Hi everyone! I would just like to share the story of my progress from hating being single to loving it.
Like so many of you on this forum, I used to feel acutely lonely and always wonder what was wrong with me that made attractive members of the opposite sex (men) never pay attention to me. Finally at age 25, I got into a real relationship with a guy - not the man of my dreams, but a decent match for me, I thought. It was soo not worth it! Being in a relationship involves not just kisses and hugs, but also putting up with the other person's bad habits, character faults and selfish demands. In my case, significant other was the epitome of a spoiled man-child. I think he only ever paid for me on 1 date, but he was never shy to ask for things he wanted - like cookies and backrubs, but it got to the point where I didn't want to see him anymore because every time he would ask for favours that made me feel used. He was also kind and caring and attentive, and we did many fun things together at first, but eventually bad things outweighed the good, and the romance degraded into an emotional trap.
After finally ending that relationship, I realized that I'm much much happier on my own. I have lots of free time now - I've been able to do more work, go to bed on time every day, start exercising again, read interesting books. Strangely I hardly feel lonely anymore, even though I don't have any more friends than before. I feel that people respect me more because I'm less emotional due to adequate sleep and higher self-esteem. I don't think it's just a phase because it's already been several months since we broke up, and I am only more certain that I could happily live my whole life without committing myself to another man. I don't ever want to hear anyone fart in the washroom, share a bed with a snorer, or spend weekends cooking. I do regret giving myself to this person, who took so much from me.
I wish I came to this realization without having to date someone. I hope some of you might be able to do this. Independence and freedom are so valuable - don't throw them away just for anyone! The right person will come along for many of you, but in the meantime, you can still enjoy your life and pursue your own goals. Most importantly, find your self-esteem - you must not only see when people are trying to use you, but have enough courage to rise above that and say "no".
And finally, you're not missing out on a major life experience - relationships aren't all they're made out to be. True love is very rare. In fact, if you've ever lived with roommates, that's a more accurate picture of a relationship. And if you're worried about still being a virgin - it's noone's business but your own, so don't cave in to that ridiculous social pressure. Not having sex is very healthy and safe - after all, STI's include not just the scary diseases we've all heard of, but also things like HPV which up to 40% of North American men carry, according to a recent study. Always do what's right for you!
Like so many of you on this forum, I used to feel acutely lonely and always wonder what was wrong with me that made attractive members of the opposite sex (men) never pay attention to me. Finally at age 25, I got into a real relationship with a guy - not the man of my dreams, but a decent match for me, I thought. It was soo not worth it! Being in a relationship involves not just kisses and hugs, but also putting up with the other person's bad habits, character faults and selfish demands. In my case, significant other was the epitome of a spoiled man-child. I think he only ever paid for me on 1 date, but he was never shy to ask for things he wanted - like cookies and backrubs, but it got to the point where I didn't want to see him anymore because every time he would ask for favours that made me feel used. He was also kind and caring and attentive, and we did many fun things together at first, but eventually bad things outweighed the good, and the romance degraded into an emotional trap.
After finally ending that relationship, I realized that I'm much much happier on my own. I have lots of free time now - I've been able to do more work, go to bed on time every day, start exercising again, read interesting books. Strangely I hardly feel lonely anymore, even though I don't have any more friends than before. I feel that people respect me more because I'm less emotional due to adequate sleep and higher self-esteem. I don't think it's just a phase because it's already been several months since we broke up, and I am only more certain that I could happily live my whole life without committing myself to another man. I don't ever want to hear anyone fart in the washroom, share a bed with a snorer, or spend weekends cooking. I do regret giving myself to this person, who took so much from me.
I wish I came to this realization without having to date someone. I hope some of you might be able to do this. Independence and freedom are so valuable - don't throw them away just for anyone! The right person will come along for many of you, but in the meantime, you can still enjoy your life and pursue your own goals. Most importantly, find your self-esteem - you must not only see when people are trying to use you, but have enough courage to rise above that and say "no".
And finally, you're not missing out on a major life experience - relationships aren't all they're made out to be. True love is very rare. In fact, if you've ever lived with roommates, that's a more accurate picture of a relationship. And if you're worried about still being a virgin - it's noone's business but your own, so don't cave in to that ridiculous social pressure. Not having sex is very healthy and safe - after all, STI's include not just the scary diseases we've all heard of, but also things like HPV which up to 40% of North American men carry, according to a recent study. Always do what's right for you!
. I just want to encourage other lonely people to be happy NOW and not to throw themselves into the first relationship they get a chance at.
