Adopting a party / carefree mentality?

[Ak5]

Hmm... Thanks. I would be able to fake it, I guess, but there is no need for that. As long as I am not party-pooping, I'll let others lead the way.

It's just so weird, right, because there is a part of me that feels like it could be like that. I guess it's just a mindtrap of some kind. An amalgamation of personality traits that your fantasy visualizes in the wrong way. If that didn't sound too weird.

Same thing for me.

 

[BodyNerv]

Im about to hit 24 this year.

That being said, I'd like to say that there is a difference between a dance party and a regular party. From personal experience, I've never been much of the "party type." I remember going to all the school dances on my own in high school with no date; Not for homecoming, senior prom, or any of the season formals. During that time, I was ridiculously shy about dancing, especially since I never had a friend or date to dance with. I decided to try and forgo that shyness and dance by myself during senior prom, which I remember ending up dancing with two girls at the same time by the end of the evening.

After I graduated high school and turned 18, I decided to give clubbing a try. Again, I was shy about hitting the dance-floor, but dancing on my own gave me the perfect excuse from "not" socializing and at the same time allow me to express myself. Over the years (yes it takes time), I kept dancing on my own and, not only do I enjoy it, I also eventually got better at it. I've been able to make a few new friends and I've had opportunities to dance with women who I would normally be too nervous to approach. The bottom-line is, don't be shy about expressing yourself. When it comes to a dance, it can actually be a lot of fun.

As far as those "off parties" that take place at random people's houses. I have no advice there. I've never liked them nor have I ever felt safe there. All I've seen from the few I've ever been to were; people talking to other people they already knew, drink, and act like idiots... because well, no sane person would act that way sober.

 

[hijodeganas]

Alright, I've been told that I generally talk too abstractly, and this will be abstract, so bear with me. I apologize if I end up just wasting bandwidth with something incomprehensible.

Here's the thing: I can go to a party. It's not that hard to mimic a partygoer and then join in yourself. But I was wondering, do you guys think its possible to adopt a party mentality to oneself? Not just doing what the others do, but getting to enjoy it like others do. Getting that... flow in you such that maybe you will be the one to initialize some weird drinking game or wacky episode involving a guy in a horse-costume and a bat. Again, not mimicking party-goers, but like, getting their shtick.

The question is summarized thusly: Do you think that one is either born with that kind of tendency (Its a good thing to look at parties, but you could generally just call it "being carefree"), or do you think that, if one can't kick loose and go crazy at parties, that there must be some underlying neurosis or flaw?


Personally, I'm just having trouble behaving like a youngster. Getting drunk, crashing in some guys couch, forgetting your keys but not really caring about it... these are not things I despise, I can just never be so reckless myself, and I am fine if its natural, but I want to fix it if its some sort of flaw with me.
I am currently getting into the Buddhist concept of "going with the flow" and letting life take you where it wants, whether somewhere you perceive as good or bad. But I don't know if that practice will extend to what I described above. At least, I must get pretty good at it if it should end making me a naturally carefree soul like that.

I can tell you from personal experience that that sort of mentality is NOT one you are born with. No mentality is. I've been learning and recently have begun feeling like I can now control my state. In other words, I can "switch on" to party mode any time I want. I can also switch it off.

At the same time, I would not say there's anything "wrong" with you if you can't do this naturally. It didn't come to me naturally. It took a bit of learning, practice, asking people for advice, reading and a LOT of UNLEARNING. The inability to let loose has a lot more to do with false beliefs than it does with learning any techniques or anything like that.

Learning to be in the moment is an arduous task that lonely people and/or intellectuals have a lot of trouble with, but I consider it time well spent.

---

But see, what if it is latent within me to party. What if its a completely natural thing that some of us just lose or block out along the way? Well that's what I'm trying to find out. If it is NATURAL to enjoy partying, then I want to dig within myself and find out where I left that shard. If, however, it is not, and it is more akin to a fad, then I will be proud of just going when everyone else are, and talking to a select few.

I don't see a big problem with confined mental retardation It seems to be the extent of how humans know to get jolly

Couldn't agree more.

I think people often misunderstand personality. We are not BORN with a personality. A personality is a constantly changing, dynamic, flexible thing. The more experiences and behaviors you try, the more types of personalities you can have. Last weekend I went out to three parties, had a great time, then proceeded to spend the next three days alone, also having a great time. Personalities are not that cookie cutter.

---

You should be yourself, the meaning of partying is to be yourself, relax and have a lot of fun. If you don't feel like doing things that other people do during those partys , maybe you're hanging with the wrong crowd.

Some people are not very good at being themselves.

---

You don't have to act like a retard to have fun. If you don't enjoy going out drinking you are probably either a little too uptight, you haven't had any positive experiences with it yet (girls, great nights blalba) or its just not for you I guess. It happens. Drink some (not too much) and just think "aw **** it lets just go with it all" and get a "yes" mentality when you are out. Just think "YES! FUN!". You shouldn't lose your mind and **** up horribly, just don't..... Well I guess you know all this, but its just the execution of it all. I think you know it yourself. If you don't seem to get it, keep trying. If you are just not having fun when you are out, drop it, do something else.

What's with people assuming that being spontaneous and having fun must coincide with being an obnoxious idiot?

---

I am having the same problem myself. I want to be care-free (I don't understand how other 15 year-olds like myself are so care-free, I feel I'm the only one on the damn planet!). Sure I can try my best to act care-free, but you don't really "feel it". I guess you just have to do it over and over again until it becomes a habit.

In a nutshell, this.

 

[Pheenix]

Yeah, thanks. That's what I mean by "switching on". But what I switch on will never be the complete product, for for one thing, I'm not an extrovert, so my social stamina works in a different way.

 

[HappyYogi]

Hi. I don't know how old you are but I will tell you, when I was young, I felt bad that I didn't have a more "party" personality and was in constant struggle with it.

The truth is I am sort of shy and really don't feel any desire to "party hard". I am also sensitive and enjoyed other pursuits more....like reading or art or animals. That is OK...diversity in personality is good.

Having said that I DO think learning to adopt a more "lighthearted" personality is a beneficial thing for both you and your social life. Being lighthearted is refreshing, it makes one more open, more fluid and these are all good qualities for one's social life.

And, yes, I do believe that can be learned. I could never learn to be a "party" person, though, too exhausting, and too against my nature and plus, not being your nature is not really fun or fulfilling anyways. Be your best self. Be authentic but be your best authentic self.

 

[hijodeganas]

Yeah, thanks. That's what I mean by "switching on". But what I switch on will never be the complete product, for for one thing, I'm not an extrovert, so my social stamina works in a different way.

Will never be the complete product? Do you feel like you have to be switched on at all times? What's wrong with being multi-faceted?

I'm an introvert as well. I just realized a deep seated curiosity and love for people I have and decided to work on my social skills. It was definitely worth it.

 

[Pheenix]

Nope, but the switched on me can in some ways not act as the switched on extrovert, because partying will not energize me, or be part of a larger objective in life. The difference will be small, though.

 

[hijodeganas]

Nope, but the switched on me can in some ways not act as the switched on extrovert, because partying will not energize me, or be part of a larger objective in life. The difference will be small, though.

When you switch yourself on, you don't have to behave in a pre-determined way. That's the beauty of it. When I let go of my inhibitions, I'm fully ME. That's your gift to the world: allowing yourself to be you.

 

[Trojan]

Nope, but the switched on me can in some ways not act as the switched on extrovert, because partying will not energize me, or be part of a larger objective in life. The difference will be small, though.

I'm not sure that this is a good recommendation, but I reckon that if you got really drunk at one of these parties you'd find out that you really can enjoy yourself in an extrovert fashion. . .I'm not a party person either, not anymore at least, but any inhibitions you have can easily be overcome with a good dose of vodka ^^

 

[Pheenix]

Right, but the ME doesn't shine in party situations. That's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things though.

 

[Ak5]

Nope, but the switched on me can in some ways not act as the switched on extrovert, because partying will not energize me, or be part of a larger objective in life. The difference will be small, though.

I'm not sure that this is a good recommendation, but I reckon that if you got really drunk at one of these parties you'd find out that you really can enjoy yourself in an extrovert fashion. . .I'm not a party person either, not anymore at least, but any inhibitions you have can easily be overcome with a good dose of vodka ^^

True

 

[beans]

Alright, I've been told that I generally talk too abstractly, and this will be abstract, so bear with me. I apologize if I end up just wasting bandwidth with something incomprehensible.

Here's the thing: I can go to a party. It's not that hard to mimic a partygoer and then join in yourself. But I was wondering, do you guys think its possible to adopt a party mentality to oneself? Not just doing what the others do, but getting to enjoy it like others do. Getting that... flow in you such that maybe you will be the one to initialize some weird drinking game or wacky episode involving a guy in a horse-costume and a bat. Again, not mimicking party-goers, but like, getting their shtick.

The question is summarized thusly: Do you think that one is either born with that kind of tendency (Its a good thing to look at parties, but you could generally just call it "being carefree"), or do you think that, if one can't kick loose and go crazy at parties, that there must be some underlying neurosis or flaw?


Personally, I'm just having trouble behaving like a youngster. Getting drunk, crashing in some guys couch, forgetting your keys but not really caring about it... these are not things I despise, I can just never be so reckless myself, and I am fine if its natural, but I want to fix it if its some sort of flaw with me.
I am currently getting into the Buddhist concept of "going with the flow" and letting life take you where it wants, whether somewhere you perceive as good or bad. But I don't know if that practice will extend to what I described above. At least, I must get pretty good at it if it should end making me a naturally carefree soul like that.

It sounds like you badly want to fit into something you don't even enjoy in the first place and you're forcing yourself to because you're drawn to become something you're not because others are.

 

[hijodeganas]

Right, but the ME doesn't shine in party situations. That's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things though.

I don't think you realize that it does. As humans, we have multi-faceted personalities. We are thinking, sensing, feeling and intuiting creatures. Generally, certain people are more naturally adept at one facet, and they often tend to ignore the other facets with excuses like "that's not me" or "if I acted like that I'd be fake." rather than develop their personalities more fully.

Also, different situations call for different behaviors. For example, starting an intellectual debate on a dance floor is just as ineffective as acting like a nutcase when you're alone with someone. But your ability to connect with someone on the dance floor gives you a chance to connect with them again in a situation where you feel you shine.

---

Nope, but the switched on me can in some ways not act as the switched on extrovert, because partying will not energize me, or be part of a larger objective in life. The difference will be small, though.

I'm not sure that this is a good recommendation, but I reckon that if you got really drunk at one of these parties you'd find out that you really can enjoy yourself in an extrovert fashion. . .I'm not a party person either, not anymore at least, but any inhibitions you have can easily be overcome with a good dose of vodka ^^

While true, I wouldn't recommend relying on this for a number of reasons:

1. It's a handicap; you'll require this to become a certain way and it will disable you to let loose when there's no booze available.
2. Alcohol causes you to LOSE control, when it's more empowering to be in control when you let loose.
3. It's bad for your body.
4. It costs money.
5. You'll be known as "that guy who gets crazy (only) when he's drunk" or "that guy who has to drink to have fun."

 

[Pheenix]

Hmm... Could you give an example of how this works? If I am completely myself at a party, the natural consequence is that I settle down in a cozy corner with a drink and possible chat with whoever's nearby. Hardly riveting.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Hmm... Could you give an example of how this works? If I am completely myself at a party, the natural consequence is that I settle down in a cozy corner with a drink and possible chat with whoever's nearby. Hardly riveting.

That depends on how drunk you are. People do, well, interesting things without inhibitions, though I can't really say what you'll do in particular since its different for each person.

I tried to pick up girls...as in, literally. As far as I remember, I felt nothing sexual about it. It just seemed entirely logical that since girls were smaller, they should be picked up. Further, I proceeded to try to annoy people and otherwise acted in what I would consider as being a general dickwad. Its amazing what things make sense to you when you're intoxicated.

I remember seeing a guy with part of a chicken & rice meal ramble blissfully about the delights of his chicken loudly to everyone around him, and then there are uglier, less amusing examples: angry and violent drunks, deeply emotional and depressed drunks and girls with a sad lack of dignity(the girl with the I AM NOT EASY t-shirt passed out with her legs spread open under a table is not something I'll forget soon).

 

[Pheenix]

Sorry, drunkenness only leads to tiredness and introspection for me xD Being a natural fan of anything psychedelic, I just start enjoying the sensation of time, mind and vision blurring.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Sorry, drunkenness only leads to tiredness and introspection for me xD Being a natural fan of anything psychedelic, I just start enjoying the sensation of time, mind and vision blurring.

I remember marveling once about how my footsteps were becoming less responsive and how while subjectively, while I felt like I was entirely capable of coordinated movement, I objectively knew that my ability to move was compromised. Thereupon I quite focused on the thought that perception is reality, or at least, that 'perceptual reality has such an influence that as a person's perceptions are altered, so are his actions based on that limited perception, and therefore it brings about objective change in objective reality, so that one could argue that perceptual reality brings about immediate and relevant changes to 'true' reality..."

Such ponderings don't usually make for epic rawrness, I do admit.

Heh.

 

[Trojan]

Sorry, drunkenness only leads to tiredness and introspection for me xD Being a natural fan of anything psychedelic, I just start enjoying the sensation of time, mind and vision blurring.

I remember marveling once about how my footsteps were becoming less responsive and how while subjectively, while I felt like I was entirely capable of coordinated movement, I objectively knew that my ability to move was compromised. Thereupon I quite focused on the thought that perception is reality, or at least, that 'perceptual reality has such an influence that as a person's perceptions are altered, so are his actions based on that limited perception, and therefore it brings about objective change in objective reality, so that one could argue that perceptual reality brings about immediate and relevant changes to 'true' reality..."

Such ponderings don't usually make for epic rawrness, I do admit.

Heh.

Nothing wrong with a good ol' ket binge

 

[IgnoredOne]

Nothing wrong with a good ol' ket binge

Vodka.

I had drank a bit of beer before and with all of the judgment typical of the slightly tipsy, decided that the entire table of orange-coloredshot glasses were all orange juices. So I drank every last 'orange juice' shot.

Later, I realized they were all screwballs but I didn't much mind by then. I did ponder briefly on the world spinning around me, but that was an interesting visual artifact.

My Russian friend repeated my feat as well as half a bottle of aquavit(horrible stuff, btw) and six more beers. He was also entirely unaffected.

 

[Trojan]

Sorry, drunkenness only leads to tiredness and introspection for me xD Being a natural fan of anything psychedelic, I just start enjoying the sensation of time, mind and vision blurring.

The speed which you drink will affect your experience too. For instance, if you down half a bottle of vodka straight off, your body will react to the excess of alcohol being poured into you, and you'll feel far more drunk than you would normally. It's easier to sustain drunkenness this way, rather than taking about 5 hours to finish 10 beers.
It can even give you energy, rather than making you feel tired.

While true, I wouldn't recommend relying on this for a number of reasons:

1. It's a handicap; you'll require this to become a certain way and it will disable you to let loose when there's no booze available.
2. Alcohol causes you to LOSE control, when it's more empowering to be in control when you let loose.
3. It's bad for your body.
4. It costs money.
5. You'll be known as "that guy who gets crazy (only) when he's drunk" or "that guy who has to drink to have fun."

Good advice, certainly don't make a habit of it.
And I don't think it necessarily handicaps you, depends on the person.