Been rejected so many times that I turned very bitter.

[Batman55]

If I can butt in and add something; self-deprecating statements, including self-deprecating humour are best avoided when speaking to women. It generally doesn't come off well.

You may think you're being cute, clever and self-aware, but all they see is "guy with no confidence."

I might believe that, if Conan O'Brien--the master of self-deprecating humor--wasn't so successful.

There is an audience for this kind of thing, and I would suspect even some women don't mind it. Personally I tend to like it when girls show this side of themselves, it shows humility, which is always a plus for me.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Conan is a rich celebrity. He can get by on those jokes.

 

[Batman55]

Conan is a rich celebrity. He can get by on those jokes.

That may be so. But I still don't believe self-deprecating humor is a massive turn-off for all women.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Conan is a rich celebrity. He can get by on those jokes.

That may be so. But I still don't believe self-deprecating humor is a massive turn-off for all women.

In my case, I'd just be supporting what she already believes is true.

The answer, for guys like me, is to choose humor that deflects from negativity, rather than reflects it.

 

[Sci-Fi]

If I can butt in and add something; self-deprecating statements, including self-deprecating humour are best avoided when speaking to women. It generally doesn't come off well.

You may think you're being cute, clever and self-aware, but all they see is "guy with no confidence."

I see you are speaking on behalf of women again, so when did your penis fall off and you grow breasts? Stop speaking for a gender when you have no clue as to what they think, this is what YOU think.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Not even one woman can speak for all women, since all women are human beings, and human beings are all individuals.

 

[Batman55]

I see you are speaking on behalf of women again, so when did your penis fall off and you grow breasts? Stop speaking for a gender when you have no clue as to what they think, this is what YOU think.

You make a good point, but it's said in a rather indelicate way.

For a second there, it made me think of that old saying, "Who is guarding the guards?"

But then I think maybe there is some history between the two of you with this particular hot-button issue, and I should keep that in mind, rather than try to be a valiant knight.

 

[Midnight Sky]

I've been rejected and treated with disdain so many times by girls/women, that I frankly don't even try. I see a girl that is attractive, and she is instantly friendzoned, because I don't see her as a potential girlfriend. Why would I? She wouldn't see me as a potential boyfriend.

The bold print explains most of the reason you've not had a GF, yet. Your problem is the self-defeating attitude here, which basically makes it so that you've lost before you even tried. You assume too much about the opposite sex--they want this or that, and you don't have those traits... you think they're always in relationships with alpha males, and you're the opposite, on and on it goes.

Is there any chance in the world you could let go of the assumptions for once and just let things "flow"? Just be yourself, and sooner or later you'll break the curse, bro...

I need to point out something.

The movie "Case 39" can definitely back this up. But there are instances where I've heard this happen in real life. And not to sound feminist or single out my fellow men, but this almost always happens to girls.

There are girls who are suckers for self defeated men. These guys are what I suspect you would know as "Nice Guys". They use their ill as a tool to draw in the type girls who are very compassionate and thoughtful, who by their own desire, wants to turn a man's life around for the better. In every way, she will have all the traits she needs to effectively achieve this.

The problem is, with "Nice Guys" she will keep meeting a dead end. With their objective to dry up girls like this until they are either "evil" or just like the "Nice Guys" except their depression and ilk will be genuine. I urge girls to watch out for "Nice Guys". The moment you suspect you met one, escape quickly, do not hang on to him.

Edit: There is a big difference between a "Nice Guy" and a nice guy. I'm not saying the person you quoted is a "Nice Guy". There are some who are genuine and get torn up from seeing so many girls with certain types of men. You start wondering do you need to be like them, in order to get girls. I feel like I need dreds, because the female customers at my store, flirts with my co worker and compliments his hair. None of them pay me any attention. It hurts, a lot, but I wanna liked for who I am, not for who I don't wont to be.

 

[blackdot]

Whenever loving couples or people with babies/children are around me, I suck my teeth at them and move somewhere else.

I know the feeling. I hate when coworkers decide to bring in their spouse or kid and expect you to be happy and hang around and talk with them. I always immediately get up and go on an indefinite break until they are gone.

 

[EveWasFramed]

None of them pay me any attention. It hurts, a lot, but I wanna liked for who I am, not for who I don't wont to be.

I admire your attitude in the above quote. From your posts, I can tell you're disappointed with your situation (not having a significant other) but you don't seem bitter about it. Bitterness is an ugly thing - it's nice to see that some people don't succumb to it. Kudos to you.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Well, I'm not completely self defeatist. There are plenty of things that I can do.

One thing, however, that I can't do successfully is flirt. I turn to a puddle on the ground around a beautiful girl. If I had been able to hide my shyness, and had just been able to flirt, I would have had a girlfriend about 13 years ago.

And I don't see me being nice as a reason why women reject me. That is a stupid thing to say. Women reject me either because I'm not their type, or because I don't know how to successfully flirt.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't think he meant being nice. I think he meant the "nice guy" thing.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't think he meant being nice. I think he meant the "nice guy" thing.

What is the "nice guy" thing? Being insecure?

We are all insecure, in one way or another. I know I couldn't run in a marathon. I know I couldn't win in a bodybuilding contest. I know I couldn't be the president of the United States.

I, however, am unsure (and may be able to) of whether or not I can get a girlfriend. That is really up to the circumstances, and the girl herself, because what would turn off one girl would turn on another. The only thing I know is what I'm doing isn't working, and insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I wish I could have an opinion on what I might be doing wrong, but none of my friends have ever told me that, and neither have my family.

I'm also curious to wonder if a woman who is insecure with relationships would be deemed a "nice girl?"

 

[theraab]

I don't think he meant being nice. I think he meant the "nice guy" thing.

What is the "nice guy" thing? Being insecure?

We are all insecure, in one way or another. I know I couldn't run in a marathon. I know I couldn't win in a bodybuilding contest. I know I couldn't be the president of the United States.

I, however, am unsure (and may be able to) of whether or not I can get a girlfriend. That is really up to the circumstances, and the girl herself, because what would turn off one girl would turn on another. The only thing I know is what I'm doing isn't working, and insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I wish I could have an opinion on what I might be doing wrong, but none of my friends have ever told me that, and neither have my family.

I'm also curious to wonder if a woman who is insecure with relationships would be deemed a "nice girl?"

The "Nice Guy" thing is not about insecurity, but rather about guys who pretend to be nice to get sex, feel entitled to sex because they act nice, and then are not nice when they don't get what they want.

As for what you're doing wrong, it's impossible to say without actually seeing you in action, but what have you been doing that doesn't work?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't think he meant being nice. I think he meant the "nice guy" thing.

What is the "nice guy" thing? Being insecure?

We are all insecure, in one way or another. I know I couldn't run in a marathon. I know I couldn't win in a bodybuilding contest. I know I couldn't be the president of the United States.

I, however, am unsure (and may be able to) of whether or not I can get a girlfriend. That is really up to the circumstances, and the girl herself, because what would turn off one girl would turn on another. The only thing I know is what I'm doing isn't working, and insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I wish I could have an opinion on what I might be doing wrong, but none of my friends have ever told me that, and neither have my family.

I'm also curious to wonder if a woman who is insecure with relationships would be deemed a "nice girl?"

The "Nice Guy" thing is not about insecurity, but rather about guys who pretend to be nice to get sex, feel entitled to sex because they act nice, and then are not nice when they don't get what they want.

As for what you're doing wrong, it's impossible to say without actually seeing you in action, but what have you been doing that doesn't work?

You see, that's different than how I react. I treat everyone well, irregardless of their gender. I feel everyone should be nice, but not everyone is (which is sad.)

I think the main problem is, like I said, I don't know how to send out signals. I can have an attractive young thing come up to me and say "Hi cutie", and somehow we end up as friends, but she is turned off romantically (even if she approached me because she thought I was cute.) I don't know how to fix this, because while I know how to talk to women as human beings, I don't know how to sexually arouse them or flirt.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't think he meant being nice. I think he meant the "nice guy" thing.

What is the "nice guy" thing? Being insecure?

We are all insecure, in one way or another. I know I couldn't run in a marathon. I know I couldn't win in a bodybuilding contest. I know I couldn't be the president of the United States.

I, however, am unsure (and may be able to) of whether or not I can get a girlfriend. That is really up to the circumstances, and the girl herself, because what would turn off one girl would turn on another. The only thing I know is what I'm doing isn't working, and insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I wish I could have an opinion on what I might be doing wrong, but none of my friends have ever told me that, and neither have my family.

I'm also curious to wonder if a woman who is insecure with relationships would be deemed a "nice girl?"

The "Nice Guy" thing is not about insecurity, but rather about guys who pretend to be nice to get sex, feel entitled to sex because they act nice, and then are not nice when they don't get what they want.

^^ Yes, this is what I meant.

 

[ardour]

The "Nice Guy" thing is not about insecurity, but rather about guys who pretend to be nice to get sex, feel entitled to sex because they act nice, and then are not nice when they don't get what they want.

If only it were restricted to them.

No, it gets applied to insecure, needy men too.

Midnight Sky's comment, and this...
http://www.heartless-*******.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

 

[Bei]

http://www.heartless-*******.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml

Good article.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

All I can do is look my best, and act my best. If someone likes me for it, that's great...if they don't, they don't.

 

[Triple Bogey]

All I can do is look my best, and act my best. If someone likes me for it, that's great...if they don't, they don't.

well said !