Are there any 30 something women here who've never been in a relationship?

[Forgottendanfan]

Now I really want to know the point of this thread.  She types all that out and all you give her is "oh hey, if that's you, you're pretty"?

My goodness, do you ever actually have anything remotely nice or positive to say to ANYONE? All you ever seem to do on here is make snarky remarks to people.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Now I really want to know the point of this thread.  She types all that out and all you give her is "oh hey, if that's you, you're pretty"?

My goodness, do you ever actually have anything remotely nice or positive to say to ANYONE? All you ever seem to do on here is make snarky remarks to people.

Counter question....Do you ever actually answer questions people ask you?  Because I'm still waiting for the actual purpose of this thread.  The only thing I can figure is that since you are here "mainly to find a date" or whatever the hell you said, this is your way of finding a "damaged" person you can try to "rescue."

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Now I really want to know the point of this thread.  She types all that out and all you give her is "oh hey, if that's you, you're pretty"?

My goodness, do you ever actually have anything remotely nice or positive to say to ANYONE? All you ever seem to do on here is make snarky remarks to people.

Counter question....Do you ever actually answer questions people ask you?  Because I'm still waiting for the actual purpose of this thread.  The only thing I can figure is that since you are here "mainly to find a date" or whatever the hell you said, this is your way of finding a "damaged" person you can try to "rescue."

I don't need to answer to you.

 

[user 115627]

Now I really want to know the point of this thread.  She types all that out and all you give her is "oh hey, if that's you, you're pretty"?

My goodness, do you ever actually have anything remotely nice or positive to say to ANYONE? All you ever seem to do on here is make snarky remarks to people.

Counter question....Do you ever actually answer questions people ask you?  Because I'm still waiting for the actual purpose of this thread.  The only thing I can figure is that since you are here "mainly to find a date" or whatever the hell you said, this is your way of finding a "damaged" person you can try to "rescue."

I don't need to answer to you.

Will you answer to me? My interpretation is far less accusatory because I don't believe you are trying to be a savior to "damaged" person. But I think you are desperate and looking for any women that is in a somewhat similar situation. Personally I find these stories interesting because while I believe there is overlap between men and women that were either passed over by the opposite *** or stayed alone voluntarily, there are also some scenarios that are more common with men or women respectively.

I could tell myself that you messaged kaetic via PM to respond to her post in a more personal way...perhaps you should have mentioned that though instead of just telling her she's pretty,  because that makes you look like a dunce. Also because I think you are the second person that does not realize it's a picture of Aubrey Plaza. There is nothing wrong with telling someone they are pretty but after kaetic was so honest about her history, maybe a different tone is...preferable. At least something that shows you have paid attention if you're actually interested in getting to know another person.

Moralizing aside: Kaetic, I'm sorry for what you had to go through...what you describe as a "terrible first example of how relationships are supposed to be" is pretty damn to the point. The story resonates even more with me because of the parallels with stories I heard from my girlfriend who also had to deal with an abusive mother all her life before she finally had a chance to move out. While their relationship is also complicated to say the least, for her it's a lot more like Ardour put it. There is no love left at all and she has nothing but harsh words to say about her mother. I don't blame her, some of the incidents she told me about can only be described as harrowing.

 

[kaetic]

I've never been in a romantic relationship. But, I'm 40 now... So, not sure you're interested in what I've got to say.

Absolutely I am. I should have worded it as "30 plus" rather than "30 something".

I can't speak for why more guys haven't asked me out.
Maybe I'm unpleasant. Maybe I'm unattractive. I'm overweight (and working hard to lose it), but I wasn't always.
I was actually pretty athletic in my early 20's.

Not to be completely naive, but he could have just been responding to this part of what I wrote... Thank you, I guess, if that's the case.

Ardour, I'm very sorry you had to endure anything similar. I remember you posting something previously, and I hope you know that despite whatever you might think of me... I'm extremely sympathetic.
And Rodent, I completely understand why your girlfriend might feel that way. I have only recently been able to move past my anger... and honestly I don't know that I'm completely past it. I wish her the best.

But honestly my main purpose in posting was to explain that it is entirely possible for a female to experience the same thing, a lifetime without a significant relationship. Obviously, not all situations would be the same as mine... and I'm sorry if that sidetracked the topic. That wasn't my intention.

 

[ewomack]

All I can say after reading this thread is that I'm very sorry that Kaetic's very personal and heartbreaking post turned into mostly a storm of assumptions and (potentially baseless) accusations about somebody else. This forum can be very unfriendly.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

All I can say after reading this thread is that I'm very sorry that Kaetic's very personal and heartbreaking post turned into mostly a storm of assumptions and (potentially baseless) accusations about somebody else. This forum can be very unfriendly.

Thank you. There seem to be certain members of this forum who dislike lonely men of a certain age, who lack relationship experience. I'm not naming names, as I'm sure it's quite obvious who I'm referring to.

 

[TheRealCallie]

lol, it's your story, tell it like you want it.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

lol, it's your story, tell it like you want it.

Was that directed at me?

 

[Finished]

Well, I think ......

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Zeta Grey]

In answer to the original question: I have a personality disorder and attachment issues. 

I am currently internally beating the ever living snot out of myself because I had about the best friend anyone could ever wish for (no, he was not a perfect human being, but he had a golden heart and was patient as the day is long) and, in hindsight (puzzling the bejesus out of me why I could not see my behaviour for what it was at the time), I see that I treated him like utter, absolute garbage. I have no explanation for it, and that scares me, and I'm so desperately trying to piece it together. And I cannot even tell him how right he was and how sorry I am and maybe create better days and memories... because he is currently dying in the hospital from a stroke and I cannot visit him, thanks COVID. 

And, no. I'm not suicidal, just in case anyone worries. I just deeply, deeply hate myself for being such a hateful, ungrateful horror. Which I should. So hopefully, I can scrape my way to being someone better. 

So yeah. I cannot imagine how fantastically catastrophic a romantic relationship would turn out with me. Rather continue to not find out.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

In answer to the original question: I have a personality disorder and attachment issues. 

I am currently internally beating the ever living snot out of myself because I had about the best friend anyone could ever wish for (no, he was not a perfect human being, but he had a golden heart and was patient as the day is long) and, in hindsight (puzzling the bejesus out of me why I could not see my behaviour for what it was at the time), I see that I treated him like utter, absolute garbage. I have no explanation for it, and that scares me, and I'm so desperately trying to piece it together. And I cannot even tell him how right he was and how sorry I am and maybe create better days and memories... because he is currently dying in the hospital from a stroke and I cannot visit him, thanks COVID. 

And, no. I'm not suicidal, just in case anyone worries. I just deeply, deeply hate myself for being such a hateful, ungrateful horror. Which I should. So hopefully, I can scrape my way to being someone better. 

So yeah. I cannot imagine how fantastically catastrophic a romantic relationship would turn out with me. Rather continue to not find out.

Sorry to hear of your friend's situation. Not sure how likely it is, but I sincerely hope he pulls through and makes a full recovery.

 

[Zeta Grey]

In answer to the original question: I have a personality disorder and attachment issues. 

I am currently internally beating the ever living snot out of myself because I had about the best friend anyone could ever wish for (no, he was not a perfect human being, but he had a golden heart and was patient as the day is long) and, in hindsight (puzzling the bejesus out of me why I could not see my behaviour for what it was at the time), I see that I treated him like utter, absolute garbage. I have no explanation for it, and that scares me, and I'm so desperately trying to piece it together. And I cannot even tell him how right he was and how sorry I am and maybe create better days and memories... because he is currently dying in the hospital from a stroke and I cannot visit him, thanks COVID. 

And, no. I'm not suicidal, just in case anyone worries. I just deeply, deeply hate myself for being such a hateful, ungrateful horror. Which I should. So hopefully, I can scrape my way to being someone better. 

So yeah. I cannot imagine how fantastically catastrophic a romantic relationship would turn out with me. Rather continue to not find out.

Sorry to hear of your friend's situation. Not sure how likely it is, but I sincerely hope he pulls through and makes a full recovery.

Thanks. You're very kind. I wish that so much, too.

 

[ardour]

In answer to the original question: I have a personality disorder and attachment issues. 

I am currently internally beating the ever living snot out of myself because I had about the best friend anyone could ever wish for (no, he was not a perfect human being, but he had a golden heart and was patient as the day is long) and, in hindsight (puzzling the bejesus out of me why I could not see my behaviour for what it was at the time), I see that I treated him like utter, absolute garbage. I have no explanation for it...

It's possibly a cliche explanation, but it sounds like you were keeping him at arm's length to avoid becoming  attached (and therefore vulnerable to being hurt).

 

[Zeta Grey]

In answer to the original question: I have a personality disorder and attachment issues. 

I am currently internally beating the ever living snot out of myself because I had about the best friend anyone could ever wish for (no, he was not a perfect human being, but he had a golden heart and was patient as the day is long) and, in hindsight (puzzling the bejesus out of me why I could not see my behaviour for what it was at the time), I see that I treated him like utter, absolute garbage. I have no explanation for it...

It's possibly a cliche explanation, but it sounds like you were keeping him at arm's length to avoid becoming  attached (and therefore vulnerable to being hurt).

You're not wrong. In hindsight, I have been deeply examining and analyzing past events; his personality, my personality, the circumstances, etc. I have so far narrowed it down to two things: feeling undeserving of receiving love, and a severe fear of helplessness (or aligning myself with things in such a way that makes me helpless). I already know I struggle with abandonment issues. 

So, yeah. My behaviour was very damaging. But, underneath it all, I was not being mean for the sake of it. Does not change the damage I did. All I can do now is keep digging into myself to unearth everything I can, keep putting in the hard work to get better, and do my utmost to never let this happen again. Unfortunately, I will never be able to show the fruits of that labour to the one person who deserves to see them most. My friend is currently unconscious, off life support, and in hospice. 

But, yeah. Basically: I was pushing away, hard, because he started going down a self-destructive path again. Fear makes me really stupid.

 

[theablekingathelstan]

it's probably common. but due to social stigma and frankly mockery and judgmental attitudes, most might not openly state it.

 

[JJW]

You know how YOU would feel about it, not how EVERYONE would feel about it. And I'm sorry, but I wasn't aware "I hope they'll pass soon" was different from "wishing they were dead." Oh wait, it's not.

Just my personal experience regarding this sentiment— When I was 19 I was in a car crash that killed my dad. He and I didn't have a very good relationship. I had reason to hate him, as he had been abusive in my childhood. When I was 12, knowing I couldn't swim, he dropped me in the ocean and left. I'd be dead if not for the additional buoyancy of saltwater. I'll leave you to form you own opinion as to his agenda for that.

After all he'd done to me, and a life of being beaten by him daily, I still cried when he died. I had no idea I would react that way.

I found myself missing him when I started a family of my own.

You don't know until it happens.