Being a failure...

[Tear of the Goddess]

Really, I messed it up again... another year of education wasted. I just pretty much destroyed this study again in the last month, I just do not understand myself at all. WHY do I stop doing my honeysuckle again and fail on the last moment when I was doing really well (High grades and i wrote the best thesises of the college). At first I thought it was lack of motivation, but is it? Is it to easy? maybe.

Why can't I just graduate like this, nice and easy, why can't I keep going on. Just WHY, It just really really really frustrates me again. But worst part is, I got to dissapoint my parents AGAIN. That is something that hits me full in the face, thinking WHY am I this stupid, am I just a failure? just someone who is not ment to function like everyone else in society like it should be? By just FINISHING something.

But don't get me wrong I am not someone who gives up easily, but this comes down to sports or work. I can push myself so hard to achieve something in those things. But as soon as it is school related I just fresia up, Maybe I am a loser when you look at it. All good and fun that you're great at sports etc. but as soon as I need do something with my life I have nothing too support on. The only times that i'm really motivated is when I am angry or under pressure (apperantly i function best when I am under pressure). Can I change myself? I hope so

 

[Ashariel]

Sorry it's been a hard school year... We all screw up sometimes (I sure have!) - and you can't change the past, but you can learn from your mistakes, and resolve to do better in the future. I hope next semester will be better!! *hugs*

(PS I love Game of Thrones too!)

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Everyone screws up. It's part of growing up.

I hope you feel better soon. Things will get better.

 

[ladyforsaken]

So sorry to hear about that. I believe everything happens for a reason. Keep going though!

 

[kamya]

Been there. Dropped out eventually. Still alive and well. Don't worry too much, things always work out somehow, even it that means you end up never finishing.

 

[Tear of the Goddess]

Thanks for reactions guys,

Ofcourse everyone screws up sometimes, and that's what i keep telling myself. The thing is i keep failing the whole time (5 years in a row). and that's what is breaking me up.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Is it possible that maybe you sabotage yourself? There's an episode of The Simpsons where Lisa is competing in a crosswords tournament and admits to her father (Homer) that when she's close to success she always sabotages herself. Then Homer bets against her counting on her losing which doesn't help but that's moot. But it's true, sometimes people do sabotage themselves without even knowing it. You can do the work, you can get good grades, it seems like you are very intelligent, that's why I'm asking.

 

[Rigel]

Same situation here right now. my second time, and it's already getting old. i also have trouble seeing things through. quickly get bored with one thing and i move to the next thing. ) ok, ranting. it seems important now because you feel you're disappointing you're parents (and yourself) but what do you think happened? do you see a pattern looking back now for why things didn't work out all that well? people can get triggered into making some rash decisions when all the right circumstances fall together. i had one friend who got near perfect marks, until she got this paper to write for which she didn't have time to research properly. so she copied bits from here and there and it turned up being a sloppy job by her standards, got a hard time for it. up until then great grades and everything but that little crack triggered some bad feelings and she almost ended dropping out entirely because of it, even though it was nothing in the long run.

 

[Tear of the Goddess]

Sci-Fi, I never thought of such a possibility. So I did some research on this and it does fit me a bit to much, I am most likely going to visit the doctor anytime soon and see what kind of options he has to offer to me. Because it doesnt matter how hard I try to improve, I always ''sabotage'' myself.

Rigel, They are no rash decisions or whatsoever involved in my failure. I just let it slip.

So I will go on again on to my sixth year of a new study, going to tell my parents when they come back from vacation that I am not gonna make this year anymore (even when it hurts so much when i have to tell them) and just stand up again and try it again.

 

[septicemia]

Are you a commitaphobe? Do you keep changing your majors? Thats what I did, 3 times, and in the end I never graduated. So stupid.

 

[Tear of the Goddess]

Are you a commitaphobe? Do you keep changing your majors? Thats what I did, 3 times, and in the end I never graduated. So stupid.

Sorry for the late reaction sept, I've been pretty busy lately.

I don't think i'm a commitaphobe, but on the other hand I can't really tell if I am.

Anyways, I officially failed this year (yay :club: ). I was given the chance to redo this year because of my grades and papers, I refused. I decided to do a harder (better) study. And I am not even sure if I will pass the application process for it and if I don't then I am pretty much screwed. Atleast I want to take the risk and hope it will bring me the motivation I need to fight for it.

 

[roguewave]

There are loads of people who don't end up with a college degree. I never finished either and am looking at giving it one more shot, but after that, forget it. There's so much more to life than school.