Bit desperate and still confused

[Sam_Wright_1988]

Hi everyone,

I have been active on this forum for quite some time. I took a break though and now I am back.

I have a bit of a dilemma. I am 25 years old and the last time I had a girlfriend is, well, 7 years ago.

Now, that doesn't come as a total surprise. I have been very lonely. I didn't have any friends in high school and I was socially isolated. When I went to the university, a little changed but not much. I still had very few friends and I hardly went out.

There were not a lot of opportunities to meet new people, let alone girls.

My life has changed drastically since (but I haven't).

I am diabetic and nowadays I take really good care of my diabetes, it helps but not enough. I have also decided to take a year off, stop studying and work for a bit. It has been a great choice so far. I met a lot of new and interesting people. I made a lot of new friends and I confronted myself.

I have an extremely scattered mind and it's a big problem. I live in my mind most of the time. I do have friends these days but life is still strange. I only meet them one-on-one but, finally!, I go out regularly and I enjoy it. I am clean and reasonably well-organised, I make enough money but work six days a week et cetera. I am doing okay and don't care much for what other people think (about me or in general).

The thing that bugs me is why I am still single. Who I am surprises me. I am not a bad guy. Things could be a lot worse. I look decent and I am a kind person. I had a girl explain to me I am cute and that there are a lot of girls who like me and that I don't seem to notice. I never meet them though. Or am I blind?!?

I am frustrated because I'd love to be in a relationship... but I don't get it. I just don't seem to get it and I whine about it... which makes it worse...

True, I went out a couple of times and a girl asked me home. So it can't be that hard. But in my mind, and this frightens me, a relationship- or a one night fling -with a girl has become this complicated scary thing. It is impossible, I believe. It will never happen, I think. I go out and nothing 'happens.' Is it because I am a guy and need to show initiative? How come a lot of people don't have this problem? I happen to be open, attentive, helpful. I am not really afraid. But I never meet a girl that flirts with me. Even the girls that asked me home did so out of the blue. That was not what I was looking for at the time... I have been told you need to show initiative, no matter how shy or confident you are. It's true. It's really hard to make an estimate of what I am thinking, or what I feel for someone.

Now, I have been told by close friends I am the sort of guy that takes care of himself, especially when it comes to girls. I might make that impression. I do feel like I know what I am doing but not in this regard. I am missing out on something and I know it.

I can't go on like this. I am confused. Any ideas? The impression I make is the wrong one. I have been in a relationship, I am not afraid, I am myself. But nothing happens! Even when I show I am interested, the opposite happens. Girl gets scared et cetera. Not surprising because I don't know what I am doing.

Sam

 

[Sci-Fi]

I had a girl explain to me I am cute and that there are a lot of girls who like me and that I don't seem to notice. I never meet them though. Or am I blind?!?

Yes.

Thing is you probably aren't looking at these girls who are looking at you. As guys we can tend to be oblivious to the obvious a lot of times when it comes to hints women drop. Looking back you can see it, of course then it's a little late. You seem like you have it all together, you just need to take that leap and not be afraid to be in that relationship you crave. You want to listen to that voice in your head but you don't want it to control your thoughts, don't let being in your head take control. That might be where you think you end up making the wrong impression, everyone does though, even girls have those same fears. We're not so different.

 

[PrinceOfPeace]

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy,sounds like you are a respectful decent guy who sits back missing the play, I like sci fi's advice, it does sound like u need to take a leap of faith cos we rly arnt that different from the opposite sex in these kinda circumstances, so yea if u have all the attributes u stated, then by golly gosh get out there son!!! And make me proud!! Cos you are definately a catch Haha!

 

[aspalas]

I guess you're just missing the signs. I think I'm experiencing the same, something really weird happened a couple a days ago, actually. I occasionally talk with a girl (I'm not interested in her) on Facebook and we meet every now and then, but I always think she act kind of weird and she makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. Well, a couple of days ago I talked to a friend of her (and a good (female) friend of mine) and somehow during our conversation she became the subject. I told this friend that I always find this girl very strange, and then this friend told me she's flirting with me and she likes me.

I was kind of suprised because to me it it didn't really looked like she was flirting although it is kind of obvious now I look back at it. I always thought I was perfectly capable of knowing if someone likes me, but this made me confused. I might haven't noticed a lot more girls who were flirting with me. I guess it's the best to just pay attention more, kind of what sci-fi said.