammer" button right next to your profile. You just can't see it, cuz it's for admins.

That was a comical take on their avatars. I have enough of a fight with admins. Don't need you next. Or do I?

I wake up each morning and bench press ten trolls your size before breakfast.

 

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

Oh boy, weight lifter here. Watch out.
Why not drop it? This is someone celebrating. Not benchpresses.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Not a weight lifter. Just a troll lifter. Treasure Trolls, in fact. They are cute, fluffy, and relatively lightweight. However, when you put ten of them on a bar, especially before breakfast, it's quite the workout!

 

[GizmonicScrewdriver]

Oh yeah, well I go into people's house night OR DAY and break jars and find gold coins.
How 'bout that?

Noone got that?