Anger.

[Naizo]

I don't know any of you, but it seems to me the condescending parts began with the "it's your own fault that people treat you like crap" comment, and the following holier than thou attitude towards the OP and his supporters. But that's just me.

And sure, everyone's entitled to their opinion and are allowed to express it and whatever (because discussions somehow always end up being about who has a right to say what), but a little politeness and empathy won't kill us in a thread created by someone who's clearly experienced a lot of ****** people and need to vent. If this forum is dominated by lack of empathy and respect for others, however, then I guess it's not the place for me after all.

 

[Naizo]

To those calling people egotistical and basically telling them to watch their mouth, I got some advice one time. Didn't really apply to me, but it might help you in your dealings with people, earning favor and respect rather than the ire of those around you.

Have you every considered that... you... Might be the issue?

Far fetched I know. But let that sink in. The advice is surely valuable given the wanting of most for it to be accepted, given that some here are literally fighting over it. Perhaps look upon yourselves, eh?

 

[TheRealCallie]

^^that advice can apply to everything from egotistical and anger and everything in between....

 

[Naizo]

Wow, attempting to help someone else and defend them through means of my sarcastic tongue has really brightened my day. Thanks!

 

[Naizo]

^^that advice can apply to everything from egotistical and anger and everything in between....

True, so I'd keep it in mind, poppet.

 

[Naizo]

I had no condescending tone. If you want to take it that way because you didn't like what I said to him, that's what you're thinking. But there was no such tone.

Are you entirely sure? From the advice I've been given here, sometimes one may not understand their own tone.


This is sarcasm. If it is lost on you I cannot help you.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Entirely sure, yes. So I suggest this wanting to continue arguing about it to stop. You're not just being passive aggressive towards me, but anyone who seems to think differently than you do. Also, the sarcasm doesn't really suit the situation.

 

[Naizo]

Sorry? I don't get why you're being defensive. And aggressive. I guess openly is better than passively. By all means get upset and be a hypocrite, I've done nothing different than anyone else here. If you would consider the post telling me I hate myself and should not blame the world around me but myself non aggressive. I vented, and some people shared their opinion. As a moderator you have every right to close this thread. You also have every right to not involve yourself in it if you have nothing to add but passively telling users to not share their opinion while defending others for no obvious reason, as well as spamming it with gibberish about eggo's that has nothing to do with the original post. None of these rights, however, make anything you've said here less hypocritical. I've quoted here those who seem to have noticed the same trend of talking down to others. Enjoy. Regardless, I know you, like most people, won't admit when you are wrong or have been acting badly towards others. Support yourself, as I did. It's only human.

 

[Naizo]

Your ability to control those who reflect your own sarcastic uncaring tone doesn't really matter. Your actions towards them however will and do. You can bet I won't sit and be quiet when I see a clique grouping up on someone in a thread of my making though. Absolutely not. If all I have the power to do is point it out, I will do so with vigor. As has been said here. Ourselves are the only ones we have any power over. And I'll use that to be a good albeit sarcastic person, rather than a sarcastic jerk.

 

[Tuathaniel]

It is entirely possible to have a condescending tone even if that wasn't your intention. If someone reacts to the tone of a comment, it might be a good idea to consider that perhaps different words would have been better, and be more aware of how to express yourself in the future. Also, if someone picks up and comments on a condescending tone that was unintended, the issue can swiftly be solved by simply replying along the lines of "sorry if I came off that way, it was not my intention" instead of getting defensive and escalate the blame game.

Apart from that, I've discovered that the Ignore function on this forum is quite handy.

 

[Paraiyar]

I don't know any of you, but it seems to me the condescending parts began with the "it's your own fault that people treat you like crap" comment, and the following holier than thou attitude towards the OP and his supporters. But that's just me.

Just because you don't agree with someone or you aren't telling them what they want to hear doesn't mean you lack empathy. I realize that I made a fairly blunt post towards Naizo but it's because I've seen this pattern with people on the forum before where it's obvious that they're definitely are creating their own problem whilst attributing it to everyone else. That may not be the case with Naizo for sure but the more I read his comments, the more I think it is the case. If it is the problem, I want him to snap out of it.

I've had some friends tell me some hard truths about myself this year and it's really improved my life in the long run. Sometimes the best thing is to tell someone something they don't want to hear.

 

[Paraiyar]

I didn't think Nilla sounded condescending. She only started posting when someone else decided to start making person attacks.

 

[Paraiyar]

Have you every considered that... you... Might be the issue?

Apparently asking this question means you have a lack of compassion.

 

[Tuathaniel]

Just because you don't agree with someone or you aren't telling them what they want to hear doesn't mean you lack empathy. I realize that I made a fairly blunt post towards Naizo but it's because I've seen this pattern with people on the forum before where it's obvious that they're definitely are creating their own problem whilst attributing it to everyone else. That may not be the case with Naizo for sure but the more I read his comments, the more I think it is the case. If it is the problem, I want him to snap out of it.

I've had some friends tell me some hard truths about myself this year and it's really improved my life in the long run. Sometimes the best thing is to tell someone something they don't want to hear.

That's right; disagreeing with someone doesn't necessarily mean you lack empathy - how you express your disagreement does. There are constructive ways to disagree with someone, and there are abrasive ways which will definitely not lead to the person taking your "advice" (although in this particular instance, I found your "advice" to come off more like an attack). 

You say that it's "obvious" that he's creating his own problem, and then you add that "that may not be the case with" him. This, to me, doesn't seem like a good starting point for harsh personal criticism. It seems like you're basing your judgment on experiences with other people on this forum, and I don't really think that's far to Naizo. Nobody knows his problems better than himself, and if he says that a lot of people have treated him badly and that's made him angry, then it's kinda rude and condescending to jump in and say "you're the problem, everything is your own fault." Things are rarely that black and white (and that goes both ways). 

I think I see where you're coming from, though. You want him to snap out of it, and I guess this was your way of trying to help. Someone did that for you this year and it helped you, so now you're trying the same. Wanting to help is good. But please keep in mind that people are different, and they react differently to various psychological methods (also depending on who it's coming from). Some people need "tough love," others need acceptance and validation of their feelings before they can even begin to work out the issues (whether it lies mostly with them or the people they've had bad experiences with). I would be careful with going straight for the "tough love" strategy unless I knew the person I was talking to, because if it's used on someone who's not ready for it, it can often do more damage than good. And I'm hoping that's not something most people on this forum wants to achieve.

 

[Paraiyar]

Just because you don't agree with someone or you aren't telling them what they want to hear doesn't mean you lack empathy. I realize that I made a fairly blunt post towards Naizo but it's because I've seen this pattern with people on the forum before where it's obvious that they're definitely are creating their own problem whilst attributing it to everyone else. That may not be the case with Naizo for sure but the more I read his comments, the more I think it is the case. If it is the problem, I want him to snap out of it.

I've had some friends tell me some hard truths about myself this year and it's really improved my life in the long run. Sometimes the best thing is to tell someone something they don't want to hear.

That's right; disagreeing with someone doesn't necessarily mean you lack empathy - how you express your disagreement does. There are constructive ways to disagree with someone, and there are abrasive ways which will definitely not lead to the person taking your "advice" (although in this particular instance, I found your "advice" to come off more like an attack). 

You say that it's "obvious" that he's creating his own problem, and then you add that "that may not be the case with" him. This, to me, doesn't seem like a good starting point for harsh personal criticism. It seems like you're basing your judgment on experiences with other people on this forum, and I don't really think that's far to Naizo. Nobody knows his problems better than himself, and if he says that a lot of people have treated him badly and that's made him angry, then it's kinda rude and condescending to jump in and say "you're the problem, everything is your own fault." Things are rarely that black and white (and that goes both ways). 

I think I see where you're coming from, though. You want him to snap out of it, and I guess this was your way of trying to help. Someone did that for you this year and it helped you, so now you're trying the same. Wanting to help is good. But please keep in mind that people are different, and they react differently to various psychological methods (also depending on who it's coming from). Some people need "tough love," others need acceptance and validation of their feelings before they can even begin to work out the issues (whether it lies mostly with them or the people they've had bad experiences with). I would be careful with going straight for the "tough love" strategy unless I knew the person I was talking to, because if it's used on someone who's not ready for it, it can often do more damage than good. And I'm hoping that's not something most people on this forum wants to achieve.

I didn't say it was 'obvious' that Naizo was creating his own problem, I said I'd seen this pattern before where people on the forum obviously were. And the way he replied to Morrowd kind of bolstered that view for me, particularly when Naizo labelled him/her an armchair psychiatrist. if you're noticeably angry then it's really easy to alienate people, I know that I've done it before.

But if there is something in particular that he does want from this thread I'd probably be happy to help try and steer it in that direction.

 

[Naizo]

I was merely attempting to use a method to show how a few people here were speaking to one another in a less than respectful tone/way. I'm sorry if it upset anyone. But it was the point, to do so, to show how a certain way of referring to others will inevitably get under their skin and upset them regardless of how it was intended to be taken. We are not guilty of the wrongs others put upon us. Only our reaction.

 

[Paraiyar]

I was merely attempting to use a method to show how a few people here were speaking to one another in a less than respectful tone/way. I'm sorry if it upset anyone. But it was the point, to do so, to show how a certain way of referring to others will inevitably get under their skin and upset them regardless of how it was intended to be taken. We are not guilty of the wrongs others put upon us. Only our reaction.

Okay fair enough. I'm not out to get you by the way, just commenting on how it looks to me. Maybe I am a little prejudiced by what I have seen from some people on here and some people in real life so I will try to bear that in mind.

 

[Naizo]

My replies here were in their entirety a way of showing how easy it is to twist others words against themselves and make them seem in the wrong or even dig beneath their skin and upset them. I never once lost my cool, my temper, but I have a lot of experience in wording myself well in discussions, making my point clear despite using sarcasm, and literalism, applying ones own views to themselves. Very rarely do folks tend to reflect upon their own lives while trying to aid or judge another. Put yourself in ones shoes and then consider how you would feel. It is easy to get into a mood where it feels good when you have folks agreeing with you against someone else, and it becomes easier to point out their flaws and past mistakes. But that's not how any conversation should go at all. If you are pointing out a flaw it should not be because you want to prove yourself above their point. And that holds all of my meaning of people stepping on one another. I opened a discussion, created a grounds within which people took interest and subsequently showed their intention whether they meant to or not. Did I use us all for a little personal social experiment? Maybe. But the real question should be did anyone here learn anything about empathy or are we going to walk away with little more learned than how to hold a grudge against those we will likely never meet because it is so easy to do so behind a computer screen.

 

[Naizo]

I was merely attempting to use a method to show how a few people here were speaking to one another in a less than respectful tone/way. I'm sorry if it upset anyone. But it was the point, to do so, to show how a certain way of referring to others will inevitably get under their skin and upset them regardless of how it was intended to be taken. We are not guilty of the wrongs others put upon us. Only our reaction.

Okay fair enough. I'm not out to get you by the way, just commenting on how it looks to me. Maybe I am a little prejuiced by what I have seen from some people on here and some people in real life so I will try to bear that in mind.

I understand, don't worry, I'm generally a really chill guy. I can get very into discussions. And I will admit despite my claims of empathy I do have a way of dissecting people from their words and focusing on their commentary without thought of care of their personal view. I know very well I myself can say one thing and mean an entirely different thing, and people will latch onto that mistake and use it against you. It's what they do.

 

[Paraiyar]

Could you try thinking about the attributes of all the people who you feel have wronged you and see if there's a common theme? If you haven't already done this then it might help you avoid these people in future.