Anger.

[ladyforsaken]

Well, when I get really angry, be it on others or on myself, I tend to cry. It's stupid.

 

[user 115627]

To be honest, I see no point in asking an angry person about what they have done while they are still in an aggravated state. Any given answer, if one receives an answer at all, will be skewed by their current perception of reality and the people around them. If they notice they have done something wrong as well or even that the fault for the situation actually lies within them, they will recognize it on their own in due time, but not until they have withdrawn from the allegedly toxic environment and practiced some introspection.

Regardless of who is at fault here, it is easier to withdraw and adjust your own behavior than to change the whole world and all the people around you. That's the most practical use of your power as an individual.

 

[kamya]

I agree with dd11's post. Drop the dead weight. It'll just bring you down trying to care about people that don't reciprocate or don't really do much for you. Live your life.

 

[Wayfarer]

...The way you feel like you got extra body armor, like you'd take on anything, anyone, until you won, realizing you might be beaten but NEVER give in, always get the last blow, being the final wretched victor. Like you were fecking destruction itself. Like NOW, NOW's finally the time for REVENGE. Now's the time to feel, to not have to repress anymore. Afterwards, though, all that greatness never stays. It's like becoming a different person. When one "wakes up", "snaps out", one just feels like a monster. And not the cute brave kind like in a skillet song or anything, the kind that should be locked up in a cage and be hidden from the rest of the perfect pretending liar world. Anything to not be a monster again. Then, after the worst guilt goes away, one tries to repair everything. Some things can never be repaired - memories are one of those. Guilt too. Still, I have made some important bits of progress since I was a child. These are the things one never talks about. These are the things I never talk about. This is my worst side.
...

You just described how I feel in the (luckily) very rare times I do get angry.

 

[DarkSelene]

Well, when I get really angry, be it on others or on myself, I tend to cry. It's stupid.

I cry too! That's why I can't fight with anyone, because I immediately look weak...

 

[dd11]

To be honest, I see no point in asking an angry person about what they have done while they are still in an aggravated state. Any given answer, if one receives an answer at all, will be skewed by their current perception of reality and the people around them. If they notice they have done something wrong as well or even that the fault for the situation actually lies within them, they will recognize it on their own in due time, but not until they have withdrawn from the allegedly toxic environment and practiced some introspection.

Regardless of who is at fault here, it is easier to withdraw and adjust your own behavior than to change the whole world and all the people around you. That's the most practical use of your power as an individual.

  Well, my take is that this rant is the result of several years of trying.  Of trying to meet other people where they are at, but getting kicked in the teeth on the receiving end.  So it isn't necessarily the "fault" of the original poster.  The "fault" may not be that something was done "wrong'.  Rather, the fault perhaps is hoping for more by investing in people of that nature.

 

[Tuathaniel]

I don't know any of you, but it seems to me the condescending parts began with the "it's your own fault that people treat you like crap" comment, and the following holier than thou attitude towards the OP and his supporters. But that's just me.

And sure, everyone's entitled to their opinion and are allowed to express it and whatever (because discussions somehow always end up being about who has a right to say what), but a little politeness and empathy won't kill us in a thread created by someone who's clearly experienced a lot of ****** people and need to vent. If this forum is dominated by lack of empathy and respect for others, however, then I guess it's not the place for me after all.

 

[kamya]

They seem to get off on it tuathanial. Anyone that's been here long enough has seen it play out over and over and over. Its nothing new.

They like to treat people poorly and if anyone ever gets upset then they take the moral high ground, dindu nuffin attitude and get together to laugh about it all with each other. Its all very amusing to them. I'm sure this post itself will get a chuckle even.

The sooner you realize those people don't actually care the better. Once you see through their **** you can decide how you want to be towards them. They won't care either way but maybe you can at least get something out of it.

As for the anger. I dunno. Have projects or goals or things to put that energy towards. The anger is supposed to go away i hear. Eventually you end up with one or two winners.

 

[user 115627]

To be honest, I see no point in asking an angry person about what they have done while they are still in an aggravated state. Any given answer, if one receives an answer at all, will be skewed by their current perception of reality and the people around them. If they notice they have done something wrong as well or even that the fault for the situation actually lies within them, they will recognize it on their own in due time, but not until they have withdrawn from the allegedly toxic environment and practiced some introspection.

Regardless of who is at fault here, it is easier to withdraw and adjust your own behavior than to change the whole world and all the people around you. That's the most practical use of your power as an individual.

  Well, my take is that this rant is the result of several years of trying.  Of trying to meet other people where they are at, but getting kicked in the teeth on the receiving end.  So it isn't necessarily the "fault" of the original poster.  The "fault" may not be that something was done "wrong'.  Rather, the fault perhaps is hoping for more by investing in people of that nature.

Agreed. I'm rather careful with the word "fault" in the first place, because it's easily misconstrued as victim blaming. It is their "fault" (or rather their responsibility) to the degree that they have to change their approach to not see their emotional investment blow up in their face over and over again. Everything else would be insanity.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You know, there's something I don't understand....

People spew off whatever they want and then accuse others of this and that, just because someone doesn't agree. They seem to form their own version of what happened in their head and run with it. They form what other people did in their head and run with it.
This isn't just about what happened in this thread, but everywhere, online and offline.

The plain and simple truth of it is that you only know YOUR side of the story, not both because most people can't or won't see both sides of it. I'm not saying I've never done it, but in a place like this, it happens a lot. Just because a person disagrees with you doesn't mean they are attacking you. Just because you are angry/frustrated/whatever doesn't give you the right to attack people.

As someone else said, there will never be a utopia. There will always be differing opinions. Personally, if I asked a question and wanted opinions, I wouldn't want only the opinions that match my own. I would want differing opinions so that maybe I could use them all and determine what the best course of action will be for me. As I've said (many times before...and oh hey, it's even in my siggy) TAKE WHAT YOU LIKE AND LEAVE THE REST.

 

[Naizo]

I hear you, Nazio.
I don't know how old you are, but being the object of "wronging" happens no matter what your age.
I just know that my own anger fuse" is a lot shorter now than it was in my younger days. I used to be a giving and forgiving person.

My problem was I operated that way toward everyone, regardless of how they treated me.  Many took advantage of my good nature.  You gotta hit rock bottom like I did a while ago and take a long look at yourself and decide to make a change for you - not for anyone else.

Now, I just treat someone the way they treat me.  Whenever a new person enters my life, I'll start with a mental blank slate. It doesn't matter if so& so tells me bad or good things about this person.  I'm not going to invest effort until I get to know them personally.  And, by using the term judgement, I mean it as judging whether or not I desire this person to be more than that of a mere acquaintance.

As I get to know them, I now decide on my own accord if the person is worth the continued investment.   I have, and have had depressed friends, alcoholic friends, and the sun is always bright n' shiny friends.  It doesn't matter to me if they have issues, struggles or nary a care in the world. A judgement regarding investment is completely based upon their actions as it involves our relationship (friends, more than friends, etc.).  Never upon words alone.  
I treat them EXACTLY as they treat me. Supportive, kindness, and caring is rewarded and unselfishly returned if it is freely shown to me.  

I've removed a lot of people from my life.  It's taken a lot to start to feel better.  That's when I can honestly say that these bad apple folks really were hampering my life and my outlook.
Acquaintance folks will generally remain that way for me, until they show me something more than just a casual, 'don't really care if I contact you or not' interest.

Anger is not good, especially if you let it simmer for a long period of time, or worse, repress it.  I'd suggest you really try & find some type of release outlet.  I'm trying to deal with my short fuse problem so I know what it is like.

Shifting the blame, and trying to tell me what I am, without so much as taking a moment to thoroughly read or hear what I have myself said, falls directly under that.

Useless banter, that helps nobody. That is what you've provided.

While I agree with a lot of what ABrokenMan said, I would like to point out that not everything is on the other people.  At least part of the blame lies with you.
You can say I don't know the situations or I didn't read what you wrote or whatever all you want, but that is true in ANY situation. The blame is not 100% on the other people.  95% of it might be, but at least part of it is on you too.

Very true. Though my anger does stem from being left by someone I thought was always going to be there, it is my own inability to control that anger that still ails me, not the memory of that person in the slightest. I've had conversations about it with friends in my personal life, and after you reach a breaking point it is just hard to put it back together again. The issue falls however, on those around me who've seen me be broken and have taken advantage of it during the time in which I should have been repairing myself. In that, there is no one to blame but them. You can try, as hard as you might, but when those around you hit you in the back of the head with an emotional day to day baseball bat, it's hard to wake up.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Very true. Though my anger does stem from being left by someone I thought was always going to be there, it is my own inability to control that anger that still ails me, not the memory of that person in the slightest. I've had conversations about it with friends in my personal life, and after you reach a breaking point it is just hard to put it back together again. The issue falls however, on those around me who've seen me be broken and have taken advantage of it during the time in which I should have been repairing myself. In that, there is no one to blame but them. You can try, as hard as you might, but when those around you hit you in the back of the head with an emotional day to day baseball bat, it's hard to wake up.

I can understand all that.  I really can, but how can you be sure they hit you in the back purposefully?  You could be fueling your anger toward them and not seeing things clearly. 
I'm not saying you're making it up and I'm not saying it's entirely you fault.  But, when we are angry or even depressed, we don't really see things as they are all the time because the emotions make you see what you want to see. Perhaps that's not the case here.  Just something to think about. Years down the road, when (or if) you let go of your anger and look at what happened again, you might see that things may not have been what you thought at the time.

 

[Naizo]

<Well that sounds like a lot of projecting and shifting of blame to me. But thanks.>

Yep, you’re the only person you can control.


<Thing being, I speak in a very literal manner. Making physciatrists, especially keyboard psychiatrists, useless to me. >

Wrong, I’m sharing life learning, not armchair theory. I understand anger, because I was and went through my own personal reform. That’s where my responses come from. And, your system for coping with people and life isn’t working, that’s why you’re here.  I am not wasting keystrokes trying to “pet you right.”  I’m not going to go with your flow, if your flow is wrong.


<When I say something I don't mean "But I meant it this way." I quite literally mean people are pieces of trash and I've spent my life giving of myself only for them to take advantage of it, in turn I eventually reached a breaking point of where I simply will not put up with it anymore.>

You have no choice. You aren’t the only person in the world and it doesn’t revolve around you. You have power over yourself, that’s it.


<Shifting the blame, and trying to tell me what I am, without so much as taking a moment to thoroughly read or hear what I have myself said, falls directly under that. Useless banter, that helps nobody. That is what you've provided. >

I read your angry rant.  What’s there to understand? It wasn’t all that deep or rocket science. You hate the world, and are unwilling to admit, you’re the problem, not the world.


<I have noticed a trend of that on this forum. People tend to want to feel better about themselves, and as such, will project their own issues and emotions and solutions or non-solutions upon others. You really shouldn't. Psychology is a joke. Nobody is the same. You cannot blanket term people like you can so many other things. Shared and similar experiences are a thing. Two people experiencing the exact same issue and having the exact same solution is not, sadly, realistic.>

Mentoring, role modeling, are not psychology.  That’s what people here try to communicate…I doubt there are many psychologists here on this “lonely forum” – just regular everyday people who’ve gone through some stuff, and learned something.

Take it or leave it.

<Perhaps try providing advice without stepping on the throat of the one you are trying to speak to. A warmer reception you might receive.>

I thought I was helping, you are just too angry to see anything other than people trying to attack you.

See there's the thing. I wasn't angry at you at all. I was simply saying you're wrong, in this situation, and you're wrong in how you approached it. 
And it is just as easy to tell you that you're wrong and you're approaching the situation wrong, as it is for you to tell me that I'm wrong and I'm approaching the situation wrong. That's why your advice and view of it is useless to me, personally. Because telling me I hate myself when I don't doesn't do anything but make me think "Maybe I should hate myself" when in reality I go out into the world each and every day with a smile on my face and work to provide for those around me, and give of myself at any chance, to aid the lives of those around me. It is only those who take advantage of kind people in order to promote their own lifestyle, a-la the capitalistic way of life in my opinion, that anger me. It is those who you can tell five times how to do something only for them to ignore you, fail at their task, and then blame you for it. 


Quite simply put I'm not mad at you. But you failed to read the situation. And you are projecting. Sorry. [/quote]

 

[Naizo]

Very true. Though my anger does stem from being left by someone I thought was always going to be there, it is my own inability to control that anger that still ails me, not the memory of that person in the slightest. I've had conversations about it with friends in my personal life, and after you reach a breaking point it is just hard to put it back together again. The issue falls however, on those around me who've seen me be broken and have taken advantage of it during the time in which I should have been repairing myself. In that, there is no one to blame but them. You can try, as hard as you might, but when those around you hit you in the back of the head with an emotional day to day baseball bat, it's hard to wake up.

I can understand all that.  I really can, but how can you be sure they hit you in the back purposefully?  You could be fueling your anger toward them and not seeing things clearly. 
I'm not saying you're making it up and I'm not saying it's entirely you fault.  But, when we are angry or even depressed, we don't really see things as they are all the time because the emotions make you see what you want to see. Perhaps that's not the case here.  Just something to think about. Years down the road, when (or if) you let go of your anger and look at what happened again, you might see that things may not have been what you thought at the time.

I try to reflect every day, and grow and read the situations I've been through. A week from now I may not remember it. Sometimes I will write it down. I assure you I'm very aware of the people around me and how my day goes. 
Yes, anger does blind you. So does love. 
Getting into an arguement with my mother, for example. She wronged me, and began to yell at me for something I had not done. At first, I thought I should let it go, she's my mother, she can yell at me. But the truth is, no. She cannot simply put her anger onto me, no more than I should put my anger onto her. That's abuse.

That being said. Inb4 someone links my anger to my mother (When in reality it stems from a very bad break up.) I'm only stating this here and now because like I said, there is a factual trend of projecting on this forum. And I should apparently give the entire list of happenings in my life lest I be projected upon as a lunatic who hates everyone and everything around him, rather than someone who has bursts of anger towards -bad people.-

 

[Naizo]

To the ones not being sure whether or not Naizo is aiming the anger the right way:
I do not know. That's the true, simple answer.
But I do know the feeling of several employees from widely different places going together against one single mother, pressing as much as they can to among other things take her kids away with any means they could find. Lies, repetition and written complaints are nothing. I am still stunned by the fact they did not succeed. Thing is, how could they be wrong? They were more ones than one low income mother. They had their titles, their friends and everything that followed. And they were several, which increased their credibility.
BUT THEY WERE STILL LYING.
Just because everything seems against one, it does not have to mean it is not. It just makes it even more diabolical in the cases where it's true, because then one is so alone with the real answer, and one is so untrustworthy.
In some cases, no truth in the world can save you, when the world wants to be comfortably blind.

Thank you.

 

[Naizo]

To the ones not being sure whether or not Naizo is aiming the anger the right way:
I do not know. That's the true, simple answer.
But I do know the feeling of several employees from widely different places going together against one single mother, pressing as much as they can to among other things take her kids away with any means they could find. Lies, repetition and written complaints are nothing. I am still stunned by the fact they did not succeed. Thing is, how could they be wrong? They were more ones than one low income mother. They had their titles, their friends and everything that followed. And they were several, which increased their credibility.
BUT THEY WERE STILL LYING.
Just because everything seems against one, it does not have to mean it is not. It just makes it even more diabolical in the cases where it's true, because then one is so alone with the real answer, and one is so untrustworthy.
In some cases, no truth in the world can save you, when the world wants to be comfortably blind.

A few employees lying about someone is a big difference from everyone else in society being wrong which kind of seems to be the implication in this thread.

No, there's nothing at all which implicates that. You only see what you wish to. The implication is that I'm a bad person. If you'll read my original post. One simply wants to be heard, that does not mean they are blaming the whole world. However when they speak out and the first response is to tell them they are the cause of all of the issues, that they themselves are the ones making things worse and it cannot possibly be those around them wronging them, without any discussion or further reading into the situation, that is the implication.

I'll try not to be mean when I say this. 
"Naizo you're the issue."
"Paraiyar you're the issue."
There's zero difference in either claim, both are baseless accusations. Get the point? No? Then I can't help you, sir.

 

[Naizo]

To be honest, Naizo, you kind of contradict yourself. You say that people are pieces of garbage and then you say that no people can't be put under blanket terms because no two are the same?

I'm not posting any of this to aggravate you, I just think that you're probably scapegoating everyone else as a way to avoid looking at your own problems.

I really wish it were that easy. No two people are the same and people being garbage have nothing to do with eachother.

No two pieces of crap look the same.

Neither do any two snowflakes.

All people are different.

Some, however, are useless in creating anything of value in their own life and simply seek out to ail others and bring them down to their level. It's something taught in Kindergarten from where I grew up, possibly everywhere. Treat others as you would be treated. I do so. So I treat people well. That does not mean I agree with them, or do not instruct them on how to do a task correctly. And that does not mean I will not say something to them when they step out of line and get belligerent and become willfully ignorant.

 

[Naizo]

...

This post really makes it look like the problem is with you more than it is with everyone else.

Paraiyar, your compassion is overwhelming. Probably the reason why this site has so many members.

He's perfectly entitled to his opinion. Just because it doesn't fit under a "niceness" category for you doesn't mean he's wrong. And you don't know why every member is on this site, so I wouldn't go there.

Ok, Mom. Why don't you go discipline the chickens in your yard or something.

I have just about had it with your condescending tone. Yours and TheRealCallie's. Makes me wonder what the **** I'm doing here.

If you wanna be fair, look at both sides. If you have a personal problem with me, why don't you just delete my account ? You're a mod, right ?

Like my original post, some people will project upon you and take advantage of you. And when your anger takes hold, they'll make you look like the bad guy.

My advice? Don't let them. Mod or not, they can be bad people. And good people can be bad people. And a moderator can defend one party with a very, very condescending tone towards the other. (Which you very much did, VanillaCreme.) 
I myself use a condescending tone at times. It's okay.

 

[Naizo]

This post really makes it look like the problem is with you more than it is with everyone else.

Paraiyar, your compassion is overwhelming. Probably the reason why this site has so many members.

He's perfectly entitled to his opinion. Just because it doesn't fit under a "niceness" category for you doesn't mean he's wrong. And you don't know why every member is on this site, so I wouldn't go there.

Ok, Mom. Why don't you go discipline the chickens in your yard or something.

I have just about had it with your condescending tone. Yours and TheRealCallie's. Makes me wonder what the **** I'm doing here.

Dude, you come across as pretty condescending yourself on a lot of threads, being so quick to chastise people or accusing them of not getting it  just because they disagree with you.

And in regards to Nilla deleting your account, why are you being so overdramatic? She never said anything about that.

While completely missing the part where he himself does so, in an equal matter. 

You got me, we're all evil and seeking to harm you by disagreeing with you. 
Sarcasm.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I had no condescending tone. If you want to take it that way because you didn't like what I said to him, that's what you're thinking. But there was no such tone.