Biggest Case Of Bullying Ever!

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Phew, the PC Police are out in force for this one. Part of the reason he was picked on was because of his nationality, but he's wrong for mentioning the nationality of those doing the bullying? Seems very churlish, especially since there are details here of some a serious instances assault that go beyond the average schoolyard bullying experience.
 
ardour said:
Phew, the PC Police are out in force for this one. Part of the reason he was picked on was because of his nationality, but he's wrong for mentioning the nationality of those doing the bullying? Seems very churlish, especially since there are details here of some a serious instances assault that go beyond the average schoolyard bullying experience.

EDIT: Found out it was this thread that the antagonizing remark was made.

I'm cool with keeping antagonizing remarks out of the discussions. Some people are too incendiary with their typing.
 
the thing is, we don't call it "racism" unless it is directed to those categories of population that by common assumption (derived by history and US culture) we defined as subject to racism.
I don't know in which part of Canada this all happened, but I can imagine that if it was in some village in the French part, then someone being "a Limey" can indeed be an issue for them, especially with violent kids who repeat something that they might have heard from their grandparents as an excuse to victimize some smaller child.

As someone who grew up with a family with a different accent than the majority and victimized in primary school because of that ("black dirty earth worms", that was the common offense directed to those with that particular accent, I never felt much involved by it because I had blue eyes and fair skin, but still), I can confirm that it is definitely racism, even if it doesn't involve blacks, jews, puertoricans, and whatever nationalities or cultural groups or skin colors we associate with racism (isn't Judaism a religion and not a race?). I think every country and culture has their own victims, in Russia it can be Uzbekistan (sorry if that is not correct, just an example) I know for a fact that the most hated groups in London years ago were Italians and Pakistani, and these hates change over time with politics, culture, etc.
So, yeah, the TO kind of overreacted, and I also I see now he names other people in the story by their cultural appellations (Aussie etc) as derogatory terms, so it sounds like he wants to pay back what he received, which is not very sensible because that would put me at the same level with my torturers, but no one can deny that what he experienced was indeed some mayor bullying possibly tinged with racism. About why that happened, my experience is that if one looks nervous that attracts bullies like flies to honey, and after the first bully episodes one is bound to feel nervous, and that is a possible explanation. That's my two cents.


jaguarundi said:
**sigh** guess I will have to drink that last unicorn myself **hic** then **HIC**.

Salut ;)

doesn't it hurt your throat to drink unicorns? the horn and all
 
I tend to agree with ardour on this one. I would expect a better response from more senior members on what is supposed to be a supportive, understanding community. Perhaps some of his comments about Canadians were inappropriate. But the focus of this thread should have been supporting someone who's been a victim of serious bullying and assault.
 
Peaches said:
As someone who grew up with a family with a different accent than the majority and victimized in primary school because of that ("black dirty earth worms", that was the common offense directed to those with that particular accent, I never felt much involved by it because I had blue eyes and fair skin, but still), I can confirm that it is definitely racism,...

I once knew someone who moved from Osaka to Tokyo and was bullied in part because Osakans have a different dialect and "accent".

Is discrimination because of a different accent racism? =/ I'm genuinely curious, I had never considered it that.
 
Solivagant said:
I once knew someone who moved from Osaka to Tokyo and was bullied in part because Osakans have a different dialect and "accent".

Is discrimination because of a different accent racism? =/ I'm genuinely curious, I had never considered it that.

I don't believe that would be racism. Only bullying and hatred between different races can be called racism. There can be bullying and hatred between different regional locations within the same racial group, but that's not racism. If a Caucasian male from the American South traveled to Los Angeles and was taunted by another Caucasian male for having a "Southern drawl," that would not be racism. It would be "being a jerk."

EDIT: It might also be called "regional-based hatred."
 
Peaches said:
So, yeah, the TO kind of overreacted, and I also I see now he names other people in the story by their cultural appellations (Aussie etc)

'Aussie' is no more derogatory than 'Brit'. Australians are fine with it.
 
betrayedforlife said:
I am new here as of the last few days.
I came to see IF people really care about each other because I believe that the majority of humans are self absorbed,selfish and untrustworthy.

Is it me?

I know you're banned but I suspect you might be able to read this at a later date.

I think the reason you were bullied back when you were younger was out of your control. Kids can be pretty cruel and pick on you for irrational reasons. I was picked on during my elementary school years and I dealt with it by just trying my best to ignore my tormentors, and doing the best I can. I got into a fight with the popular kid in school and he punched me in the eye and got away with it completely. Even bragging to the class that he gave me a black eye. I was called ching chong and endlessly teased as 'Bing Lee' (at the time this really silly commercial would always be on TV - - note I hated this commercial - though in hindsight it is somewhat entertaining). At the height of my discrimination my 5th grade teacher was pointing out the members of the class to a video she was recording to show our penpals. She pointed at me and said "that's Michael, the ugly one", the whole class laughed apparently this was a joke. This absolutely crushed my self esteem, as low as it was I hit rock bottom after this comment.

This sounds terrible right? And for most of you reading this you would think she did not deserve to teach and perhaps so. But you have to understand as well there was a reason for this. As I was bullied and hurting inside, I started to develop ways of dealing with my insecurities. I started to be more defensive, aggressive and my family often said I had an attitude problem but luckily for me there were two people in my life who taught me to develop differently.

One was that 5th grade teacher. She later pulled me into a classroom when I started becoming arrogant and making other kids feel stupid by talking about how easy all the tests were. I was making up for my insecurity by using my intellect as a reason to feel better about myself. She could see that my attitude was becoming toxic and that I was quickly becoming the very reason I was not socially accepted for. I still remember crying in that classroom as she told me about the value of humility. I don't remember the talk exactly but I remember thinking that I felt so wrong for pushing my arrogance on others and despite how much her criticism hurt, I was able to take it in. From that day on I started practicing the value of humility and in the 6th grade I was able to receive some form of acceptance from my peers. The others finally wanted to group up with me when it came to math activities or anything to do with problem solving. Somehow I was able to gain respect.

The thing about bullying is that you have to really understand how this affects you. You can either reactively become the social monster they despise or you can become something better, mature, and grow in ways they can't affect you. The more you let the torment hurt you and the more you are ignorant about the way you are, the more reason people are going to hate you. The way you lashed out at people on this forum is a very solid indicator of that monster you've been keeping inside you.

It's tough to stay angry you know, it's a huge weight inside, you gotta let go. Some people are truly messed up, I get it, and there's not a lot we can do about it except to not let it change us forever. We shouldn't become what they want us to be, we should shut them out of our life if possible, ignore them and continue to strengthen ourselves inside. The less insecurity you have inside, the less you will be angry about. You have to invest time in yourself rebuilding what is broken.

I can tell you right now your self esteem is shattered. It's also the source of your problems, because you're insecure, you're so angry you are focused on other people instead of yourself. You NEED YOU. Because if you started to only focus on making the best of your life as it is now instead of focusing on retribution for people who wronged you it will change you. Get into yourself, start modelling the way you want to be. You don't want to stay angry forever do you? Don't you want to be socially accepted? Find love more easily perhaps?

Think about the positive attributes that you like about people and think about adopting those qualities. No one likes a person who is quick to enrage, flips out over the smallest of misunderstandings etc. Maybe it's time to exercise some restraint, remain calm, be objective, be mature about it. Use tact, show some respect, you get what you give. If you are disrespectful and you are quick to attack you'll find people will respond just the same.

In the case of people who are still disrespectful despite your best advances you can choose to move on past them, they're certainly not worth your time. Your foresight from experience should have taught you that. This is what wisdom is about. Knowing the best possible path based on your experience and your judgement. Don't let your emotions get the better of you, use your foresight to make your decisions and you'll start to see ways to better handle difficult situations. Reflect back on the past, figure out better ways to solve problems. There is almost always a better way. Make an agreement with yourself that you will handle future problems better than you did before.

The way I started to rebuild my self esteem was to finally believe in myself to become a better person. I believe in values of humility, respect, standing up for those who are discriminated, being generous because I believe it will boost the overall community. I believe in becoming the person I want to meet, which I imagine as a positive, passionate, humble person. As long as you maintain humility and start becoming happier with yourself you're more than likely going to be likeable, it doesn't need to be the same as what I wrote but I imagine everyone's idea of a likeable person is similar.

Right now the problem is both you and them but at least you can solve you.
 
Some interesting points have been raised in relation to racism, and although this really is off the topic, I felt I wanted to comment. The reason I in particular asked the OP if his bullying really was racially motivated was because it would likely have affected my answer. What he experienced was xenophobia perhaps, not racism. What I objected to primarily was the idea that he even needed to mention the nationality (or former nationality) of the people who bullied him. The only reason for doing so, in my opinion, was to point a finger at those nationalities, as bullies and nasty people (which he did about Canadians elsewhere) which in effect made him rather like those who pointed the finger at him for being British. Unfortunately after a number of very unpleasant and rather misogynistic comments as well as the other ones, he could not restrain himself once again, and was banned.

Now I can see some of you asking, what does it matter, xenophobia, racism - so what? It's just a word, and being up-tight about how it's used is just being overly PC. But you see, I really think it does matter. Once we start calling bad behaviour, bullying in this case, racism, I think it begins to dilute the meaning of it. And diluting the meaning of it begins to erode the impact of it, how we feel about it. If everything is racism, then nothing is.

Racism has an impact beyond that of the individual, it is a horrible canker, a disease on society. It says that certain races, are less than us, that if we all agree with this we can deny them rights. I mean, why should they vote, they are inferior? And why should they live where they want, and have more money than us. In fact, you know god forbid they should marry among us, eat at the same restaurants as us. 'We' are more entitled to more than 'them', they are other than us, less, actually, you know what, they are sub-human, more like animals than people, really. Raping them, murdering them, enslaving them, well they are just beasts so it doesn't matter. Genocide, that implies they are people, and they aren't... So away to the death-camps with them. Good riddance.

Of course none of us here feel like that, but just because we don't doesn't mean that there are not still people who are racist out there. Lest we forget that it is alive and well, that we need to be aware of it, not be slack in calling something racism when it is not, and reject it utterly, think about the killings in Santa Barbara. The killer did not just say he was lonely and that women rejected him. He was angry that blonde-haired blue-eyed cheerleader types did not want him but were going out with ugly black guys. Not him, who was good looking and half white...

Am I ranting about this? Maybe. But I can think of few things in life more worth a rant. There are numerous websites out there to find out more about racism, what it is, what is means, what has happened because of it. I urge anyone who has a problem thinking that racism isn't about race, to have a look.
 
Damn. This is a disappointing thread to read. A thread about bullying that involved antagonistic taunts and zero compassion. Maybe there is some background that I do not know about, but wow. Banned just that fast? Over a dig about sitting next to a dictionary? Again, maybe I don't know the full story, but I see why this thread escalated, and it wasn't 100% because of the OP.
 
jaguarundi said:
Racism has an impact beyond that of the individual, it is a horrible canker, a disease on society. It says that certain races, are less than us, that if we all agree with this we can deny them rights. I mean, why should they vote, they are inferior? And why should they live where they want, and have more money than us. In fact, you know god forbid they should marry among us, eat at the same restaurants as us. 'We' are more entitled to more than 'them', they are other than us, less, actually, you know what, they are sub-human, more like animals than people, really. Raping them, murdering them, enslaving them, well they are just beasts so it doesn't matter. Genocide, that implies they are people, and they aren't... So away to the death-camps with them. Good riddance.

Of course none of us here feel like that, but just because we don't doesn't mean that there are not still people who are racist out there. Lest we forget that it is alive and well, that we need to be aware of it, not be slack in calling something racism when it is not, and reject it utterly, think about the killings in Santa Barbara. The killer did not just say he was lonely and that women rejected him. He was angry that blonde-haired blue-eyed cheerleader types did not want him but were going out with ugly black guys. Not him, who was good looking and half white...

It's true what you're saying but I think the focus should be brought back to how discrimination of any kind affects the victims (in relation to the OP). The most disturbing part is that the people who are discriminated can become as bad as their tormentors developing anti social values.

The reaction for most people when they're victimized is revenge. The more this seems like the right reason or the right choice the more it creates anti social values. And coupled with improper guidance perhaps being told they are actually better than their tormentors so they should feel entitled instead of addressing the problem can lead to really warped opinions of their world. I suspect this is what became of the Santa Barbara killer but I'm sure there were more complications that grew out of proportion. Either way though I think discrimination coupled with improper guidance created that killer. He wasn't born this way, no one inherits that but children adopt all kinds of beliefs to rationalize their world.

This is why parental guidance and support is so important. If the parents aren't there for them though they need someone to prevent them from ingraining beliefs that aren't true (such as race inequality). If neither is available they end up corrupting themselves, developing moral values that no longer support co-existence, ironically becoming like their perpetrators. These values don't change easily with time, often we carry the beliefs we ingrained at a young age into our adult life, which is why there are so many people who still carry their emotional scars from childhood and still have a shattered self esteem.

I don't doubt the OP did go through the torment he described however I don't believe the latter half of it was all his tormentor's fault. Based on his reactive behavior it would indicate he escalated problems into another matter altogether. Some self awareness is seriously in dire need of prescription and while I don't think I sent that message across clearly enough I hope he comes to the realization that he's developed in ways that probably won't give him what he wants (social acceptance).
 
In regards to jaguarundi's observation of racial discriminatory concern there's no doubt in my mind that the OP has developed irrational beliefs. I believe he needs to challenge these beliefs and see the big picture here. My message to him is this.

You can't generalize a whole population of people over your limited social interaction with these people. If you think about it really hard, you'll realize people all over the world are the way they are based on their experience and social environment. Some become more aware and start to go against what they believe is wrong. I'm a Korean with a Korean mother who used to be racist. As sad as it was, this was reality but I have the education and awareness level to know this was not rational thinking and was a deeply rooted fault within her mindset. Saying all Koreans are racist would make no sense, I'm obviously an exception to the statement but isn't it obvious that these beliefs are forged on anything but rational thought? Historically Japan invaded Korea and this upset the older generation but since then the general overview has changed. As social acceptance and tolerance increases so too does public opinion. Genetics hardly has anything to do with it. Genetics will determine how your body handles hormones, rate of pattern recognition (iq) and a small number of things but ultimately it's the beliefs these people adopt that determines their outward behavior. Beliefs can change, which means people can change. To think that people should die for holding beliefs is to repeat some of mankind's worst mistakes.

As awareness through education and maturity increases, irrational thoughts are weeded out and while this isn't guaranteed this does occur all over the world irrespective of race or gender. The only common factor being that we're all human and we all have the same capacity to understand and empathize. The sad reality is that not all get to this point, but bringing this to light is the best we can do. If you can realize this you'll be better off for it.
 

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