Joturbo said:What happened to the weird girl(your words) who liked shopping...she sounded interesting why no follow up mate.
She lives in a different city to me. Maybe next time I'm over there I'll hit her up if I want someone to go shopping with
Bender's Journal: Part 2
- Thread starter bender22
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
She lives in a different city to me. Maybe next time I'm over there I'll hit her up if I want someone to go shopping with
So I was just going over some of my journal posts from mid 2015 when I was probably at my peak.. In terms of picking up girls.
So cool to read about some of the nights I had out back then. I was having so much fun at that time.
It's got me inspired for this weekend.
There's no reason I can't do what I did back then again. Time to go out and do it!
So cool to read about some of the nights I had out back then. I was having so much fun at that time.
It's got me inspired for this weekend.
There's no reason I can't do what I did back then again. Time to go out and do it!
Friday Night
Met with one of the other guys in town. Bit disappointing that none of the other guys were out because I've been enjoying going out with a bigger group.
We went to a rooftop bar and talked to the only group of girls in the whole bar. Not really my type of girls but stayed there for a while and chatted.
Seemed to be mostly guys around everywhere we went. But we found one bar that was busy and had a few more girls.
My friend approached two girls sitting together by singing Christmas carols to them. I talked to one, he talked to the other. She was nice enough but probably several years older than me. Felt like a very 'friendly' conversation.
We talked to a group of a 3-4 girls up by the bar. I got one on one with one of them who was probably my favourite girl I spoke to during the night. She was very attractive and responded well to me. But a few minutes in, the rest of her group were leaving and she had to go with them. I should've tried something to slow her down and get her number before they left. Have to play to win.
Later on my friend was talking to two girls and I joined them. I spoke to one of the girls who was French. She was getting really close to me and seemed interested but I couldn't understand half of what she was saying with her accent.
I approached two girls who were sitting together. I talked to one of them while my friend talked to the other. It went pretty well, we were probably chatting for 15 minutes. I should've asked for her number at the end but I didn't. My friend couldn't understand why I didn't get her number. I was too afraid that she might say no - that's a fear I need to let go of.
Just before going home, a cute girl walking by herself walked past us and my friend started talking to her. She said she liked the way we approached her because some other guys had approached her before and were right up in her face. I liked her personality - very bright and cheerful. We exchanged Instagram's..
Saturday Night
I arrived in the city feeling quite good - was in the right head space for the night.
My friend and I approached two girls standing outside a bar. The one I spoke to was cool. Thought I did really well with this one. Compared to Friday night's interactions, this felt a lot more flirty. She was actually working at a nearby restaurant and on her break. So I got her number before she went back to work.
My friend had brought santa hats for us. We were walking around with our santa hats and a girl from a group of cute Asians complimented us on the santa hats. She was very bright and bubbly so it was a fun interaction. She added both of us on Instagram.
We talked to several other groups of girls during the night. Most of them went fine but didn't really lead anywhere.
Probably my favourite girl I talked to during the night was visiting from another city. It was going pretty well until she mentioned that she was from another city. As soon as she said that, I thought to myself 'oh she's not from here, it won't work.' And following that I dropped my game a bit. Instead of thinking like that, I need to think 'how can I make this work.' I'm sabotaging myself with the way I think.
All night, I felt pretty good which made it a lot easier to talk to people. Unfortunately the city was a quieter than usual for a Saturday night which made it harder to take advantage of my good mood.
I was also relying too much on the other guys to do the approaches. Need to be more proactive about this.
Notes
-Need to do more approaches by myself instead of going in tandem with another guy. I often feel a bit uneasy when it's two of us, my best interactions are when I can get one on one with a girl.
-Need to play to win - make sure the girl knows I'm there because I'm attracted to her, not just for a friendly chat.
-Need to become more comfortable with the uncomfortable. Those uncomfortable situations like going up to a complete stranger and saying hi. Throwing flirtatious comments into a conversation to spice it up. Asking for a phone number. Asking a potential client for the sale. If I can become comfortable with these things, then it will change everything.
Met with one of the other guys in town. Bit disappointing that none of the other guys were out because I've been enjoying going out with a bigger group.
We went to a rooftop bar and talked to the only group of girls in the whole bar. Not really my type of girls but stayed there for a while and chatted.
Seemed to be mostly guys around everywhere we went. But we found one bar that was busy and had a few more girls.
My friend approached two girls sitting together by singing Christmas carols to them. I talked to one, he talked to the other. She was nice enough but probably several years older than me. Felt like a very 'friendly' conversation.
We talked to a group of a 3-4 girls up by the bar. I got one on one with one of them who was probably my favourite girl I spoke to during the night. She was very attractive and responded well to me. But a few minutes in, the rest of her group were leaving and she had to go with them. I should've tried something to slow her down and get her number before they left. Have to play to win.
Later on my friend was talking to two girls and I joined them. I spoke to one of the girls who was French. She was getting really close to me and seemed interested but I couldn't understand half of what she was saying with her accent.
I approached two girls who were sitting together. I talked to one of them while my friend talked to the other. It went pretty well, we were probably chatting for 15 minutes. I should've asked for her number at the end but I didn't. My friend couldn't understand why I didn't get her number. I was too afraid that she might say no - that's a fear I need to let go of.
Just before going home, a cute girl walking by herself walked past us and my friend started talking to her. She said she liked the way we approached her because some other guys had approached her before and were right up in her face. I liked her personality - very bright and cheerful. We exchanged Instagram's..
Saturday Night
I arrived in the city feeling quite good - was in the right head space for the night.
My friend and I approached two girls standing outside a bar. The one I spoke to was cool. Thought I did really well with this one. Compared to Friday night's interactions, this felt a lot more flirty. She was actually working at a nearby restaurant and on her break. So I got her number before she went back to work.
My friend had brought santa hats for us. We were walking around with our santa hats and a girl from a group of cute Asians complimented us on the santa hats. She was very bright and bubbly so it was a fun interaction. She added both of us on Instagram.
We talked to several other groups of girls during the night. Most of them went fine but didn't really lead anywhere.
Probably my favourite girl I talked to during the night was visiting from another city. It was going pretty well until she mentioned that she was from another city. As soon as she said that, I thought to myself 'oh she's not from here, it won't work.' And following that I dropped my game a bit. Instead of thinking like that, I need to think 'how can I make this work.' I'm sabotaging myself with the way I think.
All night, I felt pretty good which made it a lot easier to talk to people. Unfortunately the city was a quieter than usual for a Saturday night which made it harder to take advantage of my good mood.
I was also relying too much on the other guys to do the approaches. Need to be more proactive about this.
Notes
-Need to do more approaches by myself instead of going in tandem with another guy. I often feel a bit uneasy when it's two of us, my best interactions are when I can get one on one with a girl.
-Need to play to win - make sure the girl knows I'm there because I'm attracted to her, not just for a friendly chat.
-Need to become more comfortable with the uncomfortable. Those uncomfortable situations like going up to a complete stranger and saying hi. Throwing flirtatious comments into a conversation to spice it up. Asking for a phone number. Asking a potential client for the sale. If I can become comfortable with these things, then it will change everything.
J
Jessicat
Guest
Think we women got it pretty easy on the dating front.
Put on a nice dress and go stand alone tend to work just fine.
Good on you for sharpening your pickup skills.
Put on a nice dress and go stand alone tend to work just fine.
Good on you for sharpening your pickup skills.
Jessicat said:Think we women got it pretty easy on the dating front.
Put on a nice dress and go stand alone tend to work just fine.
Good on you for sharpening your pickup skills.
Yeah I often wish it was that easy for us guys haha.
But I guess it probably makes the successes more rewarding when you feel like you've really had to work for it. Especially for us more introverted guys who weren't born with naturally good pickup skills.
J
Jessicat
Guest
Gonna keep an eye on this thread.
Fun to read.
Fun to read.
BeyondShy
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bender22 said:
And for people like myself who were born with none of these skills. I was a reader of your first journal and I am glad you are still doing well.
Jessicat said:Think we women got it pretty easy on the dating front.
Put on a nice dress and go stand alone tend to work just fine.
Good on you for sharpening your pickup skills.
Yes well, never mind.
Thanks Jessicat and BeyondShy. Also please feel free to add any of your own input or thoughts in here as I keep adding to this journal. Always nice to hear other people's feedback and ideas
............................
I've just about finished listening to The Happiness Hypothesis audio book. Very interesting and thought provoking book.
There's a few things in the book that have really resonated with me.
On setting and achieving goals.....
Something they really promote is the value of choice and freedom....When you have more money, you have more freedom to do the things you want, buy what you want and not have to answer to anyone.
Which all sounds very compelling if you take it on face value. But if the ideas presented in the Happiness Hypothesis are correct then that choice and freedom that comes from the accumulation of wealth may actually make you less happy!
This has really made me question my motivations for building my own business and it's made me question a lot of the advice I've accepted in the past few years.
Maybe this entrepreneurial dream of building a profitable business that wins you the admiration of all your peers and gives you the money to buy and do what you want is just a load of marketing ******** made up to sell books, courses and coaching.
I don't know...
Would I be happy if my business was generating millions and I had all the money I needed to do whatever I wanted and never had to work for anyone else again?
I think I probably would be. But would I be that much happier than I already am? I'm not so sure.
If the set-point happiness theory is correct, then probably not.
Humans (myself included) have a nasty habit of always wanting more and not being satisfied with what they have.
And what would I have to sacrifice to achieve that vision? Building a business takes a lot of work, which means something needs to be sacrificed.
If most of the pleasure comes from the process, then maybe the question I should ask myself is am I really enjoying the process? If I'm not, then I should be doing something else.
I think about some of my biggest business wins in 2018, like getting my biggest client so far. It was cool and it did make me quite happy for a while but that boost in happiness didn't last for a long time.
I will probably always have a desire to pursue something entrepreneurial during my life. But I'm wondering whether this would be better as a side project/hobby.
I've been looking back at my happiest moments this year. They were pretty simple things that didn't cost much money. They were all experiences....
-Going to a jazz concert in Prague. I think the ticket cost me under $30 and it brought me far more pleasure than any other more expensive purchases I made during the year.
-Relaxing in city parks. It just occurred to me this year that city parks (like a big, green park inside a city) make me happier than just about anything else. Just sitting down in one of these parks and relaxing on a nice, sunny day (especially in the evening) makes me incredibly happy. Vondel Park in Amsterdam, Maria Luisa Park in Seville, Stadtpark in Vienna (probably my favourite of 2018), Flagstaff Gardens in Melbourne, Yoyogi Park in Tokyo. I love these places! It doesn't cost anything to go to these parks and it makes me happier than probably almost any $1000 purchase would make me.
I think it's important to distinguish between what satisfies you vs what entices you.
One night stands, mansions, big business deals, a Dan Bilzerian lifestyle, cool cars....those things all entice me. The things that look really cool from the outside. Especially with social media, it's very easy to get caught in the shiny object trap and want those things.
I've had tastes of those types of things but they don't really satisfy me.
What satisfies me is those simple experiences above - jazz gig, city parks...
For just day to day general happiness, I think a sense that I'm working towards something worthwhile and developing as a person makes me happy.
In 2019 I need to think more about my priorities in life. Think about what makes me tick.
I need to ask myself why I'm doing what I'm doing. Is it because I've been seduced by a dream sold by marketers that won't actually bring me happiness? The last thing I want to do is dedicate years towards something in hope of it bringing me satisfaction and happiness and then discover it was all a fruitless pursuit.
I encourage everyone else to do the same.
............................
I've just about finished listening to The Happiness Hypothesis audio book. Very interesting and thought provoking book.
There's a few things in the book that have really resonated with me.
On setting and achieving goals.....
- Most of the pleasure comes from the process and the steps you take to achieve a goal, rather than the actual achievement of the goal
- People have a set-point level of happiness which is largely determined by genetics
- Certain circumstances or actions will temporarily lower or increase a person's level of happiness, but they will eventually return to their set-point
- People adapt to circumstances - both good and bad. This explains why lottery winners aren't much happier 12 months after their lottery win compared to before the lottery win. They have just adapted. Just like when you first buy a big TV, it looks huge for the first few weeks but then you adapt to it and it feels normal
- Circumstances and voluntary actions do still affect your level of happiness - but maybe not as much as modern Western philosophy suggests
- People who report the highest levels of interest in attaining wealth or fame are consistently found to be less happy than people who pursue less materialistic goals
- Achieving goals that bring prestige feels good but brings no long lasting happiness
- Having more choice is not necessarily a good thing. People report being less happy when they are given more choice because they wonder if they made the wrong choice
- People with fewer social constraints and obligations are more likely to commit suicide
Something they really promote is the value of choice and freedom....When you have more money, you have more freedom to do the things you want, buy what you want and not have to answer to anyone.
Which all sounds very compelling if you take it on face value. But if the ideas presented in the Happiness Hypothesis are correct then that choice and freedom that comes from the accumulation of wealth may actually make you less happy!
This has really made me question my motivations for building my own business and it's made me question a lot of the advice I've accepted in the past few years.
Maybe this entrepreneurial dream of building a profitable business that wins you the admiration of all your peers and gives you the money to buy and do what you want is just a load of marketing ******** made up to sell books, courses and coaching.
I don't know...
Would I be happy if my business was generating millions and I had all the money I needed to do whatever I wanted and never had to work for anyone else again?
I think I probably would be. But would I be that much happier than I already am? I'm not so sure.
If the set-point happiness theory is correct, then probably not.
Humans (myself included) have a nasty habit of always wanting more and not being satisfied with what they have.
And what would I have to sacrifice to achieve that vision? Building a business takes a lot of work, which means something needs to be sacrificed.
If most of the pleasure comes from the process, then maybe the question I should ask myself is am I really enjoying the process? If I'm not, then I should be doing something else.
I think about some of my biggest business wins in 2018, like getting my biggest client so far. It was cool and it did make me quite happy for a while but that boost in happiness didn't last for a long time.
I will probably always have a desire to pursue something entrepreneurial during my life. But I'm wondering whether this would be better as a side project/hobby.
I've been looking back at my happiest moments this year. They were pretty simple things that didn't cost much money. They were all experiences....
-Going to a jazz concert in Prague. I think the ticket cost me under $30 and it brought me far more pleasure than any other more expensive purchases I made during the year.
-Relaxing in city parks. It just occurred to me this year that city parks (like a big, green park inside a city) make me happier than just about anything else. Just sitting down in one of these parks and relaxing on a nice, sunny day (especially in the evening) makes me incredibly happy. Vondel Park in Amsterdam, Maria Luisa Park in Seville, Stadtpark in Vienna (probably my favourite of 2018), Flagstaff Gardens in Melbourne, Yoyogi Park in Tokyo. I love these places! It doesn't cost anything to go to these parks and it makes me happier than probably almost any $1000 purchase would make me.
I think it's important to distinguish between what satisfies you vs what entices you.
One night stands, mansions, big business deals, a Dan Bilzerian lifestyle, cool cars....those things all entice me. The things that look really cool from the outside. Especially with social media, it's very easy to get caught in the shiny object trap and want those things.
I've had tastes of those types of things but they don't really satisfy me.
What satisfies me is those simple experiences above - jazz gig, city parks...
For just day to day general happiness, I think a sense that I'm working towards something worthwhile and developing as a person makes me happy.
In 2019 I need to think more about my priorities in life. Think about what makes me tick.
I need to ask myself why I'm doing what I'm doing. Is it because I've been seduced by a dream sold by marketers that won't actually bring me happiness? The last thing I want to do is dedicate years towards something in hope of it bringing me satisfaction and happiness and then discover it was all a fruitless pursuit.
I encourage everyone else to do the same.
I've been thinking about plans for 2019. Here's what I'd like to do...
SPEND MORE TIME DOING ACTIVITIES I ENJOY
Besides the travelling I've done, in the past 2-3 years I've spent so much time sitting in front of a computer screen working on business or procrastinating. When I look back, 90% of that time has been unproductive.
In 2019 I want to use my time more productively and make more time for fun/memorable activities. Especially on weekends and evenings.
Things like hiking, going to gigs, playing tennis, eating out at restaurants, salsa dancing and going to special events.
Going to music gigs and concerts is definitely a big one. As I mentioned in my last post, one of my highlights of 2018 was going to a jazz gig in Prague. But I also went to several other gigs while in Europe and loved them. Until this year I don't think I'd ever been to music gigs before. Maybe one or two in my life.
FIND FEMALE FRIENDS TO JOIN ME ON THE ABOVE ACTIVITIES
I have a few female acquaintances in my life but none that I would really consider friends.
I'd love to have a female friend who I could play tennis with. Another one who I could go on hikes with. Another one who I could practice salsa dancing with...
PRACTICE NEW SKILLS
One of my highlights of 2018 was going to a tapas restaurant on my first night in Spain and being able to order my food and drinks without using any English. It made all the time I had spent learning Spanish worthwhile.
In 2019 I want to continue learning Spanish. Especially if I can turn it in to a more social activity by learning it with others people. Something I'd like to do is start a group of beginner - intermediate Spanish learners in my city and catch up once a month to practice.
I'm going to continue the salsa lessons I started this year. Even though I'm not very good at it yet, it's quite fun and a great way to meet new people.
Besides Spanish and Salsa, I'd like to develop one more non-work related skill in 2019. Maybe cooking?
Not only do I think it's satisfying to learn new skills but it could also be a good way to meet girls who I wouldn't meet through online dating or going out to bars and clubs.
TRAVEL TO OR LIVE IN ASIA
After having two days in China this and 10 days in Japan last year, I've become extremely interested in Asian culture. The two days I had in China completely blew me away - I had no idea I would enjoy it so much.
I desperately want to return to Asia soon, maybe China or Singapore. I would even consider the possibility of working over there for a while in 2019 if the opportunity arose. But at the very least I hope to travel there.
LEARNING MORE ABOUT THINGS I'M INTERESTED IN
In the past 3-4 years, I've spent plenty of time learning about business and self development topics but there's so much more I'd like to dive into.
I'm fascinated by space. I'd love to learn more about history. Like I said above, I've developed an interest in Asian culture, which I'd like to learn much more about. I'm always interested in learning anything related to health and fitness.
Sometimes I'll watch a doco or read an article about these topics but it's pretty sporadic.
In 2019, I want to set aside more time to learn about these topics and find other people who are interested in them as well.
MEDITATE REGULARLY
I've meditated on and off four about five years or more but it's been very inconsistent.
I'm fully bought into the benefits of meditation and really believe I would benefit from regular meditation. When I have meditated regularly in the past, I have noticed myself thinking more clearly and being less reactive to petty things.
But I've struggled to find the discipline to do it consistently.
I've just started a Headspace 30 day trial, which I'm liking so far. I've never really done guided meditations in the past but I think it probably suits me. It's helping me to better understand meditation.
I'd like to do at least 10 minutes of meditation every day in 2019.
DEVELOP MORE SELF AWARENESS
I think I already do have a lot more self awareness than the average person. But much less than the most self aware people.
What are my strengths? What are my shortcomings? Where am I lying to myself? What makes me tick? What biases influence my thinking and how?
These are the questions I want to answer in 2019.
WRITE MORE
I seriously benefit so much from writing out these journals. It helps me gain more clarity over my thoughts and goes a long way to developing the self awareness I mentioned above.
In 2018 I also wrote several blog posts on business topics which helped me to better understand those topics as well.
So whether it's writing journal entries on here or writing blog posts, I want to be writing consistently in 2019.
GET MORE DATES FROM ONLINE
Going out at night to meet girls is fun and something I plan to continue in 2019 but I think online dating makes a lot of sense.
I'm probably only going to go out one or two nights a week but I can meet girls online seven days a week. And it's just more efficient.
I've started to have a little success with online dating in the last few months. I'm getting matches, I'm getting some dates. But if I got some better photos and worked on my messaging. I could probably do a lot better.
SPEND MORE TIME DOING ACTIVITIES I ENJOY
Besides the travelling I've done, in the past 2-3 years I've spent so much time sitting in front of a computer screen working on business or procrastinating. When I look back, 90% of that time has been unproductive.
In 2019 I want to use my time more productively and make more time for fun/memorable activities. Especially on weekends and evenings.
Things like hiking, going to gigs, playing tennis, eating out at restaurants, salsa dancing and going to special events.
Going to music gigs and concerts is definitely a big one. As I mentioned in my last post, one of my highlights of 2018 was going to a jazz gig in Prague. But I also went to several other gigs while in Europe and loved them. Until this year I don't think I'd ever been to music gigs before. Maybe one or two in my life.
FIND FEMALE FRIENDS TO JOIN ME ON THE ABOVE ACTIVITIES
I have a few female acquaintances in my life but none that I would really consider friends.
I'd love to have a female friend who I could play tennis with. Another one who I could go on hikes with. Another one who I could practice salsa dancing with...
PRACTICE NEW SKILLS
One of my highlights of 2018 was going to a tapas restaurant on my first night in Spain and being able to order my food and drinks without using any English. It made all the time I had spent learning Spanish worthwhile.
In 2019 I want to continue learning Spanish. Especially if I can turn it in to a more social activity by learning it with others people. Something I'd like to do is start a group of beginner - intermediate Spanish learners in my city and catch up once a month to practice.
I'm going to continue the salsa lessons I started this year. Even though I'm not very good at it yet, it's quite fun and a great way to meet new people.
Besides Spanish and Salsa, I'd like to develop one more non-work related skill in 2019. Maybe cooking?
Not only do I think it's satisfying to learn new skills but it could also be a good way to meet girls who I wouldn't meet through online dating or going out to bars and clubs.
TRAVEL TO OR LIVE IN ASIA
After having two days in China this and 10 days in Japan last year, I've become extremely interested in Asian culture. The two days I had in China completely blew me away - I had no idea I would enjoy it so much.
I desperately want to return to Asia soon, maybe China or Singapore. I would even consider the possibility of working over there for a while in 2019 if the opportunity arose. But at the very least I hope to travel there.
LEARNING MORE ABOUT THINGS I'M INTERESTED IN
In the past 3-4 years, I've spent plenty of time learning about business and self development topics but there's so much more I'd like to dive into.
I'm fascinated by space. I'd love to learn more about history. Like I said above, I've developed an interest in Asian culture, which I'd like to learn much more about. I'm always interested in learning anything related to health and fitness.
Sometimes I'll watch a doco or read an article about these topics but it's pretty sporadic.
In 2019, I want to set aside more time to learn about these topics and find other people who are interested in them as well.
MEDITATE REGULARLY
I've meditated on and off four about five years or more but it's been very inconsistent.
I'm fully bought into the benefits of meditation and really believe I would benefit from regular meditation. When I have meditated regularly in the past, I have noticed myself thinking more clearly and being less reactive to petty things.
But I've struggled to find the discipline to do it consistently.
I've just started a Headspace 30 day trial, which I'm liking so far. I've never really done guided meditations in the past but I think it probably suits me. It's helping me to better understand meditation.
I'd like to do at least 10 minutes of meditation every day in 2019.
DEVELOP MORE SELF AWARENESS
I think I already do have a lot more self awareness than the average person. But much less than the most self aware people.
What are my strengths? What are my shortcomings? Where am I lying to myself? What makes me tick? What biases influence my thinking and how?
These are the questions I want to answer in 2019.
WRITE MORE
I seriously benefit so much from writing out these journals. It helps me gain more clarity over my thoughts and goes a long way to developing the self awareness I mentioned above.
In 2018 I also wrote several blog posts on business topics which helped me to better understand those topics as well.
So whether it's writing journal entries on here or writing blog posts, I want to be writing consistently in 2019.
GET MORE DATES FROM ONLINE
Going out at night to meet girls is fun and something I plan to continue in 2019 but I think online dating makes a lot of sense.
I'm probably only going to go out one or two nights a week but I can meet girls online seven days a week. And it's just more efficient.
I've started to have a little success with online dating in the last few months. I'm getting matches, I'm getting some dates. But if I got some better photos and worked on my messaging. I could probably do a lot better.
BeyondShy
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bender22 said:....and BeyondShy. Also please feel free to add any of your own input or thoughts in here as I keep adding to this journal. Always nice to hear other people's feedback and ideas
The only input I have is that I wish I could be you for one day. I am very happy for what you have accomplished. The only feedback I have for you is to keep on doing what you are doing. Enjoy yourself.
A
Amelia
Guest
You are such an inspiration Bender. Reading your journal has motivated me to conquer my own fears and insecurities. I've started smiling at men who make eye contact with me now whereas in the past I would've just looked away thinking 'No way is he looking at me'.
Thank you
Thank you
BeyondShy said:bender22 said:....and BeyondShy. Also please feel free to add any of your own input or thoughts in here as I keep adding to this journal. Always nice to hear other people's feedback and ideas
The only input I have is that I wish I could be you for one day. I am very happy for what you have accomplished. The only feedback I have for you is to keep on doing what you are doing. Enjoy yourself.
Thanks Beyondshy!
Amelia said:You are such an inspiration Bender. Reading your journal has motivated me to conquer my own fears and insecurities. I've started smiling at men who make eye contact with me now whereas in the past I would've just looked away thinking 'No way is he looking at me'.
Thank you
That honestly made me really happy to read that Amelia. Well done on that! It's great to know that this journal can motivate others to make positive changes too.
And for anyone just wanting to start out building their confidence, become more social or attract more girls or guys into your life, I'd suggest starting with small steps like that.
Make eye contact with strangers and try to hold it a little longer than normal
Make eye contact with strangers and smile
Ask strangers for the time or directions
Make conversation with workers in clothing shops, coffee shops, restaurants...
Just say hello to people
Anything that makes you a little uncomfortable. I remember walking around the mall just asking people for the time when I first started and even that I found difficult but you gradually become more comfortable.
Making eye contact with someone and smiling at them is a great one. I've said it before that making eye contact with a cute girl, smiling at her and getting a smile back makes me super happy.
........................
I did my first day time approach for a long time last week. I was sitting down and saw a girl sit down nearby. For at least five minutes I sat there hesitating about whether to go talk to her or not.
Finally I decided I had to do it. I spoke to her for about five minutes. She seemed nice but had a boyfriend. Regardless of the outcome, I was happy with myself just for talking to her.
Saturday night I went out with one of the other guys and we talked to several girls. But it was very quiet around, probably being so close to new years eve.
There was one girl I was talking to and getting along with pretty well. But I wasn't really physically attracted to her. It occurred to me later on that she could've been a good friend to have though. As I said in my last post, I would like more female friends in my life.
In future when I find girls like this who I get along well with but am not physically attracted to, I should at least add them on Instagram and find out if they're interested in salsa dancing, tennis, gigs, hiking...
Last night, I had a second date with a girl from okcupid. Had a pretty good evening with her. Just tried to focus on enjoying myself and enjoying her company, rather than proactively trying to build attraction.
Excited for new years eve tonight. Keen to talk to lots of people, focus on having fun and probably have a few drinks! Hopefully I'll be able to report back here with some cool stories tomorrow.
Happy new year everyone
NEW YEARS EVE
I ended up spending most of the night at one of the clubs I used to go to every weekend. When we first arrived it was very quiet. We got a few drinks and spoke to one group of girls then tried another club.
That was also very quiet. We talked to a guy working there who was cool and said he'd introduce us to some girls he knew. We sat and chat to these two girls for a while who both had a lot of tattoos - not really my type.
We headed back to the first club, which was a lot busier now. Until midnight, I didn't really approach many girls myself, maybe two.
After midnight I started approaching more girls, opening with 'Happy New Year!' And giving them a hug. Worked pretty well.
By this point, I'd already had several tequila shots. I have to say the alcohol did help to reduce the 'approach anxiety.' Usually when I go out, I don't drink at all or if I do, one or two drinks at the most.
It was definitely the most girls I had approached by myself in one night since getting back into this.
Highlights included...
-Waiting at the bar to get a drink, there was a girl standing next to me so I started talking to her with my Happy New Year and hug. Opened really well, probably my best one of the night. Talked to her for a while but then lost her after she got her drink. Disappointing that I let that one go.
-After the girl above left, another one came in and took her place. I repeated the process. Opened up really well again. She was pretty cute, so was the girl above. My best interactions often seem to be when I'm really attracted to a girl - I'm able to unlock more of my personality. After talking to her for a few minutes, my friend got served at the bar so I had to join him for tequila shots. Should have tried to get her number first.
-I was talking to this guy outside in the beer garden for a while. I turned around and saw a girl by herself next to me so I started talking to her. I had fun with this one and made it fairly playful. She was a bit older than me and I wasn't super attracted to her so I let it go.
-I was standing by myself inside and saw a girl a bit further down give me eye contact. I was about to go over and talk to her but then another girl came over and stood right next to me so I thought I may as well talk to her. She was pretty weird - looked like she was high. Not really my type but I thought I'd just hang in there for a while and try to have fun with it. I did manage to get her to open up a little but it obviously wasn't going anywhere so I ejected. Wish I'd approached the first girl.
-Near the end of the night, I started talking to a girl. Not sure how it opened - bit of a blur. She said I should high five her friend, who was nearby. So I went over to the friend and told her I had to high five her. My friend came in as well and talked to the other girl. Pretty fun interaction that lead to nothing again.
So the night was good in the sense that I did have a lot of fun and approached a lot of girls by myself. I really did have a lot of fun during the night.
But it was disappointing that I met several girls who responded really well to my approach and appeared to be attracted but I didn't really make anything happen from there. Need to remember ABC - Always Be Closing!
Felt a little sad on the bus ride home, knowing that the last few new years eves I'd gone home on that bus with my girlfriend and this time I was going home alone
At least I had fun and hugged a bunch of cute girls.
I ended up spending most of the night at one of the clubs I used to go to every weekend. When we first arrived it was very quiet. We got a few drinks and spoke to one group of girls then tried another club.
That was also very quiet. We talked to a guy working there who was cool and said he'd introduce us to some girls he knew. We sat and chat to these two girls for a while who both had a lot of tattoos - not really my type.
We headed back to the first club, which was a lot busier now. Until midnight, I didn't really approach many girls myself, maybe two.
After midnight I started approaching more girls, opening with 'Happy New Year!' And giving them a hug. Worked pretty well.
By this point, I'd already had several tequila shots. I have to say the alcohol did help to reduce the 'approach anxiety.' Usually when I go out, I don't drink at all or if I do, one or two drinks at the most.
It was definitely the most girls I had approached by myself in one night since getting back into this.
Highlights included...
-Waiting at the bar to get a drink, there was a girl standing next to me so I started talking to her with my Happy New Year and hug. Opened really well, probably my best one of the night. Talked to her for a while but then lost her after she got her drink. Disappointing that I let that one go.
-After the girl above left, another one came in and took her place. I repeated the process. Opened up really well again. She was pretty cute, so was the girl above. My best interactions often seem to be when I'm really attracted to a girl - I'm able to unlock more of my personality. After talking to her for a few minutes, my friend got served at the bar so I had to join him for tequila shots. Should have tried to get her number first.
-I was talking to this guy outside in the beer garden for a while. I turned around and saw a girl by herself next to me so I started talking to her. I had fun with this one and made it fairly playful. She was a bit older than me and I wasn't super attracted to her so I let it go.
-I was standing by myself inside and saw a girl a bit further down give me eye contact. I was about to go over and talk to her but then another girl came over and stood right next to me so I thought I may as well talk to her. She was pretty weird - looked like she was high. Not really my type but I thought I'd just hang in there for a while and try to have fun with it. I did manage to get her to open up a little but it obviously wasn't going anywhere so I ejected. Wish I'd approached the first girl.
-Near the end of the night, I started talking to a girl. Not sure how it opened - bit of a blur. She said I should high five her friend, who was nearby. So I went over to the friend and told her I had to high five her. My friend came in as well and talked to the other girl. Pretty fun interaction that lead to nothing again.
So the night was good in the sense that I did have a lot of fun and approached a lot of girls by myself. I really did have a lot of fun during the night.
But it was disappointing that I met several girls who responded really well to my approach and appeared to be attracted but I didn't really make anything happen from there. Need to remember ABC - Always Be Closing!
Felt a little sad on the bus ride home, knowing that the last few new years eves I'd gone home on that bus with my girlfriend and this time I was going home alone
At least I had fun and hugged a bunch of cute girls.I'd made plans with a couple of girls from Tinder and had to cancel/postpone because I've got a cold. Which sucks. Missed out on going out this weekend which also sucks.
Hopefully will be able to reschedule these dates for the coming we and a couple of others as well. My goal for these next few dates will be to lead the conversation towards more edgy and sexual topics rather than the same old boring small talk.
Asking her questions like...
What's the craziest thing you did last year?
Have you ever used drugs?
When was the last time you had a boyfriend?
When was the last time you kissed a guy?
Have you ever had another girl hit on you?
Have you had a one night stand?
What type of guy do you like?
Then playfully teasing her, tease her about her responses to those questions. Maybe telling stories about more edgy topics.
The goal is to establish a more sexual vibe where she is comfortable talking about sex. Not just a conversation between two friends.
Should be fun.
Actually, I'm going to take this a step further and try to make my conversations in day to day life a little more playful and edgy. Often I do get caught into the small talk trap and probably miss out on building stronger connections with people because of it.
Obviously I won't be asking people at work if they have ever had a one night stand lol. But asking questions like 'did you get drunk on new years eve?' Making edgy jokes (need to be careful with this as there are plenty of overly sensitive people around haha)
..................................
In line with my goal of writing more in 2019, I'm planning on starting my own blog to write out my thoughts.
I think writing out your thoughts and journaling your experiences is a massive 'hack' It's like a type of therapy. It makes you questions your beliefs. It makes you think about the direction you're taking in life. It prompts you to ask questions that lead to important answers.
It's also a skill - which like any other skill, will improve with practice. So I see a lot of benefit in developing this skill.
I thought about just writing everything in here but I don't want it to become watered down. This thread will continue to be the place where I journal about developing my social skills and dating life.
The blog will be a place where I can dump my thoughts on a broader range of topics. I'll write about my thoughts on things that interest me like self development, business, travel, history, health and fitness...
I'll include a link on here when I get this blog set up. If anyone has an idea for a name for this blog, please let me know.
..............................
There's a couple of things I'd like to add to my previous post of things I want to do in 2019.
Develop better persuasion skills
I think persuasion is probably one of the most important skills you can develop in your life. If you're not able to persuade people, you'll never be able to get what you really want and will probably be seen as a pushover.
Not persuasion in a manipulative sense. That's not cool. But persuasion that is mutually beneficial.
If you have good intentions or something good to offer, then I think you're hurting people by not being persuasive. Because if you can't persuade them then someone else with not so good intentions will persuade them instead.
I've been studying persuasion a little recently and found very little good material on the topic of persuasion. Especially vocal persuasion, persuasive writing is probably covered better.
I think the best way to learn about persuasion and develop these skills myself is by watching people who are persuasive and analyzing what actually makes them persuasive.
Be grateful for what I have
It's extremely easy to get caught in the trap of dwelling on all the things that could be better in your life. And all the things you don't have.
A little bit of that dwelling probably isn't a bad thing if it motivates you to improve your situation. But I think it's far more healthy to think about what are the good things in your life. I don't want to be the person who only realizes what good things I had in my life when they're gone.
Hopefully will be able to reschedule these dates for the coming we and a couple of others as well. My goal for these next few dates will be to lead the conversation towards more edgy and sexual topics rather than the same old boring small talk.
Asking her questions like...
What's the craziest thing you did last year?
Have you ever used drugs?
When was the last time you had a boyfriend?
When was the last time you kissed a guy?
Have you ever had another girl hit on you?
Have you had a one night stand?
What type of guy do you like?
Then playfully teasing her, tease her about her responses to those questions. Maybe telling stories about more edgy topics.
The goal is to establish a more sexual vibe where she is comfortable talking about sex. Not just a conversation between two friends.
Should be fun.
Actually, I'm going to take this a step further and try to make my conversations in day to day life a little more playful and edgy. Often I do get caught into the small talk trap and probably miss out on building stronger connections with people because of it.
Obviously I won't be asking people at work if they have ever had a one night stand lol. But asking questions like 'did you get drunk on new years eve?' Making edgy jokes (need to be careful with this as there are plenty of overly sensitive people around haha)
..................................
In line with my goal of writing more in 2019, I'm planning on starting my own blog to write out my thoughts.
I think writing out your thoughts and journaling your experiences is a massive 'hack' It's like a type of therapy. It makes you questions your beliefs. It makes you think about the direction you're taking in life. It prompts you to ask questions that lead to important answers.
It's also a skill - which like any other skill, will improve with practice. So I see a lot of benefit in developing this skill.
I thought about just writing everything in here but I don't want it to become watered down. This thread will continue to be the place where I journal about developing my social skills and dating life.
The blog will be a place where I can dump my thoughts on a broader range of topics. I'll write about my thoughts on things that interest me like self development, business, travel, history, health and fitness...
I'll include a link on here when I get this blog set up. If anyone has an idea for a name for this blog, please let me know.
..............................
There's a couple of things I'd like to add to my previous post of things I want to do in 2019.
Develop better persuasion skills
I think persuasion is probably one of the most important skills you can develop in your life. If you're not able to persuade people, you'll never be able to get what you really want and will probably be seen as a pushover.
Not persuasion in a manipulative sense. That's not cool. But persuasion that is mutually beneficial.
If you have good intentions or something good to offer, then I think you're hurting people by not being persuasive. Because if you can't persuade them then someone else with not so good intentions will persuade them instead.
I've been studying persuasion a little recently and found very little good material on the topic of persuasion. Especially vocal persuasion, persuasive writing is probably covered better.
I think the best way to learn about persuasion and develop these skills myself is by watching people who are persuasive and analyzing what actually makes them persuasive.
Be grateful for what I have
It's extremely easy to get caught in the trap of dwelling on all the things that could be better in your life. And all the things you don't have.
A little bit of that dwelling probably isn't a bad thing if it motivates you to improve your situation. But I think it's far more healthy to think about what are the good things in your life. I don't want to be the person who only realizes what good things I had in my life when they're gone.
Had a pretty awesome date during the week. Following my advice of making the conversation more edgy definitely helped a lot.
We went to a bar near the beach. Conversation started out pretty normal, just talking about our travels and stuff.
Once we were both more comfortable with each other, I started to ask her about her experience with Tinder and weird stuff on online dating. We talked a bit about past relationships and stuff.
Told her a funny story about an older guy being interested in me.
So nothing super crazy but more edgy than plain small talk.
I was also really focusing on strong, deep eye contact which made a big difference too. Way more romantic/sexual vibes that other dates recently.
And I was clicking with her a lot better than other girls I've been on dates with recently. We seemed to be on the same wave length.
Dates like this bring out the best of my personality. It's cool when you're just having a really good time connecting someone and you're impressing yourself with some of the witty/funny things you're coming up with.
Went for a walk along the beach after the bar, which helped to solidify the connection. I taught her how to do a salsa dance basic step - good way to start some physical contact.
Only part of the date where I messed up was right at the end where I went kinda awkward. The socially awkward bender came back for a minute haha.
But I don't think it mattered too much. She said she had a good time and would like to see me again.
Definitely my best date since being single again.
Went out last night with one of the other guys. Not a very interesting night, talked to a few girls with him.
He approached two girls at a bar and I joined him. One of the girls I found extremely attractive, definitely my type looks wise. Which I don't find very often when I go out.
Tried talking to her but just couldn't get into the zone. I just can't seem to do my best work when I'm going in tandem with other guys.
Should be going out again tonight. Goals are...
Approach girls on my own.
Just have fun with approaches early on, don't worry too much about results
Introduce more edgy topics into conversations
Try to have short interactions later on and get a number or instagram to follow up with later
We went to a bar near the beach. Conversation started out pretty normal, just talking about our travels and stuff.
Once we were both more comfortable with each other, I started to ask her about her experience with Tinder and weird stuff on online dating. We talked a bit about past relationships and stuff.
Told her a funny story about an older guy being interested in me.
So nothing super crazy but more edgy than plain small talk.
I was also really focusing on strong, deep eye contact which made a big difference too. Way more romantic/sexual vibes that other dates recently.
And I was clicking with her a lot better than other girls I've been on dates with recently. We seemed to be on the same wave length.
Dates like this bring out the best of my personality. It's cool when you're just having a really good time connecting someone and you're impressing yourself with some of the witty/funny things you're coming up with.
Went for a walk along the beach after the bar, which helped to solidify the connection. I taught her how to do a salsa dance basic step - good way to start some physical contact.
Only part of the date where I messed up was right at the end where I went kinda awkward. The socially awkward bender came back for a minute haha.
But I don't think it mattered too much. She said she had a good time and would like to see me again.
Definitely my best date since being single again.
Went out last night with one of the other guys. Not a very interesting night, talked to a few girls with him.
He approached two girls at a bar and I joined him. One of the girls I found extremely attractive, definitely my type looks wise. Which I don't find very often when I go out.
Tried talking to her but just couldn't get into the zone. I just can't seem to do my best work when I'm going in tandem with other guys.
Should be going out again tonight. Goals are...
Approach girls on my own.
Just have fun with approaches early on, don't worry too much about results
Introduce more edgy topics into conversations
Try to have short interactions later on and get a number or instagram to follow up with later
SATURDAY NIGHT
Went out by myself at first because my wingman wasn't coming out until later.
I made a rule that I couldn't go to the toilet or get a drink until I talked to someone. Quickly talked to a couple of girls on a hens night and then very quickly talked to two other girls before going to the bathroom.
So I started the night pretty well by taking action early on.
Then I saw some other guys I know who go out regularly. I ended up sticking with them for around an hour which killed all the momentum from those first two quick approaches.
After that I just couldn't get myself to go and talk to girls. It's not like I didn't have opportunities. There were plenty of girls around. One cute girl even came over and started dancing with me and I didn't do anything about it.
A bit later I bumped into another guy I know and hung around him for a long time instead of talking to any girls.
Approach anxiety is real.
I'm usually better when I approach girls by myself instead of with other guys but I just can't get myself to do it enough. So what are the possible solutions?
-Use alcohol...it is easier to go up and approach girls after a few drinks but it comes at a cost. I take my health pretty seriously and don't want to sacrifice my well-being just to get more approaches in. Alcohol gets expensive too.
-Countdown timer...one thing I tried doing a few times in the past which sort of worked was setting a countdown timer and telling myself I had to do an approach before it got to zero.
-Get a wing man to point out girls to approach... there's one guy who is really good at this but he hasn't been going out recently. Could ask my usual wingman to do this.
-Make a bet... give one of the other guys $20 and tell them to only give it back to me if I do X approaches during the night. I remember doing this once before and having a really good night. But I feel a bit weird asking people to do this for me.
-Forget about going out and just use online dating... haha I think this is the solution for a lot of guys these days. But meeting girls in person is probably more fun (when you're actually talking to them) and is a skill I want to develop.
-Keep reminding myself of the potential rewards... I never would have met my ex if I hadn't approached her. Every time you approach, there's a chance that it could lead to something amazing. Even if it doesn't, you can probably learn something from it at least.
SUNDAY DATE
Met up with another girl from online dating. I was a little on the fence about this one before, didn't really know what to expect from her.
She was running pretty late which was a little annoying. Fortunately I didn't let that bother me too much. Maybe that has something to do with the meditation I've been doing recently.
She looked better than she did in her photos so that was good.
We got a drink and sat outside. Started off pretty standard, interview style questions. She was a bit quiet and shy at first.
After we'd got past the basic interview questions I started to direct the conversation to more edgy topics. I asked her about what she drinks, what her experience with online dating had been, weird first dates, creepy guys on Tinder, pickup lines.
That got her opening up a lot more and made things much more interesting. After our drinks we went for a walk down by the beach. Kept switching between normal conversation and more edgy stuff to make sure things didn't get too platonic but not too creepy either.
As the date went on, my confidence kept growing. Didn't feel the same connection as my date earlier in the week and she probably wasn't so much my type but everything was still moving in the right direction. And we were getting along pretty well.
The date did drag on a bit longer than I'd normally like for a first date. Need to make sure I'm either moving things forward or just end the date instead of sitting for ages and just talking. Just remember to say 'hey let's go for a walk' or 'hey lets go look at another bar' or 'show me your car, I'll come with you.' Sitting in the same spot for a long time is boring. Moving around is good.
In the end, I did walk with her back to her car and asked if she could drive me back to my car. We were talking just outside her car and I kissed her.
She drove me back to my car and when we got there, we made out in the car before I got out. Confidence was pretty high at this point.
Got back home and she texted me 'totally wanted to make out in the back seat.' Lol.
Lesson - she liked me and I could've pushed for more than I did.
I think dates are my biggest strength when it comes to the dating game. More so than texting, cold approaching, tinder... And it could potentially be a very big strength if I can just fine tune a few things, which I'm already starting to do.
BLOG
I set up my blog so I can start writing more. It's called An Introvert's Corner. Feel free to take a look - anintrovertscorner.home.blog
I'm just using it to get my thoughts out in writing and improve my writing skills, not to make money from it. I wrote a post about what I'm doing to improve my voice/speaking.
Also trying to find some well written blogs for inspiration. If anyone knows of any good ones, let me know
I'm going away for a week, leaving in a few days. So I'll make sure to hit Tinder pretty hard while I'm away there
. Also need to get some better photos for my online dating profiles while I'm there. AND.. try to talk to people during the day. Even something simple like 'hey are you from here....I'm not....what coffee shops or bars do you recommend?'
Went out by myself at first because my wingman wasn't coming out until later.
I made a rule that I couldn't go to the toilet or get a drink until I talked to someone. Quickly talked to a couple of girls on a hens night and then very quickly talked to two other girls before going to the bathroom.
So I started the night pretty well by taking action early on.
Then I saw some other guys I know who go out regularly. I ended up sticking with them for around an hour which killed all the momentum from those first two quick approaches.
After that I just couldn't get myself to go and talk to girls. It's not like I didn't have opportunities. There were plenty of girls around. One cute girl even came over and started dancing with me and I didn't do anything about it.
A bit later I bumped into another guy I know and hung around him for a long time instead of talking to any girls.
Approach anxiety is real.
I'm usually better when I approach girls by myself instead of with other guys but I just can't get myself to do it enough. So what are the possible solutions?
-Use alcohol...it is easier to go up and approach girls after a few drinks but it comes at a cost. I take my health pretty seriously and don't want to sacrifice my well-being just to get more approaches in. Alcohol gets expensive too.
-Countdown timer...one thing I tried doing a few times in the past which sort of worked was setting a countdown timer and telling myself I had to do an approach before it got to zero.
-Get a wing man to point out girls to approach... there's one guy who is really good at this but he hasn't been going out recently. Could ask my usual wingman to do this.
-Make a bet... give one of the other guys $20 and tell them to only give it back to me if I do X approaches during the night. I remember doing this once before and having a really good night. But I feel a bit weird asking people to do this for me.
-Forget about going out and just use online dating... haha I think this is the solution for a lot of guys these days. But meeting girls in person is probably more fun (when you're actually talking to them) and is a skill I want to develop.
-Keep reminding myself of the potential rewards... I never would have met my ex if I hadn't approached her. Every time you approach, there's a chance that it could lead to something amazing. Even if it doesn't, you can probably learn something from it at least.
SUNDAY DATE
Met up with another girl from online dating. I was a little on the fence about this one before, didn't really know what to expect from her.
She was running pretty late which was a little annoying. Fortunately I didn't let that bother me too much. Maybe that has something to do with the meditation I've been doing recently.
She looked better than she did in her photos so that was good.
We got a drink and sat outside. Started off pretty standard, interview style questions. She was a bit quiet and shy at first.
After we'd got past the basic interview questions I started to direct the conversation to more edgy topics. I asked her about what she drinks, what her experience with online dating had been, weird first dates, creepy guys on Tinder, pickup lines.
That got her opening up a lot more and made things much more interesting. After our drinks we went for a walk down by the beach. Kept switching between normal conversation and more edgy stuff to make sure things didn't get too platonic but not too creepy either.
As the date went on, my confidence kept growing. Didn't feel the same connection as my date earlier in the week and she probably wasn't so much my type but everything was still moving in the right direction. And we were getting along pretty well.
The date did drag on a bit longer than I'd normally like for a first date. Need to make sure I'm either moving things forward or just end the date instead of sitting for ages and just talking. Just remember to say 'hey let's go for a walk' or 'hey lets go look at another bar' or 'show me your car, I'll come with you.' Sitting in the same spot for a long time is boring. Moving around is good.
In the end, I did walk with her back to her car and asked if she could drive me back to my car. We were talking just outside her car and I kissed her.
She drove me back to my car and when we got there, we made out in the car before I got out. Confidence was pretty high at this point.
Got back home and she texted me 'totally wanted to make out in the back seat.' Lol.
Lesson - she liked me and I could've pushed for more than I did.
I think dates are my biggest strength when it comes to the dating game. More so than texting, cold approaching, tinder... And it could potentially be a very big strength if I can just fine tune a few things, which I'm already starting to do.
BLOG
I set up my blog so I can start writing more. It's called An Introvert's Corner. Feel free to take a look - anintrovertscorner.home.blog
I'm just using it to get my thoughts out in writing and improve my writing skills, not to make money from it. I wrote a post about what I'm doing to improve my voice/speaking.
Also trying to find some well written blogs for inspiration. If anyone knows of any good ones, let me know
I'm going away for a week, leaving in a few days. So I'll make sure to hit Tinder pretty hard while I'm away there
. Also need to get some better photos for my online dating profiles while I'm there. AND.. try to talk to people during the day. Even something simple like 'hey are you from here....I'm not....what coffee shops or bars do you recommend?'WEEK AWAY
I know I said in my last post that I was going to be hitting Tinder hard and talking to girls during the day while away. Well...
I didn't really stick to that plan. But I did have a great time seeing a very nice part of the world.
And I did get onto Tinder a bit. Matched with several girls while away and ended up meeting up with one of them. Possibly could've set up dates with one or two others if I'd tried but I was kinda happy just doing my own thing while I was there,
The one I did meet up with, we went to a mini golf place. Her idea, not mine. The mini golf was fun but not an ideal place for a first date. Too hard to have a proper conversation. Dates at a nice bar just seem to work a lot better.
FRIDAY NIGHT
My friend approached two girls at the bar we were at. I went over to join him and said to the girls 'hey how do you know Max?' (Knowing they didn't know him at all)
Talked to these girls for a while. Turned out they had boyfriends but it was good to get warmed up.
My friend Todd pointed out a group of two girls and a guy walking towards us and told me to talk to them. I said something to one of the girls and stopped the group. I talked to the guy a bit too but didn't get a chance to talk to the second girl.
A little later, I saw that second girl and approached her. It turned out the other girl and the guy were on a date and she was third wheeling. That made it easier for me to get one on one with her because she was happy to leave the other two to themselves.
She was a nice, cute girl travelling here from Brazil. Could see pretty quickly that she was attracted to me. I tried to make the interaction more physical and intimate by getting up close to her and touching her on the arm.
That's something I don't do enough. I don't know why I don't do it more. I was able to do it fairly naturally - touching her without it looking creepy or forced. And when you do it, it definitely makes things more intimate.
She had to get back to her friends so I got her number before she left. Very solid number. She even gave me her Brazilian number as well so I could add her on Whatsapp.
SATURDAY NIGHT
Went into town with one other guy and then we bumped into several other guys we knew so we ended up having a good size group. Which I definitely prefer over a group of just two or three guys.
One of the guys pointed out two girls at a table behind our group. So I went over and started chatting to them. They were Irish girls travelling here. Irish girls are great, I've never met an Irish girl who I really didn't like.
They both responded very positively, had them both laughing a lot. Really good for my first approach of the night. They said they would be staying around that bar so I said I'd find them later on.
Went back to the group and then two girls came past and stopped near us. I turned around and started talking to them. The one closest to me responded really well. Was pretty clear from the start that she was the one more interested in me. Not that the other one responded badly.
Talked to them for a bit, was going well. Then the friend wanted to go inside to dance. The one more interested in me said they were going inside and gave me a hug.
Just as they were starting to walk off, I thought 'oh **** she was really into me, I need to do something quick!'
I called out to her, she turned around and I signaled for her to come back over to me. She did and I said before you go, I need to get your number. She quickly gave it to me.
Easily the hottest girl I've got a number from since getting back into this - including girls from Tinder.
A little later when I was walking with the other guys, I saw her and she seemed really excited to see me. Just talked to her quickly. She told me she was going to ride the mechanical bull inside later and I said I'd come and watch her.
20 minutes later, I was walking around and saw her lining up for the bull. Talked to her before she got on and then watched her ride the bull. I talked to one her friends while she was getting on the bull so I wouldn't be just awkwardly standing around.
It got good when she got off the bull.
She whispered to me 'did you see my vagina when I was on the bull?' Hahaha (mechanical bulls can be very revealing when girls in dresses ride them)
I nonchalantly said 'yes' and gave her the
sign. (I didn't actually see anything lol)
She playfully slapped me across the chest. She got up real close to me and asked if I wanted to get a drink. I said yes, so she took my hand and walked with me to the bar.
We got our drinks. Everything was going super smoothly. Lots of physicality - holding hands, hugging, getting up close to each other.
The next hour or so, she kept going back and forth between me and her friends. But she kept coming back to me and letting me know where they were going. I was just talking to the other guys most of that time.
I'm not going to lie, it's a bit of an ego boost to be the one guy in the group who has a hot girl keep coming back to him in front of the rest of the group haha.
She came over to me later, near the dancefloor and said her group was going somewhere else. I said no you can't leave me! And tightly hugged her. Talked a bit more, she said something about messaging her.
She started going back towards her friends, I stopped her. Quick talk about random nonsense then kissed her. Quick makeout before she went back to her friends.
I could've texted her later on and tried to set up something for later in the night. But it was getting late and I wanted sleep.
Saw one of the Irish girls from earlier and talked to her for a bit. Then approached a few girls waiting at the bar, waiting for drinks. Both didn't really go anywhere.
Overall, a really good night. Definitely one of the better nights I've had since getting back into this.
I know I said in my last post that I was going to be hitting Tinder hard and talking to girls during the day while away. Well...
I didn't really stick to that plan. But I did have a great time seeing a very nice part of the world.
And I did get onto Tinder a bit. Matched with several girls while away and ended up meeting up with one of them. Possibly could've set up dates with one or two others if I'd tried but I was kinda happy just doing my own thing while I was there,
The one I did meet up with, we went to a mini golf place. Her idea, not mine. The mini golf was fun but not an ideal place for a first date. Too hard to have a proper conversation. Dates at a nice bar just seem to work a lot better.
FRIDAY NIGHT
My friend approached two girls at the bar we were at. I went over to join him and said to the girls 'hey how do you know Max?' (Knowing they didn't know him at all)
Talked to these girls for a while. Turned out they had boyfriends but it was good to get warmed up.
My friend Todd pointed out a group of two girls and a guy walking towards us and told me to talk to them. I said something to one of the girls and stopped the group. I talked to the guy a bit too but didn't get a chance to talk to the second girl.
A little later, I saw that second girl and approached her. It turned out the other girl and the guy were on a date and she was third wheeling. That made it easier for me to get one on one with her because she was happy to leave the other two to themselves.
She was a nice, cute girl travelling here from Brazil. Could see pretty quickly that she was attracted to me. I tried to make the interaction more physical and intimate by getting up close to her and touching her on the arm.
That's something I don't do enough. I don't know why I don't do it more. I was able to do it fairly naturally - touching her without it looking creepy or forced. And when you do it, it definitely makes things more intimate.
She had to get back to her friends so I got her number before she left. Very solid number. She even gave me her Brazilian number as well so I could add her on Whatsapp.
SATURDAY NIGHT
Went into town with one other guy and then we bumped into several other guys we knew so we ended up having a good size group. Which I definitely prefer over a group of just two or three guys.
One of the guys pointed out two girls at a table behind our group. So I went over and started chatting to them. They were Irish girls travelling here. Irish girls are great, I've never met an Irish girl who I really didn't like.
They both responded very positively, had them both laughing a lot. Really good for my first approach of the night. They said they would be staying around that bar so I said I'd find them later on.
Went back to the group and then two girls came past and stopped near us. I turned around and started talking to them. The one closest to me responded really well. Was pretty clear from the start that she was the one more interested in me. Not that the other one responded badly.
Talked to them for a bit, was going well. Then the friend wanted to go inside to dance. The one more interested in me said they were going inside and gave me a hug.
Just as they were starting to walk off, I thought 'oh **** she was really into me, I need to do something quick!'
I called out to her, she turned around and I signaled for her to come back over to me. She did and I said before you go, I need to get your number. She quickly gave it to me.
Easily the hottest girl I've got a number from since getting back into this - including girls from Tinder.
A little later when I was walking with the other guys, I saw her and she seemed really excited to see me. Just talked to her quickly. She told me she was going to ride the mechanical bull inside later and I said I'd come and watch her.
20 minutes later, I was walking around and saw her lining up for the bull. Talked to her before she got on and then watched her ride the bull. I talked to one her friends while she was getting on the bull so I wouldn't be just awkwardly standing around.
It got good when she got off the bull.
She whispered to me 'did you see my vagina when I was on the bull?' Hahaha (mechanical bulls can be very revealing when girls in dresses ride them)
I nonchalantly said 'yes' and gave her the
sign. (I didn't actually see anything lol)She playfully slapped me across the chest. She got up real close to me and asked if I wanted to get a drink. I said yes, so she took my hand and walked with me to the bar.
We got our drinks. Everything was going super smoothly. Lots of physicality - holding hands, hugging, getting up close to each other.
The next hour or so, she kept going back and forth between me and her friends. But she kept coming back to me and letting me know where they were going. I was just talking to the other guys most of that time.
I'm not going to lie, it's a bit of an ego boost to be the one guy in the group who has a hot girl keep coming back to him in front of the rest of the group haha.
She came over to me later, near the dancefloor and said her group was going somewhere else. I said no you can't leave me! And tightly hugged her. Talked a bit more, she said something about messaging her.
She started going back towards her friends, I stopped her. Quick talk about random nonsense then kissed her. Quick makeout before she went back to her friends.
I could've texted her later on and tried to set up something for later in the night. But it was getting late and I wanted sleep.
Saw one of the Irish girls from earlier and talked to her for a bit. Then approached a few girls waiting at the bar, waiting for drinks. Both didn't really go anywhere.
Overall, a really good night. Definitely one of the better nights I've had since getting back into this.
J
Joturbo
Guest
bender22 said:WEEK AWAY
I know I said in my last post that I was going to be hitting Tinder hard and talking to girls during the day while away. Well...
I didn't really stick to that plan. But I did have a great time seeing a very nice part of the world.
And I did get onto Tinder a bit. Matched with several girls while away and ended up meeting up with one of them. Possibly could've set up dates with one or two others if I'd tried but I was kinda happy just doing my own thing while I was there,
The one I did meet up with, we went to a mini golf place. Her idea, not mine. The mini golf was fun but not an ideal place for a first date. Too hard to have a proper conversation. Dates at a nice bar just seem to work a lot better.
FRIDAY NIGHT
My friend approached two girls at the bar we were at. I went over to join him and said to the girls 'hey how do you know Max?' (Knowing they didn't know him at all)
Talked to these girls for a while. Turned out they had boyfriends but it was good to get warmed up.
My friend Todd pointed out a group of two girls and a guy walking towards us and told me to talk to them. I said something to one of the girls and stopped the group. I talked to the guy a bit too but didn't get a chance to talk to the second girl.
A little later, I saw that second girl and approached her. It turned out the other girl and the guy were on a date and she was third wheeling. That made it easier for me to get one on one with her because she was happy to leave the other two to themselves.
She was a nice, cute girl travelling here from Brazil. Could see pretty quickly that she was attracted to me. I tried to make the interaction more physical and intimate by getting up close to her and touching her on the arm.
That's something I don't do enough. I don't know why I don't do it more. I was able to do it fairly naturally - touching her without it looking creepy or forced. And when you do it, it definitely makes things more intimate.
She had to get back to her friends so I got her number before she left. Very solid number. She even gave me her Brazilian number as well so I could add her on Whatsapp.
SATURDAY NIGHT
Went into town with one other guy and then we bumped into several other guys we knew so we ended up having a good size group. Which I definitely prefer over a group of just two or three guys.
One of the guys pointed out two girls at a table behind our group. So I went over and started chatting to them. They were Irish girls travelling here. Irish girls are great, I've never met an Irish girl who I really didn't like.
They both responded very positively, had them both laughing a lot. Really good for my first approach of the night. They said they would be staying around that bar so I said I'd find them later on.
Went back to the group and then two girls came past and stopped near us. I turned around and started talking to them. The one closest to me responded really well. Was pretty clear from the start that she was the one more interested in me. Not that the other one responded badly.
Talked to them for a bit, was going well. Then the friend wanted to go inside to dance. The one more interested in me said they were going inside and gave me a hug.
Just as they were starting to walk off, I thought 'oh **** she was really into me, I need to do something quick!'
I called out to her, she turned around and I signaled for her to come back over to me. She did and I said before you go, I need to get your number. She quickly gave it to me.
Easily the hottest girl I've got a number from since getting back into this - including girls from Tinder.
A little later when I was walking with the other guys, I saw her and she seemed really excited to see me. Just talked to her quickly. She told me she was going to ride the mechanical bull inside later and I said I'd come and watch her.
20 minutes later, I was walking around and saw her lining up for the bull. Talked to her before she got on and then watched her ride the bull. I talked to one her friends while she was getting on the bull so I wouldn't be just awkwardly standing around.
It got good when she got off the bull.
She whispered to me 'did you see my vagina when I was on the bull?' Hahaha (mechanical bulls can be very revealing when girls in dresses ride them)
I nonchalantly said 'yes' and gave her the
She playfully slapped me across the chest. She got up real close to me and asked if I wanted to get a drink. I said yes, so she took my hand and walked with me to the bar.
We got our drinks. Everything was going super smoothly. Lots of physicality - holding hands, hugging, getting up close to each other.
The next hour or so, she kept going back and forth between me and her friends. But she kept coming back to me and letting me know where they were going. I was just talking to the other guys most of that time.
I'm not going to lie, it's a bit of an ego boost to be the one guy in the group who has a hot girl keep coming back to him in front of the rest of the group haha.
She came over to me later, near the dancefloor and said her group was going somewhere else. I said no you can't leave me! And tightly hugged her. Talked a bit more, she said something about messaging her.
She started going back towards her friends, I stopped her. Quick talk about random nonsense then kissed her. Quick makeout before she went back to her friends.
I could've texted her later on and tried to set up something for later in the night. But it was getting late and I wanted sleep.
Saw one of the Irish girls from earlier and talked to her for a bit. Then approached a few girls waiting at the bar, waiting for drinks. Both didn't really go anywhere.
Overall, a really good night. Definitely one of the better nights I've had since getting back into this.
Hi Bender..got to agree my ex's Irish friend was one of the nicest ,easy going people you could meet and the deep Irish accent....Got to say the girl that revealed the intimate detail would make me run
but each to his own eh maybe I just too out of the loop.Joturbo said:Hi Bender..got to agree my ex's Irish friend was one of the nicest ,easy going people you could meet and the deep Irish accent....Got to say the girl that revealed the intimate detail would make me run
I've heard more outrageous things from girls at bars and nightclubs after they've had a few drinks haha. I thought it was kind of funny. But she may not be girlfriend material
...................
Also another update... I've been offered a job in a different city. Looks like a fairly good job in a place I like. But the thought of leaving friends, family and all that is familiar in my home city is a little daunting.
It could be a good experience to push me out of my comfort zone though. I'm definitely quite comfortable in my current situation with the work I'm doing, the place I'm living. It's hard to know whether throwing all that away would be a good or bad thing. I would also probably have to throw away the business I've been building in the past 12 months.
The good thing to take away from this is that I was selected for the job. It's been a few years since I've been to a job interview but I felt really confident with it. I remember going to job interviews when I was younger and being incredibly nervous and not being able to answer the questions very well.
Maybe I underestimate myself too much. I've thought before...how would I possibly get any of these jobs advertised online? They have 50-100 applications for most of these jobs...why would they choose me? But this shows that I do have what it takes to beat out other applications and convince people of my value.
So even if I don't take the job, I can definitely take some confidence out of it. And it's some validation that all of the work I've done in recent years of developing my confidence, speaking skills, business skills and so on must be paying off.
But it probably also highlights some lack of self awareness. If I did have more self awareness, I'd probably have a better idea of what the right decision is - should I relocate or stay. But I'm completely torn and not sure which way to go.
J
Joturbo
Guest
bender22 said:Joturbo said:Hi Bender..got to agree my ex's Irish friend was one of the nicest ,easy going people you could meet and the deep Irish accent....Got to say the girl that revealed the intimate detail would make me run
I've heard more outrageous things from girls at bars and nightclubs after they've had a few drinks haha. I thought it was kind of funny. But she may not be girlfriend material
Also another update... I've been offered a job in a different city. Looks like a fairly good job in a place I like. But the thought of leaving friends, family and all that is familiar in my home city is a little daunting.
It could be a good experience to push me out of my comfort zone though. I'm definitely quite comfortable in my current situation with the work I'm doing, the place I'm living. It's hard to know whether throwing all that away would be a good or bad thing. I would also probably have to throw away the business I've been building in the past 12 months.
The good thing to take away from this is that I was selected for the job. It's been a few years since I've been to a job interview but I felt really confident with it. I remember going to job interviews when I was younger and being incredibly nervous and not being able to answer the questions very well.
Maybe I underestimate myself too much. I've thought before...how would I possibly get any of these jobs advertised online? They have 50-100 applications for most of these jobs...why would they choose me? But this shows that I do have what it takes to beat out other applications and convince people of my value.
So even if I don't take the job, I can definitely take some confidence out of it. And it's some validation that all of the work I've done in recent years of developing my confidence, speaking skills, business skills and so on must be paying off.
But it probably also highlights some lack of self awareness. If I did have more self awareness, I'd probably have a better idea of what the right decision is - should I relocate or stay. But I'm completely torn and not sure which way to go.
