Anybody else like me

[TheRealCallie]

I like Ringwood and yourself. Callie and WWC not so much. I have seen this all before on forums, people coming out with all the old clichés. Possibly true with some people, not me. I could write the most happiest post and some people would either argue with it or tell me not to complain. I write jokes, people think I am been serious. Some people are just argumentative. I can't win.

I'm sorry, but I hardly see why this is relevant and it's also quite rude. So, because you don't like me, that makes my advice "unworthy," even though Ringwood and Batman have said the same thing I have? It's perfectly okay for them to say it, but not me?
Just because you don't like me, doesn't mean I don't give good advice and I fail to see where I was rude or argumentative in my posts to you here. Yes, I am disagreeing with you, but that's not arguing, it's pointing something out that you may not see and since I'm not the only one saying it, you can't hold that against me just because you don't like me.

I have said time and time again. I have a miserable looking face, I have a miserable sounding voice. I have miserable looking body language. People who see me for the first time won't be impressed at all.

Yes I come on here and write stuff but once I leave my computer I don't really think about it.
I am quite happy with how I look if I don't either see myself in a photograph or see a reflection in a window. Maybe it's a mental thing but that's the only time I get a bit down.

It's the embarrassment of going anywhere with me.

Add that to my miserable looking face then that's my problem. I don't think I am ugly, just average

Did you ever consider you might be in denial? You are perfectly happy, UNLESS you see your reflection. People would be embarrassed to be seen with you, yet you are happy and go out with people all the time. Seems to me like you are avoiding the issue so you can live in denial about a problem you clearly have and don't want to acknowledge.

 

[blackdot]

Wanting to date you and wanting to be your friend is two completely different things. People can like you, yet not want to date you. That doesn't mean they pity you, it just means they wouldn't date you. That could change with a different outlook, but you can't know unless you try.

That's one of the toughest things to learn. I always end up getting the wrong impression and when i make the mistake of opening my mouth about it, I get shot down fast.
Women love to have me around because I can always make them laugh and I can get things done. They'll invite me to do things and hang out. That is until they realize I have gotten the wrong impression. *laughs*

 

[Triple Bogey]

I like Ringwood and yourself. Callie and WWC not so much. I have seen this all before on forums, people coming out with all the old clichés. Possibly true with some people, not me. I could write the most happiest post and some people would either argue with it or tell me not to complain. I write jokes, people think I am been serious. Some people are just argumentative. I can't win.

I'm sorry, but I hardly see why this is relevant and it's also quite rude. So, because you don't like me, that makes my advice "unworthy," even though Ringwood and Batman have said the same thing I have? It's perfectly okay for them to say it, but not me?
Just because you don't like me, doesn't mean I don't give good advice and I fail to see where I was rude or argumentative in my posts to you here. Yes, I am disagreeing with you, but that's not arguing, it's pointing something out that you may not see and since I'm not the only one saying it, you can't hold that against me just because you don't like me.

I have said time and time again. I have a miserable looking face, I have a miserable sounding voice. I have miserable looking body language. People who see me for the first time won't be impressed at all.

Yes I come on here and write stuff but once I leave my computer I don't really think about it.
I am quite happy with how I look if I don't either see myself in a photograph or see a reflection in a window. Maybe it's a mental thing but that's the only time I get a bit down.

It's the embarrassment of going anywhere with me.

Add that to my miserable looking face then that's my problem. I don't think I am ugly, just average

Did you ever consider you might be in denial? You are perfectly happy, UNLESS you see your reflection. People would be embarrassed to be seen with you, yet you are happy and go out with people all the time. Seems to me like you are avoiding the issue so you can live in denial about a problem you clearly have and don't want to acknowledge.

Don't take offense, I was only been honest.
Your advice about me is wrong. I think your wrong about many things. But that's only my opinion. I am sure other posters think you talk a lot of sense. Ringwood and Batman have both come up with some good points on here in the past. That's why I respect their opinions.

I don't know what you mean. My manager praised me about my honesty last week. I have good points and bad points. What's wrong with that ? Nothing.

There are plenty of people more miserable than me on here.

---

Wanting to date you and wanting to be your friend is two completely different things. People can like you, yet not want to date you. That doesn't mean they pity you, it just means they wouldn't date you. That could change with a different outlook, but you can't know unless you try.

That's one of the toughest things to learn. I always end up getting the wrong impression and when i make the mistake of opening my mouth about it, I get shot down fast.
Women love to have me around because I can always make them laugh and I can get things done. They'll invite me to do things and hang out. That is until they realize I have gotten the wrong impression. *laughs*

I understand what you are going thru. It's tough. It doesn't help people blame you or say it's not true.

 

[Sci-Fi]

KNOCK IT OFF AND DROP IT! Not one more word bickering between each other.

And I don't care who said what you've all said your piece now stop.

 

[ardour]

Your similar to me then. The question is why don't women find us attractive ?

combination of not being average looking, lack of confidence and being at an age where there are fewer options (I can say this stuff because I'm in the same boat as you.)

I'm not going to speculate point-by-point about what might be wrong with yours and my personality in regards to attracting women (complaining, being oversensitive, not 'aspirational' enough etc.), tell you to micromanage every aspect of your behaviour or go through hell asking hundreds of women out.

But now count how many of us are pointing out this "persistent negative self-image" problem... me, ringwood, Callie, WWC, and I'm sure others as well. I can't claim that any one of us is correct about this being your main problem, as we only know you from this forum, but at this point I think it's worth your time examining it, at least. I hope you won't be offended by this, it's not my intention.

Negative self-image results from experience. We didn't start out adolescence with poor self-image; it developed through reactions we received from others. In my case my father has something to do with it, but that's not all encompassing. Society is judgemental, judgemental about your looks, popularity, status, particularly when you're young and establishing a sense of who and what you are.

 

[Batman55]

Women love to have me around because I can always make them laugh and I can get things done. They'll invite me to do things and hang out. That is until they realize I have gotten the wrong impression. *laughs*

I believe you. But it's puzzling. You can make them laugh and get things done, but they never want anything else?

The guys I know IRL that will talk to women without any insecurity, make them laugh, etc, are usually quite popular with women.

It doesn't add up.

 

[ardour]

Argggghhhhhhh!!!! I've said it....how many times now?!! You are so negative towards yourself..

"...Add to that my miserable looking face then that's my problem...."

No, no, no!! That's not the problem. The problem is how you see yourself, and as a reflection of how *you* see yourself, other people around you do too, whether you think so or not. A huge part of communication with others is subconscious, and people pick up subtle clues about each other constantly while talking.

These 'you're your own worst enemy' type of responses are tiresome. Lack of confidence doesn't give others a free pass to treat you like rubbish or make unfair assumptions. Working on tone of voice, self-deprecating comments, and body language is one thing... but now it's subconscious messages, 'auras' or what-have-you..give him a break.

Nobody can see what's going on in our minds and believing so introduces an additional level of paranoia that is unwelcome and counterproductive.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Argggghhhhhhh!!!! I've said it....how many times now?!! You are so negative towards yourself..

"...Add to that my miserable looking face then that's my problem...."

No, no, no!! That's not the problem. The problem is how you see yourself, and as a reflection of how *you* see yourself, other people around you do too, whether you think so or not. A huge part of communication with others is subconscious, and people pick up subtle clues about each other constantly while talking.

These 'you're your own worst enemy' type of responses and tiresome. Lack of confidence doesn't give others a free pass to treat you like rubbish or make unfair assumptions. Working on tone of voice, self-deprecating comments, and body language is one thing... but now it's subconscious messages, 'auras' or what-have-you..give him a break.

Nobody can see what's going on in our minds and believing so introduces an additional level of paranoia that is unwelcome and counterproductive.

You are so right and you talk so much sense !

---

Your similar to me then. The question is why don't women find us attractive ?

combination of not being average looking, lack of confidence and being at an age where there are fewer options (I can say this stuff because I'm in the same boat as you.)

I'm not going to speculate point-by-point about what might be wrong with yours and my personality in regards to attracting women (complaining, being oversensitive, not 'aspirational' enough etc.), tell you to micromanage every aspect of your behaviour or go through hell asking hundreds of women out.

But now count how many of us are pointing out this "persistent negative self-image" problem... me, ringwood, Callie, WWC, and I'm sure others as well. I can't claim that any one of us is correct about this being your main problem, as we only know you from this forum, but at this point I think it's worth your time examining it, at least. I hope you won't be offended by this, it's not my intention.

Negative self-image results from experience. We didn't start out adolescence with poor self-image; it developed through reactions we received from others. In my case my father has something to do with it, but that's not all encompassing. Society is judgemental, judgemental about your looks, popularity, status, particularly when you're young and establishing a sense of who and what you are.

Another good post !

 

[TheRealCallie]

Negative self-image results from experience. We didn't start out adolescence with poor self-image; it developed through reactions we received from others. In my case my father has something to do with it, but that's not all encompassing. Society is judgemental, judgemental about your looks, popularity, status, particularly when you're young and establishing a sense of who and what you are.

I know full well where negative self image comes from. BUT, I also know it's pointless to wallow in it and just do nothing. I've been there, I know what it's like.
Do I share the opinion of how other people think I look...no. But do I acknowledge the fact that other people don't share the same opinion as I do...yes.
If you want to continue down the same path you've always been on or have been on for years, that's fine, it's your choice. But, it's also no one's fault but your own. Society IS judgmental, but those judgments can only harm you if YOU let them. Regardless when it started, it's now on you if you are letting it continue.
People can live in denial or make excuses all they want, but nothing will get accomplished if you don't face it and do something about it.

And before anyone comes back at me trying to insinuate that I'm saying it's easy, I'm not. I know damn well how hard it is, I also know how much it's worth it.

 

[ardour]

Negative self-image results from experience. We didn't start out adolescence with poor self-image; it developed through reactions we received from others. In my case my father has something to do with it, but that's not all encompassing. Society is judgemental, judgemental about your looks, popularity, status, particularly when you're young and establishing a sense of who and what you are.

I know full well where negative self image comes from. BUT, I also know it's pointless to wallow in it and just do nothing. I've been there, I know what it's like.
Do I share the opinion of how other people think I look...no. But do I acknowledge the fact that other people don't share the same opinion as I do...yes.
If you want to continue down the same path you've always been on or have been on for years, that's fine, it's your choice. But, it's also no one's fault but your own. Society IS judgmental, but those judgments can only harm you if YOU let them. Regardless when it started, it's now on you if you are letting it continue.
People can live in denial or make excuses all they want, but nothing will get accomplished if you don't face it and do something about it.

And before anyone comes back at me trying to insinuate that I'm saying it's easy, I'm not. I know damn well how hard it is, I also know how much it's worth it.

I want to ask what you think the goal here is or what he's suppose to "do" (feel good about himself while living a sad isolated life?) .. but it's true, blaming others, even when others are at fault, doesn't change a thing. It's tempting to wallow, that's for sure.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Negative self-image results from experience. We didn't start out adolescence with poor self-image; it developed through reactions we received from others. In my case my father has something to do with it, but that's not all encompassing. Society is judgemental, judgemental about your looks, popularity, status, particularly when you're young and establishing a sense of who and what you are.

I know full well where negative self image comes from. BUT, I also know it's pointless to wallow in it and just do nothing. I've been there, I know what it's like.
Do I share the opinion of how other people think I look...no. But do I acknowledge the fact that other people don't share the same opinion as I do...yes.
If you want to continue down the same path you've always been on or have been on for years, that's fine, it's your choice. But, it's also no one's fault but your own. Society IS judgmental, but those judgments can only harm you if YOU let them. Regardless when it started, it's now on you if you are letting it continue.
People can live in denial or make excuses all they want, but nothing will get accomplished if you don't face it and do something about it.

And before anyone comes back at me trying to insinuate that I'm saying it's easy, I'm not. I know damn well how hard it is, I also know how much it's worth it.

I want to ask what you think the goal here is (feeling good about yourself while living a sad isolated life?) .. but it's true, blaming others, even when others are at fault, doesn't change a thing.

If you felt good about yourself you probably wouldn't live a sad, isolated life.

People like happy people. I'm not saying it leads to meeting women but you will have more friends.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I want to ask what you think the goal here is (feeling good about yourself while living a sad isolated life?) .. but it's true, blaming others, even when others are at fault, doesn't change a thing.

My goal of posting in this thread? That would be because I've been there and I know how it feels and I also know it can be fixed.
My goal for coming back to ALL? Well, my reasons are my own, but I don't live a sad isolated life. I have kids, I'm a single mother, I can't live an isolated life.

What others think of you is none of your business. Stick and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Words can only hurt you if YOU allow it.
But, what I don't understand is why people insist on judging others, when they know how horrible it feels.

 

[ardour]

If you felt good about yourself you probably wouldn't live a sad, isolated life.

People like happy people. I'm not saying it leads to meeting women but you will have more friends.

Because it involves more effort. Because I then have to maintain that happy demeanour and positive outlook in the face of setbacks and disappointments.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Okay, you edited your post and completely changed the meaning of what you wrote. So, in terms of your edit....what HE is supposed to do. I've already said it. Get over it, stop whining and feeling miserable about yourself, and stop living in denial about it. Change what you can and accept the rest. He's already said his life isn't isolated. And if it IS isolated, that's on him. He can change that too

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's tempting to wallow, that's for sure.

It tends to be a lot easier than to try and climb out of a mud pit.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you felt good about yourself you probably wouldn't live a sad, isolated life.

People like happy people. I'm not saying it leads to meeting women but you will have more friends.

Because it involves more effort. Because I then have to maintain that happy demeanour and positive outlook in the face of setbacks and disappointments.

If you stop living with grudges and holding on to judgments that are laid on you, then you WOULD have a positive outlook. The setbacks don't mean failure, it just means you need a better, different way of doing something. It's a learning experience. As far as disappointments, well, when you expect things of other people, you will be disappointed. That includes being disappointed with yourself.

 

[ardour]

But, what I don't understand is why people insist on judging others, when they know how horrible it feels.

Those judging see the other as an inferior being, an object of derision; because of this they don't empathise.

 

[blackdot]

Women love to have me around because I can always make them laugh and I can get things done. They'll invite me to do things and hang out. That is until they realize I have gotten the wrong impression. *laughs*

I believe you. But it's puzzling. You can make them laugh and get things done, but they never want anything else?

The guys I know IRL that will talk to women without any insecurity, make them laugh, etc, are usually quite popular with women.

It doesn't add up.

I've been told it's cause I don't ignore them or brush them off.
I'm just a fun reliable guy. Someone that you can come to when you need a pick-me-up or need something repaired.

Now in my late 20's, if the woman was married then she would want something more as in ***. I kept having to swat them away. I want a relationship, not ***.

 

[Peaches]

I have a strong feeling based on a lot of things that people really do like me. The women at work, customers, some people at golf, anybody else that knows me. This is all very nice and I appreciate all these people. But women don't seem to like me enough to want a relationship. That never happens. Maybe people feel sorry for me ? Older ladies seem to think I am wonderful. At work customers are always saying 'hello' to me or asking questions about what I am getting up to.

I wonder why this happens ?
Maybe it's all about how I come across ?

I have EXACTLY the same experience, older guys love me too and yes, I am known as a likable girl, although a bit strange I guess -
I wish I knew something smart to tell you…
In my case I suspect this situation has to do with the level of intimacy reached, and for some reason I hardly ever manage to go past general chit chat, at least for the guys, or maybe I just don't know how to be fun for a longer period of time without wanting to go in deeper conversation

 

[Batman55]

I've been told it's cause I don't ignore them or brush them off.
I'm just a fun reliable guy. Someone that you can come to when you need a pick-me-up or need something repaired.

LOL, in a more logical world, these aspects would work better for you.

I tend to be the exact opposite, though. I'm generally self-absorbed and know how to repair virtually nothing. I'm not someone to be relied on, either. My mood is unpredictable. Would any of this help?