Anybody else bad at making friends?

[mug]

Amazed to find others with experiences exactly like mine. I really thought i was the only one. The pain and depression have been lifted a bit knowing there are others.

I have had zero friends for close to 30 years. It doesn't get easier to bear. Now that the kids are grown the effect is only magnified.

I can't even make online friends. I've joined forums, I get involved in community (until about 5 years ago), I invite people over...and no one ever likes me or wants to be a friend. EVER. I tick people off without even opening my mouth.

Sometimes I feel so odd, like I just don't get "It". Like I just fell off the social truck. We have moved away from family and it has become such a "forgone conclusion" when I try to socialize I get nauseous about trying.

I admit my attitude over the last few years has gotten kinda stinky: "Ya ain't gonna like me anyway and that hurts and makes me angry so I don't care how I respond to you" etc

I see all varieties of people with online friends and offline friends and I can't understand what makes me such a pariah. I've seen two therapists and they too said they don't see why.

People just don't socialize with me I seem to pisssssss people off sometimes without even opening my mouth and within minutes of meeting.

 

[TrailerTrish]

I'm terrible - really bad. I haven't had any proper, close friends for 18 years. I used to be fairly popular when I was 12/13 years old and then it just became an uphill struggle from then on. I liken myself to 'Mad Max' (minus the violent parts) - I'm too far gone. I can't seem to get the help that I need either from doctors, counsellors, psychologists etc - I always end up in the same position. I have tried everything - different work places, meetings, groups, college, University. Result=No close friends

I can totally relate Travis, I'm in the same boat, and nothing seems to help. At one point I considered pretending to be an alcoholic or addict and joining AA or NA to meet people, it was that bad.

Where I live there are very few places where people meet and mix, those being for the most part bars and coffee shops. That bars are not a good place to meet people is obvious, and in the coffee shops they tend to either come with their friends and talk only to them, or they are buried in their newspaper, iPhone, iPad, or laptop, and have an icy wall up around themselves.

Then too, people here seem suspicious of anyone the don't already know, and striking up a conversation with them is pretty difficult. I suppose it's because there are a lot of schemers and users out there, and I've run into them many times here.

I don't know what the answer is either. I think about moving somewhere else where people are friendlier, but I don't know where it would be, and I can't afford it. I really don't think the problem is that you or I are bad at making friends, rather I think that's just the way society is in our day and age, and finding someone you can really connect with on a deeper level is extremely difficult because of it.

I've decided not to beat myself up over it or blame myself for it. That just makes it worse, and somewhere out there is a person I can really be close friends with, it's just going to take time to find them.

 

[HappyYogi]

To Everyone, I am touched by your stories and feelings. I really have nothing to say except I also relate, and I am also told I am "charming" "sweet" "funny" etc but still have a hard time making friends.

@Murdoch. I congratulate you on your parties and book group. I think it's sweet how you wanted to go to a party so you created one. You really stuck your neck out. I would have said "yes". I really would have.

Even though you didn't seem to get a friend from it, I think what you did was great and it is making you into a more fun, interesting person.

I used to host parties even though I am introverted (I am in my 40's). I enjoy it except for the pain of feeling rejected sometimes. My dream has always been to have a group of people I can easily socialize with and visit with.

I stopped having the parties because all of the sudden I feel embarrassed about where I live. I only allow a couple of people over who I know wont' judge (house is small and too much "stuff").

Anyways, please give yourself credit for all the initiative you are taking. It's truly great.

I can really relate. I've been in therapy for a couple of years and my therapist is always encouraging me to get more social interaction. I belong to a volunteer organization and in the past few months, I've hosted a party and started a book club and it...is...so...HARD!!! For the party? Only one person told me they were coming (I sent out email invitations), so I called people and enough agreed to come to make it a real party, but it was like pulling teeth to get people to come. And I sent out one of those really nice Evites where all you have to do is click "no" or "yes" and people would not do it! The party was fine; I don't like to host, but it's the only way I'll ever get to go to a party. I think people had fun (I know there was a lot of laughing) and people told me on their way out they had a great time, but I haven't heard from any of those people since. And the book club? It's the same thing; it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to come to the meetings. And I do absolutely everything. I host, I pick the books, and I handle all of the admin stuff (emails, phone calls, discussion questions, arranging places, facebook postings).

My therapist is really happy that I'm trying, but even she had to admit that she's never seen so much unresponsiveness.

I don't know...

 

[Pierce57]

I'm just extremely shy, and not at ease with people in general, especially girls. I did make one friend, accidentally and because she "insisted" at first. I didn't think she could like me, even as a friend. But she kept being nice and hanging out. Now the problem is that this made me fall in love with her while on her end it's still really just a friendship. She must think I am crazy. I am just in love, but I want to keep my friendship to her so I try my best to not show my feelings. It's difficult sometimes.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

I'm just extremely shy, and not at ease with people in general, especially girls. I did make one friend, accidentally and because she "insisted" at first. I didn't think she could like me, even as a friend. But she kept being nice and hanging out. Now the problem is that this made me fall in love with her while on her end it's still really just a friendship. She must think I am crazy. I am just in love, but I want to keep my friendship to her so I try my best to not show my feelings. It's difficult sometimes.

It's toxic, dear. You need to try and make connections with other people and stop making this chick the center of your life. You're not giving her your friendship, you're making her a cult, close to obsession. Not healthy.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am absolutely terrible at making friends! I just can never seem to do it right.

I am a social misfit.

 

[Valince]

I'm terrible at making mutual friendships.

 

[anthonyS13]

I never understand what I'm doing wrong with this kind of stuff either!

 

[firebird85]

People are very socially disconnected these days. I have witnessed this myself.

 

[nonsense]

To quote the Cream song, and originally Albert King;

"Born under a bad sign.
I've been down since I began to crawl.
If it wasn't for bad luck,
I wouldn't have no luck at all."

That's the story of my life. I'm always annoying people or making them angry when I'm trying to help or be sympathetic, and I simply have no luck socially. Don't know why.

 

[aribeth]

I use to have no problem making and keeping friends when I was younger. I started losing my friends when my health when bad. I could no longer keep up with my friends so they left me. I didn't find it so bad because I had my son to raise. Things got at there worse when my son moved out. I wasn't ready for him to leave the roost. I was alone for about 2 years then I moved in with him. That lasted a year and then he moved outta town. Now I'm totally on my own again. I talk to him often which helps.

Holidays are the worst though, like birthdays and Christmas. I can't do much since Im on a fixed income. We try to call each other over holidays which helps.

I really dread being on my own, I'm used to being a giver all my life. All this empty time on my own too. I am not getting any younger and I might end up alone indefinitely. Being poor doesn't help either because everything costs to get into, like a hobby or club.

I am moving in a couple of months and the cost of a place is very expensive for rent. Might not be able to afford a phone which means I wont be able to call my son. Only will be able to get a hold of him through computer only. He's the only lifeline I have. If I were to lose him then I rather be dead.