Are shy guys really appreciated by women?

[VanillaCreme]

Negative or positive, you can still learn from it. When something negative happens, sit back and think about it for a bit. Learn what went wrong and how you can correct it. Then positive experiences can soon follow.

 

[blackdot]

Negative or positive, you can still learn from it. When something negative happens, sit back and think about it for a bit. Learn what went wrong and how you can correct it. Then positive experiences can soon follow.

You know, I wish things were that simple but when you date someone and they have nothing negative to say about you but they don't want to go out again, it doesn't help to ever fix the problem.

 

[Ak5]

Negative or positive, you can still learn from it. When something negative happens, sit back and think about it for a bit. Learn what went wrong and how you can correct it. Then positive experiences can soon follow.

Yes.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

So, what has gone wrong, every time, is that I don't make a move back.

How can I get over my anxiety in order TO make a move back?

This is unhelpful, Vanilla.

 

[Ak5]

You eventually will have to break the circle and continue trying.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'd say shy guys are very much appreciated by girls...to a point.

Example: There's a guy in my group, I'll call him A, who is so shy that he rarely even talks to girls. I've not seen him ever hold a proper "branched" conversation with a girl either.

Sometimes I wonder if he perhaps has Asperger's or something, because I enjoy talking to him but I find I have to do a lot of work to keep the conversation going.

A few days ago a girl asked me about A off-hand, and I said he was a decent guy. She replied that he seemed a bit "hard to talk to" and someone recently even commented to me that he was "unfriendly" (which I contested).

---

So if you're really shy, people (including girls) will simply assume you're unfriendly or uninterested. It may be untrue, but by always avoiding or breaking out of social contact it's definitely the feeling that comes across.

By contrast, I myself am shy (especially when it comes to relationship sort of things - I blush so easily :shy: ), but because I can usually talk to girls in a natural and friendly manner, they seem to see it as a sort of sweet trait a lot of the time.

A few days back I brought myself to compliment a girl for the first time ever and she seemed really, really surprised and happy. I think it's because I'm shy enough for it to be obviously genuine!

So you're not doomed because you're shy, you just need to take a look at whether that shyness could be deemed as unfriendly by other people.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I think Women (to generalise) will not see shyness as a negative, some may even see it as endearing. Problem is often shyness is masked by being abrupt or offhand with people so people don't realise that at the route of it the person is just unsure of themselves.

I think like everyone, a shy person has to have a little faith and learn to trust other people over time once they meet someone worth trusting. If you see the begining of a friendship, you need to take the opportunity to let your guard down a little. Shyness at first can be a likeable quality but will become frustrating if someone takes an interest and doesn't seem to be able to break through it. I'd try and be honest, admit to being shy and its out of the way as an issue then. After that its the same as for anyone, a case of trying to get to know each other and ultimately you have to take the plunge like anyone else and try and come out of yourself a little and be the person you know you really are.

I drink to alleviate my shyness, after a couple I'm ok after a couple more I start talking rubbish so there is a small window of opportunity!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Well, to expand on my social interactions yesterday...

I am pretty sure that many people found my social awkwardness or shyness to be weird, strange, whatever. I in general get into a bad mood, which makes me be more shy and perhaps even more socially awkward, after people negatively react to my shyness.

But my question wasn't whether women wouldn't value me as a friend, if I were shy. I know that isn't true, because most of my friends are female. And I value their friendship, as well. My question was whether or not, as a dating prospect, I would be canceled out every time because I wasn't bold enough, or outgoing enough, or social enough.

And I suppose I got my answer here. The truth is that, unless I want to find a very *rare* woman, who would appreciate me as I am, I either have to change or embrace my solitude and being alone. I don't want the latter, so I'll work on the former.

Perhaps I'll have some ideas for my therapist. I have to go in and make an appointment, anyway.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I think if you started seeing someone though you would come out of yourself naturally. If you have female friends it really isn't a huge step to being more than friends with one of them. I know it must seem a world away but there could be someone that would love to be more friends and its a case of bridging that gap.

I don't think you can talk in general terms of what women want or dont want, everyone looks for something different. You might be shy but have loads of other qualities that someone is looking for and regards the shyness, well women supposedly love a challenge and I honestly dont think they would see it as a long term issue there are more important qualities.

My ex was shy, she couldn't see how lovely she was, I'd tell her she was beautiful and she would say "am I?" in the sweetest way, it just crippled me I loved her totally for all her shyness and sensitivity. Six months into the relationship she totally came out of herself changed and became confident in herself and this person I really couldn't stand anymore ha ha! I think my point being, I'd have taken that shy girl over the person she became, so perhaps there is no need to change at all, the only stumbling block it could cause is actually making the move in the first place which may require some guts (or drink!) on your part.

 

[Anten]

And I suppose I got my answer here. The truth is that, unless I want to find a very *rare* woman, who would appreciate me as I am, I either have to change or embrace my solitude and being alone. I don't want the latter, so I'll work on the former.

I don't think it is a point of appreciation it is a point of them not knowing you are interested. Shyness is a defense mechanism and the reason girls don't flock to you is you have your defenses up and you won't let them in. So if a girl is knocking on your door and you don't answer don't fault her for not kicking it down just to see you.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Negative or positive, you can still learn from it. When something negative happens, sit back and think about it for a bit. Learn what went wrong and how you can correct it. Then positive experiences can soon follow.

You know, I wish things were that simple but when you date someone and they have nothing negative to say about you but they don't want to go out again, it doesn't help to ever fix the problem.

Just because they have nothing negative doesn't mean they want to be with you. They might have just not felt anything for you, and that's not necessarily a negative thing. They just might think you're a fine person to talk to or to hang out with, and nothing more, which isn't always bad.

You eventually will have to break the circle and continue trying.

Exactly, Ak. I'm glad someone gets it. So many people are too entirely lazy to do anything themselves, give up, and blame it on other things instead of taking any blame. You can't just keep doing the same stuff over and over if it's not working, then complain about it not working.

 

[flaneur]

If a man acts like he can get any woman he wants, the particular woman he selects out of all of them will feel desirable. That is why women are attracted to confidence. Of course, everyone is different and it's ridiculous to generalize an entire gender, which is why these debates get pointless and crazy.

 

[VanillaCreme]

There's a difference between confidence and cocky. Acting like you can get anyone you want is being cocky. Knowing that you can be comfortable around someone is being confident.

Also, that doesn't make everyone feel desirable, but I agree everyone is different.

 

[flaneur]

There's a difference between confidence and cocky. Acting like you can get anyone you want is being cocky. Knowing that you can be comfortable around someone is being confident.

Also, that doesn't make everyone feel desirable, but I agree everyone is different.

Cockiness is, by definition, a very high degree of confidence, i.e., overconfidence. My example of acting like one can get *any* woman is extreme, but it makes it easier to understand what I'm trying to get across.

I agree with the second part, and it's essentially what I was saying.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Vanilla, I realize this. Some of my best friendships with girls have come from me accepting that they like me, but don't want anything more than friendship with me...and it's been me letting go.

I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong. Obviously, as an introvert and quiet loner, I am not going to react the same way as someone who is extroverted and a social butterfly.

It just frustrates me when I'm told to be myself by one person, then told by a different person that being myself isn't the answer. I feel like throwing my hands up in despair.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I can almost promise you that you will come across one person one day that will like you the same as you like her. It's not about conforming or being any type of certain way. Because no matter what you do, there will be people who like you... and people who don't. And that one person is all it takes for everything to make sense. I think patience is more of the process than any look or book can get you. I just tell people to be themselves, simply because I think being true to who you are makes the most sense. It doesn't make any sense to me to pretend to be something you just can't be because if a person gets to know you, essentially they won't really know who you are, and I think that's another drawback people can eliminate.

 

[Ak5]

@Vanilla, why thank you lol.

@Flanuer, sort of, confidence is the key.

@LeaningIntoTheMuse, be yourself, you don't want to feel like a "fake" in a relationship, acting like someone you aren't. Especially if that relationship escalates into long-term.

 

[Peaches]

didn't check if someone already posted this

 

[Equinox]

I genuinely appreciate shy guys; I find them absolutely lovely and charming. The only problem is that I never get to talk to them, because we're both too shy to approach each other.

 

[Peter Lorre]

Once again we have to look at the wonderful world of music to provide us with the answers we so desperately seek:

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